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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The painful frustration of being attracted to someone

175 replies

garageflower · 23/08/2010 14:12

Am currently taking a break from men (after some great advice on here and in real life) but have developed a painful and infuriating crush on a work colleague.

He has a girlfriend and I know nothing would ever happen, we don't chat that much anyway but oh I just want to lick his face, make him Lemsips when he's ill and generally just have sex with him.

Grrrrrr it's like being a schoolgirl again Blush

Anyway, just ranting really, it's not often I am very attracted to someone - crushes are bizarre.

OP posts:
DrunkenDaisy · 28/01/2011 13:05

I hope he wasn't married when you were knobbing him.

damppatchnot · 28/01/2011 14:49

Oh I can so relate to this thread...

I have been married for 10 years and not had sex for 4 years. Last time was night dd was concieved.

Its not that I want to either nor does he. We are best mates hes a wonderful dad but I not not fancy him nor ever did.

I married him as I was always useless with men and met rotten ones. My first husband beat me and sex was all about power (his)

In between the two marriages I had some casual realtionships and great sex Grin

I married dh as I knew he would look after me and he does but I have never found him attractive and tbh sex was never that good. Then we entered world of kids we have two and I was mum and I resigned myself to that

Now I work with someone who I should not fancy as he is married, not would you call an oil painting, older. But he is a lovely kind, funny man and he makes me go phwoar!!

Believe me this is a first for me. I never go that with men , they always grew on me. Its either I like them as mates or I fancy them and they could never be my friend if you can see what I mean

meanwhile I will carry on lusting and I am starting to get a little worried as I feel its mutual...

Barnum · 28/01/2011 19:04

stargazy - my marriage is ok. DH would probably go mad if he saw the texts. We've been married for 23 yrs (started young- I was 19) and I guess things have gotten rather stale - now I know that's no excuse and tbh I'm so angry with myself for getting in this situation. I think a lot of it is coming to terms with marrying young and feeling like I've missed out in some way - I feel I have, justifiably or not, I just do. Sad DH can be rather a flirt, doesn't look his age (most people knock at least 6 yrs off him) and I feel takes me a little for granted. Generally I think he has quite a good time at work - he meets lots of people, has lots of stories to tell etc. I guess I feel left out.

damppatchnot · 28/01/2011 21:25

phew all this frustration Blush

my crush is currently on mind 24/7

at xmas do he danced with everyone but me and he is closest to me at work

he was watching me all night and in the end I thought bloody ell this is obvious so I got hold of him and pulled him up for a dance

he slid his arm around my waist and I almost fell over

i have been dreaming about it ever since

matthew2002smum · 29/01/2011 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sufficientish · 30/01/2011 10:52

Haven't read entire thread. But...woman, you are fantasising about doing housework and babying a control freak (mugs). Red flags - pay attention xx

Original poster
garageflower · 31/01/2011 21:00

Well, haven't read everyone's contributions in full, but will do asap!

I didn't go out on Friday with work as was ill, but did have a 3 hour conversation on MSN over the weekend, initiated by him.

But I just ask myself, how would I feel if my boyfriend did that? It would be awful. However, as he's not overtly flirting, I can't have a go about it either.

Hmmmm.

Anyway, off to read the posts Smile

OP posts:
Barnum · 31/01/2011 23:15

I've just been asked out by my crush who btw is not a stud either. Now I don't know what to do, I think my bluff has been called. I sooo want to go with him and really spend some time with him to get to know him better - we don't really have a lot of face to face contact.
g flower - I would love to be you - with nothing to hold you back in the physical sense.

funkybuddah · 01/02/2011 10:36

im also nursing a bit of a crush, it sucks, i hate it

Its even more confusing as I actually love him as a mate, we get one really well and seek each other out at work and stand chatting (or hiding and chatting) and I feel really comfortable with him as a friend

Night out got a bit close but still no cigar, am also a mum in a long term rellie.

But he has left now and has even left the town so it shoudl get easier but photos on my phone and texts/fb etc keep him in my mind, I soooooooo hope my crush gets out of my head soon, its very time consuming and tiring!

Migraine85 · 07/02/2011 20:04

I have managed to develop a huge crush on a bloke at work. What's sadder is that I've only met him about 3 or 4 times Blush

I'm quite lonely at work, just moved to new area of the country, and he was dead friendly the first few times I met him - I mean overly friendly. I thought to myself, oh he seems nice, if I was single I can imagine developing a crush on him.

Then he came to seek me out and the second question he asked was me was "have you moved up here with a boyfriend?" I'm married, and his face definitely dropped when I told him. I married really young, and am not used to being pursued, and generally have quite low self-esteem. Ever since, I've become a bit obsessed - I hate myself for it, and can't wait for it to blow over.

I suspect the fact that I don't see him much makes it worse - I've definitely built him up in my mind. I suspect if I saw him on a daily basis I would get over it quite quickly.

Mobilise · 07/02/2011 20:50

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Migraine85 · 07/02/2011 21:41

Mobilise - Ooo, a fireman! It's a nightmare isn't it? I thought he was married, and so thought I'd imagined the chemistry/that he potentially was interested in me,which helped me to gradually try and forget about him.

But then I found out internet stalked him that actually he is separated/divorced!So now I'm back in fantasy land!

