Fab & Glam 11 - A New Chapter

[Tanee58]

I figure that the reason I haven't been able to post all day, is because we've run out of thread - again!! Hope you all find this, my fellow Teabags. Are contenders for the longest-running MN thread?

Anyhoo, TFM, I have a tent, and an inflatable mattress. And I quite fancy a trip oop north!

Hi Attilla - I'm touched that you remember me, and that you have found me on here!! I haven't posted on the Partners of Alcoholics support thread for such a long time, I think I was in a bit of denial and that thread made it all a bit too real!!
Annie - Luckily I am not really anything to do with his business, I just do the paperwork and he does owe me some money for materials he put on my credit card, which hopefully I will be getting back next week (fingers crossed). After that I have told him that I am backing out and want nothing more to do with any of it. He can drink it into the ground for all I care.
The date was FAB!!! He is such a nice, normal guy (doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs and he hates football - what a result !!!), going out with him made me realise what a mess I have been living in all these years. We will be taking it slowly (don't worry ) and he has young dc too so we are both being very cautious.

Its nice to know there are nice decent men out there - I was beginning to give up all hope!!

Ooh, does he have a brother?

No sorry - just a sister!
And did I mention he is very fit too

Biyatch

Go girl

Had the chat with h this morning. He tried to have sex and I turned him down. Admittedly I was very abrupt about it and he got in a huff. Said the 'you never want to be with me' thing. I admitted that I felt like I was living with a flatmate and that I didn't know how I felt about him sexually after so much rejection. Apparently I am supposed to forget all that now that I am thin enough that he DOES want me once a month

I apparently bear a grudge too long. I tried to make him see that how he had treated me over the years had made me not want to make any effort, but, in the end, we agreed that the whole situation (now, he admitted he had done wrong in the past)is my fault...

But Dior, it isn't your fault. It is so not your fault. It is like, totally, entirely, not your fault.

So don't get the bugger twisting your brain till you accept black is white. No wonder you're constantly unhappy when your brain and your feelings are telling you opposite things. And he is doing this to you. Hold on to who you are. You can go mad pretending to yourself that you're someone else.

It... is... his... fucking... fault!

Got that?

Dior it isn't your fault
He rejected you for so long and put you down so much and now he decides your slim enough for him to fancy you have to lie be grateful????
Thats f*cking outrageous!

I do know it isn't my fault (hence the hmm face), and I do think that he took a lot of what I said on board. He was originally not going to come with me to pick ds up, because I 'never want to' be with him. But, when I just said, 'Right, I'm going now', he changed his mind.

I got tearful and tried to make him see that his behaviour over the last 20-odd years has really hurt me, but, apparently, I should forgive and move on, and be glad that I am finally getting the sex that I had been wanting. He asked how I could be close to my mum now, after all that happened in my childhood and I said that it was because she now shows me nearly every day that she loves me.

I told him that women need to be wooed and not just groped to get in the mood.

And I bet he still doesn't get it

I now have the cold too!!

I am propped up in bed lemsip in hand feeling very sorry for myself.

are you thinking 25th oct?? Dior - its my birthday near then too you know. You do know that it is half term too.

Still trying to catch up with everything too

Hi everyone, finally got internet working at work (have given up with home comp).

I'll try taking 25 Oct off - Note it's Dior's birthday too the previous week, so would be nice to do a joint celebration with HW & you . Hope I can have the time off as we've a HUUGE backlog now after all the tech problems of the last few weeks - and now the head of office is off sick with this nasty cold. Hope you're feeling a week bit better, HW?

Dior, really, your H takes the biscuit! What a cheek of the man, after all his years of rejection, to expect you to accept him with open arms. If you reject him, it's no one's fault but his own, for being so self-centred and superficial. He might be a good father, but oh boy, he's not a good husband and he is not worthy.

DP is still being nice. Apart from NOT jumping my bones for months , he's much more his old self, seems in a much better place and is really good company , much more the man I always thought he was. Seems to be drinking less most evenings, too. I'm hoping this is a good sign & that I might raise the subject of DD.

Ginnny, you go girl! Hope it continues good for you. Hope you get your money back from ex soon and can then kiss goodbye to him for good.

Ah, if it is half-term, h is off that week, so it might be better to do the following week. What do you both think?

HW - sorry you feel crap. Remind me what date your b'day is...

Good news - I am in Bead magazine this month, p50. It is a design of mine that they paid me to publish! Ooh, get me, I'm a professional doncha know!

Yes, h really does take the biscuit. He admitted that he was hurtful in the past, but apparently I should move on and be glad that he does want me now . Remembering all his old insults means that I am holding a grudge - not so hurt by them that they are burnt into my brain! I suppose I could lie back and think of England, but I have never had to in the past .

So you are merely holding a grudge and need to just get over yourself?!. Yes of course, put all his past rejection out of your mind and just lie back etc. What century is he living in? It's not like he's just asking to pat your hand! Has he been reading 'The Surrendered Wife', by any chance...? Is he prepared to do a LOT of wooing first? And I mean, a LOT!

