ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 6

[gettingeasier]

Cant survive 5 minutes without this thread

Ouch my head

Am I to assume that a large cupboard attacked you or that you drank a little too much?

morning beebs did you a great time then???? have you got any vitamin C in your cupboards I always take one when I have a hangover they always seem to help.

did your toe behalf itself?

the toe was fine i however did not behave myself. apparently being drunk gives me the ultimate dancing power. took two painkillers and went to bed so feel ok at the moment but am waiting for it to hit me.

ultimate dancing power - yes i know that feeling.

fry up for you then. (this will be me next wek me feels!)

Waves to all.......

I have been trying to keep up but hopelessly failing as I'm in open hotel foyer and trying to watch dc's at same time. I don't mean to pass over anyone so I really hope you are all doing ok.

Patience, I am so so sorry to hear your news. Had logged on y'day & knew all was not well but v hard to actually manage to read posts here. Anyway logged on again this am to check how things were going. My thoughts are with you & I have phone if you want to text. You will get through this but I do remember how painful it was when I took xh back & it didn't work out.

Waves to Mumfun, Happy, LC, Tea, Armbow, Getting, Pink & anyone I've forgotten. Hope all's going well for all.

Good to hear from you Starting. Look forward to hearing your exploits.

Sadly all is not well in this household. Big DC bust up and very much in a no win situation. Love my DC's hugely and can't believe that BE has done what he has done to create these circumstances. BE if you are listening out there somewhere you should really think hard about the consequences of your actions. You are truly unpleasant.

It felt good to say that. Sorry ladies but I'd rather say it here than speak to him.

Waves to all.

Thanks Startin much appreciated ,started to truly break my old life apart today ,people came to pick up what i had sold .Now i have to get on with things for myself I just think this time last week we were all sat fishing in the sunshine
I agree re consequences Happy ,i think X has the mentality of a 16yo ,really doesnt think ahead for dcs POV.
Hope everyone cool x

I just saw this thread Patience and thought your advice may really help her if you have a minute at some point: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1013440-Need-advice-now?msgid=20727446

Hope it was ok to link this thread for you to have a read and maybe respond.

No bother T but i think she is doin ok protecting herself and dcs.If my H left a couple of grande in the house i would be lying on a beach somewhere hot
Think everyones different and not my place to judge,I suppose i dont post the details about X cos thats his business and not my place to write about but basically in the last few months his drinking isnt a problem.After xmas it was but, i detatched myself from him and he would never have come to see me drunk .That was my best way of protecting dcs.I guess he just likes the single life now and found the less Stepford patience more difficult to manipulate.Basically he doesbt know what he wants ,give it a month he will be back round my door again.I posted something the other nite about this being the worst kind of break up and i am sorry if i sounded like i was invalidating anybody elses experience and pain ,thats not what i meant i think its just the more i push him away the more he does develop emotionally[i know this is hard to believe but trust me on this one]We both have done lots of growing in the last months but you hit a blip and the old patterns of just sloping off reappear just when i was defrosting a bit,I just wish he knew what he wanted ,because he had changed i genuinely thought it was worth a shot and we did ok in the house ,no shouting etc genuine considerate behaviour except telly but hey most folk watch telly thats not abuseSo im certainly no expert on alcoholics ,husband doesnt drink all day everyday or drink to extreme anymore but yes there was a stage in his life that he did.But he is selfish ,emotionally immature and doesnt consider long term consequences of anything......

good evening ladies

hope you head is better now beebs

patience. you sound like you know your h so very well - probably better than he knows himself right now.

sorry you are not having a good time at the moment happy

Afternoon all. Glad you had a good night beebers. Hope today is a better one for you Happy. Good luck for the house tomorrow, Patience.

Had a lovely day yesterday celebrating ds 21st birthday. He's had a really good weekend with his mates and the fun will continue as it looks like he's bringing his girlfriend back to stay for a few days. She lives in Brighton and we're in Brum so it's a bit of a long distance relationship.

XP is going to stay (as a guest) for 3 nights and we are going to try and resolve a few things. I don't know which way it will go. I have made a list of things that are necessary for me to even consider a reconcilliation. Top of the list is for him to cease contact with OW - he says she is ex-OW simply because there is no physical intimacy now. He just doesn't understand the emotional affair bit which I believe is still going on albeit to a lesser degree as they have now been rumbled. They are still confiding in each other about their respective relationships. I am also going to ask him to come to Relate as a couple to work out what we both want and it may well be that it is better to split now. I am expecting resistance to both suggestions which does not bode well.

Quite a productive day .Had another wagon wheel fuelled meeting re business with my "dream team"More tasks to complete b4 next meet up .
Handed in notice for dd to leave nursery ....Aaargh !Really didnt want to do this but needs must.
Going to see house tomorrow positive vibes for 5pm !
Found something else to sell ,advertised it online at 11am got a phonecall at half 12pm so fingers crossed.
Waves to everyone hope things ticking along nicely ,i agree LC I would need for total no contact with OW.

Hello everyone

Well we made it safely down to Bude with me at the helm our first holiday /break without exh.
It was such a nice journey we could listen to our music, stop when we wanted and best of all no running commentary on every other motorist and their driving misdemeanours ! Even the dc said how quick journey was.

Lovely spot , great home cooked food best of all dc love it. Although we are only single family and rowing that f*king canoe earlier was the first time I have missed a pair of male arms since xh left !

