ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.7

[startingovernow]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity. ...........

morning everyone.

ewwww last night was horrible, cried and cried in bed, did someone say on here recently that depression is the last stage?

i have a lovely vision of how i want my life to be when i move.

i want a more outdoorsy life, with lots of wellies and rosy cheeks!

i want to nurture the children with yummy home made sunday meals and gooey cakes

i want to nourish myself and be the best version i can be of me.

so i need to put a plan into action to get the life i want, first things first i need some wellies!!!!!

sov at least you managed to stall for time, i agree with getting. use this as a positive and declutter your space. it is very therapeutic. you are there for your children and you will be prepaid in bucket loads

getting lol don't feel that positive right now, really having to push myself through this dip. i think i could very easily turn into a gibbering mess in tescos but push through it we must !!!!

Waves to all........

Have been busy doing clear out of toys, cleaning & spending hours in my garden that was totally neglected!

Armbow, I think the crying/tears stage is final acceptance! It's good because you are allowing yourself time to grieve the marriage & future dreams that have been robbed from you. I do think it gets easier when you have allowed yourself this time to wallow in the grief.

Sov, I know how hard & sad it can be when they don't see the dc's ((Hugs)). Well done that you've given up defending him etc. I prob should have been more vocal about xh & his twuntery in the early days. I think dc's get a bit of a double whammy when parents split up & when they are not getting to see parent who has left. All you can do is be there for them emotionally & allow them to vent their feelings etc. I do find however that mine are generally fine not seeing xh & rarely think of him much anymore. I think not seeing him is prob easier then having unstability or irrational behaviour in their lives. As for house inspection, if you can't get anyone to help you, well maybe for now just dump everything out of sight (in cupboards etc) i.e. just do a surface clean. I would try to avoid the painting if I were you. My youngest was prone to colouring on the walls aswell & they constantly get covered in dirt, grime & grubby hand prints. I have found sugar soap brilliant. Get some in a hardware shop, dilute in water (make sure you wear gloves) & it'll just wash off any stains, marks etc. It's great for washing down doors, wooden floors or grease in kitchen, appliances etc. It brings everything up like new. If you've any biro marks spray with hairspray & they'll wipe off. Otherwise you could try one of these which I also find great for cleaning paintwork jml magic eraser. I am a dumpling of many skills

Patience, really glad to hear you're getting your mojo back again & likewise Getting

Waves to all.....

i second that magic eraser - it is a wonder product

Hello Starting, missed you. Great tips. Would Sugar Soap work where my DCs have sprayed endless food up my cream wall by dining table? Damp cloth doesn't seem to cut it

Waves to Tea . Sugar soap is brill for all that type of cleaning. All the grime just wipes away in one wipe & walls, window frames, doors etc come up like new. I also used it for cleaning oven hob, dishwasher & countless other things. My fav product . But word of caution really hurts under your nails if you don't wear gloves.

Spent most of morning in garden again & still have so much left to do!!!!!

Good job I do not have a garden here to keep trim and neat. I'm not disciplined enough to do a little every week and would end up having to chop it all back once a year once it had gotten really out of hand.

Hope this afternoon goes well Starting, the weather stays dry and you finish it all off. You'll be deserving a good drink later with Norm

Hi ladies.

hope you are all well. off out tonight to see a good friend

x

All sounds good to me Sov inspection will make you sort things out and rid all the negative doom,gloom energies away ,you will be revitalised ,just let your anger power you thru ,i think these things[inspection] happen to move us on its as if someone out there knows what will make you get ur arse in gear.It will be up lifting.I do think the kids cope amazingly well ,and they survive because we are there to help catch them when they fall .Keep posting Sov ,dont ever think you cant ,we are the doom fighting dumplings remember and we all have ups and downs.Today for me was an up i took both kids swimming for the day and soft play with an old friend .Mega dd swam up and down in the pool on her own ,not been in the pool since June ,on her front on her back all with rubber ring on mind you,jumping off the side 100 times at least .Such a joyful day,ds a bit more shy but getting there .Lovely day ,friend lives abroad ,so great to see her.Ate out and home late but altogether bloody fantastic!!.
Oh and Sov her words describing my X "He's a JERK!"

Evening all

Serenity returning after a difficult few days. AB, shed many tears like you last Sunday. Usually find it difficult to cry but did manage a solid day.

