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Original poster

The painful frustration of being attracted to someone

175 replies

garageflower · 23/08/2010 14:12

Am currently taking a break from men (after some great advice on here and in real life) but have developed a painful and infuriating crush on a work colleague.

He has a girlfriend and I know nothing would ever happen, we don't chat that much anyway but oh I just want to lick his face, make him Lemsips when he's ill and generally just have sex with him.

Grrrrrr it's like being a schoolgirl again Blush

Anyway, just ranting really, it's not often I am very attracted to someone - crushes are bizarre.

OP posts:
Original poster
garageflower · 26/08/2010 11:02

Ghosts....wow that is exciting! What kind of stuff does he say about his relationship then? I would certainly mentioned you'd split up, you never know.

Is it mean to hope my crush has a terrible holiday and falls out with his girlfriend the whole time?

God he looks good today. Well, he does to me. The mustard cardi isn't my favourite item from his wardrobe, I must admit. But I like that he's not mega trendy.

I need to sleep with him...now! Can't stand this any more.

Partytime - how long have you been with bf?

See, I don't think I've ever been out with anyone I would say I was really attracted to, that's probabably been my issue.

OP posts:
Ghostsinthesnow · 26/08/2010 11:36

Elephants I don't want to seem too needy you know? I already said my bit, I think I'd look stupid saying it all again...when I don't know whats going on with him right now. He's a shy one, but...so am I! Sad.

garageflower He was just saying that it's "winding down" and that he isn't too happy with her. (and I'd be thinking exactly the same about their holiday!)

It's confusing though, because one minute I'll be showered with compliments and how we should meet up/stay in touch and all that. Then the next minute there's silence.
Don't want to be bothering him now do I! Sad

londonartemis · 26/08/2010 11:53

Ghosts - you MUST say! Do you know what his current circumstances really are?! Life's too short.

Original poster
garageflower · 26/08/2010 12:06

Ghost - he doesn't know you still like him and he doesn't know you're single.

COME ON!

We all want to live out our crush fantasies through you, it is your duty Grin

OP posts:
Ghostsinthesnow · 26/08/2010 12:09

I don't even know how to bring it up? I don't want to make that seem the only reason I started the conversation...which it will be!

garageflower sorry seems like I hijacked your thread! But, as you can tell,I can totally see were you're coming from! It's hard!

said · 26/08/2010 12:17

Hmm Ghosts. I'd be put off by a bloke who told another woman that he didn't like his girlfriend much. Shows a lack of respect. (Well, I'd probably justify it to myslef for ages first but my rational head here says it's not a good sign)

Love crushes

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 26/08/2010 12:21

hmm, me too. All that "but she doesn't understand meee" stuff will just be said about you one day...

Ghostsinthesnow · 26/08/2010 12:26

but this could be proper fairytale stuff here ladies!!

On a serious note, I know, I did think about that. Probably better just as a crush! The dream can be better than reality.

kallima · 26/08/2010 12:27

humm Ghosts, i'm kinda wondering if he's just keeping you interested, but not ever going to follow it through.. could he be a bit of an attention lover?

kallima · 26/08/2010 12:29

crushes are great for losing weight too Grin all that pining..

nikki1978 · 26/08/2010 12:30

I was a crushaholic when I was younger! Luckily the majority of my crushes ended up being reciprocated :) But there was one at my frist job when I was 20. He was gorgeous and funny but had an incredibly beautiful girlfriend. Then they split up and he used to take me out to lunch to tell me how much he missed her etc. I would swoon at him all day at work. Then on my birthday I got drunk and stayed at his after a row with my mum. Made a lunge for him and he pulled away quickly and left me to go to sleep. A couple of days later I was looking for something on his PC at work and came across an email where he told a friend that a girl from work had clearly just been trying to get in his pants. And then he called me ugly! Shock - which I bloody am not!

Never looked at him in the same light. The day I left the job we all went out for drinks and as I was going home he gave me a big hug and kiss on the lips (in a patronising "I know you fancy me here's something to remember me by kind of way). Could have kicked him in the bollocks. Twat.

I still have crushes every now and then (even though I am married) but they tend to last for a week or two then I forget about them. I do love the excitment of them though....

Original poster
garageflower · 26/08/2010 12:43

Nikki - what an arse Angry

Ghost - I like having people to talk about this with, especially while at work, as a)my crush isn't a 'stud' as such, so my colleagues are quite perplexed by it all and b) they are sick of hearing about it Confused, can't think why.

I agree it isn't great that he is saying such things about his relationship but maybe he's quite open. I tell anyone who will listen about my relationships issues so it could well be true that he isn't happy, as such. Could you not just say something like 'wow, since DP and I split, I've become really good at getting rid of spiders'...kind of thing?

Crushes are good, but mine feels like it's more than just physical now. Sad

OP posts:
ElephantsAndMiasmas · 26/08/2010 12:53

Ooh, I never talk about my crushes in real life, or at least only if they are hundreds of miles away and not known to the person I'm talking to. Find it really weird to have other people knowing about it.

