Is it normal to settle for a home you don't like?

[Namedrop000]

We're FTBs. We've been patiently saving for many years for our first home. But there's just nothing on the market at the moment? The places we've seen fit none of our (pretty modest!) needs, and have been in terrible condition. We don't have the cash for big renovations.

We've been looking for about a year and prices are going up, so I think we just need to buy something we don't even like just as a stopgap so we're on the ladder, and have somewhere to live. Is this normal? We were hoping to buy a very long term home that we actually had a fairly good feeling about, but seems like that's unrealistic.

I find it hard to stomach spending 400k+ on something I don't even like or care about and would be embarrassed to invite friends or family over to.

It is very common to settle for a property. You buy what meets most if your requirements though.

we have bought a flat and three houses. None were ever our dream, first choice or even second choice

in fact, the house we live in was so far down our list and only bought it because we didn’t want to lose our buyers - and it was empty. It ticked boxes of our essential things we were moving for. We are not here just over 20 years

in those 20 years, we have transformed the house and garden a lot. Our next move will be more for choice than meeting certain requirements as we no longer have children living with us and we both no longer need to commute in to London. BUT I have dress ny dream kitchen so I do find many places we look at pale in comparison to my kitchen

20 years ago, I would never have said I’d prefer to stay in this house but I’m now no longer in a rush to move.

@Opallfleur2026 I totally agree that both can be true.
A significant percentage of old people, especially in London/ SE, where prices have rocketed in the last 30 years, are asset rich but income poor so they can't afford adequate maintenance and their home deteriorates around them. Meanwhile, their children/ grandchildren may have higher or even much higher incomes (and, no doubt higher costs too) but can't possibly afford a home anywhere near as expensive as the one the parents/grandparents live in. It's all a bit of a mess.
I don't agree that the heirs are the biggest winners though, at least not in the great majority of cases. For a start, a typical age of inheritance is 60 years, by which time most people's children have left long ago and so they don't need a large house in the same way that the needed one in their 30s/40s. Even assuming nothing gets spent on care at all, there may be significant IHT to pay, other debts to settle and then the money will likely be split between at least 2 or 3 children. Although they are obviously very fortunate compared to those who are left only with bills, they still end up with a relatively small amount of money compared to the cost of housing in the same area. So much better to have a society where working people can afford a secure home without the 'need' for inheritance or large parental gifts.

Yes you just described me and DH. As DH says he is her only child who can afford to stay in her area in nw london and pay bills..the rest have had to leave or are living with her.. we have a flat and my MIL calls us yuppies even though our home is much smaller and cheaper than hers!

I imagine in such cases if the 60 year old kids have no use for the money it may be left to the grandkids or the sibling who is struggling financially.. that would be life changing for the latter.

One if the nicest houses I have seen in our area has white pebble dash and has climbers and wisteria around it and shutters.

You sound a little unhinged.

The overwhelming majority of people are adoring to live in this ‘C’ountry.

I’m sorry you are so bitter. As gen X we simply didn’t holiday, buy coffee, have fancy nails, mobile phones, Netflix etc. Our boomer parents lived during and with the after effects of an horrendous war that stole their parents and other relatives. Subsequent generations would curl up and die if asked to make the sacrifices they did.

That's right. We didn't have internet, mobile phones, etc. My boomer parents hardly ever went on holiday. They made do and mended.

As people who both have decent jobs but come from families with no money at all, we see all the time the difference that inheritance makes to the housing our colleagues and university friends are able to buy and the lifestyle they sustain afterwards (including the amount they are able to save). It’s the single biggest perpetuation of our class system and we would as a nation be so much better off if we had affordable accommodation for all.

People all go for a well known area and pay premium, when actually they could get more if there is it a station nearby or a high street and just drive a little and park, after all with WFH, commute is not a daily thing, a bigger house gives you office space too.

Would you be willing to narrow down where in the SE roughly you are and/or commuting requirements? People may be able to suggest areas you’re not familiar with. Are you looking immediately around London or more generally in the SE, and are you committed to a particular area?

In a commuter town, you will pay a premium for being within 10 minutes walk of a station. Stretch that to 15 minutes or accept a cycle ride of the same duration and that will open up more options.

I really feel for you, it’s hard getting on the housing ladder, and I think there’s more pressure doing it a bit later on with less time and energy for a project.

If we are throwing around personal anecdotes that can’t possibly hope to capture an entire diverse generation of people, my parents are boomers (tail end, born early 60s) - back in the 90s, my dad had every early version of a Mac device going and my mum somehow spent £800 on a plate rack (it was a very nice plate rack, to be fair). Neither came from a wealthy background, but my dad rode the wave of social mobility to get a good job in a traditional profession. I followed him into the same profession, but the economic landscape has changed and most of my money goes on my mortgage and childcare, so I regrettably don’t have the £800 plate rack and library of fancy white computers.

Not sure any of this tells OP, who lives in 2024, much about what level of compromise she should realistically expect on a first time house.

@Namedrop000 I am only a bit older than you and the advice always used to be buy the worst house in the best area you can afford. And do the work to it.

It might not be beautiful. It might turn you stomach but there is plenty you do to improve the look of a house (even Pebble dash) to make it feel your own.

If you want to buy and you can't afford your dream house you will need to compromise. Either by waiting or buying something that needs work.

Older person speaking.
Grab a doer-upper that is a probate property. Only f you can see potential and like it.
No chain, sellers are keen to sell so more negotiation possible. They will love you too as FTB.
I bought my first flat as a young woman when I actually needed my dad as a man as a guarantor for the mortgage!
Make what you can of what you buy and next time, buy something closer to what you want. It's not easy - unless you are loaded - but you can do it if you are prepared to compromise.
You will still be lucky if you pull it off.

