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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 6

1000 replies

gettingeasier · 27/07/2010 15:46

Cant survive 5 minutes without this thread

OP posts:
armbow · 12/08/2010 08:38

sorry obviously there is no relationship.

arrgggghhh this is doing my head in.

his behaviour is so far removed from how he used to be that i can't stop myself from thinking that perhaps this isn't really happening - but i know it is.

i am finding it hard to explain.

i feel as though someone has come and taken over his body and the real h is still under there somewhere.

i don't want to to give up on him but i know i have to move on.

i feel as though i can't quite make that final cut ifyswim.

ffs today i a bit sad.

armbow · 12/08/2010 08:39

am a bit sad Hmm

teaandcakeplease · 12/08/2010 09:07

It is incredibly hard. I no longer recognise the man who used to be my Husband. We're only married on paper now, the man I knew has gone. Everything he used to say he was and believed is not who he is now Sad

Its very very hard. To be honest Armbow it's you he's probably fooling Sad Sorry it must hurt to hear that. Try and keep yourself busy today hon and try not to think about him ((hugs))

armbow · 12/08/2010 09:15

that's OK tea son't be sorry - i think you are right.

it is hard.

i don't want him back but i would like the old h back but i guess that could be said for many of us on this thread????

ChairmumSupermum · 12/08/2010 11:26

Hello ladies! I am still alive here, just really busy gettin on with real life!

DD is 8 weeks now and we are doing pretty well. Things with H have been good - we have been spending a lot of time together, although sticking very closely to the boundaries we set early on and keeping things strictly child related. We even all went camping at the weekend at the local safari park, which was good fun and now we are on our way to Weston supermare with my local childrens centre!

H has mentioned relate a few times over the last couple of months, including the night before our wedding anniversary. We had agreed I was going to do my individual counselling first but after my first session yesterday my counsellor agreed I needed to sort out where my marriage was going first before I could work on myself. So we will be going on the waiting list for relate. I have no idea whether H wants to work towards getting back together but I am open to that. I have conditions but I think we could be happy again. Similarly though, at this point I can see myself building a life without him as a husband if we could continue to be a family as we are at the moment. It's all a bit confusing though!

I have caught up with the thread - took me ages! And I am going to try to keep up better so I can actually respond to people properly.

I am up for a meetup though, if nobody minds me bringing DD!

Littlecritter - I am only about 15 miles south of Birmingham!

Patience - I am not surprised the reconciliation didn't work but you sound so strong now and I wish you good luck with the business venture!

Hope to see some of you soon.

partytime · 12/08/2010 11:30

morning everyone, just reading last few posts and I can sort of understand your feelings.

when I think fondly of my H, how he used to be, when he was in love with me, I really miss him or the man he was.

but when I think of how he has treated me over the last few years and how he is when I see him now, I am certain that I wouldn't want him back, he has changed so much.

What I can't get my head round is, had he changed before he met OW and I hadn't seen it or did the relationship with OW change him?

he is certainly not the person he was, he is so arrogant and cock-sure, he always had confidence but it is quite startling now. It makes me think he probably is not such a nice person at all.

I guess as well that as my new bf is so different that it makes me see my H in a different light.

