Is it normal to settle for a home you don't like?

[Namedrop000]

We're FTBs. We've been patiently saving for many years for our first home. But there's just nothing on the market at the moment? The places we've seen fit none of our (pretty modest!) needs, and have been in terrible condition. We don't have the cash for big renovations.

We've been looking for about a year and prices are going up, so I think we just need to buy something we don't even like just as a stopgap so we're on the ladder, and have somewhere to live. Is this normal? We were hoping to buy a very long term home that we actually had a fairly good feeling about, but seems like that's unrealistic.

I find it hard to stomach spending 400k+ on something I don't even like or care about and would be embarrassed to invite friends or family over to.

I think your question is, ‘should we expect to compromise when buying a house’ and the answer is yes. It doesn’t matter your budget or whether you are a FTB or a step or two up the ladder you will have to compromise on something. Personally I would say you are in the best position to buy something you actually like as you are not relying on selling to buy. You can swoop in with no chain behind you, that’s golden.

Yes you have to compromise. The first house I ever bought I loved and wasn't at all embarrassed about. I did it up as and when / lots of diy. The two houses we've bought since then I have hated for various reasons but they work for our family - I try and concentrate on their positives! This one in particular is not at all pretty. It looks rubbish from the road. But it has good enough living space, great garden and a lovely view. Been here for ten years and whilst we haven't been able to afford to do much & did recently have to spend money on boring things like new windows, it's been fine.

So if you find something that meets your requirements & is structurally sound but not good looking / is pebble dashed then that's the one. Either that or get something smaller / a flat as your first property with a view to moving later. Nothing has to be forever. But if you can pay less in mortgage than you do in rent and get some other tangible benefit (more space / better location / garden) then do it anyway even if it's not your dream home. I found someone on instagram yesterday who has really transformed the interior of a shabby property - elbow grease and imagination can really work wonders. You just need to readjust expectations and be practical.

I am late 60s and just had to take out a mortgage due to relationship breakdown. I have to stay working for years yet . My house needs lots of work I can’t afford and can’t compare to those of my friends . I am doing the bits I can and at the end of the day my friends and family come to see me and not the house. Just lower your expectations and experience the joy of closing your own front door . You could always consider moving up North where £400k could buy you a very nice house in certain areas.

I'm in the South East. Put my postcode into a Rightmove search with a range of £300K to £400K and got a list of 80 houses.

Almost everyone compromises on buying a property but many of us compromise on location or size to buy a house we actually like. How flexible can you be on either of those?

To be fair I did exactly the same and I do think your advice is correct, but when I started out on the buying, do up and selling on journey I was probably 10 years younger than the average FTB today. I do think putting up with living in building sites, in dodgy areas and in a smaller house overall is both a lot easier pre-DC and also is a lot easier to stomach when you haven't been saving every spare penny for a decade or more waiting to finally get on the ladder.

Working from home also wasn't a thing back then like it is today, again I do think people exaggerate their space needs there, you don't both need a dedicated home office room to WFH a couple of days each, DH and I are in our downsized retirement place now but both still working from home, he needs a desktop PC so has his workstation in the 2nd bedroom and I have a laptop with a little portable folding desk that I set up in the living room and clear away at the end of the day, not ideal no but workable for a few years...

Because housing doesn't work like that anymore unfortunately. Sounds like you've been very fortunate to have owned several properties.

I'm guessing you were quite young when you were an FTB? I'm nearly 40, and need a family home asap, I won't have time to do all that climbing the ladder.

sounds like you are being a bit precious OP

It is really difficult and I feel for you. Few people are living in their dream home but I appreciate that it’s frustrating feeling like you’re settling for something you don’t actually like. Hopefully something about one of these properties will appeal to you and once you get somewhere and get your furniture and pictures in it you will feel differently and find things to appreciate about it. It’s tough out there.

FWIW my house is very ordinary and some rooms need updating but it feels like home and I’m happy here.

You buy what you can afford. If you really need the house to have a number of bedrooms, then you have to compromise on something else. Plenty of people seem to manage to live happily in pebbledash houses.