Mobilise · 07/02/2011 22:34

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textualhealing · 07/02/2011 23:45

Oohh, I remember that feeling. He was ten years younger than me and I had known him a while before I started to fancy him. Once I realised I did, I agree with you, it was bloody painful. He was doing a bit of flirting with me and as he was tall, he used to come and stand really close to me and when I was looking at the papers he was discussing, I used to catch him looking down my top. It was such a turn on and the fantasies! Nevermind, he left and I got over it but he is one of the people that I will always remember fondly!

Barnum · 08/02/2011 00:07

Yes we definitely need a crush club and yes Mobilise it IS just like being at school. It's pleasure and pain rolled into one and so damn difficult to wriggle away from. Sometimes I feel like I have this huge weight (him) on my chest and I can't breathe but I still carry on letting it consume me. I know he feels the same which , I think, makes it worse Sad

Mobilise · 08/02/2011 14:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoSurfaceAllFeeling · 08/02/2011 14:37

I think I need to join your crush club Smile

I've worked with someone for several years now and thought of him as just a friend until recently. I came back from mat leave and since then I've not been able to stop thinking about him. I am completely obsessed and it's driving me mad. I'm usually at work before him and find myself watching the door to see when he'll arrive. When I'm near him (and often when I'm not) I get that tingly feeling and can feel myself starting to Blush when I think of him.

I'm married with 2 kids and he's single and a fair bit younger. How is it possible to have a teenage crush when I'm in my thirties?

We are very close at work now and comments were made in the office after the xmas do as we spent most of the time either deep in conversation with each other or nipping outside together for a smoke. I know I should try and put some distance between us but that's so much easier said than done.

It's nice to know I'm not the only one like this though.

Mobilise · 08/02/2011 15:41

This reply has been deleted

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robberbutton · 08/02/2011 15:57

If you really want to pour cold water on your crushes, tell your husbands about them.

Or you could imagine the very real possibility of totally destroying your husband, children and home. Sorry to rain on your crush club parade, but it's making me a bit sick. You think this is a game, a bit of fun? Whatever grows in your heart and mind is what you feed, what you dwell on. Start putting some time, effort and energy back into your marriages before you lose them.

Mymblesson · 08/02/2011 16:04

It's strange the way crushes can happen out of the blue and for no apparent reason whatsoever. Happens to us blokes too and it's exactly the same.

I'm happily married and adore my wife, but around 5 years ago I suddenly developed a crush on a woman at work. I never spoke much to her except to say hello by the coffee machine, but I found I was always looking out for to see if she was around and was disappointed if a day went by when I didn't catch a glimpse of her. Utterly bizarre and unexplainable. She was even blue eyed and blonde for heaven's sake, which isn't my type at all (I've always been drawn to the dark side and my wife has dark hair and eyes that are so dark they're almost black).

Anyway, it lasted for a month or two and then stopped as suddenly as it'd begun. Still can't explain it. I would never had acted on it either, even if she'd have appeared interested.

NoSurfaceAllFeeling · 08/02/2011 18:54

Mobilise - I told two friends at work about it a week or so ago but that's it. It was good to finally share it and to have someone to talk about it to. My crush knows that I like him although I don't think he realises quite how much.

In your post of 15:41 you said I want to just like him and enjoy working with him but get past all the sexual tension and frustration because I'm finding it hard to stop thinking about him at home and I really don't want it to intrude on my family life. This is exactly how I feel.

It's been nearly 6 months now of feeling like this so I'm desperately hoping I'll get over it soon Grin

Migraine85 · 08/02/2011 20:07

Mobilise and NoSurface - I wish I could tell someone in real life, but too embarrassed, which is why it's so good to get it all off my chest here!

Saw him again today, and made a complete idiot of myself. Just find that now I've got a full blown crush on him I can't carry on a natural conversation and get all tongue-tied. What an idiot!

Barnum · 08/02/2011 22:04

Mobilise nothing's happened re the 'date' I have just side lined it altho I must say I'm tempted. It is difficult - we see each other occasionally in the week, mainly linked with our boys. I do like him a lot - he's very thoughtful and good fun which I need in my life right now. I wouldn't tell anyone - they'd be horrified because of who he is ( nothing terrible) and I can't justify my feelings for him anyhow. I don't know why I like/have become obsessed with him cause he's just an ordinary middle aged man - nothing special except to me!

Barnum · 08/02/2011 22:16

robberbutton it's important to remember that crushes usually occur out of the blue - that's what happened to me. And also the fact they involve the most unlikely of people highlights that. My guy is middle aged, overweight and going grey, certainly not sex on legs!I don't consider it a bit of fun, it's very real with very real consequences for me. At the moment I'm just trying to sort out my heart and my head cause they're saying different things.
Also it takes two to put effort into a marriage, one person alone can't keep it afloat.Sometimes you just have to ask do I love him enough to want to continue with this (the marriage that is) cause a half hearted thing is not gonna work for long.

Kiwinyc · 08/02/2011 22:23

robberbutton - lighten up!

I've always found the best thing to get rid of my crush is to get to know them better - in a platonic way of course. But when I've discovered they're actually really moody, annoying, conceited, only ever talk about themselves, have strange hobbies, or have bad taste in music/movies/cars whatever - that bursts the fantasy bubble and I quite quickly go off them.

Basically the crush needs fantasy to thrive. If you find out the reality about them, they're seldom as attractive anymore.

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