ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.7

[startingovernow]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity. ...........

Patience I really hope you have fun today. Remember its just like work experience

Starting so thrilled for you - I woke up a few times looking for updates last night so excited was I. What are his friends like and any chance of an age?

Like Tea I am living vicariously through you all

Getting, glad you are feeling good, I have got myself into a positive state also in the last couple of days. Just been for lovely walk with friends and had big brek with Dcs. Have you thought about doing a new hobby? Something social - I find that works for me and us a good way to get out and also meet new friends.

Tea, try and catch a quick lip today if you can to maintain your serenity x

And, loving the music Tea

Hi all, I'll catch up and post last. Might name change to catchupandpost !

H picked up kids and looked great ,i just started crying because deep down i am still madly in love with him.Dried my eyes met bloke walked the dog ,totally not in the right place ,home by 1pm.H arriving soon with kids and i am in a total mess.Need to spend plenty time on my own loads more healing to do ,how do you stop loving the man you married ,doesnt seem to matter what he does i cant stop having these feelings .Waves to everyone ,take care x

Oh Patience I am so sorry sweetheart.

Look maybe you do have lots more healing to do or maybe the timing was a bit out iyswim .What I am saying is has H picked up the kids before ? And even if he has it cant have been many times because I know you havent sorted access. Patience for months after exh was picking up kids I was in a mess/had a wobble/had several fags because its the unaturalness of it. Where before you all lived together now you are torn up and its heart breaking and I hated letting go of dc too.

Maybe you do still love him but you will keep nworking through that and going forward just like you have been doing . But I dont think you have "loads" more healing to do because I read all your posts here and elsewhere and you are an inspiration and unless you are fibbing you are miles into recovery even since I joined the thread 3 months ago.

Cuddle your dc and come back and talk to me if you are there xx

Patience I am thinking furiously about your post.

If I tell you that in the 1st month after he left when it was time for him to arrive I would go out 10 minutes before so there was no risk of seeing him/hearing his car etc.

Gradually I got past this and also I knew it wasnt great for dc. What then happened is that I have them ready at our glass front door bang on time so that as he drew up they run out and get into the car. In the 10 minutes leading up to him coming I am shouting and stressing at dc to make sure there is no danger of him having to come to the house. I am still like that but I know I dont love him.

I have to collect ds now so will be gone an hour or so sending you hugs in the meantime

I just think that is why i stayed in a bad relationship so long getting because of the love /attraction i have for H.My head knows all the answers but my heart just sees my husband and reacts like it has always done.Space is the only thing i have to save me from myself and the fact he doesnt want to be with me.I texted him and said i was home earlier than planned and now dcs will be home at 3 not half 5 so that just sums him up really ,he just sees us as a family he can visit 5hrs a week and then piss off again.If i meet someone and fall in love it will be real life and prob next year now ,just need to keep busy and keep moving forward i realise it is all an illusion with H nothing left now but it is so sore todaqy ,just grieving x

He is just so relaxed and happy and i am a complete bloody mess but i guess thats what happens when you are seeing a 21yo.Me being amicable re split is just the perfect ending for him,he said to me today i hate seeing you hurt.....what a total bastard !

Smoking and drinking tea ,nothing else for it ladies x

So sorry it didn't work out. Echo what Getting said.

Pampering, chocolate, hugging DCs and music all necessary x

Thanks happy really appreciate all your support x

Patience I know what you mean about hearts and heads . Thankfully it will never be a possibility but I do wonder if exh turned up at the door all "Lets start again" what I would do. I too withstood so much of his selfishness out of love for him. Whether it lasts or not the last few days I feel like some invisible cords still lingering on have been severed.

I totally agree about him bringing them back early because he can . What a tosser , my twunt has shades of that at times.

Take it easy like Happy says lots of chilling and pampering. Also call to mind those posts a while back about sad old wankers sitting by the roadside wondering where it all went wrong. Mark my words his 21 year old will be long gone and he'll be scratching his head at it all

See you later

My twunt same Getting. He is essentially living as a bachelor but certainly expects DCs to fit into his schedule at times with OW. WTF? I guess in reality, he's now stuck trying to keep her happy. Good luck to him, never a good idea to just go straight from one relationship to another as soon as he has but whether he will ever learn that I don't know.

