The Archers #96: Is that a rat I smell or the whiff of Snell? In Chaucer’s famous Tale of Two Torsos, Brian’s ‘still got it’ and Poldark is searching for scything opportunities in Susan’s kitchen.

[NotdeadyetBOING]

Welcome..... I'd concocted a longer title with all sorts of references to bitch stitching and pasta bakes, but was thwarted by the pesky character limit

Oh please let it be Robin Fairbrother moving to Home Farm! I adore Anthony Head's voice. However, I didn't have the impression Robin was wealthy enough.

But there will have to be a twist - blackmail, or attempted theft of the Gwen John

Russ is broke, potentially homeless (when Lizzie stops paying the rent) unemployed and unemployable. And it's all Lily's fault !!!

There will definitely be blackmail. Russ will want compensation for what he has lost. There is no basis for a claim but that won't stop him.

Why is he so stupid though? It doesn't make sense. The situation with deck the halls is the perfect opportunity to ingratiate himself with the family but helping out and coming to the rescue whilst avoiding getting an actual job.

He's cross at Lily for working and not giving him attention but they can't pay the rent if she doesn't and he refuses to work. TSWAMA but they not that impressed with men of a certain age

I reckon Natasha shoplifted all those presents.

WTF?

Sorry! None of this makes sense to me.

Lynda's on Front Row!

The REAL Lynda Snell came on Front Row! Then an unknown woman with a very similar voice! And they're doing the actual Canterbury Tales ... So we'll be able to hear the silent characters!

I can't understand why Helen was so blasé about the present for Natasha. She agreed that the original present from all of them would look cheap, but now that it emerges that Natasha has spent £££ on Helen and her children, she's still happy to share in one present from all the Archers to her!

They should give Natasha a lifetime supply of kefir.

I hope Tom recognises the bracelet and drops a clanger.

There's definitely something off about Natasha's presents, really too try-hard, a bit Single White Female about her. Appalling plot device to have Pat opening the presents

Anyway, Natasha has no social sense/borderline creepy.

To be fair Pat has just demonstrated no social sense either, they should get on like a house on fire.

Why is he so stupid though? It doesn't make sense

It does make sense. He is so vain and narcissistic he can't see that he is also extremely stupid.

Natasha is devious isn't she?

I could almost believe Pat would open the presents for her and for Tony, but to open the ones for the boys was too stupid.

Hopefully, Lily and Russ will have their big bust up on Christmas Eve to start off the festivities.

I don't have a problem with opening the presents. It was bizarre for Natasha to give such extravagant presents. I think it was fair game to find out if they had to up the return.

I think Pat did the right thing opening them, I mean she probably only needed to open a couple as you'd get the gist ££££ It would have been too awkward if she hadn't.

I think Pat did the right thing too.

Will there be a row between Tom & Brian over the house next to Roy? And how will Hannah and Johnny manage to pay the rent on the house when there are only 2 of them? Will Jazzer move into Tom’s room? Can’t believe Tom will move out so he has more space with Natasha so rapidly, it seems very rash to me.

It's funny east it' s rash in terms of their relationship and storyline but he's also slow considering his time of life.
I came here to say what about Jonny and Hannah too! So thoughtless to try and stitch them up financially at Christmas because he is too busy with his head up Natasha's arse in the clouds.

I can’t believe the house is in both Brian and Toms price range.

Is it the Tuckers old place?

On the presents thing, a bath bomb is an unrealistically lame present, even is was 8 quid - worse than nothing at all in a way. Same with the “lovely scented hand made soap” that David and Ruth apparently got Lily the other day. But I would have thought Pat and Tony would have been more likely to stick to the line of “oh, it’s a bit early for presents, we weren’t expecting any”, or to offer to cover the cost of a nice meal for Tim and Natasha somewhere, possibly Les Soeurs Heureuses.

They did seem unrealistically won over by the expensive hamper. I know they were also impressed by how hard she worked at planting trees but I didn’t think they are the kind of people wowed by expenses be gestures.

In Helen’s shoes I think I would have just expressed surprise and appreciation at receiving a present and said I hadn’t realised we were doing presents. They barely know each other, hence she’s got something generic like a silk scarf which she’ll never use.

I appreciate your over investment/ over infestation Bittermints .

Try to see past the typos!

I can’t believe the house is in both Brian and Toms price range.
I suppose that it is within Tom's reach (although he might be imprudently stretching himself, it's in his character). Brian has got to the stage where he will look at anything as long as it's got enough bedrooms.

When Tom took on the tenancy at No1 The Green, it was only him and Johnny. Hannah was a later addition. So Johnny will be going back to the original rent-split. And I don't care about Hannah. Besides, she'll get the bigger room.

Speaking of enough bedrooms, where's Kate planning to live when she returns?

Isn't that why they are looking for a 3-bed: J&B, Kate and Ruari. Feebs will have to spend the vacations with Roy but, seeing that he will be the NDN, that's not so bad.

Ah thanks R4 that makes sense. I was thinking of that very satisfying chat between Kate and Roy a while back where she proclaimed she was being made homeless. Roy was having none of it. Personally I'd put her in one of her precious yurts.