Is it normal to settle for a home you don't like?

[Namedrop000]

We're FTBs. We've been patiently saving for many years for our first home. But there's just nothing on the market at the moment? The places we've seen fit none of our (pretty modest!) needs, and have been in terrible condition. We don't have the cash for big renovations.

We've been looking for about a year and prices are going up, so I think we just need to buy something we don't even like just as a stopgap so we're on the ladder, and have somewhere to live. Is this normal? We were hoping to buy a very long term home that we actually had a fairly good feeling about, but seems like that's unrealistic.

I find it hard to stomach spending 400k+ on something I don't even like or care about and would be embarrassed to invite friends or family over to.

I’ve been in the house I ‘settled for’ for 24 years. Still hate it. Haven’t been able to afford to move since.

We were hoping to buy a very long term home

I think it's unrealistic too. Most first time buys are a foot on the ladder and a means to an end, not a very long term home.

A first home and a forever home are often different things, for two different life stages and budgets and it would be rare to find many people that don't have access to unlimited budget, or, stay in their first home due to financial constraints, that combine the two. You're looking for good enough.

If you can't make your budget more flexible, you'll have to make your thinking more flexible. Very much like any purchase on a budget, a car, a family holiday, a washing machine, you have to compromise in order to get any thing you want, that you can afford. Presumably you don't drive your ideal car, holiday in the Maldives annually, and have a house full of Miele appliances. Some people do, they are people that can afford to make those choices.

In terms of you being embarassed to have family and friends over to your house, anyone that loves you will be delighted to eat fish and chips amidst the cardboard boxes with you and watch you make it your own, I think these are expectations you're placing on yourself, not coming from others, unless you have unhealthy relationships with friends and family, which is a whole other issue and nothing to do with your house buying budget.

It does seem to be a thing that young people expect to move into a 4 bed detached as their first home rather than starting small and moving up the ladder as people once did. However, I've no idea how old you are OP, so accept that where people have been saving many years for a deposit, they want to skip the first rung or two.

It's a fluke if someone's perfect house is for sale at a time someone is looking to move, so yes, people co.promise all the time and don't always buy a house they love.

I'd personally prioritise location. Make sure you buy somewhere you want to be. Then make a list of priorities and non negotiables and work from there.

Don't compromise on something you'll always hate that can't be changed, like a busy road or being overlooked. Don't be obsessed with impressing friends. Every interior can be improved and styled to be attractive.

I feel for you OP.

Perhaps in your situation wait and see if a new government has any impact on people in your situation. Or invest your money in a flat or something to rent out somewhere in the country so you have a property by the time you retire but you can keep in renting a family home which suits you for now.

Where in the south east are you?

I don't think properties are priced fairly when they're priced by their size and location only and not reflective of the cost and time to make the house as good as those in good condition they're piggy backing on the price of.

when House hunting only ever look at and envision yourself in what you can actually afford. Get a mortgage estimate first. Then you need to find a way to make it work. What you are describing implies the opposite played out. All of us would love to live in a mansion but we have to align ourselves to reality. Also don’t pin too much hope on moving soon in future. The cost and money lost during a move is phenomenal. That’s why people often extend rather than move. Unless you can be certain big pay rises are coming of course or an inheritance.

I think the problem is that if you have rented ( and we have rented some very lovely houses in great nick and in lovely areas ) then it seems an almighty drop in lifestyle, (especially if older) to go and buy a not very nice place in a not very great area that needs loads of work just to make it 'semi ok' - and not something you love- especially if you are buying at top of budget and would need to do renovations over very many years. we decided many years ago not to bother - (or rather my H decided as he's not prepared to compromise and live somewhere he hates ) we will buy at some point- probably a large share on a shared ownership house , but in an area we actually want to buy- purely for the security - ( we are early 60s) there are some schemes like this where you can buy on the open market- not just new builds - heylo is one. It might be worth you looking at something like that so you can up your budget a fair bit and actually get something you like- you do get the benefit of any uplifts in value and can increase your share gradually- the only downer (and it's quite a big one) on the heylo scheme is you need 25% of the price upfront (not mortgaged) works well for some- downsizing, divorce , inheritance etc - the other option is shared ownership on a new build house(you then don't need the 25% upfront as it can be mortgaged) if there are any where you are looking (there are houses, not just flats in many schemes) - and actually gradually build up your share - personally I would rather do this than buy somewhere you don't like at all and have to factor in constant spend and hassle on renovations. I know many are against it- but it works well for others. People say you struggle to sell- I certainly didn't when I sold our shared ownership a long while ago- I had 5 offers in a week- in demand locations are always that- that would be my criteria if buying a shared ownership.

