Anyone downsized after the kids left home?

[Mumwithbaggage]

We have 4 children - only the youngest (22) is still at home (some of the time). I love having a big house for when they all turn up with partners but really, we no longer need 5 beds, 3 baths, 3 reception rooms and a large garden for 50 weeks of the year.

If you have downsized, where do your kids all stay when they come to visit?

My parents downsized - and moved. They still had a big house but they went from Brighton to Cornwall and dad retired early on the difference in property prices.
As to staying, tbh, it only happened a couple of times when we were all there and it was fine. Sofa bed was useful. If you want to downsize, I'd not allow 'what if they all want to be here' top stop you. You'll find a way!

Could I suggest you think about what you want to achieve. Do you want to live closer to facilities so that when you are older you can more easily get to shops, places of entertainment etc? Would your current home be suitable if you could no longer manage stairs? Is it step free for example? Could you sleep downstairs, do you have a loo that could become a shower room?
I would suggest that you and your DH give some thought about whether your next move will be your last move, or could you envisage moving again?
We didn't downsize as I can't envisage emy adult children, who both have disabilities, leaving home. But I could live on the ground floor with access to a shower room if I can no longer do stairs.

No, and now they’ve got partners they bring home I’m thinking we need a bigger house! God knows how we will cope if any of them have kids 🤦‍♀️

It really depends on the life you lead and the family dynamics OP. Do your 4 kids often all visit together, or is it usually 1 or 2 at a time? Are grandkids likely to be imminent, and do you have a nice big garden that they’ll enjoy? Do your kids see your house as “coming home”?

Personally, unless you need to downsize for financial reasons, I’d be inclined to stay where you are for now, at least for a few more years.

@loislovesstewie a big part for me is easy/cheap access to where life goes on. I can't remember the last day I didn't drive as I can't even walk to a village shop from here (well, I could but it's a good old hike along narrow roads with no paths, lighting or phone reception) and the things I enjoy are the gym (for classes and swimming), theatre, art, coffee, friends, cinema. Now I'm working far less, I've become very very aware of trying not to make too many car journeys but then I rattle around at home getting frustrated. I loathe gardening so that will never be my hobby. Our garden is quite big but mostly grass.

So many things to weigh up! At some point (not in this housing market) we will probably want to release money to add to the pension.

I hope so!

My situation is exactly the same as yours, same amount of children same big house with same amount of beds and recs. We nearly downsized but wanted a bungalow to future proof. Every 3 bed 1 rec bungalow we saw was valued at roughly the same as our house. We stayed put and turned extra rooms into a sewing craft room for me and a footy room with beer fridge for him! We also live very close (7 miles) from the most glorious beaches so all my DCs come back often with the DGCs for holidays!!

Our house is a three bed 2 bath so much smaller than yours. My OH often says he would look to downsize to a one bed flat once our daughter moves on but my argument is I want the space for grandkids to stay! Plus I can imagine playing with them in our big garden. Maybe I’d downsize to a two bed with a small garden. In your circumstances I probably would.

Maybe speak to your kids about it OP, see what they think. Obviously it’s you and your husband’s decision, but if you’re both on the fence, it might be useful to get your kids opinions.

@Crispynoodle ironically, we've just (fingers fully crossed) got an offer on my late dad's bungalow. It could be a fabulous space with some work but sadly not in a place that would be any good for dh's commute or my occasional work. Bungalows are great!

@BerryTwister they know we'll move at some point. Apparently they've talked quite a lot and they always imagined us buying somewhere in France and somewhere smaller here. Sadly Brexit has happened since then!

We thought about downsizing for the same reasons; just two of us here most of the time also in a rural location and have to drive to the shops etc but, our family has more than doubled in size; adult DC now have partners and children and one more on the way! Our siblings live in different parts of the country so when they visit, they stay over. It's great to have the space to have them all here, usually for Sunday lunch. We also provide childcare for our grandchildren so can devote a room to cots and toys plus we have land to let them run free. We've been out this morning to a retail park in a big City 45 minutes drive away and we were so happy to get home to the peace and quiet. Things may change and, when we don't have little children running around and the big family lunches, then we'll downsize.

The family home is a 5 bed/6 bath house with quite a few reception rooms and an acre plot..I’m not a gardener! Both my kids are at uni, husband passed away a few years ago…I do think about downsizing as it’s a large property to maintain…but will wait till they’re all done with uni and assess situation then as I know so many of my friends whose kids graduated, came home, got a job but still living at home as can’t afford to rent while also saving…so who knows, I may end up having both of mine back in a few years! Also it’s a little soon I think because when I try to broach the topic of selling the only home they’ve ever known (with all the memories of their dad tied into the house and garden) it upsets them 😔

Ideally I’d like to downsize to a largish chalet bungalow (must go upstairs to bed!) but, like others have said, they are the same price as a much bigger house if they meet the requirements of location and plot size.

To make anything out of the sale I’d have to really downsize, or live too near other houses. A flat is out of the question: I would kill dh. Neighbours - heaven forbid - a trampoline boinging away by my window - aaaaarrrrgh!

