ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 6

[gettingeasier]

Cant survive 5 minutes without this thread

independence is a good thing....sending you strength.

Well thats what I think AB the stronger I am the better ...forgiveness makes you strong not weak but sometimes its hard to keep the lid on the jar and the jar on the shelf IYSWIM.
This can work out but i cant blame H for things that have hurt me ,I have to let it go and H has to lose the negativity/guilt and improve his self esteem to make this work,he knows how much this has hurt me.
This is all about moving forwards and wiping the slate clean but i guess with the stress of everything else its understandable this would happen,it just depends on the bigger picture and if he is just away contemplating or if he truly wants out .

mumfun sorry that the visit ended badly - at the end of the day if you felt things had to be said then it is best to get them off your chest.

waves at getting happy and tea

by the way i heard this on the radio today and thought of us.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kx2Y_a_yGyY

Hello armbow . I read your messages and saw red. You are so right, how dare he! He has just received the most vitriolic and nasty text messages that I have ever sent to anyone or even thought of sending to anyone. So nasty that I doubt that I will ever hear from him again.

I apologised for calling him a bad father when I should have said he was a SHIT father. I told him he had blown any chance he had ever had with me and that he wasn't to contact us ever again. He would hear from ds when ds asks for him and not until. I told him that there was a rumour going around that OW is a transexual - she does actually look like a drag queen and cannot have children naturally - she has an adopted dd - (no hurt intended to anyone who cannot conceive naturally or anyone who is a transexual btw) and I told him that I was going to send a copy of the sloppy letter OW had sent him to everyone they both knew so they could all see what homewreckers they actually are. My last text was to ask if he wanted me to pass any message on to his parents as I would be taking the letter round to show them tomorrow.

You will be pleased and relieved to hear that I have switched my phone off now .

Total meltdown in the critter household tonight, I tell you!

So what do you think of his chances of moving back in on monday are now?

I feel great!

And that was my plan for humiliation - photocopy The Letter and send it to everyone that knows them. But I thought I would make it a little more interesting by adding a photo of them together and a descripton of the families that they have wrecked. Plus a description of their work situation, how we all spent holidays together, saw the New Year in together etc. Cheating bastards. A nice little montage on an A4 sheet for friends, family and colleagues. What do you think?

How much chocolate have you had 2nite LC
My advice is DONT send it but nothing wrong with letting him think you are goin to.......
Dignity is power...
{But i still lapse re texts}
Good you switched your phone off x

Bloody hell lc ......

I am in a slight panic here that I have sent you down a wrong path with my post [shock ]... don't do anything you will regret by sending out photocopies.... agree with patience that there is nothing wrong with letting him sweat but probably best not to follow through.

LC. Can't believe he seems in such denial. Agree with Patience on the letter - I would find a way to make him tell people himself, after all what right does he have to expect you to carry his secret. He chose to do what he did and should be a big enough boy to tell people IMO.

haha - no chocolate at all, I actually prefer the expensive stuff and Cadbury chocolate does nothing for me (all the more for you lot at the meet up!) But I have drunk nearly a bottle of wine to myself. However, that was just to calm myself down as I was 100% het up when still sober. I hope I don't regret this in the morning.

One thing that really grates is that OW sent me a box of Thorntons(!) chocolates for my birthday with a personalised cover on the box using a photo of me, XP and ds together. How could she???? What a cow. Anyway, I just got round to eating them a few days ago so that was another message - tell the trollope that the chocs were delicious .

Well, I could have some fun just designing a little montage. Big ds did graphics at uni and has all the applemac stuff going. It would while away a couple of hours. Then I could just show it to XP to see what he thinks. Oh, but I can't because I've told him never to darken my doorstep again. Rats!

armbow - you mustn't feel in any way responsible. This has been building up in me for 4 weeks, probably longer. My birthday was 2 months ago. Why didn't I eat her chocolates back then? Because subconciously I have known something has been going on for months. I would have choked on them. But now I know the truth (well, a little bit of it) I can honestly say those chocolates were truly delicious.

I wonder what XP is thinking right now. He thought he was coming home on Monday. Better get back on Laterooms.com, XP.