Anyway, loud music is certainly doing it for me today . I will be bringing some to meet up . Meet up with fellow RL Dumpling later for ice cream.

Ok kids back home and only a few tears shed.Just think its all part of the process.Positives from this week was om totally smitten so i obviously still have it ladies ,but left him with no doubt i wouldnt be seeing him again,i think the chat helped me over the 21yo shock bit tbh but thats all .Other positive[i think ]was dcs said i looked like lady gaga in my bra and pants this morning.
So onwards and upwards tomorrow is a new week and goodness knows what it will bring ,got meeting with business advisor tomorrow .
Patience wonders what H would think if he knew she was out in a flash fast car this morning

Mini rant coming up all this talk of access etc.

When he left he told me just because everyone else had a timetable of when they saw the children it didnt mean we had to. He was VILE to me when I stuck by my guns of every other weekend and one week day calling it "Your disgusting little regime" and telling me dc would grow up with my dreadful inflexible attitude to life

I asked him how he thought we should organise things and he said" why cant I just ring and say thursday next week for a couple of days looks fine does that fit with you and the dc and if so do it" and so on and so forth. I mean I know he was accustomed to ruling me completely but really. At the time I was devastated at his selfishness and cavalier attitude to dc but now ,truly, I ROFL at that arse

God knows why I am soo happy at the moment but I am loving it...

Getting thinks Patience should find a way of conveying that information

Ok the irony of this week has been that i could talk to H about the future co parenting the children in an adult fashion and he agreed to take the dcs 10 -5pm .Although there is obviously some feelings still there for him i am seeing everything he does now in a clearer light and that is an improvement .Long way to go emotionally but everytime i see him i will get more balanced.....I too once had a fear of spiders but can deal with most creepy crawlies now in a calm detatched manner...I hope to use this technique with H ,the more i deal with it the less emotional i will be.

Ok have been following thread all morn on & off & typed up several long responses which were subsequently lost. I think my laptop is on last legs! Anyone ever have jets of smoke steam out the side of their laptop?? Not good is it

Patience, am so sorry things didn't work out this morn but do think you should take positive from the experience. You had a lot of fun & yes, you did prove you still have IT. . I do think it's prob still early days for you & you've prob still got a lot of grief around your h. I know what you mean about the head & heart not being aligned for a long time. I had the same with xh. In my head I knew I was so much better off without him but my heart grieved for a long long time. I can honestly say it's only been the past number of mts that my heart has finally healed. Whenever we go through pain like you did this morn it just helps to make us stronger. ((Hugs))

OMG music man has just called for a chat WTF.

He asked when he can call again - back later x

Music Man ? Are you about to swap vicarious for real ?

Good for you Happy ,do you think he wants to help you to hit some high notes ?

Getting you are a v wise dumpling & your posts to patience give v good advice. Balcony was indeed v romantic setting. When are you going on your date?? If I recall correctly he's younger then you?? Toyboy material perhaps . He must be v keen anyway to have waited so long

Happy, thank you for keeping a motherly vigil however feel bad to have disturbed your sleep . Am at you being located where you can have regular dumpling meets! I'll have sprinkles on mine

Well Norm seems the perfect gent. Even though I'd no intention of getting involved with anyone seems I may already be to a certain extent . Got on famously again last night so am just going to enjoy it & see where it all goes. It's kind of ironic really as recently I'd made the decision that my life on my own with dc's is great & I'd no real interest or time for a relationship. Most I may have considered was a bit of physical relief from time to time . Obviously after being stung so badly with xh I've been left a tad skeptical
but he seems to be v genuine. Does charity work, waited until now to start dating again (so he says), has dd every 2nd day & every 2nd w'end, seems v respectable & respectful, so will just see where it goes. Happy to answer you questions, he's 45 (so not the toyboy I was planning) but he's v physically fit so think I'll overlook age for now & I've absolutely no interest in meeting his friends etc for a v long time even if I do continue on with him.

OMG Happy I'm so excited for you, please tell me you told him you were happy to entertain him in any capacity

What size shoe does he take ?

Waves to AB SOV & co ,hope ur cool and survived the weekend!