ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 6

[gettingeasier]

Cant survive 5 minutes without this thread

Starting over can you tell us what it is are you ok x

Wasn't going to but to hell with it. He was googling MALE escorts aged 17 to 25! This was when I was still living with him . He's such a f**g twat he posted his work mobile & email address on a public forum! He hasn't a clue about computers so obviously never considered the fact that this info is in the public domain! Just came up by fluke today, I've googled before but obviously must have missed this.

I feel like doing what LC wanted to do last wk & do up a montage of all his sick s**t & posting it to everyone who's supporting him, SIL no1...........Aaaaaarrrrrrrggggggghhh

What the fuck? Did you not have a clue?

Oh my Christ for once I am speechless. I am so sorry

there are some things you wish you'd never have discovered and this is probably one. My advice would be to not google his details again. I try to protect myself by wanting to know as little as possible nowadays, as it hurts too much and messes with my head. My head is clearer and I'm calmer not knowing. Ignorance is bliss for me. But maybe I'm wrong.

Oh love I'm so sorry, as this must make you feel absolutely horrid. Very foolish of him to leave his details on a public domain like that as well.

((hugs)) my friend coming your way. If I livec closer I'd pop round with wine and chocolate Or your favourite treat and let you rant away to me. Feel free to rant on here though, you must be feeling very shell shocked now. I'm sorry, wish I could do something to help x

Tbh I thought there was nothing else could shock me regarding xh. If I wanted to check up on him I could easily hack into his stuff but I deliberately don't do this as less I know the better. This was just a general google that pulled up this stuff, I wasn't actually checking up if that makes since. I was just looking to see was there anything about his business or events he organises that I should know about. I've googled this loads of times before & never saw anything like this, the search engines must have been changed or something. This was going back two yrs ago & the same wk I found something else out & booted his ass out. But the worst is that I took him back after that as I genuinely believed he'd never been unfaithful. The f***r did intensive therapy & LIED his way through. From what I've since discovered women are his thing but think he was going to experiment (and chances are he did but he'd have been gone from me most likely at that point).

I'm really sorry for posting more drama here but I've come so far on this thread I just said to hell with it. I'm going to book a session with counsellor for next wk & just put this behind me.

Can I ask anyone who feels up to it for their honest opinion. Would my dc's be better off having no contact?? There's no access for past mt again but I am supposed to be doing family therapy in two wks to sort out access.

Oh I see. Horrid horrid stuff. And the lying through intensive therapy

I can't comment on access I don't think, as that post told me a lot I didn't realise. I think Happy or someone else whose been on here a very long time should. I think if the DCs are not bothered if they see him or not. I'd say don't bother but what do I know

starting - for you - i have no words - what an awful awful shock for you.

keep your chin up

If you remember Startin' i thought judge was off his head in the first place granting unsupervised access.If it was me i would talk to my sol,but if my dcs are at all at risk then im not handing them over ,all i ask for is reasonable behaviour anything else IMO is unacceptable if left in sole charge of my dcs.I would go for supervised access in my case but if my X is in anyway unstable in front out dcs im not doin it,i feel i have to protect my kids ,end of.
I want my kids to see their dad dont misunderstand me ,but it has to be safe and calm.
Castle sounds fab !

Let your light shine bright and protect you from any darkness that comes your way x

Well Starting that's awful. I can't believe that's what you found. Google is both useful and bl**dy awful. Whatever you do do not Google him again and do not access his email.

Re access I think its difficult to know what is best. And also can you stop it? At the end of the day, your kids need to be safe and loved and not subjected to crap and I think that XH has to demonstrate that he can offer this. Those are the rules in my book. I think you should discuss it with sol and see what advice you get there. My inclination at the very least would be to try for supervised access in the short term.

Kitty, your XH is being a twunt.

Patience stem ginger candle for me.

Waves to all on thread from me.

Has been a funny old day in the Happy household. Nearly hugged a tree this am. Had deep chat with music man earlier (ladies me and him would not work his soul is too tortured I think for me and he lives only for music). Went with DS to casualty. Now wondering why winter has arrived when I'm about to go on hols.

Baking cake now for serenity.

Naturally I can talk knowledgeably about Google me being the one that found a pic of OW on the web by googlin BE. Luckily she looked like a trollope so it was a good discovery.

google and facebook can bring very bad things to your door sometimes.

