ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 6

[gettingeasier]

Cant survive 5 minutes without this thread

Sov, hope you've managed to calm down. It's really heartbreaking when men are able to just detach from their dc's & parental responsibilities like that . It's good that you got off phone anyway & that you're sticking to your boundaries.

Patience, glad tai chi is bringing serenity .

Teflon, what a fab idea about the coffee jars. Must start stocking up on them too, they would indeed make fab containers for candles.

LC, hope all goes well for you on holls. I can understand what you mean about it being hard to take things slowly.

Waves to Tea, Kitty, Pink, Happy, Chairmum, Mumfun & anyone else I'm forgetting...........

Oops waves to Getting too..........

Hugs to everyone .. more number crunching tonite so very tired but i have bright pink calculator for the job,my X seems to have cut himself off from me completely,i think then he can blame me for cutting him off and be a victim,when all it means is i dont phone or text him anymore to find out whats going on,i just see it as up to him to get in touch if he wants to know whats going on with us,he speaks to dcs everynite.All i know is it is much more peaceful this way and he cant manipulate my good nature anymore.Think i am accepting my situation more but still finding it hard to let go ,i'm just a hopeless case ,guess i wont let go properly til i am with someone else,my head knows its over but my heart still loves the guy i married ,but my head knows i married this new bloke anyway if that makes sense ie he always had this side to him ,but i was too blind to see it .

Patience, you can't just switch off suddenly. I'm a little envious of you for being so strong. There's a nagging voice behind me wishing I could break free now but I haven't got to that point and maybe never will. I still love XP like you still love your H. It's crap, isn't it?

Thanks LC ,i think he will always be this immature selfish bloke and its coming up for nearly a year in the autumn ,since this all kicked off ,although moved out completely boxing day wasnt really here nov and dec,so if he was going to change he would have ,its just that love feeling in my gut ,i truly never thought he would give up on me and the dcs.I know the truth ,I know what to do and everyday i just look after me and dcs.I know he isnt going to do anything positive for me ,just having a weepy day today,not sad just grieving if that makes sense,but lots to do to take my mind off things,not feeling vulnerable just letting out emotion so i can move on .

Hi girls.

Patience, sorry you're feeling sad. It will pass I know. Get some fresh air this am if you're still feeling weepy.

AB, I have holiday - please do not say summer is over. I am ignoring forecast and know that the sun will stay out for me and LC.

LC fingers crossed that all goes well.

Sov, well done for not falling out with XH on phone.

Ladies, I know I need to be making candles but serenity a bit low right now. Am feeling good about hol, scared about doing solo but equally know I will feel good if I can pull it off, worried about leaving one dc, etc. Starting, as you once said I think if I get stuff for candles then it may gather dust. There's other stuff I can't post really. As some of you know, BE and Bumpkin met on a forum so always feel they could be roaming these parts.
Waves to all x

morning !!!

sun's back today happy so fingers crossed for your hols - sending you some serenity.

I sometimes forgot I am on here and think I am just chatting to mates and only you guys can see what I am writing. I frequently have to check myself and delete stuff that could be too revealing !!! I forget that he whole world could read this is they wanted to and it isn't just us.

hope you are feeling ok today patience it is just best to let stuff like this all out and not bottle stuff up.

hi to everyone else.

Waves to all.......

Happy, have you any calming/uplifting oils? You can also inhale these & they will give you comfort & have calming effect. Sprinkle a few drops in car also. And as a last resort you can put a few drops on a tissue & keep it up your sleeve or close to your skin. Hope you have a fab time. Lastly, lets make a pact that we will indeed make our candles, we'll motivate each other .

Teflon, sun's most defo not here today . I used to have paranoia too about what I posted & then a strange thing happened, when I'd been kicked in the bo*ocks once too often by xh I suddenly ceased to give a flying f*k! It's been quite liberating .

Patience, hope you're having a better day today (())

Having a nice morning ,calm and peaceful,just think i am starting to grieve now and always been in denial my marriage was over b4 ,i guess i always had hope,not the same wailing as b4 just the odd tear rolling down my face IYSWIM .having lots of positive times too ,just realising this is it now ........

i think i am going through a similar stage Patience - everything seems a bit flat almost like all the dust is beginning to settle and a feeling of is this it?

the drama is subsiding and friends/family are going back to their normal lives and i am having a huge sense of feeling that it is just me and the kids now [gulp]

the only experience i can liken it to is the excitement wearing off once you have a new baby . Like i have an 8 week old and all the visitors/flowers and presents have stopped arriving and the house is quiet and I am getting used to my new life and routine on my own..... does any of that make sense to you? it does to me

it makes me sad ...not because i want him back but because of how the way things are now. any tears i cry now are quiet ones triggered by memories of how things used to be ... the adrenalin is leaving and all that is left is a a broken heart, a single mum and 2 wonderful children.

this is ground zero and we need to build back up.

