ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.7

[startingovernow]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity. ...........

LMAO!! @ Patience

Personally i like the "It's your lucky day, i want no strings attatched, no emotion sex, your here for my pleasure and my pleasure only, you dont deliver, you leave" speech

Actually used that 13 yrs ago lmfao

Btw when I was going up the stairs earlier there was a replica of the spider I killed the other day coming down the stairs to meet me. I did not panic in the slightest, I swiftly removed my flip flop & whacked it one, when it managed to bounce away I still did not panic & just calmly whacked it again until I smushed it.............

"I dont do ur washing ,ironing or pick up ur socks but there might be a munch bunch squashem left in my fridge for afters big boy "

See thats true self esteem Startin'to feel competent enough to deal with everyday sitauations.

I appear to have missed a nice chat. Always fall asleep at the wrong time. Now that's something I need to work on

OMG Happy hope you managed to get back to get back to sleep for awhile. Tbh I think the tone of the thread always lowers after a certain hour so you're prob better off .

Morning all !

Well glad to see everyone is so chirpy at the moment.

Feeling at all the up for a shag chat because for whatever reason I just cannot countenance the thought of being in bed with someone even though sex is always high on priority list when I am in a relationship. I suppose sooner or later I will meet a man and it will just come naturally [hope emoticon]

Unfortunatly doubt partyman is going to be the man to sort this problem out

We are going out tomorrow evening on his turf and in a complete departure from the norm I will be driving . This will mean no calming/flirt inducing/relaxing wine for me which will prove interesting. Or very boring .

Well I had a chat with exh yesterday about money and his attitude was a bit more promising than previous ones. I have decided to ring him later and try and properly establish whether we are going to be able to agree this amicably which will require him backing down or whether I need to just hand it to the solicitor. I am fed up with being in limbo and all the insecurity of it all.

Saying that how nice is it to be mentally taken up with this and NOT the emotional side of things. Dumplings I am detaching,detaching,detaching and its just heaven !

Patience just a thought but if that guy on Sunday was keen cant he be commissioned for some slap and tickle..

Starting please email some of your wantoness Great news you have booked up email me where you fly into in case I can help advise on route from airport.

I am really looking forward to the meet up and I hope everyone is coming...Paatience is there no way..? Maybe we could skype you on the day ( she says as if she knows how the fuck you do that)!

Anyway I am on a roll have renewed car insurance online and cleaned said car and have a list which will be completed by bedtime.

Wish me luck re chat with exh or rather serenity,calmness and a quiet voice !

In a word NO !!!!!Only going to have sex with people i fancy.Cant find my dream book getting not ignoring you will try and google.
Yes will keep in touch at meet up whatever happens,good luck re XH hopr you get things sorted.I think Spring will be my time going to chill on men til then and indulge myself with counselling.This morning i have sent 2 things that should have been posted ages ago ,arranged an appointment with business bank bloke and spoken to a bloke re artwork all very productive also asked a bloke to move his van because he had blocked my pals car on the school run ,she was late and all in a tizz so i found bloke who was all cross and tried to mediate ,thought about using a chat up line on him [never one to miss an opportunity]but refrained ,pal getting really upset at his rudeness so i said to her back at the car hes a bloke what do you expect prob got a wee willy ,anyway i think i cheered her up x

Haven't read below Getting and Patience first post but Getting I'm with you on not wanting a bloke just yet Not ready!

