Anyone downsized after the kids left home?

[Mumwithbaggage]

We have 4 children - only the youngest (22) is still at home (some of the time). I love having a big house for when they all turn up with partners but really, we no longer need 5 beds, 3 baths, 3 reception rooms and a large garden for 50 weeks of the year.

If you have downsized, where do your kids all stay when they come to visit?

Our heating bills were a revelation when we downsized. Oil central heating in the country. Went from £3.5k pa to £1.2k pa. And we were too hot. Hot water 24/7. So much less dust and mud.
The only bill that went up was water, no septic tank.

We have been talking about this for the past 2 years. Both now early 60’s, he’s got a v good military pension, I need to keep working to boost mine (18 years as a single parent meant pension wasn’t a priority) but the house when sold will provide a nice boost to the pension pot (fingers crossed).

We currently live quite rural and see our elderly neighbours struggle until decision are taken out of their hands. We know we want to be in a town for all the facilities but just can’t think where!

DS and his family live 3.5 hours away in the arse end of nowhere, in 5 years they have visited three times and he could move again with his job. We kept talking it about moving nearer to them but with a DIL from hell quite frankly it would just make us incredibly unhappy and we would end up being unpaid servants.

We have decided we will live where we want to live and if it’s further away then so be it, it’s our life and we need to make sure we are happy, secure and able to spend our retirement enjoying life.

I need a bigger house not a smaller house! Instead of 2 single children I have 2 children with partners and children of their own.

I think downsizing only works if you go to your children, for meals or to stay, and not if they come to you.

adds DIL from hell to the potential considerations…

I downsized.

i used some of the money freed up to give to my kids for house deposit and some is put aside for Airbnb’s, particularly over Christmas.

we did York this year and ten days was 2.4k

you can get a lot of Christmas Airbnb’s out of downsizing and my kids are a lot more grateful for house deposits than they are for a spare bedroom in my house.

I did and one child lives within a day trip, the other stays in Premier Inn 1/2 mile away. Both have benefitted from me downsizing, and obviously it’s made my life massively cheaper. I genuinely don’t understand why you’d waste money running a big house you don’t need. My utilities each month are £250, inc council tax. I can then afford to eat ok and even buy very small luxuries occasionally. 😁

They wouldn't be under selling though as the market always dictates the price. Clearly, the market thinks their property is massively over priced! Up to them but I strongly suspect the market will ony worsen and they will just end up losing more.

@DilemmaDelilah Or they can stay in a hotel or Airbnb? We always do when we see my in-laws, it’s far more comfortable.

If just DH and one child visits, they do stay with them, but a family of four is more comfortable elsewhere.

We down sized. We still have room for all the kids but it’s a squeeze whereas before it was very comfortable. But we’re in a better location with better transport links and 2 are local anyway.

@Seaside3 We’re similar, we’re only in a rambling old terrace but it’s far too big for two people. We’re planning to downsize to a smaller place somewhere that we want to be.

I’m not very good at design though, I’ll just go for minimalist!

We looked into it but estate agent told us it would cost £60k just in moving fees - we did look at some properties, but they all needed some work and we would have had to buy new furniture, curtains etc. So it was going to cost us £100k easily. So we have stayed put.

We actually live in a flat that is identical in plan and size to the one that my DD and her two DC live in, with no a garden but a big private balcony and a lovely view across the river.
In some ways I do miss the space of my last house: extra reception rooms and large kitchen in particular - but we certainly don't miss the expensive regular outside maintenance that our old listed building required, not the four and a half flights of stairs!
In so many ways we're better off here: much lower outgoings, close walking distance to good transport links, two supermarkets, doctor, and dentist. The hospital is a bus ride away.
A major bonus is that our neighbours are all very friendly, a closeness that developed during Covid apparently though I did not live here previously,

My parents did it. They've gone from a large house, still mortaged and a fair walk to the village, to an unmortgaged smaller bungalow by the village centre. We can still bundle in, 4 of us to a bedroom and I'm sure when our DC are a bit older they will choose to sleep on the sofas instead.

They're really glad they made the move as financially and practically it suits them much better.