Patience, glad you're having a peaceful morn. . The grieving process comes in stages I think & takes time (())

Teflon, x post. I went through that aswell & you describe it v well. I do really feel it's just me & dc's now. But the awful sadness does pass (())

Hello Everyone

I have been in Devon and now with my dumpling cousin near Bath so its harder to get on MN.

How is everyone ? Just read what you were saying Telflon about how the novelty has worn off as it were . Yes I felt and often still do feel like that. Its like ok can we go back to normal now but of course we cant. I am not looking forward to the housesale which will be upon me soon and I think you sound really strong about everything Teflon.

LC that sounds like a plan ,wishing you all the luck in the world working things out with XP . If you still love someone then you shouldnt give up until you absolutly have done everything possible. I suppose in some ways my exh leaving and closing the door on our marriage fairly rapidly did me a afvour because if he had kept coming back or wanting me back no doubt I would have been willing.

Happy have a lovely holiday , yes you will be delighted when you look back and know you did it solo !

Patience it sounds like you have had a few wobbles in as much as remembering nice stuff about your exh. I am a bit behind but you have business premises sorted so its the house you need now ? Funnily enough all my troubles began 10 October last year and my exh left on Boxing day.

I was getting a bit annoyed with myself the other day realising its coming up for a year and how much this stuffstill occupies so much of my mind

I was missing my dc yesterday but mostly the time is going by quickly . I have been talking to them and it sounds like they are having fun . Exh pulled his finger out in the end and took them abroad for a few days. A couple of times I have wondered what they are all doing, whether exh is finding it odd/better/worse being on holiday without me. He probably hasnt given me a second thought !

Today we had fun and went shopping after going to an exhibition of Princess Diana dresses. We got a pair of shoes each very cheap and very very high which we are tottering out in later although I bet I chicken out !

Waves tp Starting,Mumfun,Pink

waves to everyone

bad evening tonight, Had a good day today and now it's all crap, everything was great till XP came to my mums to see DC as mum had done a little party for DS3 b,day
It was first time we been there together since split and it was so awkward for me, normally when he arrives id give him a kiss and today i couldnt.
I had to sit and watch while he gave DS3 pressies and a card, it really broke my heart :(
Then he popped to my house when we left to fix a tap for me as i couldnt do it and i had to listen to the DC asking him to stay and him saying he had to go and that he loved them, then to top it all off he took the last of his clothes which were bagged up :( as soon as i closed the front door i couldnt hold the tears in any longer and i still cant, i just cant see him witout it hurting :(
It's easy to be angry and strong when he's not here but today has shown me that i cant be around him for a while so when he arrives i'll have to disappear until im strong enough, am i horrible for wanting to hide away from this and pretend that im not hurting?

Hello all,

just checking in after my mini holiday. I survived, thanks almost entirely to my friend who we went with. I would never have managed my DS without her help. I lost him in Bristol zoo for a couple of minutes :( He was (and still is) being very difficult at the moment.

We did manage it though, and it feels good that we can get away and do things like that, even when I have such a small baby!

H wise he seems a bit hot and cold at the moment, but I don't have the energy to try to figure him out. I'm getting my fulfilment where I can, which at the moment is from keeping my house running and my children healthy (not in order of priority)

LC - I hope you make the best decision for yourself, for the right reasons - please remember an unhappy couple for parents is not better than a separated family.

I am having a bit of a personal new year at the moment. Resolving to stop the spending (my poor savings have taken a battering, which I feel a bit guilty about, but think I needed to enjoy myself for a while) and cut out the chocolate (except on a friday night :) ). I'm also gonna start my running program at the weekend if I have the energy when H has both children for a while. I sometimes think that if I'm coping because I don't let myself stop for long enough to think about it all!

Hope everyone is well. What's the status of the dumpling meetup?

I don't think its hiding away sov i think its more keeping myself safe from hurt,i'm sad today because i wish i wasnt in this situation for me and dcs.Not so much remembering happy times ,more wondering how the fuck i managed to put up with it for so long in the name of love.
Anyway making more candles must dash .....

Sov you need boundaries, it's all so incredibly raw right now and there's nothing wrong with needing space from him and disappearing when he's with DCs. Sending you a ((hug))

Chairmum - glad you had a break and it was ok. Must've been scary to loose DS for a minute. My DD really acted up when DS was born. I wish I'd read "siblings without rivalry" long ago as it was the best book for helping me to help her with the new addition to the family. It will get better

Dumpling meet up at Gettings on 25th Sept (is it?) Message Happy for details.