Thank you for the positivity @vincettenoir

We had to work out a harsh set of priorities. Didnt compromise so much on stuff that couldn't be changed, for instance location. Big compromises on everything else. We ended up with a dump that was plenty big enough, in the right place with a garden space. When I say dump I do mean the wipe your feet on the way out dump and I say garden space because it didn't have a single plant. We prioritised the work by need too. The bath had a hole in it so that was top of the list. The kitchen was dreadful to look at but functional, that took 5 years to get to the top of the list. We still ate every day, it functioned perfectly well but boy was it ugly. My 13 year old stripped and decorated her own bedroom with minimal help from us. We've been here nearly 30 years now, it's a very comfortable home with a delightful garden and I shall leave in a box. Took us pretty much 10 years indoors and a lot more outside but so worth it. Set aside a bit of budget to pay someone to deep clean before you move in. I wish I had, it would have made the first week so much easier

I genuinely don't know any first time buyers who were able to buy a house without compromising on something.

We bought a decade ago and there's still work to be done - that's just life when you own a home I think.

You won't get absolutely everything you want first time - so I would figure out what's the least important and compromise on it.

And millions of houses are pebble-dashed - why would they put you off?

I bought a house I didn’t love in a really tight and competitive market a decade ago. I’d viewed it six months before and walked away but when a house I had offered on fell through and the sale of the house I didn’t love fell through I ended up buying it.

I love 90% of being here a decade on and am just about to move (downsize) to another house that I’m 65% on. It boils down to budget for me, I’d love the house that costs 25% more but I want to spend less.

My experience here has taught me that I can learn to love something once I’ve put my mark on it.

Go for location first and foremost, a slightly dodgy house in an area you are comfortable walking round at night is far preferable to a nicer house in a sketchy area.

It is very different to when a lot of people on here would have been buying their first houses.

But get the location right and you can do a lot with paint and tidying up gardens. Be realistic about things like the roof and the boiler etc.

And yes, I've lived in houses I haven't loved, but they've done the job and started to feel like home.

I first bought a long time ago.

Even then we couldn't afford to buy a long term house as first time buyers.

All the houses I have ever bought have been compromises. Most of them have needed a lot of work.

I think most people have to compromise in some way, yes, but I wouldn't buy a home that I disliked nor in an area that I disliked.
People saying that they compromised and worked their way up 'the ladder'. That worked well when there was a ladder and when most people could afford to buy as soon as they had a stable job. The OP is nearly 40 and already has children. Her situation and that of many people around her age is totally different.

@Namedrop000- you say that prices are going up. I don't think they are in the great majority of areas. It's the asking prices that seem to have risen recently, not the selling prices. This is a useful website. I've picked Guildford as a very popular and wealthy area in the SE: https://otta.property/trends
As you can see, prices have fallen several percent since Q2/3 2022 (these are LR figures so around 6 months delayed). The price per sqm has fallen very significantly too (second chart). A lot of sellers are marketing at very unrealistic prices and the properties are not selling and are being reduced. Are they actually selling at these prices in your part of the SE?

Pebbledash makes me feel physically sick. It's because my grandparents used to live in a pebbledash house and they were really religious, very strict and mean. Irrational maybe, but have strong negative associations. That's honestly the only irrational house ick I have, honest!

Such good advice about paying for a deep clean before moving in. Going from rented is so much better for that sort of thing.

Moving into our second home with a six week old baby we were confronted with such a greasy kitchen I wanted to cry. Thankfully my dear friend sent me off with a cup of tea and scrubbed it for me, one of the kindest acts ever!

My friend is currently looking and ‘can’t find anything’ but I can find lots in her area and budget. She doesn’t want a flat and it has to be in a nice area as she’s getting married and wants kids, and has to have a good garden….. I told her a flat would be a good stepping stone. She says she doesn’t want to get stuck in a flat but looks like it’s either be stuck in a flat or be stuck living with parents.

You can render pebbledashed homes, op. It probably isn't worth it to most people but it might be to you if you are discounting otherwise suitable homes.

How often do you look at the outside of your house that it's an issue?

I get irrational feelings but if you're discounting otherwise decent homes because of it, aren't you just punishing yourself?

You’ve got 15-20 years at least!
I’m only 6 years older than you, hardly a lifetime.
Some of our moves were after 2 or 3 years, we did 3 purchases and 2 rentals in a decade.

Ruling out all pebble dashed houses is quite restrictive! And something that could be changed in time. If you can't find something within budget then you are going to have to expand your search area. There will ALWAYS be compromises. My first property was a flat in a undesirable area, I've moved twice since then and am in a bigger property in a nicer area but I have still had to compromise.