Patienceobtainsallthings · 12/08/2010 11:33

I think its himself he's fooling AB .He has 2 lives and he likes the single one too much to give it up for the family so they blame us in the marriage but its not us ,that is just to ease his guilt,I found WWIFN explanations of how a man detatches at the beginning of an affair very insightful.This is exactly the life my H lived since we had kids he came home everynite at 7pm after 2hrs in the pub ,his thrill was spending time with younger folk being free and having the "no responsibilities feelings".Was never in a pub b4 we had kids ,just chose to spend his time with me.His friends were all younger at the pub ,I think it awoke an "excitement "that he thought he was missing once kids came along or the "this is it for the rest of my days panic",but the "friends " now are mostly older and divorced ,the ones Happy mentioned sat scratching their heads at the side of the road wondering where they went wrong,cos its not ever "their"fault.Although the odds were always stacked against us with reconcilliation ,when a man you"lost " mentally reappears even briefly and tells you everything you have witnessed ie all of the above,was a mistake ,he shows heartfelt pain on losing his family and wants his old life back ,it just shows me he is completely aware of what he was doing to me ,it is all manipulation .He manipulates because he had power over me because I "loved "him.He abuses my love and all the power that gives him.This time i see that i have been manipulated ,conned whatever you want to call it ,reconcilliation would only have worked if he could come back into a house he controlled,and he would have tried IMO to combine both lifestyles again ,hanging out with young single folk after work and have me at home doing all the domestics .I think the whole behaviour pattern stems from low self esteem,self confidence and this bloody male sense of entitlement.Good luck AB just protect yourself .I dont think its complicated the situation these men are in it is just temptation ,they could stay with us and work things out to improve their home life .But they are chasing a superficial happiness and think NOTHING of the consequences for their family.My H is v angry now i would imagine that i have him sussed and he has lost control of me.I still weep for him,but I cant accept second best ,i will always be true to me now,even if i am single for the rest of my life.I have to accept now he will be with a new partner soon and more kids will prob be born.I have to accept he broke my heart ,he dumped me .Now he will be getting advice from all the other divorced guys in his circle.The easiest step for him to take now is to turn me into "evil psycho bitch"He will lie about me taking his kids away etc ,HE will be the VICTIM.Again this will be easy for him because it will justify why he HAD to leave,and he will have an audience of nodding dogs.
So my plan is CALM,DIGNIFIED,SERENE and BEAUTIFUL .
These are our feminine super powers.
Take care AB enjoy your writing ,look after yourself .My STBXH 's emotional immaturity still astounds me ,everytime he appears there is an incident,every phone call brings hurt.This after having my old H back for a fortnight in July ,kind ,considerate ,helpful.His war is with himself not me ,so i have to protect me and DCs and plan for our future ,thats the best I can do.

Patienceobtainsallthings · 12/08/2010 11:52

Waves to Supermum.I dont think anyone is surprised it didnt work Chairmum ,but at least i have developed emotionally and can cope better this time around.Still very painful,admitting your marriage is over ,even when i knew it and had been a single mum since xmas.
Big hugs and good luck to you and urs x

littlecritter · 12/08/2010 12:22

Armbow, Patience is right. He is fooling himself. Don't waste your time trying to see inside his head because he's probably more confused than you are.

Chairmum - I am south of Brum too. I have a Birmingham postcode but only just. I could walk to the border of Worcestershire from my house. So I'm guessing we must live within 10 miles or so of each other Smile.

I am on leave next week for 3 weeks and wondering whether to take ds away on my own. If someone had told me 6 weeks ago that I'd be in this position now I would never have believed them Shock. I was in blissful ignorance then. I had a very sad day yesterday and tried to think of an excuse to phone XP. In the end I just phoned up and said I wanted a chat if he was free and it was all very friendly with no accusations or sniping. It was nice just to chat about day to day things.

Today got off to a bad start as we slept in until 10am Grin which was the time ds had to be at football camp. I'm still trying to catch up now. Just off for a soak in the bath.

Hope everyone is ok.

partytime · 12/08/2010 13:03

LC and Chairmum - I must be very near to you too.

armbow · 12/08/2010 13:39

thank you patience - i love the feminine super powers !!!!

littlecritter · 12/08/2010 13:40

Ooh partytime, give us a clue! If you live up to your name we'll be over to your house for a knees up later Grin.

gettingeasier · 12/08/2010 16:09

What everyone said about husbands before they changed is the same for me, for a long time I thought it was my fault he changed but I dont think that anymore.

Patience yes there are a lot of similarities with my exh but you are right we mustnt settle for second best. Agree with calm serene dignified thing as well. In fact as promised to myself I am back to being polite and helpful with exh and it feels better than those couple of weeks of being nasty. He said how the dc had clearly had an amazing holiday in Cornwall and told me well done for doing it Shock.Anyway I have ordered some photos of the holiday and got doubles of the kids ones to give to him . That isnt something I wouldve imagined myself doing 2 weeks ago !! Startings phrase keeping her side of the street clean has stuck with me and I thought on this occasion I would put some flower displays on my street too Grin

Armbow that must have been horrid to listen to . I know on one hand its a case of feeling sorry for him being such an arse but on the other you want to hear stories of them lonely and miserable not out living it up !

