Stressedmummy is back on line at last!!!

[stressedmummy]

Thank goodness!
We have had loads of problems connecting back up to the internet & H was having a few little tantrums about it this morning, but I am now back!
He was not as cross as he could have been regarding the wine, because I think I have got rid of most of the stain. I am now banned from drinking red wine in the lounge!

LOL! Ok I won't go for that one!
I have just been on the phone to my HV & explained the situation.
She said it was a shame, as it would have been a good one for me to go to, but she is prepared to come along to the session the following week with me, which is all about the effects on the children.
She is also leaving it open for me to get back to her, if I do come up with a solution of some kind.
Anyway, where are you off to next week, Blu?
Anywhere nice?

We're going to Sardinia. We found a little house quite cheaply on the net, and EasyJet flights - i'm looking forward to it. Lots of reading, resting, sleeping, doing the sandcastles in shifts (DS builds chocolate factories now, with sand, lego, anything).

Will keep my fingers crossed for you...

I'm too, Blu!

Sorry you have to miss the session next week stressedmummy. Wish there was something I could do to help, but am at work myself on Monday...

Oh, you lucky thing Blu! How long are you going for?
I have found someone to have ds2 on Monday morning now, but she is off out in the afternoon, so it looks like I will have to give freedom training a miss this week.
Am feeling quite low ATM, but I think it is because I am over tired, due to lack of sleep last night.
My tiredness wasn't helped by the fact that H had taken his car round his friends today, with the buggy in the boot.
This resulted in me having to walk the 15 minute walk to school with ds2 in my arms (couldn't get him on his mobile, as he had it switched off) & I had to collect a friends child from school today, as well as my own.
Luckily, one of the mothers at the school offered to drive us all back home, just as it started to pour down.
My arms are still aching now!

Hope you have a great holiday Blu & do lots of relaxing!
Bless your ds & his chocolate factories!

Why didn't you sleep last night?
Not surprised you are exhausted. And how frustrating about he buggy. Trust him to have his damn mobile switched off!

Bad luck about the cover for Monday. Never mind - no point giving yourself extra stress because you can't make it one week. Perhaps if there are any hand-outs, the leader will save them for you? You can pick it up again the next week.

Use you own judgement about the dentist stunt - I just thought I shouldn't be spreading my bad habits!!

I feel a bit embarrassed about the amount of hol I have had this year - we're going for a whole two weeks!

Oh no, no Blu for a whole 2 weeks!
Like you say, it is best to make the most of taking decent holidays before you have to try & fit them around the school holidays, when they bumf the prices right up! (This is why I haven't had a holiday for so long!)
Last holiday I had was to Florida, around 16 months ago & if I remember correctly, H was unbearable for the entire journey!
Anyway, make the most of being able to relax & try & get your dp to make most of the sand chocolate factories, while you soak up the sun!
I think I had trouble sleeping last night because my mind was too busy with all that I took in from my freedom training yesterday.
I told my HV that I thought some of the sessions would not be relevent to me (the sexual controller & physical violence type sessions) & she raised her eye brows & said "You would be suprised!"
She thinks that the way he acted when I dared to dance with his friend would fit under the sexual controller catagory.
Was very cross about him leaving me to walk all the way to school without a buggy today & by the time I got to school with aching arms, I felt like I could cry!
Blimin H!

Don't worry about spreading bad habits Blu, I have enough of those on my own!

Was it his fault the buggy was in the car - or just one of those irritating accidents? It does sound awful for you - it's a wonder your back isn't done in.

And why was his mobile switched off? Mine is mostly switched off or where I can't hear it because I'm hopeless about remembering to deal with it. But I do try to have it on in case there is a problem with ds or dp needs to contact me. Does he make it easy for you to contact him when you need to?

I guess most sessions will have something of relevance, if only hearing how other women have coped / not coped with the effects.

How has H been since your big talk the other night??

Hope you rest better tonight, but I'm not surprised things are keeping you awake. - I'm off for an early night, I think, DP out, no wine or beer, lots to do tomorrow...

Night!

H put the buggy in the car this morning, because we were going to drop it off with ds2, when my friend had him this morning. As it happened, she didn't need it.
He went off in the car to his friends house, complete with buggy & just didn't think!
He didn't even think "Oh it's 3pm & raining, so maybe I will get back & give her a lift!"
GRRRR, I think I am just a tad over tired!
He does take his mobile with him quite often, but it is often off, when I try & contact him!
I would say he has been better since the talk, although we are only talking 3 days!
Mind you, when my friend came to pick up her ds today, she said to me "I see he is in another mood" or words to that effect!
I haven't had a drink tonight either, in a vain attempt to sleep better!
I think I am going to go to bed in a minute too!
Night!

Harrumph - so he forgot - as we all do sometimes, fair enough, except that if you did that he would go ballistic.