Original poster
garageflower · 26/08/2010 12:59

Well I have only told a trusted few. To be honest, just talking about him makes me feel happy Smile

I really hope the next guy I date gives me the butterflies like this one. There must be one somewhere who will make me tingle Hmm

OP posts:
LilyPickle · 26/08/2010 13:24

Long time lurker but ooh, this thread makes me go tingly.

I am majorly crushing on my son's teaacher at the moment and have been for nearly a year now. I think the feeling is a teeny bit mutual (although I very much doubt he daydreams about me as much as I do about him) but as we are both married with DC, nothing will come of it.

It has been 5 weeks since I last saw him but have been known to lovingly stroke the class photograph over the holidays on more than one occasion Blush

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 26/08/2010 13:31

How do you cope with this when you're married? Doesn't your DH notice? How does it affect your feelings for your DH?

Original poster
garageflower · 26/08/2010 13:32

LilyPickle - 'have been known to lovingly stroke the class photograph over the holidays on more than one occasion' - couldn't help but read that as a euphemism, although I do apologise Grin

Does it affect your relationship then? I can't get my head round being in a relationship and having such strong feelings of lust, is it just one of those things that we have to deal with in life? I'm dreading it!!

Oh update - he has a different cardi on today. Same style as mustard one, but it's blue. He suits blue, actually. I wish I was that cardi Envy

OP posts:
Ghostsinthesnow · 26/08/2010 14:28

oh I do love a man in a cardi! Grin

garageflower, We were friends before I developed my crush madness, so maybe that's why he feel's he can tell me those things...?
clutches at straws
He's so sweet & shy, I really don't want to think that he was doing it to be spiteful/mean about her.

I don't really tell anyone in RL either, only two other people know.

partytime · 26/08/2010 15:02

Garage, just caught up.

Go for it, ask him out, what have you to lose, unless I've missed something and you are both married/ in relationships, then run a mile.

I've been with new man for just about 3 months now, after a few poor dates, and the breakdown of a 21 year old marriage!!!

Can relate to those feelings of lust totally, strange how the ones you don't really expect to be fantastic turn out to be the opposite.

As my friend said "he's a grower"

Hope you have some success Grin

Original poster
garageflower · 26/08/2010 15:39

Partytime - no, I'm single but he is in a long-distance relationship which sounds serious. He reckons they broke up when he decided to move up here but who knows....but anyway, I'm hoping he's with her for the security until he branches out here and eventually falls in love with me.

Have tried to note if there are any potential patterns to his brew-making - don't want to follow him into the kitchen but would like to time it right.

Oh god.

Yeah, my last relationship just was comfortable but I never got the 'feeling'. Now I'm all about the feelings but slightly lacking the relationship!

OP posts:
Raejj · 26/08/2010 16:29

lilypickle I could not stop laughing when I read your message about stroking his picture. I've caught myself stroking my computer screen over someone's pictures before too Blush

flibertygibet I'm v sorry I don't know any other gardeners. I will need to investigate:)

And garage and to everyone else - don't you hate it when men just don't well show some balls in the metaphorical sense of the word!living vicariously through you:)

olderandsexierbyfar · 26/08/2010 16:53

yes...why can't they just communicate for a start,yes I like you ,no I am only interested in you as a friend....

for example !

LilyPickle · 26/08/2010 17:34

garageflower - no euphamism intended...although you have got me thinking now Grin

Elephants - does it affect my relationship? Hmmm, that is a toughie. Sometimes, I have to be honest, it does, especially when DH is being an arse. But I really try to compartmentalise it; I know nothing will ever happen - we never see each other outside of the school day and he is not likely to drag me over one the desks at parents evening. Blush When I am hormonal, I hate myself for having lustful thoughts about another man, at other times it is a lovely distraction.

And anyway, seeing him on the few occasions without his working uniform, he has shit dress sense as well....not quite as bad as mustard cardy man, but almost.

Original poster
garageflower · 26/08/2010 17:41

I think the only way I'm going to be able to measure a new relationship is if I can honestly say I wouldn't dump him for Mustard Cardi Man. He is the barometer.

Don't want to leave the office as I won't be able to look at him for a whole night. Well, until I close my eyes and fantasize about him later (swoon).

GGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

OP posts:
ILovePonyo · 26/08/2010 18:06

Love this thread! Especially garageflower wishing she was a blue cardy Grin

I too used to be the queen of all consuming, sometimes slightly psychotic crushes. I must of wasted hours day dreaming when I could have been doing something more productive.

I shagged one of my crushes eventually... terrible. He was a great kisser too which made it even more disappointing.

I also had a crush on dp's friend Blush and a man with no front teeth Hmm however nothing happened with these, they just sort of faded out.

Good luck with yours garageflower! He sounds cute, love the cardys and dormouse description. Aww!