LC its still early days no wonder you want to speak to xp and if its helps ease away from him more gradually why not. Its a hard call the holiday thing I know I struggled to book something on my own with dc but you know the outcome of that!! With 3 whole weeks it does seem a shame not do something even if its just a long weekend away.

Spoke to dd this morning and they are going to a show in London tonight and then staying in a hotel overnight so I am guessing they arent missing me too much yetSmile

Waves to everyone

OP posts:
ChairmumSupermum · 12/08/2010 17:01

Lc and party - woo! H has DS Monday, wed and Friday so I'd be up for a meetup somewhere I can take 8wk old DD. We've already been out for dinner a couple of times.

I live about a mile from the centre of a little Worcestershire town beginning with b

littlecritter · 12/08/2010 17:33

Chairmum, I think I come to your town every Saturday morning as ds has guitar lessons there. I live close to the old car factory.

partytime · 12/08/2010 17:44

LC and chairmum - I think I know which town you refer, I am near a town beginning with A, birmingham post code

ChairmumSupermum · 12/08/2010 17:59

I think I know where both of you are then :-). You could definitely come to my town (i dont drive ) then or we could meet up in brum

startingovernow · 12/08/2010 18:18

Well I'm in a town beginning with C but no where near you lot Grin.....

Armbow, I totally get what you mean about h being so far removed from the man he was that you find it hard to believe it's actually happening. I had that for a long time but tg have left that behind now. It's normal to feel sad & have bad days, it's part of the grieving process & will help you to heal & be able to move forward in time.

Patience, I think my xh wanted both lives simultaneously aswell & hates me for depriving him of his family life. Likewise my xh is portraying me as the psycho bitch out to ruin him & depriving him of his dc's!!

LC, taking a break with your ds sounds like a great idea.

Chairmum, great to hear from you & best of luck with relate.

Party, I agree completely with your post of 11.30. Sadly I'm missing the bf though!

Getting, I actually paid for doubles of dc's end of yr photos & several other occasions too & sent them to xh Grin. It's about maintaining your own standard of behaviour despite their complete fuckwittery (my xh anyway!), at times I confess it sticks a bit in my throat.........basd but I do it for dc's. I've also got the f*r b'day presents & xmas presents from dc's etc.

The reason for my above profanity is that I'm am struggling with the demon rage again! Got a card in my letter box today while I was out for ds's b'day that had been posted by sil to xh's work address. This is despite the fact that I had a v good relationship with her for 11yrs even when she fell out with xh & they didn't speak for past number of years. She dissappeared since split! She is obviously now sending a strong message by posting card to xh instead of here. I feel so wronged & f***g angry!!!!!!Angry

littlecritter · 12/08/2010 18:48

Starting - do you mean the card was redirected from his work? Do you feel snubbed by her acknowledgement of his departure, as if she approves of him and not you? Sorry if I'm being obtuse here but I'm a bit brain dead at the moment.

I've just blubbed down the phone and told XP I want him back Shock. I don't know why I said it. It was completely involuntary because I don't want him back really. Well I do but I don't - you lot know what I mean. So now I've got to undo all that. Have just text him and told him to ignore me as I'm having a mad day! It's 6 weeks now and he's still living in hotels and still hasn't told his parents, friends or colleagues. I've asked him to give me a figure for buying him out of the house so that he can come off the mortgage. But what do I find when I check the current account? Yes, he's put money in for the mortgage. So that's another month of limbo for both of us. Another month of not moving in any direction. I need to feel like I've got some control and he's just stalling me. I'm being impatient, I know.

startingovernow · 12/08/2010 19:04

LC, normally we'd have met up to exchange gifts, since split she has cut me out & posted instead to xh's work address. I mean wtf why not post to address where ds is actually living! This is 2nd time she's done this recently. Xh got someone else to put it in my letter box. I am angry because not only has she cut me out which of course means she now doesn't get to see dc's but obviously this is a message that she does not believe xh was violent or treated me & dc's like shit. This despite the fact that she was on the receiving end of his insanity/aggression which is why she had nothing to do with him for past few yrs. Obviously he has now been elevated to model husband & wronged party & I am the bitch!

