ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 6

[gettingeasier]

Cant survive 5 minutes without this thread

totally used the wrong emphasis then but you know what i meant

it was a mutual text conversation which was pretty graphic but i am a frigging consenting adult. i only said it was his problem when and if i started flaunting my sex life in front of the kids. which is never going to happen.

yup you are right - should not have have been looking on your phone

then why do i feel so shit?

stop letting home control your emotions.

you have not done anything wrong

do you feel guilty at all do you think? (not saying you should at all because you shouldn't) but do you think it is maybe because he now knows that you have moved on?

It is out in the open now isn't it? maybe this to you means that you have shut the door on your relationship with him and it is making you feel sad.

the fact that it is out in the open and has obviously hurt him (because of his reaction) means that you have now moved into a new stage with your xp ?????

i hope that makes sense

him not home

I do feel guilty because he has made me feel like I went behind his back. I don't know. I don't know what he does when he leaves here, I really don't he could be up to anything but he has come into the house an hour earlier than I arranged and done this. I am so angry with him for snooping and turning it all back on me.

When you move on your drawing a line under the previous relationship and saying im done (wish i could do that) sometimes it's hard to realise that and seeing his reaction probably triggered something in you thats made you feel sad and guilty
As long as you were ready to move on then it's his problem not yours
Can you lay down some ground rules (thats what im hoping to do) so that he doesnt mess with ur stuff or turn up early (if he comes early, make him wait outside till right time) or can he take the DC out and just not let him in the house at all?

Its his house too he keeps reminding me. I know I can't change the locks as I went through all this with my exhusband.

I do want to move on, yes I am sad that our relationship is over, I never wanted to be single. But he put me in that position, he put me back on the dating scene. I know this is some 'I don't want you but don't want anyone else having you' scenario, but I still feel a bit shit.

just read this on a dating website and it made me smile

40ish...........49
Adventerous.....slept with all your mates
Athletic.......flat chested
Emotionally secure....on medication
Feminist......fat
Free spirit.....junkie
Friendship first......former slut
Fun.......annoying
Gentle......dull
New age......body hair problems
Open minded......desperate
Outgoing.......loud and embarrassing
Poet.....manic depressive
Professional....b###h
Romantic.....frigid
Wants soul mate.....stalker
Widow.....murderer
Words that women use:#1. ?Fine?
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
#2. ?Five Minutes?
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house
#3. ?Nothing?
This is the calm before the storm. This means something,and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
#4. ?Go Ahead?This is a dare, not permission. Don?t do it.
#5. ?Loud Sigh?
This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
#6. ?That?s Okay?
This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That?s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
#7. ?Thanks?
A woman is thanking you, do not question or faint. Just say ?you?re welcome?. (I want to add in a clause here - this is true, unless she says ?Thanks a lot? - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ?you?re welcome? ? that will bring on ?whatever?).
#8. ?Whatever?Is a women?s way of saying F-YOU

god have had email saying basically i am a manipulative whore who can slag it up with who i like

Kitty - ignore, ignore, ignore. He's trying to bait you. Don't rise to it.

Hello all. Just lurking this weekend as I'm on nights until Monday morning. XP has ds so I lterally sleep/eat/work/sleep/eat/work all weekend.

Kitty, what springs to mind is "what's good for the goose is good for the gander". Detach, detach, detach. Don't try to defend yourself. It was his decision to split & he didn't consider your feelings then. This is just a consequence of a decision he made & forced upon you.

Soverign, v funny about dating site & unfortunately mostly true I'd say........

Thanks girls, I have basically turned around and said that I am not going to take responsibility for the consequences of us splitting up. He is now banging on about forcing through sale of the house, have posted on legal to try an get some advice.

It just hurts that he can do what he wants but apparently the minute I try to move on I am a slag.

They are all the same Kitty, one rule for them & another for us. The stuff about the house was bound to come up at some stage anyway. Can you make an apt with a solicitor to see where you stand??

I am going to CAB on Monday see what the deal is. I have been told I can stay in the property until my youngest leaves education. We are not married. So that usually puts a different slant on things.

every time, I think I am getting better, something happens to knock me back down again.

Kitty, that's always the way in the early days but eventually they run out of things to knock you down with.

crying again :(
XP was meant to come so we could talk about the kids and come up with a plan and stop all the arguing, basically draw a line under it all and after texting at 5 to say he was coming i then rang at 6 to see where he was and he said he was coming, so made him a tea and he just rang to say he too tired and not coming
He thought the DC were going to be here even though i told him when we arranged this that they were at my mums
Feel really let down now, it's a good job the DC weren't here because if he had stood them up i would have been v v angry
I built myself up for this all day, knew what i was going to say and everything and he's let me down again
Should have expected it really, says he's coming in the morning but he was falling asleep when we were on the phone so dont think he realises the DC still wont be here
ARRRGGGHHH i just want to stop living in limbo

you poor thing, hope you are ok. being let down feels like shit, chin up tits out as the other dumplings say

Try not to expect reasonable considerate behaviour from someone incapable of giving it to you.Not saying your partner will always be like this Sov but he is disrespecting you emotionally by treating you like this.Protect yourself ,think if he does anything useful/positive for you it is a bonus but dont expect it .ATM you will be dissapointed by his lack of responsibility most of the time.Big hugs.
I think i was the most laid back mum at the play area today ,also sorted out another situation that was getting me down earlier and feel a lot better for it.Just another example of improved self esteem making me deal with my life head on instead of allowing others to trample all over me !!!!

BB dont let his bullshit get you down you have done nothing wrong ,onwards and upwards.

Sov was that date site stuff written by a man for men in a lads mag styley

Hello

Lovely day doing not much with my 2 DCs, fish is getting poorly, so we had to go and buy something to add to the water to hopefully cure it.

Soverign, I've read your whole thread and commented Keep posting here, wise words from the fellow dumplings.

Kitty Please do not blame yourself. Your ex is probably very confused right now. Probably expected you to feel sorry for yourself a little longer You have done nothing wrong as others have stated. Good idea to go to CAB on Monday

I'm going to go and tidy up the toys and wash up, kiddies been in bed since 6.30pm, ahhh bliss

Waves to all........

Went to a restored 1600 century castle today with dc's. Told youngest dd we were having a princess day & dressed her up. Got a one hour tour of castle & got to take pics & it was completely free! As a bonus a wedding party arrived just as we were leaving to take photos on the grounds & dd thought it was a real princess!

At the same time I'm battling with strange thoughts in my head. I accidently discovered something that's really made me sick to my stomach about xh this morn. I am trying desperately to detach but the thoughts of what I was married to & worse that this is the father of my beautiful dc's is making me feel really really sick.......