Anyway week bodes well and when I get home I am determined to be back to serenity and calm acceptance of everything as I was for those early months.

Will have to get off as ds is looming over me wanting to MSN his mates

Hope all dumplings are well especially Patience

hello all

having a very busy few days sorting out all things practical EVERYTHING seems to be happening at once.

how did it go patience?
glad you are having a good time so far getting
pleased to hear ds' party went well LC, thinking of you over the next few days.

hello tea, beebs, tea, happy, mumfun and all others.

I am doing well

will report back when i have more time but all is well on rocking on nicely

Glad to hear it AB doin house tomorrow at 5pm planning to keep chin up and tits out throughout viewing !Will tell them that JK Rowling was single mum when she wrote Harry P and I view similar success in future years for patience posse just need a bit of positive backing ie roof over my head to get me started.
Getting you are amazing ,hope the sun shines for you and dcs x

Hi all - things have settled down again a bit today. Sometimes its good to work!

LC hope it is ok having XP there - make him work hard.

AB, you seem to be making great progress.

Patience, lots of luck with house and easy on those wagon wheels.

Getting, what an incredible Dumplings you are - enjoy the rapids.

Waves to all - I hope your weeks have started well.

Waves to all...

Have tried to quickly get up to speed & so sorry so many of you are going through such a difficult time atm. Remember this too shall pass & there will be brighter days ahead. Wishing everyone well & hope things start to ease up for everyone soon.

Sorry have no entertaining sex stories to cheer everyone up with.......

The most exciting thing I've done is read my book {grin]

Waves to Startin'

Waves to Starting - better be a bl good book then. Get on that sun bed girl x

Hey, starting, reading books are what holidays are for in my opinion. Hope you're managing to relax. It's good to be able to feel a real distance from all the crap back in blighty. Enjoy!

Armbow, I can't believe how far you've come. You sound so strong now. I'm feeling quite envious, well very envious actually. Having XP here is making me question what I really want and my reasons for considering a reconciliation. If we didn't have a ds together I don't think I'd be wasting my time on him. I'm feeling quite sad about this. I like being in love and now I don't know if I am any more. I need more time but I don't have it. XP still hasn't told anyone what has happened so he can't go to his parents and he can't afford to keep staying in hotels. If he gets a flat he will be living the single life and I will be a single parent which will make me resent him even more. I feel like I'm in a lose/lose situation. I can't see a happy way out of this mess.

I was an incurable romantic, my H cured me of that!

When I began the divorce I was very sure I'd done my best to try and work things out and that it wasn't salvageable and that the DCs and I would be happier without him. Everyone gets to that point in their own time, it can't be rushed. It would be good if you could work things out on the other hand, I can actually say I am happier without H, which isn't something I thought would be possible originally. It's not as bad in any shape or fashion as I thought it would be but my H doesn't love me anymore and is still in a relationship with the OW. However he isn't horrid to me in anyway shape or form since the separation. So it's easy for me to say this.

Take your time LC and do what you feel is right for you. I found my head was clearer when H wasn't spending lots of time with me. I also found it easier to try not to think of us as a couple any longer as he wasn't my husband really and had broken all his wedding vows and that therefore I shouldn't have to worry about him but to think of him separately to me and DCs. That also became easier once I had my own bank account and the child benefit and tax credits were transferred into it and I'd been to speak to the lone parent dept at the job centre etc. All of sudden I realised I would be ok without him and I am. He's in a total mess financially, still unemployed on a train to nowhere. I'm getting by financially and am beginning an open university course in September. Bye bye old life, hello new world

It's a horrid time LC when it's almost like you're standing at a cross roads. Keep talking, which ever way you choose to go, we're all here to support you. I know that sounds terribly cheesey but it is true. I gave H one more try before I called it quits at one point.

LC I was interested to see your update about the OW's marriage ending and the emotional relationship continuing with your DP.

Has he now admitted physical infidelity? Or that the relationship was very much ongoing when you found out? If OW's marriage has now broken up, it seems likely that this is what her H must think, or she has ended her marriage because she now thinks your DP is free.

What I would reiterate to you again is that trying to reconcile when you still haven't had the truth is a bad idea.

And if you mean what you say, that if it wasn't for your DS, you wouldn't want to reconcile, do listen to yourself. Don't ever take him back because of your DS alone. Recovering from infidelity is hard enough if you know you want someone for the right reasons i.e. as a romantic partner, not for their other roles in life.

If you love your DP and would want him whether you had DCs with him or not, that's a good starting place, but only if he's being totally honest with you now and is willing to put in the hard work reforming his character.

The impression I get from your posts is that your DP is sorry that the shit has hit the fan and he is staying in a hotel, not that he is horrified at the hurt caused by his actions.

He also doesn't seem to realise that there must be an impenetrable wall between him and the OW and still seems to be putting her feelings before yours. If you've read "the book" you will have realised that she still has a window into your relationship and that cannot go on.

It seems like a lose-lose situation now, but really it is not. You hold all the cards now. You are financially stable, have a clean bill of health (Thank God), know now what has been happening to you in the past 2 years, have 3 DCs who adore you.

If you want to try with him again, be sure you're doing it for the right reasons and aim high in your list of conditions.

The worst bit of your life is actually over LC. That was when you were being deceived and didn't know what was happening to you and why you felt so awful. The power is all yours now, so don't squander it, will you? And hopefully you trust me enough now to know that this caution is well-meant .

Hi all. Tea, I could have written your post (or most of it)

i think i have a date!