Too right I am glad now that BE cut me off FB.

Teflon, that's v true & for this v reason I closed my facebook acc mts ago.

Happy, no I've no notion of hacking into his stuff, unfortunately I know too much as it is . This was purely accidental & amazing that I've done same search before & never seen this! Pity about music man, would he be of any use just for sexual purposes?? . Hope ds is ok.

Kitty, Tea & Patience thanks for your lovely emails.

Unfortunately I've been down this road before with xh & supervised access is a non runner. I'm thinking I'll go back to solicitor again & see what she says. I'm thinking now that as he's the one that caused the probs with access that I'll just pull out of family therapy (I was the one pushing this anyway so not ever sure he'd have turned up) & let him decide what he wants to do about access. Let him take me back to court & explain to judge why police had to intervene on last access visit & why eldest dd is afraid to be on her own with him!

I dont do facebook never have never will if folk want to talk to me they can phone me,social networking WTF.People say you need to do facebook to see whats goin on re whatever ,I'm like no i dont ,no twitter ,no myspace ,just this and thats only because i got dumped by H.In my old world i only checked my emails once a week ,laptop doesnt know whats hit it since the split LOL ,was a fecking ornament b4.

I love my facebook but I do not accept friend requests unless I truly consider them my friends. I also have my privacy settings high so not just anybody can find me on there, or read anything about me at all until they become my friend. But I've been using facebook for about 4 years now and have learnt everything I need to know to protect my privacy. I love seeing my good friends holiday snaps and pictures of their children. I also love hearing about what they're up to and a lot of my friends invite people to events using facebook but I'm age 32 so I suppose it's natural that a lot of my close friends use it. My H's family are still my friends on there but you are able to control what they see on your profile despite being a friend my FIL takes great pictures of the kids and puts them on facebook so I quite like being his friend, I just don't want him to read everything happening on my account. It probably sounds a fiddle but I like fb a lot. However my situation is VERY different to some of your dumplings.

Starting, hope you're ok today? If your DD is scared of seeing your ex H, I'd definitely forget about pushing anymore for the family therapy Especially if supervised access is a no go as you say Your ex H is a liability to your children it sounds. I have a lot of admiration for you Starting and everything you have gone through in the last 2 years. You sound like such a caring mum and so strong. You sound immovable no matter what your H has thrown at you. Your children are very lucky to have you lovely lady x

So sorry that you've got something else to worry about, starting but I think it's good that you know even though it's a terrible shock, I'm sure. Do you need to get yourself checked out or is that not relevant re. timings etc? I got myself tested for everything after I found out about OW and it was a doddle.

Agree with Patience etc about Facebook. Just not my bag at all. I don't get it and fail to see the benefits. Why not just have proper friends that you meet up with? You know, the old fashioned way. I use MN for support about my relationship because I don't have anyone in RL going through this right now.

Just off to bed now. Last night tonight, thank goodness.

I guess it depends on your situation, I have quite a lot of people who I'm fond of but find it hard to catch up with often or regularly. Only a few very close chums do I have such a close relationship with we talk regularly on the phone or meet, as I cannot find the time to devote to more people, than just a few. The others though I see at events or at church on Sundays IYSWIM but I do like to keep in touch and they do with me. I think it depends on each person though. Some of my friends have moved to Australia and other places, so I can never meet with them but still love seeing their news and pictures of their children etc. Anyway I sound like such a fan of fb, I probably am but it is NOT for everyone and does depend on your circumstances and how you run your life All my brothers and my mum are on there and we respond to each others statuses

Right off to spend the day with DCs, instead of letting them play alone. I'll be back tonight. See you later dumpling ladies x x x

I think I've gone off FB cos BE used it a lot during affair with Bumpkin.

A question Dumps. Taking OC (other child) on holiday. Parent has asked how much should OC bring?

Well no direct costs as self catering but there will be activities, equipment to buy or hire, meals out etc. OC is a teen so also can buy some things for self IYSWIM. What do you think?

