Tis the season to be jolly, Fallon, Alan, Helen, Lillian; Deck the Hall with boughs of Holly, Lily, Will and Jill, Tilly Button. Celebrate Christmas with The Archers!

[PseudoBadger]

Thanks to SmallLegsOrSmallEggs for this thread title way back in November!

Hi all, please could I join in?!

Long term Archers fan.... Having love/hate relationship with the new incarnation, but enjoying the Helen n rob sl. Really hope he gets his comeuppance soon!

But Ruth?? Has she rediscovered Sam? Will she return?!

You have all done better than me

Welcome devoncreamtea !

I think fRooth is supposed to be back for NYE?

It's all getting too much for me - the not waking her for the presents (although how she slept through that amazes me - it's bedlam here!!), the deliberately too small dress, the job share. It's all being set up to a he says / she says scenario. I don't know if my nerves can stand it.

Hello Devon

Oh dear, 3/10. I'm off to the pig arks in humiliation.

8/10 to my surprise.

Stick Rob isn't angry with you. But he is very very disappointed

Welcome devoncreamtea ,

Done mammoth catch up now after Christmas.

EA is very difficult to recognise fully when it's happening to you. It took me years. I have thought a lot about why it took so long, and I think it was down to a fundamental lack of self-confidence. My ExH was a genius at making other people think he was the god from whom the sun shone, and I kept on thinking for years that it must be me, with my track record of saying what I thought, who must be wrong, not glorious ExH whom everyone loved.

It wasn't until I precipitated a ramping up of control, culminating with him deliberately being late at an event I was doing, and being appallingly rude to some of my clients, that the scales finally fell from my eyes. He'd always been such a genius at playing the charm card, and to see him behave to someone else the way he did to me was a revelation. it was at that point, seeing their hurt and bewildered faces, because of course they had no idea that the only thing they had done wrong was be associated with me, that the scales finally fell from my eyes.

5/10. Quite pleasing.

I also know little about EA, but why is Rob going so far with this? It seems to be gathering pace. He seems intelligent, he must know Hell will end up hating him and her family will notice. He seems to have broken her completely at the moment, is that the thrill for him?

My apologies in advance for asking a question which might cause more pain to those who are being so frank here about their own experiences of emotional abuse, and I don't expect anyone to answer.
I am wondering how people managed to end their relationship once they realised what was going on?

Helen needs to go on MN to start an AIBU thread about Rob, and then have a shocked discussion with Kirsty or similar about how everyone has told her to LTB. That would be great!

I can't actually see Helen as a true MNer though, but I bet Hayley would be.

Apples I wonder that too about emotional abusers - how can they be so comprehensively evil, they must know it will end badly? And yet what Rob is doing is only part of the way down the path of many of them. I've heard of much, much worse and he can still get a lot worse and be totally realistic.

Aw shucks, thanks all. Glad I delurked.

I'm always sorry to see so many of us who've got personal experience of this shite. Mine was over 12 years ago so I can be quite dispassionate now - happy to try and answer any questions s from my own perspective

Bugger - premature post fail.

As I was saying - I can only offer my own perspective, but happy to do so. I have 2 daughters of my own now (not with the abuser) and I'm determined they never have these experiences themselves.

Someone asked about escape - for me it was meeting someone else. I know MN is very black-and-white about affairs and I understand that - but honestly, that's how I got to the point of recognising what was happening and eventually being able to leave. I married my OM and we've been together, calm and happy for 13 years and counting. At first it was just having a friend at work who could give me some perspective on what was normal and not - it became more than that of course, but it was the normality that started my escape. Like many of us, I suspect, I kept most of the detail to myself. My family still don't know the extent of it.

7/10 :).
well...
TA personalities are so inconsistent of late, that I don't expect them to make sense any more.

imho, posters are projecting a lot of other issues onto Rob's behaviour.

That said, if I try to make sense of Knob, I reckon that he has no idea he's horrible. He thinks at worst he's bossy because it's what's required. No worse. Being a strong personality is fine because it's a dog-eat-dog world. In his own mind he doesn't cross unacceptable lines. At least no worse than anyone else crosses them.

ps: reminds me of Lance Armstrong, actually. LA was dealt some real awfulness in life (bullied, abusive step-dad & the cancer). Those things didn't teach him to be a nice guy.

May your happiness continue, Kurius and thanks for sharing the insight.

Helen's possible escape seems less and less likely since she became PG with his child and his PR status with Henry is an added noose round her neck.

In this rural area a 2 bedroom rented cottage would be at least £600 a month and probably nearer £1000 with a garden and parking. (LLs can get more with short term holiday letting.)

3/10 - oh the shame

it was bloody Joe!

My apologies if this has already been noted and I missed it: A new law came into force in England and Wales yesterday relating to "coercive control" and the Rob and Helen story was used to illustrate it, in yesterday's PM programme on R4. At 48:05 here: www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b06sgy7t

Yup, you missed it. (Easily done.) Scroll back.

Oooh, yes, sorry, Gruach

Don't be daft!

I have to admit I was a Joe Grundy.

What???

Scriptwriter communication breakdown?

Last time we heard Rob definitely didn't want Ian as a godfather.