ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 6

[gettingeasier]

Cant survive 5 minutes without this thread

Did you try to click on" show all messages "
written in purple next to little box that has Go to page,top right of this page ,you should be able to scroll up and down all messages Pink .....

Just read it all....am a very slow reader

You're all so amazing.
I started writing notes so I could comment on bits and pieces but but that now seems a lifetime ago plus 2 seperations.....

Patience and LC.....I'm realy sorry, what dreadful times you've had. This is the new begining.....and it gets better from now.

I keep laughing about you 60 bars of chocolate and your cunning plan LC I only like the posh stuff as well. You bring cadburys for the others and I'll bring the Lindt for us .

Starting and Getting.....bloody well done for managing lovely holidays for you and your DC.

Happy......I LOVE LOVE LOVE the comune dream and keep picturing the row of sad old bastards slumped on the roadside wondering how they got to where they are.

Loved your cake Tea and you and your DC are gorge.

Armbow..........your cottage sounds so lovely....glad your H was so shocked.

Beebers.......I love your enthusiasm for style and fashion.....I could certainly do with your services. I never felt worthy of style or fashion and am only now begining to wake up to the fact that I deserve to look great and feel great. It so goes against the grain though....as a child I was always told to, be quiet, don't talk just listen, other people are more important, more interesting, prettier etc than me. I've always felt like shit. Thought that looking and feeling nice equalled vanity. Was never encouraged to feel good about myself...let along sexy and confident.

Seeing you and Happy and other women celebrating their feminninety (can't spell) makes me realise that its ok to feel good about yourself.

Dutchy.......dog on wheels ........so sweet

Mumfun.......glad you're standing up to your rellies even if the outcome is dissapointing. I did it to all my rellies and the outcome has been truley shattering but I've stayed true to myself and am left with wonderful friends and none of the crap.

Hope you're ok Chairmum.

Love the random wise posts from WWIFN.

Ive had a crap few days....feel like I'm going backwards sometimes. H is now legally exH and I can't get his face out of my head. He and gf have reproduced and it's surreal and it's tearing me appart and he doesn't give a shit. My friend said I should have CBT. He well and truly has a new young family and a TON of dosh curtisy of my family. (don't want to say more)

Reading your stories makes me feel very humbled and I'm realy proud to be one of you as you're all so amazingly supportive to each other and so caring. It's realy wonderful.

You're also so articulate and well schooled. I often want to post more but am so ashamed of my atrocious spelling that it puts me off.

Such a shame as I love long flamboyent words.

Going to bed now.....might just catch a JK repeat !

Lots of love to you all and realy exited at meetup.

PMSL at Getting.....strictly no cooking

Tea....is it you that also has put their setting to continuous posts ?

When I come back on here it will be at the start of the thread.....How do you come back on at where you left off ?

My PC incompetance is truely astoundy.

ing ing ing

Blimey Pink, you were up late. But all in a good cause

So sad about the situation with your XH. One step at a time tho and your fabulosity will continue to grow I know. I find the Style and Beauty thread good for personal pampering also. Lots of ideas for spending time and money in yourself. I would recommend trying CBT - have found a solution focused counsellor good.

Pink. You sound fab....embrace your style! I am proud to be one of us lot too....this thread has proved to be amazingly helpful and we all should be extremely proud of what we are achieving. Sorry about all the crappy stuff in you life right now
Especially the reproducing .....what an awful thing to deal with. We are all here for you. Bloody sod it if you have a few typos get your thoughts down on here .....I am not one to be precious about typos I make my fair share of mistakes ... in fact I don't think any of us mind a bit ;)

Hello Pink. So sorry to hear about stuff with your XH. How very crap for you but at least you're not in his gf's position of wondering if he's still going to be around for her in 5 or 10 years.

Armbow, sorry you're not getting the money you're entitled to. It's so annoying when none of this was of our choosing, isn't it?

I haven't posted for a couple of days because I've been feeling very negative. Just wanted to lick my wounds for a while - I know you lot understand. Finally, I had the conversation with XP and told him it's not going to work out as he is not prepared to terminate his "friendship" with OW. But even more momentous was the conversation that we had with ds yesterday when we told him that dad was moving out and getting his own flat. XP said "for a while" but I corrected him and said "permanently" which XP didn't like. Then ds asked what had he done to upset me so much and XP told him. All ds wanted to know was who was getting the big tv and the x box which XP found a bit hurtful.

I have told XP that I need a week of minimal contact to try and come to terms with everything because he started to say things like "I'll pick him up for guitar tomorrow". No! It needs to be just as if we are single parents now so that we can both start to come to terms with it. So, he's back in a hotel and fast running out of money. I'm hoping to starve him into submission, ie. when he can no longer afford a hotel he will come to me for a deposit on a flat and that is when he will be signing away at least 60% of the house and promising to repay all the money he owes me. So I keep reminding myself I need to keep things cordial because in reality I feel like spitting venom at him for ruining everything and then throwing away a perfectly good chance of reconciliation. Because I would have forgiven him. And I would have really tried to rebuild our relationship. But he just wanted the old one back. I'm not going to settle for second best even if that means I'm a single parent again. So even though I love him and he loves me and we have a gorgeous ds and a great lifestyle he is prepared to jack it in just because I am not allowed to choose his "friends".