I don't know if I've picked the right thread, if not just tell me to clear off, just guessed from the name that I might get some good recovery tips. As I've been dumped a while ago, by phone after 4 years together!!! says it all really. 3 months on and thought that I was doing so well, but just found out yesterday that my ex is seeing someone else :(, kids can be so indiscreet at times, bless em. Crap relationship with him don't want him back (OK, hand on heart I had fantasised that he would turn on on my doorstep) but not quite liking that he's with someone else after 3 months of us splitting. Bit upset about it really (well more than a bit), how's anyone else coped??
PS, got to say that Mumsnet has kept me sane over the last few months

hello antalya
yup you have found the right thread! sorry you have found yourself here. but welcome

i am also dreading hearing this news and when i say dreading i really mean dreading so feel for you.
as i have not yet been through this i have no advice. just keep doing what you were doing before you found out if you were doing well.

keep telling yourself it is a bump on the road plus we are here whenever you need to vent.

Waves to all & thanks for everyone's support. I had a bad night & hardly slept but that was my brain processing it all & giving myself time to come to terms with it. I now feel great & have left the whole sorry mess go. The sun is shining here & I'm a bit late in getting sorted as I was so sluggish from lack of sleep but I'm just about to hit the beach with dc's. Xh has taken enough from me & I'm not going to allow myself to be dragged into his mess of a life anymore.

We've all been through nightmares on this thread, the details may be different but we've all been through similiar feelings. Well I feel blessed to have a lovely life with my dc's & to have created so many happy memories for them. It's taken me a long time to piece together what happened with my xh, part of me thinks maybe I was meant to find that stuff y'day, another piece of the puzzle. When I split with xh the first time none of it made any sense & then also the 2nd time. I believe I now know the reason xh became so violent when I started to discover the truth. He'd a lot to loose if I exposed him & I had got too close to discovering the truth. It now all makes sense to me.

LC, I did indeed get checked last year but I am going to try to get another apt tomorrow to get re-checked as at the time Dr had said to come back again in 3 mts & they would recheck just to be certain but I never went back due to deaths etc.

Tea, my sister who is younger loves fb & I do think it can be a great way to stay in touch. I only closed my account as I had step dc's as friends & discovered xh could access through them. I know I could have just changed settings but tbh I always hated it & had only started account as college pals wanted to keep in touch that way. Thank you so much for your lovely kind words of support . We are indeed all great mums & our dc's are lucky to have us.

Happy, I guess the best way is to calculate out what you think dc's friend is going to need for food & activities etc & then give his parent an idea of cost.

Antalya, you are certainly in the right place here & will get loads of support. It's horrible when they move on but in a way this will help you to move on also.

Ok, am hitting the sand...........Patience I will ground myself by feeling sand & water between my toes

Ant ,i dont know whether my X has moved on in this dept but however much he has hurt me already this will hurt some more, all i can say is stay strong feel this pain now,sit with it and let your body tell you how it feels about it,sad angry etc just dont try and repress it.I dont reckon me or X are going to be celibate so will have to get my head around it when the time comes ,big hugs and you are very welcome to join in the chat ,post what you like if it helps you heal
Happy if i could afford it and OCs parents were cool i would stick it all on the credit/debit card and tot it up when i got home ,ie i would pay for other child all week ,show OCs parents what he has the choice of doin so they have a rough idea of costs then OC only has to take spending money for evenings ,just means OC doesnt have to walk about with a couple of hundred quid cash on him at the start of the week.I would only do this if OCs parents were the sort that would give me cash when i showed them receipts etc ie no one shady that would bump me for 2 hundred quid.
Very sunny here away to the park now !

Waves to startin ,Enjoy !!!

Startingover, reading through your posts, you've certainly been through the wringer and I hope that you have a great day and manage a little nap on the beach after your sleepness night.
Mine seems like such small fry compared to that, I am trying to move on, been on a couple of dates and keep tinkering with internet dating. I'm so much better than I was when I honestly worried that I was on the brink of going mad (within a couple of weeks I had also been put into consultation at work). I'm ok now, but feel very sad and very tearful today and that overwhelming lonliness has kicked in again.
I know that I'm being unrealistic and everyone has the right to move on....but I had hoped that he wouldn't find it so easy to move on so quickly, putting the pieces together they must have got together within a couple of weeks of our split, I don't know maybe a re-bound relationship! Sorry I know that I'm rambling, just so very very sad Why on earth do I crave a relationship that was so toxic?? but I've got say that I would rather walk on hot coals than ever let him know that I feel, as far as anyone outside these four walls, close friends excepted, I'm happy strong and having the time of my life..oh how I wish!! :(