Am happy to do the following Monday after half term if that's easier for you and HW. Might be better in fact, as I will then stagger my days off.

And congrats on being a published designer! Fantastic news! AND you deserve it. I've had a few compliments about the bracelet you gave me.

Am sneezing here - hope I haven't contracted this nasty cold.

Sadly, I don't think he IS prepared to do any wooing. He said, 'So I am supposed to bring you flowers every night am I?'

No, no flowers are necessary, but trying a bit harder than telling me I look nice a few times and wondering why I am so unresponsive, so stopping trying, would be good. I don't think he thinks he is being unreasonable.

He said to me, 'Don't you have urges for sex? Can't you act on THOSE?' I had to remind him that I had said virtually the same to him three years ago and he had told me that it wasn't right because he didn't want to have to 'think of someone else to get it up' . He then accused me of bearing a grudge for remembering that!

Oh Dior! He is appalling!
Words fail me (which is unusual!!!)
I'm going to buy Bead magazine this afternoon and have a look at your design. Well done! I have signed up to do a beading course in October, I haven't done it for so long but suddenly I feel like getting back into it again.

Tannee - good to hear DP is more like his old self. Its a step in the right direction I guess. Maybe he's becoming more aware of the affects of his behaviour on your relationship and is making more of an effort.
Things with me and NM are going really really well. He is lovely and I'm floating about on cloud 9 with a stupid grin on my face, probably getting on everyone's nerves . Its just so nice to go out with someone 'normal'. He wants us to meet each others dc soon, but I'm a bit hesitant, I don't know if I want that yet. I don't want the boys to get attached to him in case it doesn't last. They have been through enough lately.

Hmm. IMO, no rush for meeting dcs and that sort of stuff. That is, I don't see the point of keeping someone rigidly away for the sake of it, a brief introduction so they know what mum's date looks like is not out of order, but it's too early for them to get closely acquainted.

Enjoy this for what it is at the moment, not for what it might become in the future. It's very, very early days yet. Right now you're having a good time, and heaven knows you're owed one.

Oh, congratulations on being published Dior! Very impressive.

Ginnny - how lovely that you have new man. I agree that meeting children is a bit early, take it really slowly - but then you don't need me to tell you that!

I am taking ds to have his hair cut tonight .

still in bed - i going to venture out for a bowl of soup for lunch with h in a bit.

Feel really weak tho.

Dior fantastic about being published. Shame about h though - it is hard to not hold a grudge and i suppose i can sort of see what he means - dont shoot me down.

H is really doing all he can for me but i still have some of the things burnt onto my memory and know it is me that is not letting it all go.
Sadly i seem to be realising that i have changed so much and that poor old h is just everything i want now. That is one of the reasons i want to return to more work - get my own life so that h is just a small part of who i am .
I feel i am pushing him away a lot at the moment - i enjoy his company still but the intensity is not there iyswim.

Maybe dior we have both grown more comfortable with who we really are and so the attention from them is sadly not all we want anymore .

I feel a bit sorry for my h at the moment - the more he seems to do for me the less interested i am .

Glad you are moving on Ginnny - have fun.

Hi to everyone else too.

HW I felt exactly like that about XP for ages. Even when he stopped drinking for me I kept feeling that something was missing. Its a shame that they only turn into everything you want when you no longer want it anymore - sods law I guess!

I think that is why I have moved on so quickly - my relationship with XP was dead in the water for so long it feels like emotionally I moved on a long time ago. He however, is apparently still clinging on to the hope that I'll come to my senses and fall into his arms any day now
Have fun at the barbers Dior

HW - make a huge batch of chicken soup and keep drinking it.

Dior, enjoy DS's haircut ! It's almost funny that H seems to really think you can lie back & think of England, or that you have 'urges' that he can utilise, whilst having no idea about what wooing would entail. Almost funny, but not quite - it sounds as if he has little idea of the female psyche. Just being consistently affectionate without expecting sex, showing you some respect and support and PRIDE for what YOU want to do, would be a start. How does he feel about you being a published designer? Is he as pleased and proud as he should be? Bunches of flowers aren't necessary - but making you feel like the most important person in his life, IS.

I'm feeling the urge to do something creative again - might hit the Knitting & Stitching Show next month, for inspiration. (Note to self - do NOT take credit cards! )

Ginnny, I am so, so glad NM is going so well and yes, no need to rush things with the DCs. Time enough for that when he's proved he's REALLY normal and not just on his best behaviour!

HW - I DO see what you mean, but, unfortunately his previous behaviour has dented my personality and he needs to mend that before I can trust his feelings IYSWIM. I agree that I am understanding myself more now - counselling is a wonderful thing! There is also the problem that I have physically gone off him. That might return, as I have never had that problem before - I have always wanted sex when he offered it. Now I feel sort of in limbo.

Tanee - need a stitch show buddy? When is it?

Dior, 7-10 October at Ally Pally. I usually go on the Thursday so I get first pick of the goodies (except, of course, I will not be spending this year ). Could you manage it?