We'll likely have to move for DH work again - and given house prices will likely have to downsize - I'd hope from 4 bed to 3 but depends on area may have to be a 3 bed. We've also got to think about change in our needs - what we'll need going forward - though current house would be a very good place to grow old in.

My parents never downized - being in village has meant mum had to keep driving longer than she wants - and it was only possible due to on-line shopping existing when dad was very ill and near end. However they insited they could never put us up -despite spare bedrooms - it has meant we saw them a lot less - it's an additional expense on top of travel costs. It's also marked contrast to IL who despite having slighty smaller house have insited on putting us all up.

In your situation sounds like location no-longer works for you - so I'd have a think about what you need and want in location and house as time goes on and then find areas that suit and have a look at what you can get - so what you would actually lose and how you could make it work where you do need to compromise - nearby hotels or sofa beds may come into it.

I did. I went from a 4 bed 2 bath terraced house with a small garden and kitchen to a 3 bed 1 bath terrace with a huge garden and kitchen.

My two adult DC still have a room each if they need to come back.home and there's always plenty of space for them to visit along with any other guests.

My old house was too big for me alone, I only used one reception room on the ground floor and the master bedroom suite on the second floor. This way, I was mortgage free at 46 and have a home I can manage.

I would have loved to have downsized from 6 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms and downstairs cloakroom but DH point blankly refused on grounds of not wanting to lose large garden, and large double garage. We both retired early and now foster teens. I like the company and at least 4 of the rooms are being used. Leaving 2 rooms to accommodate adult DC and dgc.

The evidence shows that downsizing before you need to (ie not in the wake of a crisis) is linked to longevity.

I am very fortunate in that two of mine have bought their own houses, pretty close to where we live, so not only will they never need to 'come and stay' for a few days, it also means they have room for their sibling, or for friends or cousins to stay if everyone is here at once (eg for a wedding).

But, if your dc settle far away, then it is a reason I know quite a few couples have stayed in houses that are far too big for them for far too long.
Could you 'in your mind' work out how much you save from downsizing (both equity released and also savings on utilities, council tax, repairs and maintenance), and use some of this to pay for an air b'n'b or travel lodge or whatever is near you, when they come and stay ? I know it's not the same as staying with you, but if it were a short walk away and they spent the time with you, might it be an option ?

Where is the science link for this please - I’d be interested to read it.

We have downsized in terms of money but gone up in size! We were always going to move from our former area because neither of us were from there, we only lived there for work/school.

Last year we moved to France (hence the larger property but smaller cost). Apart from being what we wanted, it’s released a lot of equity which we have/will pass onto the dc and we can take early/ semi retirement.

I know this place is quite large us, we still have one dc at home, but we wanted an adventure before the next stage…also we live in a beautiful semi-touristy area so expect lots of visitors and friends of our dc staying. I love having a houseful though. Plus I can walk to a boulangerie (which also stocks local wine). And good access for airports for dc returning from uni. Very important in our planning.

On the flip side, my dad is rattling around in the 5 bed house I grew up in. He is 80 and in decent health but I expect to downsize before 80 myself.

I would like to downsize but have the opposite problem to the OP. Far from being rural our location is just about perfect, with all amenities within walking distance or reachable by public transport. It is the house itself which is now too large for us with a large garden and needing quite a lot of work to upgrade, which DH used to do himself but is becoming increasingly unable to do. DH however is very happy living here and says he can't downsize as he 'has too much stuff'! Also he says we would struggle to find anywhere with as good a location and this is true. I do worry about what I will do in the future if anything happens to him however but I don't think we will be going anywhere in the meantime.

@mummybear35 that's absolutely understandable. A home is so much more than the actual building x

I also have 4 dc, the youngest dd18 is going to university this year and ds22 has just moved out for work. I'd like to move to a 2 bed (divorced) but my dc are quite spread out so I have to decide the location. I'm not from this area and would love to go back to my home town but that is in the north and my dc are in the south. I also have dgc and I look after them quite often (the 2 nearest me not as much as the ones further away). My parents live near me in a much bigger house and I also have to think about them as they are getting older and my only sibling has died.

We about to put the family home we've lived in for almost 30 years on the market next week. It's in an AONB corner of unspoilt SE Cornwall. The house is perfect if I could pack it and move it, I would even for old people, and I like the neighbours and the vitality of the community.

But it is two and a half hours (on the increasingly congested M5) south of the area we want to be in for the next phase of life. We shall move to a larger city that's about 70 miles west of Oxford, and much easier for friends, transport links and airports.

It's also, quite importantly for us, in an agricultural area and DC is in training to do something related to food/horticulture/farming, and likes the area as much as we do. Our downsize will release some cash to help out with that house purchase too.

But my heart is in my mouth even though I can see all the upsides. We shall probably rent for a while to search for what we want in the new location, so my next few months will be an exercise in shedding all the excess baggage accumulated over almost 50 years of adult life. 3000 books anyone?