ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.7

[startingovernow]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity. ...........

Ok getting ready for a party [dcs friends]this afternoon ,have gone for x2 hot oil treatment plus aussie repair conditioner ,white jeans ,black halter neck top [going to try and twist bra straps up out of sight for elegant not choking for it look]and black suede high heels .Will report back later 2 let you know how it goes hope ur are all good and you are meditating or finding ur own road to inner peace x

I will never see "Inner Peace" in the same way again Patience . So is there going to be some hot guys there at the party or are you just going for fabulousity for yourself?

I am having a good day I have finally emailed my solicitor about everything and I expect she will be in touch tomorrow so I will have a clearer idea of where I am at. I really want to get on and sell the house now without waiting for the full settlement and divorce so I will wait and see what she has to say about that possibilty.

I am just feeling so much stronger about everything now and I know I will have to talk to xh about which estate agent to use etc but rather than an emotional dread of this its all about how I know he will talk at and over me , generally patronise me and without a shadow of doubt annoy me.

Its taken a while to get to this place but now I am here boy does it feel good. I have been browsing some other threads and there are a couple going where the wife has just discovered an affair/marriage is over and I have realised that I have done a lot of my time in that phase and that I can post words about how time heals it does get better and know it to be true.

Am off to ds football shortly,dd going rollerskating so I am going on my own and wont have her in tow bored !

Have a nice afternoon everyone.

AB looking forward to hearing how you now

Waves to everyone

Oh and just quickly a big fat thankyou for all the support/advice/humour and general loveliness I experience on this thread

Hi. I'm trying to follow the thread in between the NYC shopping sprees. My feet hurt so much so it's a good excuse to give them a soak and catch up with you all.

I have gone a whole week without contacting XP in a bid to put some real distance between us. That is very good going for me and I need to keep it up when I get back. Hopefully, he has found himself a flat by now. I really want him out of my life. If I'm honest I would say that up until a couple of weeks ago I was harbouring hopes that he was going to beg forgiveness and declare his undying love for me. I know that isn't going to happen and I can now see him for the shallow person he is. He thought I was going to say never mind, let's forget it and get back to how we were. But I have learned so much in the past few weeks and I don't want that life back. The alternative is not easy but it's got to be better than being used as a doormat.

I really feel for those of you who are having to sell up and move house. I am determined to stay put. I want to prove to myself that I don't need XP. And I want to show XP what he's given up in pursuit of the single life. Even though I don't want him back I still want him to feel regret and remorse for fracturing his family.

Hope you are all ok today. DD and I saw Gwen Stefani, husband and ds out in Manhattan yesterday. She is teeny tiny.

Patience, pmsl laughing at RR pink buzzy friend! Oh your honesty is like a breath of fresh air to the soul & at least you can just press the off button when you're done .

LC, I used to have the harbouring hopes of xh on his knees begging forgiveness to & promising undying love! It's called denial or reality lol . Am so so glad he didn't now & that I'm finally free . Enjoy the shopping.

Getting, really good to hear you've come to such a strong place, it is so so good when you get there isn't it .

Waves to all......

FFS should have read begging forgiveness TOO & denial OF reality!

hello everyone .... right I read the thread but dis a quick speed read so please forgive me if i have missed anything major.

v excited for you starting
sending patience good vibes re house
LC
hope you are ok getting, happy, sov, chair, pink, mumfun, tea and everyone else !!!!

way too much has happened to sum up my week, suffice to say the pain was just like it was when h first left. i can't go into too much detail but f**k me (excuse my language)i really never thought he could be that insensitive and selfish - he has really rubbed my nose in it.

weirdly though i am not angry with him just awfully disappointed at how someone i adored for so long could turn out to have the morals of a (stuck for the right word...but someone with no morals LOL!). he also chose to tell me in an email, coward!

still trying to pull my way back up to the top of the mountain and regain my fab status, feel very very worn down by it all and emotionally exhausted.

Morals of a sewer rat?

Well ladies I'm back from camping, feeling rather gross as I haven't showered today, couldn't face a second morning in a chilly shower cublicle with luke warm water So off in a mo for a shower now I'm home and unpacked. I actually got home after 3pm, took ages to unpack and unload the car, I think that is the only time I miss having someone to help. DCs both tired and in bed at a good time. Nice weekend, first break this year as I think I've said. Dorset is rather lovely, the weather was sunny in the day but so very cold in the tent at night, I slept in several layers. LOL The DCs slept well (surprisingly) apart from one brief wake up by DD on the first night from being cold. I layered them up too and piled blankets on them. Great to hang out with my brother and his wife and their DCs, DD loved playing with her cousins so much, even DS in his own way, did too I think. Went to the beach on Saturday for a while, DS insisted on being completely starkers and splashing about in the water for ages, despite the fact the water was sooooo cold. DD also had a little paddle but spent lots of time playing with her bucket and spade etc. Also went on a steam train too. The day ended with a splash at the campsite pool for DD and her cousins. Sunday mainly consisted of packing down tent, whilst the children all played at the playground on site and then a quick visit to a some coastal nature place thing.

