Anyone downsized after the kids left home?

[Mumwithbaggage]

We have 4 children - only the youngest (22) is still at home (some of the time). I love having a big house for when they all turn up with partners but really, we no longer need 5 beds, 3 baths, 3 reception rooms and a large garden for 50 weeks of the year.

If you have downsized, where do your kids all stay when they come to visit?

We thought about it but decided we couldn’t be arsed to move. DC don’t live FT at home but still have their own rooms but eventually these will be turned into guest rooms for them and their partners and possibly one day kids. We also have a fair few other visitors throughout the year so need the room.

If you don’t need to downsize, I wouldn’t

Realistically it will make visiting more difficult (especially if any have DC). Paying for hotels to visit family makes it something that has to be budgeted for. Not to say you shouldn’t downsize, but don’t then be sad about the lack of visits.

Would you consider doing Airbnb or homestay or Monday to Friday or theatre digs or similar for some of the year to justify keeping a big house for family visits?

We did, but DS is now back with us. Not a problem with us, happy he's here after leaving a toxic relationship which had affected his mental health.

No
and I can’t see us wanting to either
We’ll almost certainly move ( other reasons ) but not downsize

We thought about it but decided not to. We like our home and our garden and enjoy having plenty of space now we are both retired and at home most of the time. We also live in a small hamlet and the community is supportive and lovely. It great to have space when our DDs and their partners want to visit. We are staying put until we can't manage the house and garden any more. Hopefully that's a long way away.

So you need the space for two weeks out of 52?

I’d look at it from a day-to-day perspective. If you’re financially comfortable, easily able to maintain a large property, and you enjoy it maintaining it, why not? If you find it a chore and/or it’s financially stretching you, consider a smaller place.

You could also buy two smaller properties in different locations, for example. I know a few people who’ve downsized and bought a holiday home!

My in-laws didn’t downsize when their children left home, they put another extension on their house. 😂 But, we still stay in a hotel if everyone’s visiting as it’s more comfortable.

Depends how often they all come to visit really. If you’re going to keep a week’s stay at Christmas then no, I wouldn’t do that. If family all come at once then some people would have to hire an Airbnb or hotel.

The only trouble with downsizing is that unless you find the "ideal" house, a smaller house usually means smaller garden, proximity to neighbours etc and if you have been used to plenty of space then it can be a bit annoying.

Developers don't tend to build spacious 2-bed properties on large plots (2-beds are FTB domain) and older houses seem to have been redeveloped to build a house more suited to the plot size.

Personally we are staying put and going to rattle around.🙃

We built an extension (family room) on our 4 bedroom detched house after we both retired and the kids left home. They live nearby so very rarely stay. However we like our home and the neighbours so unless that changes we will stay put. Mostly don’t want to pay the stamp duty to move and the stress of moving.

Horses for courses. We chose to downsize and "escape to the country". That enabled us to retire at 50. DC stay in local hotels for a few £100's. That's massively cheaper than running a family home for £1000's.

If you can afford it now, and continue to afford it in retirement and in old age, and love your neighbourhood then there is no reason to feel too guilty about staying where you are.

I do love having all 4 and their partners here at once. Much as I love our local (very rural) area, I do dream of just being able to walk somewhere and many years down the line, I imagine having to drive absolutely everywhere will be a pain. Even the gym in 10 miles away!

OP it sounds like part of your concern is not just downsizing but moving somewhere less rural with easy access to amenities. I think that’s very wise. I have watched my in-laws struggle massively in a large country home as they have aged and unfortunately people don’t really “move one day when we start to struggle” because it’s then too much of a struggle to also cope with something like moving house. I think it’s really wise to plan for your later years while you’re young and healthy enough to downsize and agree that a manageable house and garden and access to town amenities will set you up really well for retirement. We do visit and stay with in laws in said country house but it’s now incredibly stressful due to their health issues and inability to really cope with the place including large gardens. They pay all kinds of people to maintain it, which is another strain ln them. Just my two cents worth!

I'm downsizing at the moment. Large old farmhouse and only one kid left who's going to be gone soon.

Financially I have to move, it will be wonderful to be mortgage free. As a single parent who has struggled financially most their life, to be mortgage free with a good paying job will be a dream.

I think there's lots of questions for you to think about. Your age, financial situation, relationship status, do you work, would it be easier to move at the age you are now, or can you wait 10-20 years?

Also if you're used to being rural could you live somewhere else?

I loved the look of a house in the middle of a town. But OMG I walked past it at 11pm at night and the sirens blaring and noise pollution made me shudder.

@ApolloandDaphne I feel like that. Yes, we have a lot of space for 2, but we have invested a lot in air source heat pumps, solar panels and batteries! We have an insulated house and it’s lovely! I joke that we could use the ground floor as a bungalow.

We haven’t yet but want to. We’ve decided the next house should have a large enough garden for a studio for when the kids come to stay. Plus 3 beds.

We, DP and myself, would like to downsize but the massive amount of house building in our general area (10 mile radius) means bigger houses are not selling, we have friends who have a house similar to ours in a nearby village, they have had it with different agents over the course of the last 3 years, and only had 1 viewing. It seems people don't want an older (20-30 years) house when there are plenty of new ones available and so the market has flat-lined.

May have driverless cars in a few years!

Well, when DM passed away, my dh, dd and I had to sleep in a tent in the garden.

We did. We had 8 beds and only 1DC still at home. We downsized to a 4 bed. Some DCs live locally so they never need to stay. We still have enough rooms for the rest.

Doubt that very much! With the spare rooms, make your own gym!

This is what has changed .My DGM lived in a 3 bed flat in central London. The whole family would be there on Christmas Day. Many would stay- camp beds, sleeping bags in the bedrooms and living room. One bathroom! Some of the best Christmases ever. We all expect en-suite bedrooms these days!

We are thinking about it when our youngest leaves home. We’d be swapping a large 4-bed semi with big garden for a 3-bed terrace with small garden, in a not dissimilar area of London.

We don’t need a big garden. I don’t want to keep heating or cleaning a big house. We’ll still have two bedrooms spare for our 2 adult children/ visitors (although won’t be dedicated spare rooms; one will be a study with sofa bed). And we will free up a big enough chunk of cash to give both kids a deposit for a flat.

I meant we had to stay in a tent for her funeral. I had been down with her for a fortnight and had to move out of the house for the funeral.

However, it was lovely weather so not so bad.

@Mumwithbaggage I completely understand where you are coming from. I am on the same page as you. I’m mid 50s and thinking about the next chapter. The convenience of public transport, shopping, leisure facilities etc will take precedence for me. I want to be able to walk to these places. I live in a city and all of this is on my doorstep. If you’d asked me 10 years ago, I’d have given a completely different answer and would have opted for a more rural lifestyle. I was unwell a few years ago and it really changed my attitude to what I need.

My friends whose parents have downsized seem to have a new lease of life and it’s invigorating to see. Also as someone with elderly parents and viewing what they’ve accrued over the years, you’ll be doing your children a favour by clearing out now.