That sounds lovely actually.

She’ll love hosting. Until she can’t. And then It’s too late to face upheaval of a move. That’s the problem. Sooner or later, a big house and garden becomes a burden not a boon. That’s why it’s better to plan and anticipate than it is to imagine that life will always be the same Especially if, as you imply, you live a long way away.

it’s really easy to imagine we will always be as able as we are now. I’m really happy I’ve future proofed myself.

We moved to live close to two of our DC and two GC, another DS and his family are about 45 minutes away. None of them would need to stay with us.

It's actually our second downsize, the first was to free up some capital to help the children get their own homes. We did have four bedrooms there as we moved more than two and a half hours away and expected that they would come and stay - but we only ever had them all staying together for one Christmas during the 15 years that we lived there. Once they had children of their own they had their own Christmas at home and came to stay a few times during the year, but never all at once.

I'd suggest that you live closer to your grandchildren in a smaller house, it doesn't make sense to buy a big house with bedrooms for all your family if they are rarely going to be used. One other thing that we did was to keep the rooms as "spare" rooms, none of the children laid claim to a room as their own.

We've had 3 of the 4 here today with partners for lunch and it's nice everyone fits round the dining table and there's no issue with not enough seats in the sitting room. Also, good when they stay for longer that they can have a space to work from home.

I've realised why my house is so full! Ds is off skiing next week and all his stuff is here. I politely suggested he might want to keep it in his own house afterwards rather than cluttering up ours 😅

@angela1952 really good point about the spare rooms! If youngest has old uni friends to stay for eg she'll check with her siblings that it's OK if friends stay in "their" rooms. I do love that they still see it as a base though - probably because dc4 is a fair few years younger and she bonds them together.

Absolutely agree with this. My mum wanted to downsize but dad didn’t. Then my mum got ill and passed away and the house was too much for my dad. It was utterly stresssful trying to maintain the house as well as navigate a rural setting when driving became difficult. It needn’t have been like this if they had moved earlier when they were in good health.

Exactly. I've seen this happen so many times, as I said in an earlier post. People seem to assume that they will remain fit and healthy and have a dream retirement. A few are extremely lucky and remain fit and independent into their late 80s, 90s even, but most are not. It becomes a nightmare for their adult children, who usually work nowadays and often have teenagers to care for at this stage too.

We would like to downsize when the time comes, but in our area, we wouldn’t really save much doing it. 2 bedroom houses can be expensive and if you factor in moving cost, cost of upgrading kitchen, bathroom often needed, then we wouldn’t be left with much to give our kids in deposits which we would also love to do.
We could move into a flat, but we have cats who go outside and where we live is so quiet. I understand why people don’t move if they live somewhere like us which with very quiet neighbours who we get on with and know we can ask for help if needed etc

I would say if you want to move do it sooner rather than later. My in-laws were in their eighties when they finally made the move. Obviously was really stressful and the night before Mum in law collapsed and died. He still had to move the next day!

@FluffyBenji23 oh my goodness, what a nightmare! I wonder if the new buyers knew?

I think even if you don’t downsize as such it’s worth buying somewhere more practical before old age - ideally with a manageable garden, downstairs shower room & loo, shops, Dr & public transport easily reached, preferably walking distance.

My in-laws have a massive garden and still enjoy it but are mid 70s and if they live into their 80s it will definitely be beyond them to deal with. Is so sad when someone gets widowed and are rattling round a house way to big for them that’s costly to heat and maintain.

Health deterioration can happen quite quickly and suddenly and it makes it much easier to deal with on a practical basis if accommodation is already suitable.

That's so sad. My mil refused to move from a very unsuitable house (she was disabled) and spent two years living downstairs. When she finally agreed to move she loved her new, adapted place. Sadly she died a few months later, i felt so sad that she could have enjoyed her last few years so much more.

Minimalist is a great design choice. Less stuff will always win for me. I just happen to live with a harder (with two deceased hoarder parents). I'm already encouraging declutteeing, even though we won't be selling until later this year. Little and often is my motto, in the hope it will become a habit.