ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 6

[gettingeasier]

Cant survive 5 minutes without this thread

Ooo exciting, tell me more B?

i met him on saturday. he is nice, i think (but there may have been beer goggles involved - on my side of course) he text me on Sunday morning to ask me out. I said yes, I could not do this week but could do next week.

Right here is the thing. Do I reconfirm the date on Tuesday morning. Thus giving him opportunity to back out and giving me opportunity not to get stood up whilst dressed up to nines and legs shaven.

I usually text people on the day to say is "blah" still on for tonight? But that's friends, I haven't dated anyone for a loooooonnnnnnnnngggggggg time

I'd go on the date just for a laugh though, if it does pan out

ok so its not too desperate to double check its still on. I just can't bear the thought of being stood up in front of a sixteen year old babysitter.

WWIFN - I'm so glad you popped back. I really do value your wisdom. I don't know if I'm being told the truth. XP still maintains that there was a period of 3 months when the relationship progressed to kissing and cuddling but no further than that. He remains adamant that they are now "just friends" . He definitely needs to read The Book. Any progress has been very slow. The first condition of him moving back here will be ceasing all contact with OW and showing me his company phone bills every month. The fact that I am expecting resistance to this demand illustrates my scepticism about his honesty.

OW left her H for 1 day! Then went back after he begged and begged her. XP has consistently maintained that he wants to be with me so she may have been testing XP. I don't know.

How on earth do I know if I'm being told the truth? Maybe they never did have sex. Maybe XP genuinely believes their relationship is "just friends". I have told XP that I would welcome the revelation that they did have sex as it is less hurtful than the emotional affair but he still denies it.

Hello

dcs just gone crab fishing and so I have unfettered use of laptop.

LC I read your post with interest , I recall at one stage I was going to be given a second chance and far from making my heart sing it felt weird. Wwifn , who never appears to lapse into casual conversation ,(no offence just of your articulacy)has a point which you said yourself LC that xp is missing his home comforts etc. Also how can you deal with this work triangle thing ? It all sounds very tangled up . The thing is wwifn how would you ever gauge the real truth about what has happened short of cctv I suppose you are just going to have to decide whether to take a chance on xp or not LC.

Armbow. What can I say when you first posted you were so sad and I can barely think of a post after the first few where you arent going forward forward forward absolutely brilliant !

Glad you are having good holiday Starting !

Great BB about date . Actually I failed to mention I am meeting that guy I met at that singles party ages ago. I reflected that chances of meeting someone my junior , quite good looking with a job and unconcerned by my clear prioritising of dc and being emotionally slightly off kilter who also called me sexy and gorgeous was not to be sniffed at

Well lets see if it happens meant to be meeting on the 11th but will believe it when I see it . I have a bf who is single and whose life is a constant flow of meeting people, blind dates, crazy texts but it all seems like a pointless treadmill which never leads to something sustainable or happy.

What will you wear bb ? By the way you too seem to be very upbeat now go girl go !

So today I took part in everything and can barely walk (for all the wrong reasons)but am remembering what its like to be alive again ! Loving watching the dc having so much fun in the way they do when they are smaller especially ds nearly 14 who thinks hes grown out of everything .

One bad thing. I had relied on the food being barely edible (fixed group meals)and therefore a needed opportunity to shed a couple of pounds instead its the opposite

Waves to all hope everyone is doing ok

cross posted LC

was going to wear this... hopefully it says i am slutty but not too slutty.

www.asos.com//Asos/Asos-Frill-Front-Self-Stripe-Dress/Prod/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=1158714

obv am going to wear knickers. someone told me the best way to get over a man is to get underneath another one. i have decided that is to be my mantra

Wow! Great dress Beebers. Think knickers a good idea for first date .

Am looking forward to date reports girls. Wondering whether Starting has also action to report.

LC, think this is a difficult situation with XP and concerned you could get even more hurt in the middle of all this. It just feels to me as if a) it would be good to keep your distance right now b) you can't be getting the full story c) your H has not yet taken the steps to demonstrate that things will be different going forward. Take good care of yourself.

Waves to all.

Great to here everyone is doing well!!
Always follow your gut instinct LC !
Re house,it all went really well,didnt actually have to bother re benefits cos house was not the right one for us.Was really contented thru whole visit in an independent type of empowered way,didnt get a good feel from it at all ,bit dark and gloomy so dont feel i have missed out.Has to be right for everyone including wee dog so will take my time and keep looking.Thanks to everyone re sending good vibes i truly belive it made a difference...felt no pressure to take the cottage ,very enclosed in woodland,felt a bit claustraphobic .

Discussed nursery move with dd [nearly 4yo]and her prime concern is the quality of the book corner LOL!so i think she will be fine x

Natural Mystic BMW

That's good Patience, glad you had peace about house and not taking it. How lovely is your DD? That is so sweet.

Love the dress Beebers.

Armbow it's just a level 1 in Childhood Studies, I cannot do above that until I am working with children it said Next Sept 2011 DS will be in Pre School DD in Reception and I shall hopefully be one course under my belt and ready for the next OU course and a job too.

