Anyone downsized after the kids left home?

[Mumwithbaggage]

We have 4 children - only the youngest (22) is still at home (some of the time). I love having a big house for when they all turn up with partners but really, we no longer need 5 beds, 3 baths, 3 reception rooms and a large garden for 50 weeks of the year.

If you have downsized, where do your kids all stay when they come to visit?

We have a cheap chain hotel under 5 mins walk away, I have my family staying there once the bedrooms are maxed out, I do have 2 spare double bedrooms plus a double foldaway bed for the office, it’s rare to need more (especially whilst my parents still have a huge house we all fit in) but my brother has already said he’s happy to book the hotel for next Christmas

Just to add, I’d start by viewing properties that catch your eye. It can take years to get your head around this kind of life change.

We’re late 50s and DC have moved out. We’re thinking of down sizing but can’t agree on it.

I would still want three bedrooms and two bathrooms so the kids can stay and any potential GCs, and I’d like to be within walking distance to shops, theatre, cinema, pubs, restaurants.

DH would prefer middle of nowhere.

Down size as soon as they leave or they keep coming back !

Down size as soon as they leave or they keep coming back !

Down size as soon as they leave or they keep coming back !

Decluttering will need to come first whether we move or not! When my dad died there was so much stuff, and we have lots of their belongings in boxes in the loft untouched from when we moved in here 27 years ago and they downsized at the same time!

For my birthday, the kids (who are ruthless about what junk they don't want, though somehow they rather like borrowing my nice earrings 😅) are turning up en masse and we're booking lots of tip runs. I'm so excited! DH is somewhat of a hoarder and enjoys buying "bargains" at auctions so he's rather less excited.

Down size as soon as they leave or they keep coming back !

I have gone from a five bed to my current three (son had left but me and my DD moved to London so all I could afford is this house which was still twice the price of the one I left). I will in a couple years move to a flat less than half the size of this house for various reasons (I already own it).
When my son or guests come to stay now I do have a third bedroom, plus our sofa is big enough in a pinch. When we move to the two bedroom flat the sofa will be ok for my son but as for guests? I always think of Kirstie Allsop when she was house hunting with a young woman who was insisting on a two bed so she could have visitors but she could really only afford one. ‘It’s not your responsibility to house guests ’. If your family/friends come and there’s no room - hotels or airbnb!
Storage has been the bigger issue for me, frankly.
Sure the idea of big Christmas get togethers sounds wonderful but how often does that happen? When your kids have their own families it will be tricky anyway. For me it’s about affordability and location. Keeping a big house for the sake of a half dozen nights a year but preventing me from living in the location I want to for the rest of the time? No.
My friend is facing a similar issue as she’s getting divorced and has an eldest son with MH issues that lives part time with her and part time in sheltered housing. A son in the military who has no other home, and a DD just out of uni who currently lives in her dad’s two bed flat. When the family house is sold my friend can only afford a two bed flat herself. This caused her a lot of angst, but reality hit her and she said herself she can’t be responsible for her adult kids housing needs.
If money isn’t the issue nor location then keep the big house.

We upsized. 4 bedrooms 3 bathrooms and 3 floors but specifically we went for a house with a lounge and our bedroom and bathroom on middle floor. Stairs keep you fit. Having lived in a bungalow you do get bungalow legs - it was very real. Took me about 3-4 weeks to get used to stairs again. We have a huge bathroom on the top floor and bedrooms and kotxhen, lounge, study and toilet on ground floor. We eat and then head upstairs and then bedroom. Kids are moving out bit by bit - but we have 10 years for youngest to finish potential university and 5 years for middle one to finish (long course), eldest has gone. We may or may not have grandchildren and very happy to have them upstairs in a different floor if and when we get any 😂. I can’t imagine this ever being a quiet home - maybe one day but not until we are late 70s. If we want a live in carer we can have one. Or lodgers.

We don’t need to but we are considering it. It would be more convenient, and we are wondering why stay in space we barely use anymore? We could rent at Xmas or do something completely different with them (or without).

Just read your update - when I was younger my parents friends all seemed to sell their lovely large suburban houses once their kids left home, and move into nice apartments downtown of the city. I didn’t get it. But if course now I do - not needing to be near a good school, not needing beds for their kids, not needing gardens for them to run around - instead they wanted to be walking distance to the theatre, the restaurants, the culture. They didn’t want the responsibility of big gardens nor the money pit some houses can be. They wanted to live where and how they wanted!

We downsized when the DC left home, no regrets at all. We have less room but live on the coast and the sea views make up for that. We have a garden room and 2 spare bedrooms, plus there’s a lot of holiday accommodation nearby, if needed.

We downsized in 2024. Just a 22 year old DS with us ( plus his girlfriend now) my other son only lives about 5 miles away so either gets a taxi or sleeps on our sofa.

The only thing I miss is our kitchen /diner isn't big enough to accommodate everyone for Christmas lunch (my brother and I take it in turns). We did a lunch buffet for Christmas which was ok. I just said it was all we could manage.

