ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 6

[gettingeasier]

Cant survive 5 minutes without this thread

Kitty....your H is an arse wipe and very insecure if he feels the need to go through your phone.

AAT (and another thing !) It might be half his house but it's your HOME and he left it and now has no business being in it. He should wait outside. Coming in and going through your phone...to me, that's like stealing and he's proved himself to be untrustworthy.

Starting, that's really crap but maybe he was just looking and never actually met any of them ? I also think it's sort of small fry compared to the rest of the shit that he's put you through. I think you've been unbelievebly patient and giving and descent towards him.

BTW what you found on google....I bet there are thousands of 'straight' husbands who secretley regularly 'spend time' with rent boys and never get caught.God, Some men are so vile aren't they.

I read your thread Sov and I think you're doing amazingly well with 4 little DC.

I magine them to be little angle urchins. Wish I could help. You've put up with so much over the years and given so much and tried so hard. Your EX sounds like a 'wasteman' as my DS teens would say. Teen speak for TWAT.

I can smell that cake from here Happy...ahhh.

Lots of love to all of you. Going for lunch with my friend now

Hope you're ok Getting x

Hi all
Apologies if my posts sometimes don't pick up on everything going on. Have been posting on phone since purchase of new phone. Convenience is fab but harder to see all posts and to comment on all effectively. As you may gave noticed have not been sleeping so well recently and sometimes wake up and MN sleepily also in the night.
Anyway waves to all, I am really looking forward to meet up and am hoping to make London MN Xmas meet up I saw on another thread too. Anyone else fancy that? After the dark years I am realising that I once was a very sociable person and like meet ups and chats. I love being with Dcs now XH has gone but as they are older also find it a bit strange being around house solo when they are out and about. I do get out quite a bit but also feel that they should know there's someone around to come home to so try to find a balance.
Starting, I really feel for you given what you've now found and what's gone before. I think some treats are in order for you and personal pampering. I hope you enjoy the sand. I can't wait to see the waves this week myself.
Welcome Antalya - nice to see you on thread.
We are turning into quite a posse aren't we?
Pink, I am enjoying my cake and thinking that cake will be bought to meet up.
Thanks for advice on OC monies. Will call OC's mum and discuss some stuff we'll be doing and probably suggest we agree guidelines and settle up after. I feel silly having asked you really. Am having slight crisis of confidence as XH is rattling me somewhat, DS is presenting some challenges and holiday prep is both exciting and worrying me. Currently looking at car and pile of stuff and thinking "I can do this / no I cant". Feeling strange about the fact that XH has just returned from hols with his new family also. I just still can't see how he has abandoned his family and selected a new one. He of course wouldn't agree with that statement but it's how it feels.
Lots of waves to all Dumps new and old, active and lurking.

Enjoy your trip Happy ,just shove it all in the boot ,enjoy the sea air ,love the cake thing will include cake in my shopping list today ,still pottering in the garden bikes in car so nearly off to the park

afternoon everybody hope we are all enjoying our Sundays?

it is blowing a gale here

ds1 is struggling with everything i think as he is very weepy i am trying my best to distract him but he has gone very into himself - any suggestions?

he asks the odd question about h and where he is etc and i always answer honestly. i can't think of what else i can do

Well amazingly Patience, all is shoved in boot. I know it's pathetic but I really didn't believe I could do it. And now I feel great because I did!

AB, can you remind me how old your DS is roughly? My teens definitely have their moments where I think they are down and must be processing all that has happened just like we do? I think all you can do at those times is to give him some space, make sure you have some good times together and answer questions as they come up. I have found with my kids that its best to avoid jumping in too much and (I'm not sure whether this is right or not), to be flexible and not push things when DS seems a bit off. Having said that it has always been a constant struggle with my boys to get them to clean up / help around the house and I am probably too soft. I have found it difficult to impose my rules since XH has left as whilst with some things it has been easy, XH was always a messy slob and it's hard to undo his influence. In retrospect I allowed XH to make the rules at home which was a mistake.

As long as you are ok and I know you will be, DS will be fine

Hi al

Boy I cant keep up with you dumplings posse!

But am reading and keeping up as much as I can.

Starting - sorry about the latest. It could just be looking. But I would have been so shocked too.

Happy - have lovely sand fun! And Starting too!