I am sooo tired and need to get showered and to bed. Been faffing about on facebook and reading mumsnet for too long

I have read the rest of the thread but retained very little today

Morning all

Good to see you back Tea and glad you and DC enjoyed it :)

Arbow i really feel for you, i think we have all struggled with the fact that our X's aren't the people we thought they were and that we loved, i certainly have and still am a great deal, It might be a big mountain to climb be you will get there eventually

Hope everyone else is good today, can still feel myself stuck in my depression rut but hoping to come out the other side very soon

Hi

Sov, yes the stark reality is quite shocking isn't it. Was he always like this or did he change into this person?? I think this is a question I will ponder for ever more tbh.

anyway i am sure he will be rubbing my nose in it further by parading his ow around (she's a model don't ya know ), he sees no issues with the fact that their relationship began when we were still together and sees the fact that he was unhappy as a justification for his actions - he is even telling his friends this.

I am sooooooo tired of thinking about him and the waffle that he spouts. One day he is nice to me the next he is awful and rude.

chin up, tits out !

How is house move goin AB did you get things sorted,IMO it is all about them doing what THEY want end of not v complicated ,i will never understand why mine wanted to drink til he blacks out instead of being with us but that is what he chooses to do alone or with real low lifes .I just have to let it go and see him as weak .Easier to see him living the single life now as he looks like shit lol!Had my first WA counselling session today ,told so many people the story now LOL anyway ,i would recommend it to anyone re boundaries and how to cope with a verbally or physically abusive man ,its all support and in my area its free.Will go back again in a fortnight .Wish i was coming to the meet up but not happening this time but you all take care and remember ur inner peace.
Never done as much reverse parking[for school run] in my life BTW getting a bit of an expert

AB I have missed something along the way I didnt realise an ow was now known to be in the picture before but I am so sorry to hear that he is behaving the way he is . You know I didnt even begin on here until 6 months after xh left and look at some of the sorrow and upset you have read from me yet you have already had periods where you have been so strong and together - you are amazing and dont forget it!

Sov I am sorry to hear you feel low but sadly its to be expected . You have so much on your plate too with 4 dc and everything else.Its hard when an xh takes up so much of your head space wondering this that and the other about them but it will lessen in time and I imagine you will get to a point where you are glad you are seperated from him.

Patience glad the counselling went well for you, I wish you were coming too .

Well just had a nasty few hours first with the solicitor who says dont sell the house until you have reached a financial agreement with xh and then with xh over said agreement.

We were on the phone for almost two hours and inevitably it strayed from the nitty gritty a couple of times. One good thing was I managed to fully convey that I considered him to have had an affair before leaving and explained what an emotional affair is and that in my view its not ok just because they didnt have sex. He said nothing which in his world is acceptance of what I am saying.

Something that has really upset me though is that he told me he no longer goes out every night and drinks far far less.He too drank to unconsciousness every single day. I thought what was so bad about me that he had to do that for so many years . Well I know this wont be in the dumpling rule book but I rang him back and asked him. He said its not about things being so wonderful now he doesnt need to behave like that but a combination of health issues which werent there before and that he is trying to sort himself out and knows how many mistakes he made in the past on the drinking score.

He has regrets and feels sad when he looks at dc and knows what all this means for them but I dont think he has the slightest regret about me or misses me in the least. He said who knows maybe I will go back to that sort of behaviour ha ha ha.

I just feel so sad that he couldnt have made any of those changes before leaving his family but I know it doesnt really work like that and some of the things I do now I could never have done without going through this iyswim ?

Sorry ladies a lot of detail.

On the plus side at least I am closer to knowing exactly what our practical situation is. In short I can pursue him via solicitors etc for more which I would stand a good chance of getting or accept what he is offering which is not unreasonable and settle fast and amicably. I have read so much from both sides of the fence I dont know what to do. Sleep on it I guess and all advice welcome although I know a lot of you havent reached final agreements.

Another plus is I have done some chores I have been putting off including going to the tip !

Tea I am glad you had fun camping I am impressed that you camp with young dc at all never mind doing all that on your own. I think an hour watching the sea would be just what I need.

Hows everyone ? LC are you still in NY ?