LC, it sounds to me like what you really want is to have your xp back but to be able to erase out what happened with ow. At least that's how I used to feel about xh, I desperately wanted him back but as things used to be, as if I could have turned back the clock. It's still v early days for you & you're bound to feel confused & a lot of grief. I think we'd all have mostly wanted our xh's back in the early days if we could have blocked out the reality of the stuff they'd done.

littlecritter · 12/08/2010 19:25

God, starting, I missed the bit about it being a card for your ds. I thought it was a card for your XH. Sorry. I can totally see why you are mega pissed off now. What a cow! Maybe it's genetic. How old is your ds? Will he realise the significance? How very mean of her.

You've hit the nail on the head regarding my XP. It is grief for what we had and what we could have had. We should be planning a family holiday together right now. We always had lots of holidays and usually booked at the last minute. We just booked the same time off work then I would scour the net for a good deal about a week before departure. I'm still in that mode now but instead of entering 2ad + 1ch it's 1ad + 1ch. Sob. There should be a weeping emoticon for me!

Thing is, XP said I sounded like I needed a holiday but I explained that ds wasn't that keen when I spoke to him. So XP asked if I would like him to come with us. What sort of headfuckery is that???

Actually, I offered ds a trip to Las Vegas to see the magic shows (he loves, loves, loves magicians) and he said, "Vegas is boring apart from the shows. I've heard it's just like Huddersfield during the day" GrinGrin. Where that came form I don't know and I don't know if it's more insulting to Huddersfield or Vegas! Especially as I hail from Yorshire myself.

Patienceobtainsallthings · 12/08/2010 20:08

LC i think when you love someone it is very difficult to imagine a life without them.Unfortunately my STBXH knew how much i loved him and abused that love and trust,To begin with they just push the boundaries a little to see how much you will put up with and then they start to be sneaky fuckers.When i said about not accepting 2nd best anymore i truly meant it in my case because i am much happier now having the freedom to be myself and not be resentful re his selfish behaviour.Something in the Lundy book says that a husband was complaining about his wife's irrational outbursts and blaming her for his behaviour ,but the counsellor said most of these outbursts were caused by her husbands controlling /aggressive behaviour towards her in the first place .I would never go back to a life like that .I want peace in my home not arguing cause the man thinks he can lie and manipulate us and then when he gets caught out there is a cooling off period and then he can just charm us back into bed because we LOVE him.Never underestimate the power a man has over you once he knows you are in love with him.I think every single man in Britain uses this power in some way or another ,i really do ,its the art of manipulating the loved up female,bet they give lessons in the lads mags .So all i say ladies is beware .Actions speak louder than words and all that.
Took the kids for a boat trip today.Cant afford to go away anywhere but we live in a holiday place so i decided to be a tourist for the day ,very funny !Lots of ice cream ,talked to folk on the boat from all over the world ,played football on the bank ,ate more ice cream,meant to be real hot weekend here so looking forward to it.Kids go back yo school here next week .Take care x

Patienceobtainsallthings · 12/08/2010 20:18

Startin'...she's ds's auntie FFS !What is it with emotional immaturity is it a fucking PANDEMIC ,dcs need support at this time.My inlaws have NEVER been in touch ,i feel nothing to them.As long as he got card that is the main thing ,all fucked up game playing fro someone clearly needing some "ME" work .Hope you are a flea free zone ,big hugs scratchy.
ps i def flirted with a man tonight LOL.ps ds just asked me if we have anything with a hole in it WTF?What for?Its a secretHmmOk he was looking for something to stand his rugby ball up in.Sent him outside will a big roll of seellotape ,seems to be working Smile

ChairmumSupermum · 12/08/2010 20:29

Starting - that must be hard to deal with :-(.
My H is nothing like that but I've experienced it from my family and I know it sucks when you know they've lied to make you look like a villain!

LC - I know what you mean about grieving for what you should have had. H and I are still doing loads of family stuff together so there is a lot less for me to miss at the moment.

littlecritter · 12/08/2010 20:37

Patience, do you still love your H? I ask because you seem so clear and insightful about his motivations and there seems to be a lot of things you don't particularly like about him. So if you do still love him , why? I keep asking myself this. I just don't know why I can't take the sensible option and keep my distance from XP. I have the perfect opportunity to get rid of someone who is sucking the life out of me and I'm torturing myself by not breaking free. It's like taking a very sticky sticking plaster off really, really slowly.

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