Im going to hit the sand weeke after next - and have a little city break first this week -all with DCs. Will visit a lot of old friends and have a good time :)

Patience - you are such a realist now - really helps cope when you can think through what may happen next, process it and deal very well accordingly

Kitty - cant believe your X. Get your boundaries in place! Yuck! They just want to blame everyone except themselves

Love the dreams and the interpretation -think you might be right Starting about Patience's

Tea - just right to back off MN ahen you feel its right. Always think to myself thats its not a real world - its a great crutch and support and information source. But I prefer it when you do meetups along it and the people become real. Ive made good friends from another forum Ive belonged to for 5 years or so (my intro was by a RL friend however)

Kitty - cant belive the meanness about trying to work the 15 hours to 16 hours -ridiculous - have you managed to sort it. I know you are allowed to include study/travel/research for self emplyment sometimes so could you use any of these to increase your hours? Grrrr

Pink -wow those are some expensive tea cups! :)

Sov -welcome. Sorry you had to be here but hope you find it helps!

AB Love the teflon - I think I need a bit of that! Also love the Product Recall. I think there needs to be a bit of reporting to Consumer Standard too for product being sold under false descriptions!

Pink -dont live in hope of a comeuppance for X - honestly. You are much better than that - detach, detach,detach. You need to be indifferent to him - that will be your victory

Hello to everyone else too -LC, Chairmum, Dutchy and anyone Ive forgotten

Also I know someone posted about reproducing and not 100% who it was and cant find it now - but Im so sorry about it - that is very hard to deal with (())

Hi Everyone

I am a bit behind on the thread as I am away at the moment enjoying some sunshine in Devon.

I just wanted to reissue the invitation to come to my house for the meet up in September as I thought it might prove easier and more relaxing than trying to go to a restaurant etc. I was thinking along the lines if maybe people could bring along something to eat we could do a kind of simple buffet ?

To remind you I am in Herts (you can email me for exact address) and 20 minutes on mainline train from Kings Cross a 5 min cab ride from there. There is plenty of parking for anyone driving.

I would love to host but wont be at all offended if for whatever reason this doesnt sound like the sort of thing dumplings had in mind. I am happy to meet elsewhere or in a pub etc.

Happy and I are trying to begin to get organised so I wonder if you could let me know what you all think of the idea so we can put our thinking caps on again if necessary and also who is thinking they are up for meeting 25th Sept.

Waves to all and I will be back later after yet more face stuffing

I will bring at least two cakes . We Dumplings deserve cake and we need to live up to our name after all. If I drive I could bring more

I will be bringing the chocolate, of course .

Mmmmm cake

Forgot to say last mails:

Yes interested in Mumsnet Xmas do at end November -sounds fun :)

Warning to dumplings -do not grind your teeth in rage! This is as I have broken 2 teeth in last 10 days and had to have fixed at dentist. Not nice. Dentist said to me have you been grinding your teeth. And I have suddenly realised that I have gritted my teeth very often when coping with dealing with H and other frustrating relatives -and sometimes the DSs. So watch taking out your frustrations on your teeth - not good move .

And I would be fine to come to Herts if I can get H to take kids that weekend which I hope I can.

Hi Mumfun and thanks. I know you're right. I try to be better than that but it's SO HARD.

It was me who spoke about H recentley reproducing. (I can't bring myself to say the words). There's more twuntishness attatched to it which I can't go into on here. Needless to say....it was totally devastating. F*CKING BASTARD.

I hate him so much and the whole situation has put my mental state on a knife edge. Most of the time I'm ok but there are times when I so get people who commit crimes of passion, I really do, they are becoming more and more common unfortunatley.

I've spent the last 2 and half years spending a lot of money and working hard on become indifferent and I've come a long long way but he so doesn't deserve to sail off into the sunset and have a new life while the trail of devastation he's left behind is huge and has had massive repocussions which reverberate constantly. My whole family has been ripped appart and there is now an irripairable rift the pain of which is indescribable.

If I had one wish it would be that I could be 'indifferent'. I'd be the happiest girl in the world then.

Had a lovely lunch with my freind and this weather is SO perfect. Just beautiful...it's room temperature, whatever that is.

Have a lovely time Happy......hats off to you.

Sounds good to me Getting. Will be lovely

I like the idea of the Xmas do as well

Oh Pink, words fail me with regards to your situation

Well I made cup cakes this afternoon with DD and then we decorated them with butter icing and silver balls and other pink sparkly edible things. It was fun. Then after an early tea we went to a local woods (someone told me about it this morning at church) I'd never been there before, didn't even know it existed and it was so lovely, we picked wild raspberries, blackberries (they'll be loads more in a few weeks) and wandered about in the mud, through under growth and prickles, the place is huge, there was a pond too. Twas fab. Kiddies went to sleep super quick after that tonight

getting - i will bring some soft drinks and pasta salad and a rice salad and crusty loaves (yum!) - am i right to be this specific are we defo doing it at your house now?

i need to subscribe to CAT will do that tomorrow.

have a wicked time away happy

that sounds like a great day tea

hugs to pink

mumfun i too have damaged teeth due to grinding but i do it in my sleep which is annoying because i don't even realise i am doing it. dentist mentioned to me that i should get one of those mouth guard things to wear in bed sexy

i watched the film frida last night with salma hayek - it was really good, can recommend it if anyone is looking for a film to watch.