Also loving your new attitude Armbow. Pass some my way It is liberating when we start seeing them for who they really are and seeing past everything else. In retrospect everything is clearer.

Getting sounds like you're having a great time

As others have said LC, trust your gut instinct, mine was spot on with my H, especially with the "book" reading too.

Talkin Blues A bit more Bob

Country Girl Primal Scream think this might be my new anthem LOL!What can a poor boy do,better go back to your Mama she'll take care of you !LOL!!!

Thanks Tea DD is a character right enough

Thanks for getting back LC. Did you ever ask for his phone bills for the 2 years preceding discovery? Sorry you see, this still doesn't add up. His behaviour on the run-up to discovery was not consistent with a man who had stopped an emotional affair a year previously - and her leaving her H (even for 1 day) is not consistent with this story either. Nor is her H confronting your DP at Christmas, when if their story was true, this "affair" was over by then.

Are you going to ask him to leave his job then, since he and OW work together? I think that if they continue to do so - and he hasn't severed the friendship now, when so much is stake, it is unlikely that he will stop talking to her - and that he will lie about it to you. Sorry .

Also LC, in answer to your question "How on earth do I know if I'm being told the truth?" you won't know, because you know he has lied to you for a very long time. And the trouble is, however much you might want to believe his story, unless you get incontrovertible evidence one way or another, you will, I suspect always have that inner voice telling you that you have been deceived yet again.

morning everyone -hello whenwilli !

I have woken up this morning determined to start eating properly again - it is getting silly now I just can't seem to get back on track (yesterday for instance I had no brekkie, for lunch I had half a chicken sandwich and for dinner I had a plate of oven chips) It is not going to be long before I get ill eating like this. So today my practical step is to get a grip and get some menus organised.

can I ask you guys what you all think about his babysitter comment is this typical twuntish behaviour (see last night's post at 21:31:50). It has really got to me.

house went on the market yesterday.

My H did the same Armbow for a while. I remained firm and consistent on contact times and ignored his other nonsense.

As for the babysitting comment, it shows his true colours and how truly selfish he is. It probably would be good if you could find other people to babysit, as well as him. So you're not reliant on him everytime. Maybe I'm wrong here but as part of your new life it is good to not have to "depend" on them all the time and I found it freeing. But not everyone is lucky enough to have good friends who are able to babysit. It is tempting to shout at your H about the babysitting comment If it was me I'd try to retain dignity and rise above it though. He sounds like a wally of the highest order and you're well shot of him. I'm not surprised it has got you and made you think about it a lot though as it's pretty outrageous remark, when they're HIS children as well but it seems fairly typical behavour for a ex H Rise above rise above....

LC - there's a lot of your back story I do not know but whenwillifeelnormal does. What she says makes A LOT of sense here.

I am also of WWIFN articulacy Getting

tbh i was so shocked that all i said at the time was
"you do realise they are your children too?"

Tea - you are right about not relying on him, the irony is that i have a few people who i can ask but i asked him first because he keeps going on about how little he sees the kids so i thought he would have jumped at the chance.
this i might add is all his doing - i never stopped him from seeing them at all - whenever he asks to come round i always make sure we are in.
i just find it all very very confusing - i wonder if he was like this all the time and it took 13 years for his mask to slip??

i just can't understand why he never rings them up just for a chat in the week- as you can see this is all really getting under my skin. i feel as though he is slowly detaching himself from them.

i just need to look at his actions - all his tears etc about leaving them mean nothing if they are not backed up by similar actions. I think I need to put this on my fridge.

i am so disappointed in him

Oh dear. XP says he does not understand why he should have to give up his "friendship" and implied that I was being unreasonable. He even seemed angry that I should dare suggest such a thing and that I should trust him simply because he is telling the truth and I must take his word for that. He tried to bait me into an argument by being unreasonably critical of me. But I calmly told him that I wasn't angry, that I still loved him but I was no longer prepared to accept second best as I deserved more. He just doesn't get it. I'm not even sure he is lying to me as much as he is lying to himself. I think he actually truly believes his own lies now and his outrage is genuine.

I keep telling him that I'm not prepared to go backwards. If we stay together I want a different, better relationship. I don't think he understands what I mean by that. I told him that the old relationship was over and it would never, ever come back and he was silent. I believe that is enough evidence that he thinks he has just served his time of a month away and thinks he can pick up where he left off as I should forgive him. He hasn't learned a thing from this.

There is so much work to do and I cannot do it on my own so that's it. I have to accept that it's all over and whilst I believe that he does love me in a way he simply doesn't love me enough.

Oh and he refused to supply the phone bills, either past or current. I'm trying hard not to be angry with him but I feel that the last 14 years have been a total waste. And it's raining here too.

Hope everyone else is having a better day.

Do these men all read the same manual? Grrrr

I've just done a huge post on another mumsnetters thread as their H also refuses to be open and transparent. I'm so sorry LC