💀 Archers thread #132: The Grim Reaper joined the cast; The Bard of Ambridge breathed his last. Discuss The Archers here.

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

Thank you, @PseudoBadger, for kicking off this long, long series of Archers threads.

All views on The Archers welcome here! New blood welcomed. We don't all agree on all points and most of us are posting tongue in cheek a lot of the time, so don't worry about revealing that you think Shula will make an excellent vicar, or other unusual things.

Spoilers: not on this thread, please! We don't wait for the omnibus to discuss the weeknight episodes, but we do try our best to avoid cross-contamination from www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/4197199--The-Archers-spoilers-thread-6-Cant-wait-for-7-02pm-Join-us-here, where spoilers are positively welcomed.

For newer listeners, lurkers or those who just have no idea what we're talking about, @DadDadDad has created this useful thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/3557323-For-Archers-fans-a-guide-to-acronyms-on-the-long-running-discussion-threads-and-any-other-meta-thread-questions-you-may-have - BOOP point for him! (See thread for explanation.)

Thanks to many of you for title suggestions. @JanglyBeads said that this thread had to be a Bert tribute so needed a rhyming title. From an excellent field, I chose the suggestion from @BorsetshireBanality (who also has a cracking username).

Check out the last thread for the other suggestions and various poetic offerings inspired by Bert Fry's passing. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/4349822--Archers-thread-131-A-time-to-plant-a-time-to-reap-Discuss-The-Archers-here

So, who'll get the bungalow? Rex, Stella, Pip? If Rex has to move, will he doss down beside his pigs at Lower Loxley? Or will Rex be a resident at Her Majesty's pleasure, having bumped off Trevor for being the world's most boring man? Now Freddie's on the case, are Russ's days at LL numbered? Will we ever hear Jill again, or was Bert just the first of many older cast members to be dedded?

Over to you!

The 🔮 says that Bleak will get his wish to meet with Moss Bros but Kirsty will get to hear of it first and persuade Philip to tell Bleak the truth about how he exploited them.

Harrison will track down Victoria and the Grey Man and bring them to justice, Bleak's friends will be found and they will set up in business together and all live happily ever.

Just in time for the Best Christmas Ever!

< approaches crystal ball with polyethelene bucket of hydrofluoric acid and a determined mien >
< approaches Blake ditto >
Sorry, Bore, but there will be no 'happy endings on my watch

Pip and Toby's sleeping arrangements are a bit odd to say the least.

Blake refuses to hear a word against Mr Moss and Gavin. Any attempt by Harrison to convince him of their wrong-doing will just add Harrison to Kirsty and Jazzer in the list of people Blake refuses to see or speak to. And to be honest, I can't see Philip being prepared to see Blake anyway: one thing prisoners are allowed to do is refuse particular visitors, and I imagine that Philip doesn't in the least want to see Blake: why should he?

On a different subject, if the worst Pip can throw in Toby's face about his lack of care for Rosie is that more than two-and-a-half years ago he took her to work with him and asked two of their friends to keep an eye on her while he was actually working, I'd say he must be a pretty impressive dad to the child.

@CaptainMyCaptain

Pip and Toby's sleeping arrangements are a bit odd to say the least.

Yes, why on earth has Toby not bought himself a mattress, or replaced the sofa with a futon?

@23minutesfromTulseHill

< approaches crystal ball with polyethelene bucket of hydrofluoric acid and a determined mien > < approaches Blake ditto > Sorry, Bore, but there will be no 'happy endings on my watch

The 🔮 scoffs at your puny threats 23. It has the protective swirly, misty forcefield and IT KNOWS ALL.

And Krusty will be the one to persuade Philip to do the right thing by Bleak.

OK, Bore, if you say so.
< lines up extra-large bucket of HF for Windy bleedin' Miller >

May I just say that when one's cat knocks one's crystal ball down onto a wooden floor, one doesn't half jump. So does the cat...