Definitely a lot of compromises are made when buying a home, even more so for FTB. But once you move in you make it your own!

Totally agree @CalamitiousJoan. We are now at the stage where the your parents' financial situation often makes a bigger difference to your finances than your own job/ income/ hard work. The US is even worse. The current level of inequality is destructive and is likely to become much more destructive in future. As one example, in the last few years, we have seen increasing numbers opting out, 'quiet quitting', etc, because they know they won't see significant benefit from their efforts. There are so many other side effects.

'As people who both have decent jobs but come from families with no money at all, we see all the time the difference that inheritance makes to the housing our colleagues and university friends are able to buy and the lifestyle they sustain afterwards (including the amount they are able to save). It’s the single biggest perpetuation of our class system and we would as a nation be so much better off if we had affordable accommodation for all.'

@Opallfleur2026 I agree that money could make more of a difference to grandchildren.

Of course it's normal!

Do you think people fall in love with 2 up 2 down pavement fronted terrace houses??
They're starter homes, not forever homes. Get on the ladder then move up.

I'm the same age. DH and I bought our first house 5 years ago with no family help, but he's a couple of years older. I think if he was my age we'd only just be buying now. We're now on our third house, it went 2 bed repossession, 3 bed cottage, 4 bed detached, we've not had oodles of cash but have modernised each of them as much as we could and done all the work ourselves.

I'm sorry, I know it sucks balls but it really is a case of suck it up, you're not going to get a house with longevity as a ftb. Also, you don't need a big family house, if you don't have kids yet (if you're planning to have some) a starter house is fine, a baby doesn't need their own room, they can be in yours. So a 2 bed house will suffice until your (hypothetical) second child is a year old.

Fundamentally though to get to a house you actually like, you need to be paying down your own mortgage and not somebody else's!

This is some wild avocado toast talk going on.

Gen X didn't face anything like the out of control rents, astronomical deposits, job insecurity and eye watering house prices that young people are facing now. Netflix is a tenner a month, it costs less than a TV license, something which I guarantee absolutely everyone had back in the day and loads of people don't bother with now. I also seem to remember going on holiday being perfectly normal 20 years ago. And boomers have seen the largest growth in passive wealth that any generation has ever known.

Everyone needs to make sacrifices to get on the property ladder unless they have family money, but don't dismiss the challenges of another generation. I admit freely that we had it easier buying our first house a few years ago than people do now. The prices were already high but at least we had low interest rates.

The housing market is shit, yes, and the reality is that most of us in the south east will never own our dream homes. I am 60 and still live in a corner of a converted pub with raging damp and I sleep in the living room. It is in a nice area, though - that was my priority - and I still feel very lucky because it is mine. (I was raised in Croydon council emergency accommodation with no inside toilet or central heating, so I had to cross a very low bar to feel happy!)

Are you someone who struggles to see the potential in an ugly home? I have learned to really enjoy the necessity of polishing a turd on the cheap, and love the challenge of bringing beauty to an ugly duckling. Much better than moving into somewhere picture perfect and then watching it get shabbier.

So allow yourself a few minutes of rage, then get serious with your lists of essentials and compromises and accept that a six bed Georgian vicarage in Surrey will never be yours (or mine). But that doesn't mean that you can't have a home you love.

As people who both have decent jobs but come from families with no money at all, we see all the time the difference that inheritance makes to the housing our colleagues and university friends are able to buy and the lifestyle they sustain afterwards (including the amount they are able to save). It’s the single biggest perpetuation of our class system and we would as a nation be so much better off if we had affordable accommodation for all.

Please stop equating wealth inheritance with class - some of the people I know with big inheritances from their parents are only a generation or two away from the lower levels of the blue collar working classes, whereas some people I know who come from traditionally upper middle class families are on their uppers.

Remember that us later "Boomers" who were growing up in the 60's and 70's faced our own challenges as well - inflation rising to 25% at one point in the 70's, and interest rates topping 17%. So though houses were bought at a lower price the costs of paying the mortgage & trying to keep up with price rises meant that many ended up with a decent value house, but no investments or savings or even spare money to do more than absolutely essential maintenance. Personal pensions also were much less of a thing back then too, so once people retired many had only the state pension to live on.

@Namedrop000 you still haven't said what your needs are?

If it helps at all, you're not really spending that money.. It's more putting the money into a savings account..

Where in SE are you looking (counties) ?

Of course not all inherited wealth comes from the middle classes, but a lot of it does. And inheritance does perpetuate our class system - that’s almost a separate issue.

Is there any new build developments coming up? Have a look on council planning site online.
My first new build was £165k a 2 bed semi in a city, 10 years later we’re on new build number 3 and this one is a 5 bed detached. People slate new builds but they are brilliant for FTB’s. Some developers give incentives now too once the market slows. Some near us are paying mortgage for a year.
I love homes with character and ideally in the next 10-15 years we’ll get an old property we can give time to but for now new homes are allowing us to maximise space for our growing family

'This is some wild avocado toast talk going on.'
Very well put @Swissmeringue

Pull the other one @HelenTherese!

In my 20s we settled for a tiny house with damp right on the road, and we moved to the south west as south east prices were unaffordable. We didn’t get any deposit from parents and were low earners. Not everyone was given everything they have. At 38 we are close in age but made different decisions. We’d never have afforded our current home without going up the ladder. I love this house but there’s still sacrifices. You seem to have a bit of a chip in your shoulder. The reality is, you can’t afford your perfect house.