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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 6

1000 replies

gettingeasier · 27/07/2010 15:46

Cant survive 5 minutes without this thread

OP posts:
armbow · 04/08/2010 18:50

it is almost as though they know how they should behave but just can't quite get that to marry with their true self (no pun intended)

teaandcakeplease · 04/08/2010 20:07

I was sitting on my bed reading DD a story tonight and a beautiful rainbow appeared outside, after all the horrid rain we've had today.

DD was so excited and was singing away. So lovely. Rainbows fill me with hope everytime, beautiful.

My tomorrows will be brighter than my todays.

armbow · 04/08/2010 20:18

tea ... that's lovely

ds1 and i had a great laugh before he went off to sleep - he was laughing with such gusto that it really made me thankful for what i have been left with.

hope h is happy in his mate's spare room

Patienceobtainsallthings · 04/08/2010 20:34

Love rainbows
AB with my H I still think it is the warped massive sense of entitlement,he knows what other blokes do but sees them as under the thumb,he doesnt realise that his behaviour is actually weaker.Again i think most men that disrespect women are very insecure in themselves they pick strong women and suck the life out of them.At some point though they push us to far ,with me he got much worse when kids very v small and i was most vulnerable ,i spoke up but he always threatened to walk out.Then he did and lost alot of power,i got stronger and little by little see him for who he really is.

armbow · 04/08/2010 20:40

nodding along to the part where you said insecure men suck the life out of strong women
patience

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 04/08/2010 22:00

Nodding with Armbow....

Patienceobtainsallthings · 05/08/2010 01:21

Chairmum how you doin ?

Mumfun · 05/08/2010 08:06

AB You are doing amazingly in such a short time. Glad good things are in prospect for you

Tea Good to appreciate the little things - and I love rainbows too

Patience I agree how many kids do suffer because of men like these. Good to hear you were just a wee bit wicked too

LC Love your wickedness - you are a top dumpling! Im really sorry re losing your mum and dad - you are having to cope with loss upon loss which is very hard. Are you having any counselling -would really recommend it.

Getting - hope you are having a great holiday - you deserve it!

armbow · 05/08/2010 14:08

hi mumfun - hope you are doing ok.
had a little wobble today when for sale board went up - but i guess that is to be expected.

Patienceobtainsallthings · 05/08/2010 14:28

Hi AB Thinking of you ...moving house is emotional, even without all the other stuff you are dealing with just now .I have booked to view new nursery next week and each step i take i truly know is a positive one and it gives me such a lovely feeling.The kids will be fine ,I will be fine.Looking into a distance learning course today that would compliment my business ,may put things on hold now til Spring and do some studying.Just looking forward to the future now and providing for my family .

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 05/08/2010 19:25

Waves to all
Feeling a bit more positive now while I wait for the next solicitors letter to arrive
Why is life never straightforward?
Hope all is well LC
Patience, course sounds good
Armbow, house sounds difficult but this too will pass I know.
Hello to everyone not mentioned by name xx

Patienceobtainsallthings · 05/08/2010 20:23

Waves to Happy hope ur able to find some peace on ur journey x

pinksmarties · 05/08/2010 20:25

Just jumped on here.....

I haven't read the last 6 or 7 pages so I'm completely out of date.

Everyday I mean to catch up but I'm fed up and fecked off and tired. Had huge dental stuff today and am constant taxi for DC.

Catching up on thread seems more than I can manage at the mo but I def def will tomorow.

Going to watch telly in bed now....

I'm no use to anyone when I'm in this crappy mood.

Gonna pretend I'm assleep so I don't get asked for another fecking lift somewhere.

Hope you're all managing the holidays and I WILL catch up tomorow.

Thinking of you all. xxx

gettingeasier · 05/08/2010 20:40

Hello Everyone

Armbow - a little wobble ? As usual dont know how you are so strong

IfYoure only in our dumpling world could waiting for a solicitors letter be positive

LC that was very amusing you are naughty

Patience. The strong woman thing I think I mentioned reading a post by someone called thumbwitch a couple of weeks ago and being blown away. It was along the lines of how certain men pick strong women because it enhances their image and they set about taking them apart bit by bit . I have started now I cant remember it all but if that resonates it was on a thread by pinemartina . My exh often said in jest how he thought he wanted someone who was a challenge but actually I just turned out to be a pain in the arse.

Actually one of the most difficult things about rebuilding myself is getting back to the strong person I was and perceiving that as good rather than the virago he brainwashed me into thinking I was.

Anyhwow Patience sorry the house wasnt what you wanted . Hows the dream coming along ? I have been gazing at the superb Cornish coastline trying to muster my dreams .

