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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

brave battling babes get even better without the booze!

994 replies

jesuswhatnext · 08/08/2010 15:27

10 weeks ago i started a thread asking for help - i was in a very desperate place, totally dependent on alchohol, unhappy, lonely and floundering around trying to make sense of it all. i was in danger of losing everything i hold dear.

in those few short weeks, i have got my life back and picked up a few computer friends along the way - we help each other, support each other, and laugh and cry together - if you would like to join us, please feel free - no judging, preaching, sermonising or moralising - we are simply ordinary people with a bloody awful illness!

OP posts:
fluxy3 · 11/08/2010 08:40

Morning all...
Well, interesting night last night. Had a bit of a rant at the kids for not tidying their bedrooms after telling me they had and felt bloody awful and guilty too... this was at around 10.30pm.
I decided to have a glass of wine 'to calm down'....
in the past I would have drank that wine really fast and not really notice the effects on me and would end up 'suddenly' really drunk. But last night was different and a real eye opener for me.
I drank the wine really slowly, feeling the effect it was having on me... after half a glass I felt drunk. I almost threw it away, but I really couldn't..
What I did do though was, when I had drank the wine, I went to open another bottle ( usual practice ) but a 'little voice' told me not to, and I bloody listened to it for once, and took myself to bed.
So, I'm back to day 1... I'm not going to kid myself about this. I know that I have a problem and that next time I 'just have 1 glass' and the bottle is open I will not or might not be that strong.
Wish I hadn't had that glass of wine, but I did.
One good thing is I don't feel hungover just very disappointed in myself.

Have a good day everyone. x

Fortheverylasttime · 11/08/2010 08:44

Trinity, I won't mention WAY again after this post, but this is my experience of it.

A close friend of mine lost her husband, like you, with no warning whatsover. She had children aged 2 and 4 (at nursery with mine) and was also left with no money. He had had no life insurance at all. In fact, her visa was £4000.

They were wildly and passionately in love. She suddenly went from a SAHM to having to learn about signing on, hb, etc, etc. I have to say that her family were not wildly supportive.

It was about the same time I split up with my dc's father. We both moved to another part of the country, to adjoining counties and saw a fair bit of each other. I don't know how she found WAY, but she was stuck at home with the dcs every night and she just logged on and read and read and posted. Very quickly she became part of their little community. I attended a few barbecues at hers house with her WAY friends and they were Lovely and fun and they all understood each other, in a way that I couldn't because I hadn't been through a bereavement.

I know this is very very wrong and I didn't do it, but I felt like becoming a member just because they were so lovely. I know that sounds awful, and I am not belittling their loss, but I felt a teeny bit jealous. I hope you understand what I mean.

This friend, who swore her hormones were dead, is of course now very happily married to a (fabulous) widower who had also sworn off the opposite sex (for a decade in his case). Not that it is a place to meet a partner, just a place where they are all somehow equal in their grief in a way that only the bereaved can be, I think.

They could talk about little things like how they reacted when someone made an inane remark about time healing or something.

When she was organising the funeral, she bought the food and drink and borrowed the glasses from Tesco. She had two hideously behaved (ie, missing their very hands on daddy) children with her, and when the girl on the checkout said she hoped she had a good party, my friend sort of snarled/shouted, 'It's not a party, it's my husband's Fucking funeral'. That sort of thing, iyswim.

Don't start calling yourself alcoholic; you are in a uniquely awful position and you are coping. You are still coping. I'm obviously not a member of WAY, but couldn't you just join/register whatever and just read the posts there without contributing?

White chocolate magnums are the best.
Forthxx

Fortheverylasttime · 11/08/2010 08:45

Didn't mean to portray WAY as a knocking shop there. Most are women.

Toclearmyhead · 11/08/2010 09:02

Just a quick good morning - busy day today!

Does anyone else struggle with anxiety? I really do and have always used alcohol as a way of calming my nerves (I know it probably hindered rather than helped). AM really struggling with that crutch taken away though. My anxiety revolves around my health (ironic that I cure my anxiety by poisoning myself!) and I think I may need to go to the GP. I feel absoultely ridiculous going to a dr to say I'm a hypochondriac but I guess they've seen it before. Think I need to be proactive though because when the anxiety is bad the urge to drink is worse.

Catch up later fairies :) x

jeminthecellar · 11/08/2010 09:09

Hi have just come in from nightshift...thanks for the welcome people.

moomin- I used to live in Northallerton, lovely town.

Bonjour MIFLAW, oui ca va.Je remercie Dieu que je suis sobre. Et vous?
(MIFLAW is bilingual and I sometimes like to practice my o level french)

RedMoomin · 11/08/2010 09:13

Good morning fairies!

Lovely to see how much calmer the evening was! fluxy - sorry you picked up but at least you are back.

algee - I will miss you while you are gone! Keep safe and strong x

venus - I loved the way you crept so quietly onto the thread!

mouse - hope you are feeling less queasy today. And that your boobs are not so sore Wink

JWN - great to see you back on form!

forthe - hello there!

toclear - I have suffered from depression and anxiety for years. But I can promise you that it gets better and better when you put down the drink - like most things!