Waves to all...........

Hard to keep up our numbers have grown so! Getting are you sure about your house..........you're going to have a stampede of dumplings .

Oh My God Pink, I must have missed that post. I'd no idea you were dealing with that. Sending you big big hugs (()). From reading all your posts I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. I know exactly what you mean when you say it doesn't seem fair & it doesn't, but really all you can do is live your own life well now. (())

Ant, it is normal to be sad, tearful & lonely at times. We are grieving for the happy futures/family life we thought we were going to have with our x's. That type of grief doesn't go away overnight. It does however pass & get a hell of a lot easier, I & a lot of the other dumplings that are further down the road are proof of that

Happy, didn't realise BE had gone away with OW's family . That is bound to trigger you even if it's only for your own dc's. What can I say, he gets a medal for being a prize twunt! Going on holls alone can be a bit overwhelming but also brings great satisfaction & the break will do you the world of good.

Teflon, hope things passed for your poor ds. How old is he?? They all go through wobbles like that but it does settle & get easier. Reminds me of when I was on holls dd(3) was wishing on a star & firstly she wished that she'd be a princess (bless) but then she wished that daddy wouldn't be mad & then he'd take them swimming . That stuff really pulls at the heart strings. I've seen that film & agree it's good.

Mumfun, you plans for breaks away sound lovely & just what you need I can imagine. [shocked] about your teeth! Anyway you could send x the bill??

Tea, those woods sound fab & great that you now have an extra place on your list of places to go with dc's. Cupcakes also sound great. I am planning to try to get back to a bit of baking again for the winter too. Once upon a time I was actually good enough but I seem to have lost the knack .

Patience, hope trip to park went well.

sorry forgot to say ds is almost 4

Waves...........evening all

Is this my song?

I ain't happy
I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I'm useless but not for long
The future is coming on
I ain't happy
I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I'm useless but not for long
The future is coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on

From: www.musicbabylon.com

Well day out at beach was fab, weather was great so stayed there late & stopped for chips & burgers on way home. Hardly gave xh a second thought. Tbh I think all of the stuff with xh recently has really helped me to move on. What nearly killed me was the doubt on if he'd been unfaithful or not. I used to wonder was I responsible for causing all that pain for my dc's & perhaps had drove xh crazy by accusing him of such horrible stuff! The stuff recently even though it was v painful has actually been a blessing in that I am now free of any possible doubt. I now understand why he hates me so much, I blew his world apart when I went delving for answers. I honestly believe I was the only person in his life that he ever really loved, he used to talk about me obsessively to his friends & was v needy, couldn't make a decision without me etc. I think it destroyed him when I stopped believing his lies & started looking for the truth.

I believe xh was looking to experiment (from what I saw prob not sex) & did intend to go through with it. I'd say the only thing that stopped him was me catching him on something else that week & booting him out. I believe xh's addictions & chasing the buzz lead him into a different world & one that's prob v hard to get back out of. The money & power he has in his own world just help enable him in this & I honestly think the man I loved & married is well gone & v unlikely to ever come back. This is v sad for my dc's & I honestly don't know what's the best way forward re access. However I do know that up to now I have always put the needs of my dc's first & I believe that I will know what's the right thing to do for my dc's when the time comes. It's v sad but xh's hatred for me has destroyed his relationship with dc's.

. If it has destroyed his relationship with them Starting then he has to take responsibility for that. And if he can pick himself up then who knows, the relationship may come back. But it's his choice really isn't it as only he can decide how he behaves.

Glad you had a fab day. I really wish that my XH had left when the DS's were younger - lovely to have days out like that with them. Keep having them

Happy, that sounds like a great holl song for you

Teflon, my ds was 3 first time I threw xh out & then 4 second time. My ds has had v little contact with xh for past two yrs except for few mts when I took him back in between. At four they are old enough to understand quite a bit so I would just try to explain what's happening (with no blame) as best you can. He is bound to be a bit emotional for awhile but I do think the younger dc's bounce back v quickly. When my ds was upset I used to just talk to him & cuddle him. Then at times when he was angry I used to get him to vent it out by kicking a beanbag (he used to love this), or kicking a ball or I'd tell him to go out into garden & shout it all out. Once they have one parent available for them emotionally dc's do fine .

Oh blimey a bit late but a quick dabble, I can but dream

Happy, I know what you mean, I actually feel blessed in one way that younger two were only babies really. I am also glad that ds won't be looking at xh as a role model!! You are right about it being xh's responsibility to sort things with dc's & it is this that makes me think I will pull the plug on family therapy. However will talk to solicitor first & see what she says.