I have been keeping WWIFN on my shoulder for all my dealings with XP and she has proved very helpful . Every time XP opens his mouth and all the shit comes out I can hear her reply and I repeat it word for word .

Hope everyone is today. I have been thinking of you all and will try to catch up later. I feel much calmer and more at peace today.

Thanks Happy, Armbow and LC. I feel much better today. Bought the DC tons of new socks and pants and have just paired them all and put them in thier cupboards.

Can't believe I just told you all that as it's SO mundane but it's something I love doing every few months. Makes me feel happy and nurturing and plentiful.

Thanks Patience for the show all messeges tip !Never noticed that before, it's just what I needed.....is that what you all do ?

Patience I'm so intregued by your new business.

I have one too and work from home and I love it and it means I'm always on tap for the DC.......not sure that's always a good thing though.

LC....I think it's so sad that you and H have parted especially as you would have forgiven him and tried your hardest at your relationship.

He's thrown it all away, and for what ?

So he can still be in touch with OW......WTF......idiot.

When I found out that my EXH had an emotional affair with a different OW a few years ago, I said that if we were going to work at our relationship and make another go of it then he would have to cut all contact with her completley. He eventually agreed but very reluctantly and made me feel as though I was being unreasonable to ask it of him. I think he resented me from putting a stop to his secret little liasons and didn't like me telling him who he could or couldn't be freinds with.

I remember wondering if perhaps I was being to demanding and spiteful requesting he didn't see her again but soon realized that I was absolutley within my rights.

In fact i was so nice and forgiving about it all because I was so gratefull that he hadn't left me....at that time DS1 was very very difficult and I had clinical deppression and couldn't have coped on my own.

I never realy knew if he did have contact with her again but the fact that I knew he wanted to and was being compremised by me was a realy shitty feeling to have.

Your H has thrown such a lot away and will regret it I'm sure.

Yep. He's thrown it all away and he has to live with that. He's going to be on his own in bedsitland while I stay in our 4 bedroomed detached which I can just about afford even if he doesn't give me a penny. And best of all, I've got ds with me . XP came round a couple of hours ago to collect his cricket bag - always some excuse - and ds just ignored him, actually shut the living room door so that he didn't have to see him. I could almost see physical pain on XP's face when ds did that. I told him to leave ds as he was still upset - he is saying that his dad has left both of us even though I have tried to reinforce it is ME that he left. But ds is a bit of a pedant and says that technically he has left both of us. Which is true to a degree, I suppose. So XP is putting OW before his son. And OW is married with an adopted dd and seriously unhinged (I think she may have something verging on body dysmorphia as she is bulimic and has frequent cosmetic procedures). And the relationship was "over more than a year ago and they never had sex". Something just doesn't add up here .

Sorry, just venting/ranting. Can't get to grips with all this. Don't understand WHY. I mean, she's no catch and she's still with her H. And I have told XP that under no circumstances is ds ever to set eye on her again. I can make that stipulation with 100% confidence as XP has no legal rights over ds as he has never applied for parental responsibility despite me encouraging him to do so. Grrrr .

LC.....I thought that DS was son of XP.......?

Something that wwifn said was " ask yourself if a friend of ur partner is a friend of your marriage "I went thru this with my H re the people he drank with and he agreed that none of them [went thru them one at a time]were a friend of the marriage ,i def think the people we surround ourselves,listen to advice etc have to be or they will always encourage H to disrespect you.Just think my X started listening to the most sexist shite ever,the whole NUTS ,LOADED type shite [do young women really have to put up with this shite?do young men actually believe all women have sex like porn stars and you are expected to treat them with utter disrespect],i really think he thinks thats the lifestyle he is entitled to and if i didnt agree to it i was threatened ,i was sad last night just had a little weep re money and house and stuff ,but sun is shinig today and i feel my freedom ,tis all good !
ps Pink dont worry about spelling ffs i love nice language too ,in between my cursing Think the show all messages was teas top tip only just found out myself lol!

Pink - yes, ds age 9 is XP's son but we have never married and ds was born before the law changed about legal responsibility. Many unmarried couples are unaware that the father has no legal rights over their own children in these circumstances. Eg. XP has no automatic right to choose a school; attend parents' evening; consent for surgery; take ds abroad and all sorts of other things. I could prevent him from collecting ds from school if I wished. That would change automatically if we got married(!) otherwise XP has to apply through the court for an order which is a formality providing I consent but I could prolong the process by objecting (I wouldn't do that). I have been telling XP to apply for this for years. If I died my older dc's could challenge XP for custody (or whatever it's called now) and the way they feel about XP I wouldn't put it past them to do it. So I'll try not to die just yet .