And a big good morning to everyone else! Sorry I cannot reply to everyone individually, no notes taken!

jeminthecellar · 11/08/2010 09:15

ToClear...

At the end of my drinking I was full of anxieties, I barely went out, I hardly answered the phone, my life had become very small. However, dependency on alcohol has that effect- I think a lot of it is to do with the depletion of B vitamins, long term drinking has LOADS of side affects, anxiety being one of them.

The anxiety of not having a drink was bad too...although that is the psychological side of an addiction, but we still need to face it, it is more powerful and lasting than the physicality of addiction..as MIFLAW said, usually you feel better after 3 days, usually definately within a week. Be prepared for withdrawals, they range from mild (headaches, restless, sweating) to severe (shaking, and hallucinations, fits)

RedMoomin · 11/08/2010 09:15

Good morning jem, I might brush down some of my French too! (I did A-level but it feels like a very, very long time ago!)

jeminthecellar · 11/08/2010 09:17

CBT can be useful for anxiety too, your GP can refer, the government like this type of therapy as they can measure 'results' and as such lots of money has been pumped into the NHS to fund CBT workers.

jeminthecellar · 11/08/2010 09:17

Hi redmoomin...oh you must have been good to do a level...

venusandmars · 11/08/2010 09:20

I am sure I read somewhere that MIFLAW spoke russion as well, or was I dreaming? Go on MIF, tantalise us with some Russian.

RedMoomin · 11/08/2010 09:20

Was pretty good but 'use it or lose it'! Or my over-drinking has destroyed too many brain cells for me to remember much!

RedMoomin · 11/08/2010 09:21

venus - think I remember something about Russian too. Definitely remember him telling us about being in Russia!

NeedsTo · 11/08/2010 09:24

Morning Smile

Venus - hope you don't have too much mess to clean up and that your freezer wasn't fully stocked!

Toclear - yes I've had A&D for years and have been on fluoxitine for 3 years after being on and off various other antids over the years. the silly thing is I have no chance of them ever really working because I'm pumping myself full of a depressant for a large chunk of the week!

I too have health worries at times (not all the time, my anxieties vary and they seem to revolve around on loop-play!). Hopefully less booze = less anxiety, for both of us x

waves to everyone else!

Day 3 here for me - had a horrendous night's sleep and kept dreaming I was in a pub but not drinking, but then my ex from my teens walked in so I had a Magners as I felt scared, but just the one as I could hear "Watch the film to the end" in my head!

Feel so tired and and achy like I've been kicked in my back but am determined to keep busy today and also I will not be drinking!

NeedsTo · 11/08/2010 09:24

Oh and well done fluxy!

venusandmars · 11/08/2010 09:25

I have assessed the damage to the contents of my freezer. Fortunately I don't have it stuffed with expensive joints of meat.

There are a few things that will have to go out - ice cream for example, but looking at all the rest, I think I can cook the raw food and then freeze it. So the day's cooking looks like this: fish pie (luxury fish pie, with salmon and scallops); chicken and sweetcorn soup, pea and mint soup; chilli (probably the easiest thing to do with mince); and mixed fruit pies.

If you see me on here too much, shout at me to get back in the kitchen.

ChristianaTheSeventh · 11/08/2010 09:26

Bonjour tout le monde
Je me sens un petit peu mieux aujourd'hui
J'espere que vous allez bien ce matin
Je vous embrasse

RedMoomin · 11/08/2010 09:28

Hi christi,

I think you said you were feeling a bit better today - tres bien!

RedMoomin · 11/08/2010 09:29

venus - your cooking plans sound wonderful. And it's making me hungry!

ChristianaTheSeventh · 11/08/2010 09:29

Excusez-moi,

J'espere que vous alliez bien ce matin

(zut alors! les sobjonctifs!)

RedMoomin · 11/08/2010 09:29

morning needsto!

venusandmars · 11/08/2010 09:33

Bonjour Christi, err, that's it for my french. I can say lots of useful things like, I've got lots of homework to do, or my french penpal is coming to stay, or the sun is shining out of a cloudless sky and the birds are singing in the trees. But none of it is much use once you get past the age of 16.

Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better though, I was sad reading your posts yesterday. I assume that there is nothing on Reed's website under financial management that suits you? There's quite a few jobs there, but of course only people in the industry know what they really mean.

I have done quite a bit of career coaching, is there a way that I can contact you for a chat, if it would be helpful?

venusandmars · 11/08/2010 09:35

I can say zut alors too! and merde!

Toclearmyhead · 11/08/2010 09:36

Thanks all, that's reassured me - made Gp appt for this afternoon.

Think we should all head to venus' for tea - fish pie, yum!

Was going out but it's now pouring down so plans are on hold.

ChristianaTheSeventh · 11/08/2010 09:48

I adore fish pie.

Venus I've set up an email christianatheseventh at gmail dot com

I'd love your help