Waves to Mumfum,Happy,Starting and everyone

I'm not great at parallel parking but good at reversing into spaces in car parks iyswim? Not looking forward to school runs in a year

I'm only about to discuss finances properly with a solicitor a week today, now the pronouncement is through. She'll look at how much I need to live on and how much he should pay and a court order so he pays towards the joint loan which I am paying alone right now. I think I'll opt for what's reasonable, but I guess reasonable depends on your point of view

I wasn't camping alone, my brother and his wife were in the next pitch in their caravan and helped me set up tent

AB - I'm not convinced my H will ever truly understand how wrong it is to cheat on your wife emotionally for many months whilst I was pregnant with DS and then physically as well after DS was born He used to spend a lot of time projecting the blame onto me. Saying that our marriage was bad and he was unhappy long before the affair began Looking back I think he was always selfish in many ways The only reason our marriage seemed better at times was that I was trying so damn hard to be a stepford wife. Sorry went off at a tangent there Please ignore the cr*p he spouts AB. It's typical behaviour for them to blame us. Easier than facing up to what they've done, as has been said on here many times.

Hi

Getting - h has drip fed me more and more info about OW - it was always suspected but now seems like they are having full blown relationship incl a long haul holiday for the two of them in a couple of weeks... twunt.

i was also in the same situation as you last week getting, sol has advised me to go after h for more money but what he is offering me right now i am happy with and means that i will move on a lot faster, i chose to cut and run, i don't think my nerves could stand wrestling between sols.in the end i followed my gut instinct. i can have a good standard of living based on his offer and i am happy with that.

plus he needs all the money he can get to keep his fancy women interested HA !!! (I told him that )

patience still moving in a couple of weeks, can't wait for that, feel unable to breathe in this house. counting down the hours tbh

Great Ab i have promised myself that i will completely de clutter my life when i move have thrown/given away loads of stuff already ,dd been doing craft things all afternoon so front room like a complete tip but sparkly and with bits of ribbon,will hand in my homeless application tomorrow ,hope it doesnt come to that but you never know x

Got a lovely day planned 4 tomorrow ,swimming and soft play with a long time friend that now lives abroad over here for a short time x

patience - hope it doesn't come to that as well sending you +ve vibes and dumpling power !!

I know ,i may have to chain myself to my Beech tree or something

AB - My H drip fed me info for months too

Patience - your DD sounds so lovely. you have a beech tree. Living in a flat in a built up area here, your place sounds lush

we have everything here tea honestly thats why i dont want to leave ash hazel plum oak elder rowan hawthorn and a connifer wood all 2 mins from my door ,at least kids had it for their early years but breaks my heart to go .
AB Ow sounds like high maintenance status symbol, bit like an aston martin ,looks good but keeps breaking down !!
Not being funny but after 10mths i am looking better than ever ,WA counsellor couldnt believe i was nearly 40 lol,i might still want sex with X but thats about it ,will manage a nite out in town soon and who knows what will happen but will be nice to walk into a pub/club feeling confident and sexy and have some fun just for me x

Hope everyones had a wonderful day :)

Waves to Sov ,how ya doin ?

Hey Patience im ok i suppose, just seems to be one thing after another with me...landlord has decided to do an inspection of the property i live in where the DC have been lashing out following XP depature they have drew on at least one wall in each room and where im down atm i havent kept on top of everything (naughty sov) washing piled up waiting to be put away, toys shoved here there and everywhere ect, she wanted to come tomorrow but have managed to put her off til next week so have from now till then to sort everything out and paint everywhere not looking forward to it as still in a funk over everything and finding it very hard to find any oomph (think my get up and go got up and f**d off)

2 weeks and he still not seen or contacted about DC, tried talking to DS1 tonight about how he's feeling and he made me cry by saying "he didnt really miss his dad and it didnt bother him really about not seeing him as he never really did anything with them when he was here anyway" :( think this is torturing me more than it is them, it's so sad to hear that from a 7 yo, dont even think the DD (8mnth) would recognise him tbh, it's all just shit!! I'm still trying to find excuses for his behaviour but have stopped defending him to other people now and have finally started telling them the truth, its a small step forward

Glad the councelling went well for you and fingers crossed so will the move x lol bet you wish you'd never asked now lol

Sov maybe the big sort out will be positive because it will give you a real psychological boost to have everything ship shape. Can you get some help from friends or family to help especially with the painting ? Or maybe to have the dc for you so you can get stuck in ?

Twice I have asked ds ,who is very loyal to xh, whether he misses his dad and both times he has said not really its not like I saw much of him when he was here.I too find it so sad and would love xh to hear that from the mouth of his 13 yo ds who has no axe to grind.

Well after my mouth upside down day yesterday I am determined so be smiling today. I am going to get a friend to help with figures today and really try and reach a decision about what to do. I am inspired by other dumplings roll up your sleeves and get on with it attitude AB /Patience !

How is everyone its been quite quiet on the thread of late

Waves to Starting Happy LC Mumfun Tea et al