Dumplings a small confession in spite of being lucky enough to be here and its all going soooo well I have found myself a couple of times thinking it feels odd without exh here , nobody to turn to and smile at when some little quirky dc related thing happens etc. Saying that the freedom to just make decisions by the seat of your pants from moment to moment without having to check out of the corner of your eye for facial expression of h , trying to second guess what he wants or doesnt want just means I feel at ease all the time

Holiday going brilliantly reflected to day on how hard I found it to book and struggled to picture going away with dc . Now we are here though I wonder what all the fuss was and am so glad I did it.

The dc are still going strong on surfing etc but I had this afternoon off and will probably do the same in the morning as its really tiring

Waves to all

OP posts:
Patienceobtainsallthings · 05/08/2010 21:17

Still need premises Getting but got another meeting next week which might help.dream is def possible and already thinking ahead re other qualifications i def wouldnt have taken this option with H in tow .My H said last week that i would never be financially independent of him and well I've always liked a challenge ladies .I have given myself a 3 yr plan and i think i will be in a much more abundant situation.I am going through a sort of yeuch feeling when i think of him coming near me ATM ,anyone else had this......In all this time this is the first time I think I truly might have made the break .
Surfing sounds fab!

Patienceobtainsallthings · 05/08/2010 21:19

Waves to Smartie x

armbow · 05/08/2010 21:29

getting - you sound like you are having a fab time, enjoy the rest of your time there. i love Cornwall.

the wobble turned into a big f-ing earthquake by the way !!! I came back tonight after work (it was h's night so he was here when i got back) the sight of the for sale board made me cry and i could not hold it back when i saw him (he refused to go because i was upset ) in the end i had to ask him to leave because he was just stood in silence watching me cry
i tried sooooo hard to compose myself and tried to summon all the dumpling power that i could but it was no use the tears had to come. i have told myself since that if he saw me cry then it makes no difference to me it is just my emotions and i am within my rights to express them whenever and wherever i want or need to - because nothing he would do or say now would make me go back to what we were. i just feel worried now that he thinks i want him back i hope he does not think that..... but at the same time he should not get off lightly thinking "oh she is coping fine - perhaps i made the right decision" you see he told me the other say that he thought i fell out of love with him too - almost as though he was trying to rid himself of the blame

oh i don't know .... this afternoon has been pants.

my family home is being sold.... i did my best for my family to try and keep it together.... my husband turned into a selfish cock...

(sorry )

pink - sorry you are having a tough time - sending you strength,

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 05/08/2010 22:05

Hi all.
Pink, stay strong and get a good sleep. The world always seems more sunny when you are well rested.
Getting I love Cornwall too
Armbow, its nasty and pretty sh** so shedding a few tears is pretty understandable. And its no bad thing for XH to remember what he's done. You will come out the other side though -one step at a time.
Patience, one day we will all attend surf school together. The world will be amazed by our power.
Waves to all - Tea where are you? I have noticed that you are becoming WWIFN number 2 (respect emoticon)

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 05/08/2010 22:13

By the way I know this is extremely politically incorrect, but I am allowed to say this because a) it shows I have a sense of humour b) it is tv not reality c) if I like it then at least one dumpling whose XH went off with OW is not offended ..... I am delighted that there is a new series of mistresses on tv even though I have just missed the first one.

Patienceobtainsallthings · 05/08/2010 22:29

Hugs to you AB ....hope you are feeling a bit calmer now .Like I said b4 my H still said to me last Sat that his unreasonable behaviour wasnt the cause of our break up ,my sol thought i had grounds for divorce so thats enough for me.I havent seen or spoke to H since last Sat am. and I know it will bring me down when I do.Cant have him in the house anymore ,only way it works for me x

armbow · 05/08/2010 22:29

never watched it happy - is it good then ??

Patienceobtainsallthings · 05/08/2010 22:31

Surf School Aug 2011 Happy it will be immense

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 05/08/2010 22:33

Armbow, I'm embarrassed to say that I love it or loved the first two series anyway

Patience, agree that keeping XH out of house is best. Sadly though I have to let him in here currently which I am trying to stop.

armbow · 05/08/2010 22:40

hi patience

feeling ok now had a nice shower, glass of wine and a crafty cigarette yes i have given in to the odd one recently

i think i am rebelling - he always said he would dump me if i start smoking again

come to think of it - there a lot of things he told me not to do....

anyway off out of saturday night and plan on getting a wee bit tipsy - wooohoooooooooo

Patienceobtainsallthings · 05/08/2010 22:42

Good for you AB x

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