Had lovely evening with RL friend last night which helped a lot. Also playing lots of music, practicing my guitar and spending lots of time in the park.

Glad weekend went well Tea, at you going camping and hope to do some myself next year.

Need to make baby steps at least on divorce forms in next few days - grr not looking forward to it at all

Waves to all of you fabuloustastic ladies - couldn't do any of this without you. Looking forward to a wonderful weekend

Just been looking at long boots on Style and Beauty, I just know that my serenity would be complete if I bought some very expensive boots. WWYD?

Met someone 2day that was seperated last year with 2 boys.She now has a new baby and 2 step dcs and is doin fine ,all good !
AB will post my 2 fave boots that i generally live in except 4 trainers .

Buy 'em Happy !!!!!!!

my wellies

Evening Ladies,

Starting im going to buy copious amounts of sugar soap tomorrow and use it everywhere thank you so much for the tip and i hope you got the garden finished :o

Had a "friend" offer to help then didnt turn up and had her phone off all day so not impressed. no-one will look after DC for me (unless their asleep) so thought id have to troop on on my own then the mum of a kid who my DS1 plays with who i dont know that well came through for me :o she came round after school and helped me with the front patio (which now looks brilliant) and rallied the kids DS1 plays with to help with his bedroom (2 younger DS's poured all his lego out) and pitched in herself, then came round this evening after DC went to bed to help me with the washing that needed sorting and putting away and is going to help over the next few days with dump trips ect (she drives and i dont) and in such a short space of time with her rallying me on (and a few bottles of wine) we have got sooo much done and i am sooo grateful to her, actually feel so much better for it and believe that i can do this

AB your vision of how you want life to be sounds lovely, i myself am starting to imagine what i want for myself and DC so think im slowly getting there, hope your evening with friends went well and your feeling stronger in yourself

Patience your day sounds like heaven, i cant wait to be able to take all DC swimming on my own, i used to love it when i was a kid and find it very theraputic

Happy so glad your coming out of your dip and are enjoying things again and bravo on the guitar :o i also think i couldnt do this without you all...THANK YOU
Oh and Happy definately go for the boots :o

Am feeling quite good today and think i've made a really good friend into the bargain too, she knows what's been happening and isnt running in the opposite direction (like most seem to be) goodnight for now and i shall be back tomorrow...sweet dreams everyone xx

Hi everyone, I think I need to join this thread but I'll have a read first to get caught up with you all x

Hi Chyler. Nice of you to drop in

Hello Chyler and everyone else. I've spent most of the last 24 hours asleep trying to recover from my trip to NYC. We had such good fun. It was the perfect reminder that life doesn't have to be shit. I had the best holiday ever with my very best friends: dd age 23 and ds age 21. It made me feel young and carefree again. I've been a mum for 23 years now and it was so nice to be rewarded with my kids being such good company. I think I've said it before on this thread that the injustice of being dumped with young children might seem overwhelming but in the long run it is us that will reap the rewards. I will take the memories of this fabulous holiday to end of my life and it will be one of the things I think about when I want to put a smile on my face.

Unfortunately, it's back to reality now. Despite my ultimatum for xp to move out by the time I got back he is still here. I've told him I'm going to stay with dd if he doesn't go today. It appears he has done precisely nothing while I've been away. He still hasn't told anyone that we have split. I told him that he can choose the explanation as I'm going to start telling everyone myself so I gave him the choice of he chose to leave or I asked him to leave because he had an affair. Interestngly, he chose the second one.

Glad you're getting your house sorted Sov. I'm going to blitz this place over the next couple of days. It is definitely a good way to feel positive. Reading back, quite a few of us are saying positive things about the future, making plans etc. It just shows how strong human nature is when you hav dc's to think about. Even when life has been totally shit there is still a drive to keep going and find better things.

Welcome Chyler and

Happy get the boots NOW !! So glad you are feeling a bit more chipper. You can play for us on dd electric guitar on Saturday

Patience you can get those with zany patterns on now or is that a bit frivolous for serious Scottish countryside ! Glad you had a nice time with your friend its a shame she lives a way away. Any news on the house front yet ? And sooo sorry to nag but any luck with digging out follow your dream book ?

Sov thats great, house coming together and a new kind friend to boot. Its funny isnt it how some people surprise you with their lack of support but others you werent expecting come up trumps. I am sure you will feel better once your surroundings have been sorted out a bit.