And as you say, v inconsiderate not to come when it was raining.

The man would test the patience of a saint on proszac.

REALLY going to bed now. I'm worse than DS - who has taken to getting out of bed when I go downstairs and taking his Willy Wonka book on to the landing where the light is kept on so that he can look at it!!!! The child is possessed! He talks about WW in his sleep!

A scrumptiuos whipple fudgemallow delight goodnight to you all...

Didn't get to see your last message last night, as had already gone to bed, Blu!
you are right, my life wouldn't have been worth living if I had done the same to him!
I was walking up the hill, with ds2 in my arms, saying "Naughty Daddy."
When we got home, ds2 went up to H & said "Daddy's naughty!"
Feel a little better this morning, as I slept better last night!
LOL at a saint on proszac!
I know what these obsessions with kids are like, believe me!
Ever since ds1 had a helicopter ride, he cannot have a 5 minute conversation without helicopters or planes popping up & its rubbing off on ds2 too!
He came into the class that I work in yesterday, pointed at the plane on the transport display & shouted "Tigermoth!"
The teacher in the room looked in amazement, as if I had a genius child & I had to explain that he watches discovery wings with his brother!!!
As we speak, a toy helicopter is chugging away on my computer desk!
I am going off to my sisters in a bit (H is doing some work at their house) & will be back tomorrow pm.
Hope to catch you before you go on your hols, but if I don't. have a great time!

It was ds2 that came into class & pointed out tigermoth, BTW, not ds1!

LOL - bless him.

Hope the w/e has been ok, SM.
Signing out now, we are leaving at the crack of dawn and of course the packing is not done - nor ironing for stuff I want to take.

Fingers crossed for a stress-free couple of weeks,

XXXXX

The w/e has been ok, as H has been busy.
I think our visit has maybe put my sisters family planning thoughts back another couple of years!!!
Have a great holiday Blu! You will be missed!

Know that Blu is away and didn't want you to think there was no one to chat to. Hope you are ok.

Same here, stressedmummy. How are things?

Thanks Bugsy & dinosaur.
Things have been quite calm since our big talk (I often have a period of calm following a talk like this), but I know it is only a matter of time before things go back to how they were.
I guess I haven't done anything to make him cross recently either.
I went round a friends last night & she said that quite a few of my friends at ds's party were asking where H was & how strange it is that he is never part of his own childs parties.
I am noticing ds1 mixing more in the playground, which I was really pleased about.
I know it is only a small thing, but it is a huge thing for me!
Couldn't work anything out for this weeks freedom training, but am determined to make next weeks, as it is about the effects on the children.
I am going for a session with my counsellor tomorrow lunchtime though.

Glad you are noticing progress with your ds1. My ds is much calmer and more interactive with other children since ex-H moved out. My parents have noticed huge changes in him over the last 2 years.
I know it was a small comment, but you shouldn't be living day to day worrying about "making your H cross". I understand how you feel as I was conscious all the time of what would bring on ex-H's displeasure and try to avoid those situations. However, it is a no-win scenario because the more appeasing you become, the more they demand or lay down more rules.
Hope tomorrow's session will be useful.

I know Bugsy. I shouldn't have to worry about making him cross, but I still do.
It can be silly things, like panicing that I have ordered all the things I should when I do my on-line shopping!
I once ordered Tesco's own bread, because it was on offer & he was not pleased at all.
He said "I hope this was not your doing, because if it was I will be able to tell you know."
I am standing up to him more now though & even my friend last night said that she had noticed that!

I know that it is a collection of small things. In a way that makes it worse because it seems to difficult to put your finger on one particular issue & it oftens seems petty to make a big thing about it.
ex-H would have certain specific triggers (mess, noise, ds misbehaving etc etc) but there was a host of things that would just pop up and set him off randomly. According to the book I read (big hint) that is all part of the way they learn to control their partners.
Standing up to him is good for your self-esteem. Well done you.

I will look out for that book, Bugsy. I am a little scared of him finding it though.
Did you have it when you were still with your ex, or after?

Really pleased that your DS is coming out of his shell a bit at school, stressedmummy .

SM completely understand your concerns. Get the book delivered to your work place and read it at lunchtimes.
I was in complete denial while married to ex-H, was convinced that everything was my fault, that I was inadequate etc etc. It is only since we have been apart and I have been able to tell people the awful things he would do/say that I have realised that it was him all along.
I'm sorry to say that I only ordered the book very recently as I am still finding him very difficult to deal with in relation to the children.

sm, sorry I haven't posted for a while but have been mega busy with dd & haven't had time to breath let alone get on the internet! LOL!! I still try and check on you when I can.
Its nice to hear that you are feeling stronger and able to stand up to H more and more. You need to keep up the freedom training (when possible) as it sounds as though it's doing you good. Remember: What doesn't kill you makes you stronger..Well thats what I believe anyway . Thinking of you x