Yes, why on earth has Toby not bought himself a mattress, or replaced the sofa with a futon?

What on earth is wrong with twin beds?

I would be happy to have Leonard make me a coffee in the morning. Not in that way, but just in a ‘let me look after you for a few minutes’ sort of way. Pip is just dreadful.

There may not be room for twin beds; it's not a big cottage, and twin beds take up more floor-space than a double bed even if it is a queen-sized double. Three foot six and three foot six is seven feet, and you have to have at least a foot between them, whereas a double bed is only four foot six.

What a crashing, sour-faced bore Pip is.

@CaptainMyCaptain

Pip and Toby's sleeping arrangements are a bit odd to say the least.

They've just been made up for this episode haven't they?

I am fairly sure the set-up at Rickyard has been referenced before, as in Toby sharing the scratcher with Pip but no 'benefits' . Can't remember when, but think it was when the brat was still quite small.

OK, Bore, if you say so.
< lines up extra-large bucket of HF for Windy bleedin' Miller >

The 🔮 approves this plan, 23. As do I.

Cue Toby and Pip moving to the Bungalow….

The two of them are crazy - how was that arrangement ever supposed to work?

It sounded to me as if Pip and Toby are about to (re)discover that they are in luurve …

I thought that as well for a minute. Pip perhaps jealous that Toby might be sleeping somewhere where he doesn’t have to wear pyjamas.

@BoreOfWhabylon

OK, Bore, if you say so. < lines up extra-large bucket of HF for Windy bleedin' Miller >

The 🔮 approves this plan, 23. As do I.

OK, then, give the rotund little bugger a friendly polish from me, but tell it to watch itself in future.

Which, for a 🔮 is likely to set up an infinite regression, now I think about it.

@23minutesfromTulseHill

I am fairly sure the set-up at Rickyard has been referenced before, as in Toby sharing the scratcher with Pip but no 'benefits' . Can't remember when, but think it was when the brat was still quite small.

I think that's right. But it's beyond bizarre that they haven't sorted out a sofa bed downstairs by now.

So typical of Pip to get all self-righteous about being kept awake by worrying about something that she had no valid reason to believe was going to happen.

I assumed that Pip was jealous at the thought of Toby being with a woman other than her and hence was being all unreasonable about everything. I’m not convinced she’s in love with him, but she relies on him in various ways and doesn’t want anyone else to have him. I thought Toby sounded like he might want to move out, and who can blame him?

Obviously the usual soap trope is that two people of the opposite sex moaning about each other must therefore be in love…

@Darker

Cue Toby and Pip moving to the Bungalow….

The two of them are crazy - how was that arrangement ever supposed to work?

Ah! Of course, that's what it's leading up to and Rex will be out on his ear.

So, if they move to the bungalow, Rickyard will be free?

I’ll be amazed if Pargetters don’t find a hut for Rex somewhere close to his pigs. There’s absolutely no reason for him to be at Brookfield now.

So who will move to Rickyard if Pip and Toby decamp to the bungalow?

I'm sorry, but the idea that a celibate Toby would still be sharing a bed with Pip FOR THREE YEARS is ridiculous. With the ££££s he made from the sale of Scruff Gin, surely he could afford a sofabed!

Does Jill still live at Brookfield, or did she move in with Leonard? David and Ruth could easily make up a bed for Rosie at Brookfield for the nights when Pip had an early shift.

I'd quite like Josh to ask to live in the bungalow (purely because it would really annoy Pip).

Rex?
Jill and Leonard?
BenandBeth?
Bleak?

David and Ruth could easily make up a bed for Rosie at Brookfield for the nights when Pip had an early shift
But why the hell should they? Pip decided to have, or rather failed to go through with not having, it. Toby sired it. up to them, then, to look after it.That he is still there, hands-on brat-wangling, instead of elsewhere under an assumed moustache and hiding from the CSA, is surprising. Unbelievable, in fact.

RRGA must be the most pointless Archer birth ever.