LC that sounds so lovely I think I will start saving for when my dc are old enough, watched a film set in NY last night it just looks amazing and I am usually not a city girl. No surprises about xp really he has acted in denial from start to finish really hasnt he. You sound like you are strong and very much in the driving seat though Btw did you manage to sort out shifts to come to meet up?

Well yesterday brought more phone talk about negociations from xh my head is spinning with it all really.I know this is coming up to the final furlong and once we have settled it I will so much better.He said about the actual divorce itself and which one of us was going to be the instigator so he said fine he would "just tick any 2 boxes for the grounds" and I thought that about sums it up really still no real ,solid reason for leaving me. Twunt.

Today I am back to serenity and fabulous went for a run at 8am its a gorgeous day here. Have just been to my first job club and it was really good. More importantly its helped reduce my anxiety that I wont be able to find work because there are some jobs out there. I know seeing a bunch of adverts and actually starting work arent the same thing but its a start. Tomorrow I go back for the day for a skills training day.

DC with xh later so I am going to see a friend and go late night shopping browsing.

Have a good day and Chyler keep posting and let us know your story when you are ready.

Waves to Starting,Mumfun,Tea and everyone

Getting re job see what you fancy doin and have some fun ,it doesnt have to be serious and dull and you are at a nice place when you can shop around ,do some courses, try things out ,just see it as a treat rather than a chore.Cant find that book ,will try again promise.Wellies are cool but yes mine are dark blue ,hide the mud i find LOL!
Glad you had a fab hol LC ,more tai chi this morning feeling calm even though the water is off ,dont know why ,just too much rain i think and something has blocked the supply ,leaves, pine cones or something.

Ok desperate measures ,i need a cup of tea and no water,so phoned X ,think i need to go up a ladder and check a ball cock ,our loft is spider ville so wish me luck away to find a ladder x

Job done ....never found the ball or the cock but when i whacked the lid back on the water started running LOL!

Sorry cant post much. Have a lot on including a training course at present. Also lots of briefings from school re the 2 DCs - their maths, their literacy, their programmes for the year. Also a lot of admin for existing business and sorting my head round a new business. And more dental trips :(

Love love the inner peace, Patience (rolling around emoticon)

Want new boots too so am looking at a few! Happy -do buy if they are great for you! :)

Just shopped for Saturday - brings it all a bit closer.

Hugs to all for now :)

Hi all

Seriously got my music mojo back now that DCs have sorted out music downloads. This is truly DJHappy's house - loving Paul Weller as I write this.

Would love to try your guitar Getting but not sure I can (it's complicated). But I will be bringing music for our enjoyment.

Desperate for boots but my tastes are expensive and of a Russell and Bromley nature so may need to hold off for now.

Well done with the water Patience

Waves to all the lovely ladies

Hi everyone,

I am soooooooo HAPPY today :o :o :o :o :o

Went shopping with the DC and was standing outside a shop when i heard a big bang.

I turned around to see a car had hit the kerb, it took me a few seconds (as my eyesight isnt too good) to realise that it was XP's car lmfao
I'm assuming that he has come out of the turning, saw me and the DC outside the shop, tried to speed off before we saw him and he's hit the kerb, so hard in fact that the entire tyre had come off the rim rotflmfao

He got out and checked the damage, made a call(assuming to his sister) then got back in the car and drove round the corner (on the rim) so he was out of my sight whilst i stood there the entire time, staring and laughing my little socks off at him, pmsl

Seconds later i posted on my FB which all of his friends and family can see "Karma's a bitch isn't it? Next time can you write the car off for me lmfao" :o :o :o :o

When i saw him i didnt seem to feel anything except glee that he had done that to his car and luckily DC didnt seen any of it, just gave me a strange look when i started laughing, really hope that he's done more damage than i could see from that distance (ie broken or bent axle or something similar) that is going to cost a lot of money to fix :o :o :o :o :o

Hope everyone else is having a fantasic day, am off to see Sister Act the musical at the London Palladium tonight with a friend (her treat :o)

Sometimes Sov we just have to stand back and laff because they are such idiots .Sometimes it hurts ,but most of the time now it just pushes me further away from him ,def not attractive just a dissapointment of a parent.
Enjoy ur nite out!I had a great morning with a brand new friend ,similar situation to me ,just bumped into her and next thing we are talking crystals,waves to everyone ,had a great sleep again last nite half 9pm til half 7 am !!!!