ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 6

[gettingeasier]

Cant survive 5 minutes without this thread

ok took a pic will try my best to upload it lol !
Thanks Startin' re boat trip, H said the same on the phone tonite ,can you believe that,he also said he had bought ds 5yo a mobile,i kid you not ,so they can speak whenever they like .

Patience sounds just about right

Armbow, I honestly think once they walk out that door they by & large cease to give a flying f**k about anyone but themselves. You'd be better to try to detach completely from whatever he's up to. Unfortunately I failed miserably in this dept & ended up causing myself a world of grief. It's a balancing act between "what the eye don't see, the heart don't feel" & in my case trying to get enough answers to enable me to be able to move on. Sending you hugs & SWITCH OFF YOUR MOBILE to avoid contacting H!

btw he says nothing has happened with this woman as he has too much respect for me - but he does fancy her

so here i am in sodding limbo land again - has he or has he not had an affair ????? well i don't know for sure but he swears not (why would he not tell me the truth now ????)

but i know he fancies her and he met before we split but i doubt she would have caused the split because he would have only known her about 3 weeks by then.

confused? so am i

i just am longing to know what i need to think about him

if he had an affair then i would know how to feel about him

at the moment everything is sooooo wishy washy.

i asked him straight:

"are you having a relationship with her?"

he said:

"define relationship - because i am friendly with her so that is a relationship."

Patience, am trying not to be cynical but my xh only said stuff like that when he was trying to get back in (your h could of course be different). My xh was also thrilled when I allowed dd(10) to get a mobile (real reason was so she could contact me while she was with him if he started to kick off!) saying he'd be able to ring & text her (he could have done this on house phone) & after first wk of texts declaring how much he loved & missed her, it tapered off to almost no contact. Again, I'm just a cynical old bi*ch at this point so ignore..........

XP AB sorry about Fb stuff ,but re anybody else seeing it you have done nothing wrong and he is showing himself to be a a total immature knob.I find this stuff hurtful but helps me get a clearer picture of who i am dealing with IYSWIM.Big hugs to you ,did you speak to him re this, i would have gone fucking mental,obviously im not suggesting you do ,just saying i would ,serenity does not come naturally to me ,but it is the path i try and walk.

Armbow, my xh told me daily how much he loved me & when questioned about suspect behaviour looked me in the eye & said didn't I know how much he loved me, that he'd never do that to me, that he RESPECTED me too much to do that, blah, blah...............It was all bulls**t. They NEVER tell the truth when confronted & even if caught with their pants down WILL STILL LIE.

"define relationship - because i am friendly with her so that is a relationship."
That just sounds like such a horrible disrespectful response to the mother of your child & to someone who was until a short time ago his partner..........

One thing I think most of us have in common on this thread is that we never thought our h's/dp's would do this to us. I think NONE of us believed our respective partners would be capable of this & prob all believed he'd NEVER do that to ME. That is what can make us question our sanity & stay in it for so long.

Armbow, I do believe not having the answers can make moving on v difficult. However, be prepared for what you may find out. I went to great lenghts to get answers as up until not too long ago I still believed xh had been faithful. The answers I got nearly blew my mind & tbh I think I've only recovered from it recently.

OK ,is he trying to make you jealous with this tart.Does he still have the love him/fancy him power over you does he want you back but on his terms ie he is still in control?He could just be talking to her to boost his ego .Not likely he would be so open if he was already with her.Men fancy everyone but they dont sleep with everyone IYSWIM.I just think he is wielding some power as he doesnt have much left pulling your jealousy strings.Point scoring etc to interact with you ,but if its over AB then just bomb him out.

yes i went fucking mental
it is all so immature ... oooh i fancy you so i must post a message on your fb wall...his children's godparents are on his fb FFS

i know starting isn't it horrible?

just like LC said before - they will all get their just desserts won't they ???(please let this be so!)