I have had such an irrational 2days after a calm fortnight i can totally empathise with you LC ,if i hear that voicemail birds voice one more time on Hs phone i swear my brain will explode out my ears.Had to delete Hs number off my phone .
It was all going so well ..............
I def have calmed down but it remains to be seen whether we can get thru this one,thing is by the time i hear the voicemail bird it winds me up and i just leave a cross message even when i didnt mean too,oh bloody hell,long story dont want to post it but basically on top of everything else something minor that should have been easily sorted, triggered something major[due to stressed out anyway situation] ,mountains and molehills ......

Patience, I'm looking to you for my inspiration because I feel you're treading the path that I could take. Your H sounds like my XP - charming, good looking, funny and totally irresponsible. I absolutely 100% know that I would be better off without him so why does he still get me wound up like this?

Oh lord LC i dont know,i guess myself it has taken 7mths to see any change in H .This is either a set back with us or the end .
I just think i will always be true to myself now lc i will always put myself first.he finds this "new" and he is slightly uncomfortable.he will have to adapt .this stage i am going thru is painful cos i have to let go of all the bits i planned for my familly and make new choices but i have to trust my own decisions and not listen to others .its easy when you are emotional to let others tell you what to do but i think instinctively i will do the right thing x
i guess when they say they want it to work we try our best .its working out if they love us re actions speaking louder than words or if they are manipulating us ,good luck and drink some water b4 you go to bed.
Top Tip only make revenge decisions when sober but the best revenge is living well and getting on with your life.

Oh and lots of patience LC but not letting him be in control,he hasnt come home tonite but i havent shed a tear ,i probably thought this would have happened sooner TBH thats why i try and have a nothing to lose attitude but im cross at him for doin it to dcs.This has to be a one off he must realise what he is doing and step up to the plate,in the end lc you do whats right for your own self esteem and your dcs stability that is my plan and i feel i am at a crossroads and this could go either way.He isnt a god and if he doesnt make you happy you will distance yourself naturally ,it will just take a bit of time to work out which way its goin by watching his behaviour .His ego will take a bit of a bashing.

LC - the OW also bought me and the DCs gifts whilst having the affair, before I knew It is galling isn't it?

I am glad you did get a little angry about your H. I do agree with Armbow's post at 30-Jul-10 21:56 but I wouldn't send the letter to everyone who knows them both as others have said. Tempting though isn't?

Shirley Glass's book recommends if you are trying to save the marriage after an affair to tell as few a people as possible. I can see why. However if you're sure you do not want him back, tell your good friends and ensure he understands your wish for him to start being straight with people as well. These are big decisions though, to tell people. How are you feeling this morning about it all? Any replies from your texts, or is your phone still off?

My H was mortified when I finally started telling people the truth, 5 months down the line from separation. However I decided it was time to be honest with people who knew me, as I knew he wasn't coming back and why should I continue to protect his reputation, I thought. I was careful what I said, I didn't bring out all the dirty laundry - so to speak. But as I've said before you can't really dress up the fact they've had an affair really. I kept it short and factual and felt relieved to be being honest at last. But it was 5 months down the road from separation, when I was utterly utterly sure it was over. Prior to that only a few good friends knew, who I could trust.

My H was horrendous with money too LC. He's up to his eye balls in debt. I'm actually relieved to no longer share bank accounts and that the divorce is going through at high speed now. I no longer feel sick when I check our bank account online. I know I'm ok and exactly what's there now

Hope you're ok today LC.

tea i know what you mean about money h is useless with it - it is a relief to be able to check the online account and not have your eyes half shut for fear of what cash he has wasted. i may not much money at the moment but i know what i have down to the last pound and it is very freeing to be in control.

LC - how are you today ?
Patience - thinking of you too

Waves at everyone else

Today is is raining (boooooo!) H had just picked up the kids and has taken them out for the day so I have the house to myself (yayyyyy!). I am that tired that I think I shall have a long indulgent nap.

Now that my plan for my house and everything is sorted. I am working on hatching a plan to keep financially stable in the future. I will also be contemplating this today as well.

Good morning all. Writing this from the critter nest. XP had already agreed to take ds to his guitar lesson this morning so I had a text from him asking if he was still required. As I'm feeling a bit delicate this morning, I agreed but I shall keep out of the way. Ds is all ready and I have gone back to bed with a cup of coffee.

No regrets about last night but I won't send people copies of the letter (not yet anyway...) and I won't go round to his parents as they are elderly and it's not my place to tell them.