Not having a massive house just so I can sit 16 people down for Christmas once every 2 years.

Downsizing has meant I've been able to retire and pay the mortgage off.

That is an amazing birthday present!!!

Stamp duty puts me off moving.

I'm downsizing in 4 years and I am taking the whole four years to do Swedish death cleaning.

I'm going to consider every item in every room, box, drawer, cupboard and keep, chuck, donate, sell or offer to the adult dc.

I'm down to one folder of vital paperwork and have sorted photos.
I chucked so many photos of people / places I either don't know or like and would mean zero to the dc.

I desperately want to avoid for my dc the awful task I had clearing out my parents stuff.

Yes. We moved from a 4 bed 3 bath detached house with garden in the suburbs to a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom city centre flat. Best thing we ever did. (That’s partly to do with the location rather than size of the property though).

I don’t miss the garden because I hate gardening and we have a lovely balcony overlooking a large park and a river. It’s my favourite spot on earth.

when the kids (I only have two) come we all just bunk up somehow. It’s probably for 10 nights a year (we visit them too!) and we All just get in with it. Financially I’d struggle to justify an extra two bedrooms when they’d be empty 350 days a year.

i moved.

i didn’t downsize but did down price,

I’m planning to move again in a couple of years and properly downsize.

the house I am in now is a new build that has 5 bedrooms. They’re all small bedrooms and it has a kitchen and a lounge. I can fit everyone in - my brother came over from New Zealand last year and I had six people staying with me.

however I am in an unfashionable town and the house cost a quarter of my previous four bed house. So I freed up a load of money.

i have used some of this money on hiring Airbnb’s over Christmas - so this year we went to York, last year the Cotswolds. It’s a lot nicer than having to clean my house to be spick and span for Christmas and also there’s fuck all to do near me whereas we can go to a new place each time.

my previous house was rural. If your car broke you were fucked. Now, my car is currently in the garage and I can wheelchair (can’t walk far) to doctor, dentist, pharmacy, three different food shops and my choir and church are in my town as well.

my last child will move out permanently this summer. I’m planning to keep the house another year for luck and then I’m going to downsize to a garden flat much further north. This will (again) free up a lot of money. I’m going for a flat in a big city so I will completely be able to access everything without a car as eventually I’ll be too disabled to drive.

the only bit I’m a bit upset about is the summers will not be as hot and I’m a bit worried about the winters but the money freed up will buy many January holidays in the Canary Islands so I can escape the worst of the winters.

Also something we are thinking about. 3 out of 4 bedrooms are unused for weeks at a time.
However, we would want to stay in the same city and not sure we would gain anything financially after we had paid stamp duty, solicitors, estate agents, movers. Maybe running costs would be a bit lower.

Also the location is good for us and we can walk easily to everything we need so can be car free at some point. Garden is small and manageable.

None of our adult kids own their own properties yet or are settled in terms of where they may be working long term so there is always a chance they will return at some stage if they are in between rentals etc.

Might think about hosting language students or something similar short term in the future.

Similar situation to us 5 grown up kids, only 1 at home. Mortgage free, don't need to downsize and really CBA with the faff of selling/moving so we are staying put! I like having space for visitors though at some point we may well change our views!

I downsized to a one bed. DC are 25 and 28. I offered to pay for airbnb or hotel whenever they visit, as that would work out much cheaper for me overall.

DS has taken me up on the hotel/airbnb three times in seven years, when he’s had longer stays with a GF for example. DD always sleeps on the sofabed.

Every Christmas they both insist on being here and we squeeze in with the addition of a blow up bed.

We do all get on really well and they don’t seem to care. They could stay at their dads four bed house where just dad and his wife live, so they do have a choice, they prefer my little home. 😍

I have had language students.

it paid well but it was genuinely a LOT of work.
not so much on the food side - I put out pastries/cereal/fruit etc for breakfast and after the first few meals I took them to the supermarket and they sorted themselves for food (they did not really like English food except for full English breakfast) - they taught me some good recipes though - but dealing with homesickness, one was absolutely terrified of my cats, sorting the emotional crises was exhausting.

i may do it again but only for short periods of time!

when I downsized I did give my kids money from the downsizing towards house deposits which softened the blow somewhat!

This is something I’ll need to do in the next 2-5 years - problem is I just can’t decide on a place to live 🤦🏻‍♀️
I want to get somewhere decent where I can have adult DC x 3 to stay but put away a chunk for pension. I just don’t have a plan, is the problem, I don’t know whether I’ll still need to commute into central London so that limits things somewhat. I’m always looking at threads on here where people are suggesting nice affordable places to live within affordable commuting distance to London!

The advantage of downsizing is just using what you need. Obviously a 2 bedroom house is less expensive to maintain than a 5 bed one. Less work to keep clean, etc. I am learning with age that less is more and that includes possessions.