2 many questions on my post sorry ab ur head must be spinning but look up the kick boxing soooooo good for stuff like this.......interpret that as you want to x

he is trying to control me i know that much- he constantly tells me who has been in contact with him since we split to ask him out/flirt - i mean he paints it out to be a huge list of women who are gagging for him. he is good looking but not that good looking.

he does not want me back...but he still wants the control and the truth is i don't know how to break this

i don't want it to be like this forever - how can i break free from the way he manipulates me

ego boast - yes quite possibly

Can i just say i need a fag ,went into garage tonite flirted with bloke paid for petrol and left.Not smoked in 4 days but got distracted tonite shall have a bagel instead

ego boost rather !!!!

bagel with cream cheese and strawberries YUMMY

i want one now

See i get this AB my H says whatever happens i will always be his woman.This can be said in a loving "we have shared so many memories together kind of thing,2dcs etc"or a bit creepy possessive bastard way.Cant imagine my X coping ever with me having new man,but thats his problem not mine ,yet.....

same here - when i get a new man he will go ape shit.

i know this because i know him.

some more things i know

he controls me because i am too nice (nods along with starting)
he uses 2 main tactics

1. "feel sorry for me i am ill/alone/skint"
   (in fact he used this one yesterday as he is loosing a lot of weight and thinks it MUST be a sign of a serious health complaint - hellooooo its the stress duh!!!)

2. "you know you need/want me .....look at all these other women who want me" and low and behold he used this one tonight.

you know what I am going to keep a diary or some sort of record. every time i get up and start doing things positive he knocks me down again - i am just noticing the pattern.

i have just had a lightbulb moment, he has a pattern and formula he follows both of which play on my 2 main weaknesses.

shiiiiittttttttttt

i have just gained so much clarity.

i was so upbeat wasn't i about my writing and stuff (he does not know about this yet) and he noticed a change in me and tried to put me back in my default subservient position....

he has done this sooooo regularly since we have split and was probably doing this when we were together - i have JUST noticed it.

blimey just noticed the time.

night all xxxxxx

Thankyou ....please ladies this is not something that just happens they are soooooo aware of what they are doing ,it is a learnt pattern of behaviour and i dont doubt its what startin' and miaow were talking about b4 but every single man that has ever had a relationship does this to a greater or lesser extent and we are blind to it because we "LOVE"them.Would you have ever really questioned it b4 AB i doubt it.. why would you ,you would have a row he would make you think it was your fault the dust would settle ,you have a good session in bed then voila not only has he got his own way but he made you think it was your fault so the next day you might cook him something nice for his tea etc.They know exactly what they are doin.I think they learn it at pre school.I too have just had that lightbulb moment ,bigger lightbulb this time more of a florescent tube , but he will be back and each time he has to work harder and harder to get me to fall for it ,so this time i have to try my best to stay away.Like i said before just be aware that they do it, then you can protect yourself a bit but like startin said prepare urself too for some real hurtful stuff ,i wouldnt tell him about ur writing ur instinct has said keep it to urself.These guys that walk out on their wives and kids arent the most together sorts if that isnt too impolite a way of putting it.Cycle my H has Nasty aggressive hurtful-victim-charming bloke charismatic kind gentle loving

Patience - I think you're right about building up resistance to their tactics. It seems to work for me with H. Once I decided that the thoughtless remarks that he makes were not going to get to me, I was able to start putting the brakes on the emotions that made me start huge arguments! Of course once we start actually talking about our problems it will all get harder and I'll have to start building up some real resistance!

DS been up since 5.20 with a leaky nappy :-(. Lots of yawns here today!

Hi all I can't keep up with this!
Looks like plenty of talk on XH's so I need to comment on BE.
Have had an incident with him in last few days where he is attempting to take moral high ground and presenting self (and it feels like bumpkin) as on pedestal. WTF.
So emotional retard who told kids for over a year is suddenly star dad who's doing what's right for his kids. Amazing in the circumstances. Think he's had a good hol with his new family and had some fatherhood lessons from OW. Maybe he will get it right second time huh.
V much looking forward to my hol now.
Am detaching from XH who seems to truly think that emotional retard approach is fine. Push all problems under carpet. Say nothing when DS goes off rails - in fact ignore DS issue completely and have affair and gaslight wife - then re-emerge and position self like a god. Anyone else got similar twunt?

PS. I wanna see what the candles look like

Good morning ladies

thanks for the chat last night patience - it is strange looking at your relationship from a different perspective isn't it? kind of freaked me out [confused} but at least now i have some more stuff in my armoury.

happy -

i think all dumplings should be issued with this when they join this thread.

IMPORTANT PRODUCT RECALL NOTICE
The universe needs to recall the "Twunt" version of man. It is known to have a major fault and is seriously failing to live up to expectations. If you have this model then please return to your place of purchase for a full refund and a replacement product as soon as possible.

chairmum - we had early morning nappy issues too - ds2 took his off and weed all over the cot.