Hey all, hope everyones having a good day today

Everything crap AGAIN!!, am really getting sick of this now
after XP walked out with hump on tuesday i text him and asked for us to sort things out so that when he comes to see DC there is no bad feeling between us and he can enjoy his time with DC, didnt hear anything so i called him yesterday only to be screamed at down the phone and the call ending with "i hate you and never want to see or speak to you again" all i said was did you get my text i then text him and said fine dont come to my home again, when you want to see the DC get someone else to arrange it so we dont have to see or speak to each other, after some nasty messages both ways he finished by saying that "if i'd tried harder in the relationship then we wouldnt be doing this now"...i was FUMING, absolutely livid as im the one that put all the effort in to make him happy without regard for my own happiness at times, dont get me wrong im sure there is plenty that i could have done differently and i know at times i was a bitch to live with but to accuse me of that is just wrong....of course i was upset by what he said and very angry so i bundled the DC in the buggy and went to mums...after i calmed down and went home i then text him again to say i still wanted him to see our DC but that it would be once a week on a saturday for 2 hrs and someone else picks them up and drops them back and that i would leave it to him to arrange...when he text me back he said "fuck off and die painfully"....so i got nasty now and sent many angry, hurtful messages back and forth to him about our relationship and what i thought of him, i had had enough of trying to keep him happy and pussy footing around him, it's not in my nature to bite my toungue, i very much say what i think but havent been doing that because of DC but he clearly doesnt want to see them so i am done, my final message was when he wants to see them to get someone else to arrange it, i am still willing for him to see DC as long as he doesnt let them down but as for me i dont wish to have any interaction with him at this moment in time and for a long time to come and to be honest i feel much better for it, i got stuff off my chest and dont have to worry about him coming to see DC, it's someone elses problem to sort out now but i certainly wont be holding my breath that it's going to be anytime soon

I also think that seeing as he has spent nearly 2 weeks on his own (housesitting) it may have given him time to think and i think he's realizing exactly what he has done, everytime he gets angry and refuses to see DC its because of something ive said or done which relates to his behaviour and it has nothing to do with the DC but makes him so angry he refuses to see them, i maybe very wrong in my thinking but if he blames me for all of this i think in his mind it will help him accept the end of the relationship better even though it was his desicion to end it, i think seeing me putting myself back together and living without him has prompted him to think about things and i think he know he's made a mistake and that it's too late to put it right (he always get really angry when he's proved wrong ime)which is what is prompting the hatred and blaming me for the end of the relationship, i maybe totally wrong but ime this is a normal pattern for him...am not sure im putting what i mean into the right words but ive tried and if it confuses anyone then im sorry and will try to explain if needed

glad i got all that off my chest and am feeling pretty damned good today :)

My X exactly the same Sov utter bastard end of.... still not seen his 5yo in school uniform etc just a selfish wanker just glad im not going to waste another 16yrs of my life tbh x

Hello all. Remember me? I think I need a few days to catch up with all the news - I haven't been around since no.6 so I've got a bit of reading to do. Hope you're all ok.

Hello LC. How are you?

Is your nick name after those squigey balls you can buy with eyes and spikes?

Ooooh Littlecritter if you are coming to the meet up can we have your special cheese straws ?

Lovely to have you back hope you had a great holiday x

hi all

email just sent to possible meet up attendees, Sov I don't have yours can you come?

Lovely to see you back LC

Getting, I am watching avidly to see how you get on with your date - all experience you know

Sov, it really sounds like you are in the drama with XH and I feel for you as I had a lot of drama with my XH too. You may have read about it on thread although it could have been before you joined. It sounds a bit formulaic maybe but my counsellor really helped me to understand the drama triangle I was in and how to get out of it.

drama triangle

Somehow, and I'm not sure how really, I have learnt just to avoid all of that now with XH which is wonderful. A lot of it was to do with creating more distance between us but it was also about just not getting into the negative discussions and responding differently to his persecution. Can't remember whether you said you were going to go to counselling but I'd really recommend it

The Gambler Just back from meeting and advisor was talking about this song x

Hi LC hope your keeping well :)

Patience - i think the thing im struggling with most is not understanding how he can be like that when i thought so differently of him,everybody expected different of him when it came to DC's, Were we all surprised by how our Xs behaved after the split?? oh and love that song btw :)

Hope ur dates gone well Getting :o

Happy - have sent you my email address, hopefully i'll be able to come, would love to meet you all :o and i have taken a look at the drama triangle think i fit a lot of the criteria for the rescuer role and not just with XP either, i seem to be like that with every one and he seems to swing between victim and persecutor, i dont know but i am waiting for date to start coucelling, hopefully it will be soon and maybe i'll work it out and try break the cycles, i just want to get on with my life and for him to see his DC, im confused and hurt and just want some peace from it all [sigh] mainly id like him to see how much he's hurt me and to leave me to grieve in peace and not keep sticking the knife in :(

Sov waves to everyone and hopes they are well

Morning all !

Sov its so hard dealing with all this and you are at the very beginning so its bound to be tough going but it will get easier and you will find ways of dealing with XP . As Patience would say And This Too Shall Pass.

Be back later

Waves to all & hope everyone is doing ok.