Armbow....where does your MN name stem from ?

Don't answer if you don't want to. I can't work it out at all.

I did it I did it !!!

I must say apart from giving birth that was the toughest physical challenge I have ever undertaken !! Yes this Dumpling has still got what it takes

My how busy the thread has been and with sad stuff for the most part. Being surrounded by happy families all week has made me realise how strong we all are putting up with our different crap and how its not until you walk our paths you dont realise what its like.

Being away from home has given me space to realise life is going on and exists outside of my house and the divorce stuff and how lovely it would be to just never go home again. I am trying to figure out how to keep this state of mind where when I wake up I am happy and not gasping for a cigarette at 7.30am how can I take Cornwall mindset to Herts

Anyway need to go and beach myself somewhere as I have overeaten again be back later

Welldone Getting,glad to know your dumpling super powers are on top form!!!!!

hello ladies..... well done getting

pink - it comes from when i was a little girl - it took me years to say elbow - i used to call it my armbow nothing too in-depth bu then i also called a car-park a par-cark for ages too !!!!!

well i am all dressed up and waiting for my taxi - h came and dropped of the kids earlier and looked at me and said "you look really good" i kept quiet then remembered what LC said about leaving someone who dumped you with a massive erection so I also admit to leaning over and giving him a nice eyeful of my cleavage it felt evil but i loved it !!!

wish me a nice evening out girls the first one as a single lady in over 13 years

lc - glad to see you are thinking clearly throughout all this - i imagine a little version of wwifn on my shoulder every time i see h too- i wonder how many other mners do this and i wonder if she realises how much good she has done and how many people she has helped through mn?

waves at tea, happy, beebs and patience.

twirls and shimmies out of her door.

Have a lovely night out AB.... you sooooooo deserve it x

Hi everyone.

Been away just caught up on latest thread. Not posted for ages and hope you are doing ok.

LC........oh I see, yes I did realise that unmarried dads had no rights but I suppose I'd forgotten. We only got married recently so H was in the same position re the DC too.

I picture the OW as something like Miss Doubtfire. I wonder what he sees in her.....seems very odd dosen't it.

Your DS sounds so sweet....little pedent

and excellent that he was most concerned about big tv and x box.

Armbow.... I'm so glad I asked, it was really bothering me.

Well done Getting...you must have felt amazing.......you get the dumpling of the week badge.

To bring Cornwall to Herts I would get your photos developed ASAP and make a collage for the wall.

I can't bear to look at all our photo albums.......too painful, so I bought myself an album (A.T. = After Twunt)and every few weeks I get photos developed and put them in.

Just DC and birthdays and pets and flowers, the garden etc but it gives me great pleasure to start a collection of albums again which I can look at...and they're mine...all mine

It's nice for the DC too, makes them still feel special.

Hope your're having fun Armbow.

Waves to PT ....kids doin glitter thing in sitting room...you can never have too many sparkles ,goin to watch stuart little 2 later ...H round tomorrow to take kids out... whoopy fucking do ...LOL
Tomorrow is the start of grown up co parenting, wish me luck ....

patience - i struggle when DC meet their dad, i hate feeling bad about them seeing him. Luckily he doesn't come here to pick them up as they drive, late teens. They have a good relationship with him and i am genuinely pleased but it's difficult. Sometimes I feel left out, they are having 'family' time without me, but they live with me when home from Uni, not him, which is good.

You should do something nice for yourself while they are out.

Patience I wonder if you will enjoy the time your dc are with h more than I did because they are so young and so much more demanding and so the break will be welcome ?

I struggled the first couple of months when they were with him and made sure I had every second accounted for but now ... sounds awful but I enjoy the freedom to do stuff without having to run it by anyone

Armbow I love that you looked great and cleavage thing - tee hee hee ! Hope you have a fab night.

Seems my date is on hold he cant meet next week on the night I am free as hes working. I do wonder if we will actually end up meeting we both seem very laid back about it

Pink I like the photo montage idea I will need to grab some shots tomorrow to have enough.

Well I have decided,if possible,to stay the distance tomorrow and let dc do the afternoon activities which will involve me doing a 5 hour drive at 6ish. Thats the sort of thing exh would have done without a blink but I will need to man up or maybe dumpling up ?

Starting -hows the holiday going ?

Getting - I'm glad you did it, but what exactly was it?? It sounds too much for me, at any rate. I know what you mean about feeling proud of what we've achieved even though I'm only 5 weeks into this.

Hi all totally mixed day.
Currently sitting sobbing with a glass of cider. F BE for being an irresponsible vast with no sense of responsibility. Some fucking big DC challenges which I dealing with solo whilst he is off on a family holiday (except its not his family).