brave battling babes get even better without the booze!

[jesuswhatnext]

10 weeks ago i started a thread asking for help - i was in a very desperate place, totally dependent on alchohol, unhappy, lonely and floundering around trying to make sense of it all. i was in danger of losing everything i hold dear.

in those few short weeks, i have got my life back and picked up a few computer friends along the way - we help each other, support each other, and laugh and cry together - if you would like to join us, please feel free - no judging, preaching, sermonising or moralising - we are simply ordinary people with a bloody awful illness!

i think the fat tummy will go slowly, mine is very definatly smaller than a few weeks ago, it didnt get there overnight, so will take a bit of time going - giving up the booze is a bloody good start!
i dont weigh myself everyday either, i think weight fluctuates too much to do that, soem days i still feel quite bloated, then is subsides, thank god!

'it' subsides

oh I'm not weighing myself every day at all
but I just can feel that I a huge and then I weighed myself and it was a stine and a holf more than usual
scared the shit out of me and now I'm very sad about it

Now I'm going to write something really weird. When I typed in my previous post about taking frustration out on anyone but ourselves, it struck me that some of my drinking is like a form of self-harm.

I hate something about myself, or hate myself for something I've done, or something I've not acheived. All those "not good enough" feelings. Then because I hate myself, I choose my favourite way of hurting myself, by having a drink, getting pissed, potentially screwing up my life, probably damaging my health. And somehow I think I deserve all that crap (and the hangover that goes with it) because "I'm not good enough".

Well you know what? Bollocks to not being good enough. Bollocks to drinking. I AM good enough, and for today, I am not going to have a drink. So there.

But I am going to have a bag of mini-cheddars

well I've had two magnums now

Fighting talk! I too am about 1.5 stone over, and with all the packing have been looking through old photos of when I was 1.5 stonew lighter. I was weenie...still moaned daily about what a fat great hulking monster I was though! Amazed my dh has put up with me! Lost nothing through giving up booze either, but I'm eating eating eating so no big surprise really. Need to get some balance soon though, else I shall be ripping seams and zips!

And what are you having for the rest of your dinner Trinity? Now that you've eaten the pudding.

lol dont think I should have anything

I'm going to be very brave and tell you exactly what I have eaten today

the mushroom rissoto was very strong and made me feel sick so I didn;t finish it
then I had
a chicago town cheese pizza
then a double decker
a bag of walkers salt and vinegar crisps
a pot of pineapple chunks
and two magnums

and Im really hungry

A few weeks ago my dm asked if I'd put on weight. I said I didn't think so. And her reply.... "you're probably the same weight, you just seem to be getting shorter and fatter"

I was really upset, so I went home, cried, and had a bottle of wine. Don't suppose that helped.

thats awful venus

but you're right about the wine being a bad idea

I have scoured all the websites and spoken to headhunters. There aren't any other jobs here at the moment. What will I do. I am not able to cope with this.

OK so you need protein and veg.

Did you say you had salmon and broccoli? That won't take long to cook, and it would be good for you, and it would leave you feeling less hungry than eating chocolate or crisps.

I always find that soup is good for filling me up, although dp was very surprised one morning to find me eating soup for breakfast. he thought it was very weird. I liked it.

I do have salmon and brocolli
nice and fresh, I love them both

trinity what does ptf mean? [old fart emotion]

Christi, can you tell us about what kind of skills you're got and what kind of jobs you've done before, and what you liked about the one you've been interviewed for.

You can cope, it's probably one of the skills you've got. Being on here and chatting to us is a way of coping.

I dont know what ptf means but Pft is a noise

like Pfffffttttt, like a pissed off with yourself noise

I usually team it with twat

Pft, twat (meaning aren't I a twat)

that's the one . I'll get me coat...

lol

Christi, don't know what to say which usually leads me to say something stupid. Times are hard, we're self employed here, though I've just re-trained as a secondary teacher, and the lack of substantial work is really worrying. I keep on shutting that worry in to a box which I file with all the other stuff.... Surely something will turn up for you.

I'm cooking the salmon and brocolli
you are right about better to eat that now than wait till I'm starving and eat the other 4 magnums in the freezer

it was meant to say the other four magnums

Trinity, go, go with the salmon and brocoli.

You haven't eaten a proper meal all day, and what you did eat isn't horrendous. A bit too much salt and not enough veg (puts on a very motherly face). You need lots of nice B vitamins, so wholemeal bread, green veg, eggs, fish. And seaweed, but I don't expect you ahve much of that around the house!

lol no dont have any seaweed, is it nice?

I like cabbage, spinach and green veg

whats seaweed like

any other specifics that i should eat but aren't gonna make me fatter