Sov, counselling will help you to understand better what's happened & will point out behaviour patterns etc like the drama triangle. Atm you're prob still fairly traumatised by whole thing & it's really only with time & counselling etc that the fog begins to lift & we can see what happened in our relationship more clearly. Surprised would be an understatement to describe how I felt about my xh's behaviour after split. He detached completely, became a stranger and behaved like a monster full of hatred & anger! Tbh for me that was the hardest bit to accept & recover from. I could understand him being unfaithful etc to a point (i.e. shit happens) but I really struggled to understand how he could then treat me & dc's so badly. I would just say to you to try & work on building a stable peaceful home for you & your dc's for now & detach as much possible from xp.

Getting, hope you're excited about your date tonight & that all goes well.

Well life has taken an interesting turn with Norm & not sure what to make of it. I had just got to a place where I had recovered from trauma of xh & was enjoying life on my own with dc's. Had been telling everyone for awhile that I'd no interest in meeting a man or having a relationship blah, blah, blah. Then along comes Norm & upsets the applecart! We've really really clicked & get on great. I know it's v early days but it's like overnight I've suddenly found myself in a relationship when that was the v last thing I'd planned for myself . Tbc.......

Ahh that's lovely Starting Lovely stuff.

Agree with Starting Sov about the counseling((hugs)) For me personally I was in shock and denial for quite a while to be honest. Couldn't understand or even believe/ face the fact that perhaps everything H was telling me was possibly lies and I sucked it all up and believed him for quite a while. But my H wasn't difficult after separation, just a lying wimp and wouldn't be honest about the affair still continuing. So it was very different circumstances to yours. Glad you're looking into counseling.

Great tune Patience, never heard it before

Patience - i think the thing im struggling with most is not understanding how he can be like that when i thought so differently of him,everybody expected different of him when it came to DC's

Sov dont try and work it out it is the same for me and i just think 4meit is as simple as he didnt want the hassle of family life my X is out doing whatever he wants with whoever... nasty piece of work ,doesnt give a fuck about his family.I have to accept it and move on,how the fuck do i do that ?he is Mr Charming to everyone and has completely detatched from me and dcs.I wish i had never met him Sov,i cant go out i cant do anything i have no family close by or real friends as i moved to this area for Xs work .Its all a big fucking disaster and he will be in the pub again tonite and he hasnt given kids a penny for months just paid the odd bill .

Still trying to catch up. XP is being very difficult in a sweeping it all under the carpet way but he's in for a shock. Any of you who remember the way I made the OW squirm will know that I am worryingly capable of fiendish toture. Just need to keep things sweet for a few days as I'm taking my older dc's to Manhattan next week so I need XP to cooperate for ds. See you all later.

Quick Hi to everyone!

Starting - woo hoo for meet up!

Hope to catch up more over weekend.

Have taken a bit of a risk and ordered a lovely coat from Hong Kong on ebay! More winter shopping feels imminent including boots!

Meetup not far :)

Oh LC ((Hugs)), I thought you had prob sorted things out with xp! Sorry to hear this is not the case. From your old posts you do indeed come accross as a strong & fiesty woman so I am sure you will come out of this ok ((Hugs again))

Tea, I too sucked it all up & believed all the lies for a long time . When I look back now I can wonder how the hell I was so gullable

Patience, I've been where you are now & it's v v hard to wake up one day & realise you're on your own with dc's 24/7 & have no support. All I can say is just do as much as you can for yourself i.e. tai chi, business stuff etc & eventually it gets easier. I know it can seem that xh has great single life etc but really would you want that, to have abandoned your dc's & wife & to be missing out on all the lovely stuff you have with dc's. You move on one day at a time & bit by bit. On the bad days you just ride the storm & make yourself as comfortable as you can & on the good days you just enjoy them as much as you can & then eventually you have more good then bad days & finally you come to a place that you've come through the storm & found real peace & happiness ((Hugs))

Just hate myself at the moment Startin' trying my best but this last year has been so degrading and it has just hit me this week.Would i swap my life for his ,what like independent no strings ,solvent ,going out with a 21yo ,can go where i want when i want ,can sleep in ,have a day off ,go to the pub for supper and a few drinks and chat to friends ,see my kids whenever i like and just spend quality time with them without chores because someone else does all the tough stuff....why would i want any of that ?