Loving your new plan to run. Nothing wrong with pampering yourself and spending for a while imo. Bet you look fabulous Chairmum x

LC big hugs to you ,you will know when you spend time with him if its meant to be, once things were out in the open with my H ,i knew why i had been so miserable and i know i should have been treated better and acted like that a lot sooner but ultimately it takes 2 to make a marriage, both giving and taking ,not one taking and the other giving.I know i am healthier away from him and soon i will be too busy ,already started down the new road ,now i have to keep on walking,was never going to be happy staying with a selfish inconsiderate,so i just need to dry my eyes .Anyway this is a song i heard on the radio and thought yep ,if i tolerate this ......

Manic Street Preachers

Am just reading back over some of the posts

LC - good luck with XP really hope it all works out for you and im the same as you not a slowly slowly person which is why i feel like i shouldnt be feeling like this, i just want it over with and to get on with my life, and i do think if it wasnt for this thread my situation would be a lot grimer, here i can vent without it affecting anyone(i dont rely on anyone i know in RL, dont trust very well) and i can tell you all that i still love XP very very much(god knows why) and no-one in RL needs to see behind my facade

AB - make sure you take plenty of pics for yourself as well as DC hopefully one day you can look back and think of just your happy memories in your house and i dont edit what i write no-one in RL that i know comes on here and if they did well then they would know how i really felt
I like the description of ground zero, it's just a shame the men dont have to deal with the fallout of their actions/choices too or at least thats what it's like in my case

PATIENCE - i am in awe of you with the whole candle thing, really hope it works brilliantly for you :)and the whole head and heart thing, it's definately a struggle!! and i so feel the need to find someone else to move on with atm but know im not ready yet, still cant really look at another bloke, if someone had said to me 2 months ago id be in this situation i would have laughed at them because i believed we were happy and he loved me, now i think the last 4 yrs have been a lie (thats how long he says he been unhappy for and at some point stopped loving me)

HAPPY - Have a tremendous holiday, i think you and DC will have a wonderful time together

GETTING - Glad your enjoying time away and i bet XH has given you more than a brief thought whilst dealing with DC

CHAIR - my DS2 is really playing up atm so know how you feel and there is nothing wrong with indulging yourself a little, i intend to do the same next week also it seem during the day when im busy it doesnt cross my mind much but of an evening when the DC are asleep or especially when i climb into bed thats when the thoughts creep in too (wish i could shut them out permanently)

Tea - i did put boundries in place but all he has to do is smile at me or even look at me and i go weak, hate fighting my natural instincts towards him ie:hugs and kisses and physical contact grrr and thank you for the hug, well recieved :)

hope your days good today PINK, STARTING, KITTY and anyone else i may have forgotten

Getting, sounds like you're having a lovely break & the time alone will do you the world of good. I'm at the year mark aswell & know what you mean, in a way it's like being in a bit of a time warp. I do however feel like I've come out of the fog a bit & the horrific pain has subsided tg.

Soverign, the first b'days, xmas & stuff are v hard but you've got through today & it's v good to let yourself grieve atm, crying is v healing. It's v hard when their stuff is gone & there's nothing left of them anymore but it actually does help move you forward a bit (())

Chairmum, at that age it's v hard to watch them as the scarper off so quickly. I think most of us have had moments of panic like that at some stage! Great that you've been able to get away by yourself but sorry to hear things a bit strained again with h. Hopefully relate will help to sort things out. Great that you're making goals for youself.

Patience, I stayed as long as I did because I couldn't give up the hope & I couldn't accept that the lovely man I married could be capable of being a twunt. It's a catch 22. You do the best you can with the cards you're dealt. The positive thing I can say is that each time I went through a bad period of grief it pushed me forward another bit. The grief does leave you a bit flat & lacking real joy but the only saying time is a great healer is true.

Happy, hope you've reached your destination safely & that all is calm.

Waves to Tea, Pink, Mumfun, LC, Kitty, Teflon & anyone I've forgotten.

Just need to get thru the next six weeks Startin',step by step .Waves to everyone and thanks for your support x

Have just seen XP phone bill cause it's in my name and...i think he's seeing someone :-(

there's like over 100 messages plus calls to the same number....what do i do???

Hi guys, you may find me posting on hols a little.

Sov, just saw your message. , it sounds like a total and utter shock, did you have an inkling at all? Do you have any idea who it could be?

i thought something was going on with his mates sister before we split, he said no, then i asked him if he'd cheated after the split and he got really angry and kicked off saying how could i think that of him, anyone who knew him knew he wouldnt do that ect
but theres 130+ texts to this number some at 3am and calls too some also at this time
The only way to know for sure is 1) to ask him or 2) phone the number
I really want him to still come help with the kids but if it kicks off again i dont know if i could cope but i also dont think i can cope with not knowing

oh what to do.....

It may also explain how 6 weeks ago he says he loves me then 4 weeks ago he doesnt AAARRRGGGHHH