I was still angry and upset when I got into bed last night and ds was sharing with me as a treat - he likes to watch a dvd on our big tv as he doesn't have a tv in his room as that is strictly a 10th birthday present in our house. I told ds that Dad couldn't live here right now because he had done something which had hurt me and made me angry but that we still loved each other and him very much. He just said I really don't want to know what Dad has done to you and I reassured him that it wasn't anything physical, just something to make me very sad. He seems ok this morning.

Patience - has your H turned up yet?

Tea - the presents from OW really really get to me. And the fact that we all went on holiday together this time last year. And the fact that XP and OW used to take the dc's out together without me or her H. I am a nurse so work shifts and he was in the nightclub trade so they had lots of opportunities. I will never forgive XP for involving the children. OW asked me to go on a girls holiday with her, invited me to Ladies Day at Ascot, gave my daughter loads of furniture for her new flat and big ds used to give XP and OW lifts out to work functions and nights out etc. I feel like she tried to steal my whole family and tricked me into colluding with her by pretending to be my friend. How can a woman do this to another woman? I sort of expect shitty behaviour from men (sexist, I know) but all that from another woman? I couldn't live with myself. And she still hasn't said sorry to me.

I really relate to that as the OW was a good friend of ours as a family, would come and stay, hold my kids, read them stories, bath them, buy them gifts and came to their christening, all whilst screwing my H. It is awful and my anger for her is still full on, even this far down the road. I talk about it at counseling a lot, as I'm far more cross with her. Not necessarily logical though, as it takes 2 to have an affair.

I can't believe the stuff your "OW" did , buy them g

I totally understand, tea. Why don't these women just distance themselves in these situations when the affair is actually going on? She can have my XP if she wants but my kids? No way!!!! I do feel very angry with her but when I stop and think rationally about it I can also feel sorry for her. She has absolutely nothing I want and we are very different. She wears full and I mean FULL make up every day, has botox, lip fillers etc, about to have liposuction even though she is not overweight, has various tattoos, shaves all her pubic hair - sorry if tmi, but she told me that herself - and dresses like a 20 year old (she's nearly 50). Oh, and she suffers from bulimia to the point where she has been hospitalised. It's so obvious that her self esteem is zero. In fact, I'm cross that XP could have used someone so needy and vulnerable to have a sordid little affair with .

Morning everyone.

I hadnt really appreciated how involved the ow was in your lives LC and Tea , how hideous and it must add to the detailed pictures you create in your minds about what they are up to because you know so much about them. I agree that I would blame ow more . Patience is right that the best form of revenge is to live your life well and remain dignified but it must be very tempting to go round and beat the living s**t out of them .

Exh gets back today and I am desperately trying to get to a place where I can be civil to him again as I was until 3 weeks or so ago. I shall call to mind Starting and how she remains even handed and pleasant with her totally bonkers exh. There may not need to be contact today he is picking up dcs at 4pm for a few hours. Quite often I can get away with having them ready at the door so they go when his car pulls up and they let themselves back in with keys. Hopefully he wont want to speak to me about anything and then we are off tomorrow for a week which buys me 7 days to rediscover serenity in dealing with him

I am feeling a bit anxious about the holiday , its the first thing I have done where I have total responsibility for everything ie packing car , getting us there etc. But I know if I pull it all off, and after all its a trip to Cornwall not Africa, I will be very pleased with myself

Its a real wake up call for me how much I relied on exh for practical stuff and how lazy I was about certain things

Still with dumpling power I can rise to the challenges of fixing broken doorbell, understanding finances and packing up a car!!

Hope everyone is ok

Getting - quite normal to feel apprehensive and there might be hiccps in the week but you will have a great time and come back with such a sense of achievment on so many different levels.

Can I just add a disclaimer about something I said in a previous post? I don't mind tattoos so if any of you dumplings have tattoos I won't be looking down my nose at you . My daughter has a tattoo on the back of her neck and it looks lovely and big ds has most of his upper arm tattooed and it I love it. It's just not for ME. Nor is plastic surgery but I don't judge other people for it. I just wanted to illustrate how different OW is from me and how she is really a very vulnerable person. I don't get the shaving of ALL pubic hair though. That, to me, is definitely a bit suspect.

I'm rambling now. Time to get out of bed I think .