By the way I'm 38 aka an older millennial. I didn't buy in my early 20s because I was hideously poorly paid as a graduate in a competitive industry. I then worked overseas for a few years where I was much better paid and able to save a lot. But when I returned to the UK, house prices had rocketed, and salaries hadn't.

Many of my friends owned houses by their mid to late 20s, only because their parents/families made a significant contribution towards their deposit. Unfortunately my parents aren't able to help.

I don't know any homeowners my age who bought their first home without an inheritance or a financial gift from parents, with the exception of 1 person who did the whole shared ownership thing. Everyone needed extra money from family.

Your generation just laid down and took it. You've made a lot of old people wealthy for no reason whatsoever

Of course homeowners are going to have a vested interest in telling you to carry on supporting the pyramid on which their wealth has been built or they expect to build it on. I don't know how bad the Country has to get before people make the connection between this and the fact they can't get decent public services because nobody can afford to live here.

Personally I'd be looking into moving Country if I was your age, if you've worked overseas and have a good career. Your options here are limited

Or to put it another way in the 1950's it was normal to stay with a husband that beat you, and that's what you would have been advised to do.

You are being financially abused by this Country which has created a monopoly on shelter, forcing you to pay an extortionate amount for it.

LTB

Makes me chuckle that all these "boomers" are hoarding all this vast wealth, while simultaneously living in these terrible hovels that when they sell on, the Gen Zers can't possibly be expected to buy or live in unless they spend extra 10s of thousands "bringing up to date". Wonder what they are doing with their wealth - just rolling in it nude in their avocado baths?

both can be true. those houses can be worth a lot of money due to lack of supply in the location. a 4 bed terraced house in a decent area in London is going to be worth around 1 million no matter what condition it is cos it is in the catchment of that excellent secondary and in a desirable area. And this trickles down as well so the 3 bed terraced is worth around 800k.

But the old people who own them and bought them for 100k may be very far from wealthy, in fact i know people living in these houses who earn less than minimum wage and only have state pension. They can't afford to maintain or repair their homes to a high standard

They need somewhere to live but for many reasons, they may not want to leave a home they raised their children or the cost of stamp duty/general stress of buying and selling property puts them off downsizing. They may also like the space for grandchildren or visiting family members (know quite a few people who were lodgers in their grandmother's homes while studying at university or doing unpaid internships).

So they have all this wealth that they cant enjoy beyond enjoying their house until they pass on. If they pass on without extensive care needs, then it goes to their next of kin who presumably benefits from the wealth. In a sense the biggest winner are the heirs (though for many i suppose they would probably rather have their parents alive) cos they just got a giant windfall which they can actually use it as they like and not just as shelter.

@Opallfleur2026 blimey in their case if I was 75 plus I would be doing some equity release for a couple of hundred thousand , doing some decent maintenance and living the best they can- and bugger the heirs!! If they are sensible- their family would still get lots.

my mother in law isn't doing equity release, she is scared of it. She wouldn't downsize either as she wants to live in the area, and a flat in the area is at least400k so wouldn't get much after costs (as her house is quite cheap for the area) plus her daughter is still living with her. Plus not like her house is massive either (3 bed terraced with box room) so not like she would get more space.

She is early 60s and will only get state pension which is challenging to live on. Even she says that and she is v frugal. so likely she would be working past state pension age.

I hear you, I’m just about to buy my third house and still weighing up where to compromise. I think you have to be a multimillionaire not to! On my first flat, I had so little money and in the end, had to be in a location that was a bit of an odd no-man’s land. It was a lovely Victorian garden flat but needed a lot of work and around it felt quite industrial. I did most of the renovation myself in the evenings and weekends. A few of my friends were a bit snobby about it, one in particular kept saying she would never live there and do what I did. Fast forward 10 years, a few micro- breweries opened, more people who couldn’t afford the “nice” places moved in, cafes opened and the value has gone up faster than other areas. My friend who was snobby is still in her flat she got 10 years ago but hasn’t made the financial gains i have because she brought at the top of her market. My advice is - if you have that budget as a FTB, others also do, move where there is potential for others to move to.

Yes it's normal. Most people will need to compromise. We moved 40kms out of where we'd prefer to be to find something decent so that's your other option. Yes, prices have gone up unreasonably. But I think also real estate professionals and shows have managed to sell the idea that one must fall in love with a building (to spend more on your "forever home"). Why? It's just a building after all, not your identity. Any place can be made reasonably homely if it has good bones.

Your realistic options are to buy the cheapest place of the best available neighbourhood and fix it up slowly, or look from farther away/different city or region altogether.

I would always go for the worst house internally in the best area. You can gradually change/upgrade the inside over time but can’t do anything about the area/road/street

Why dont you go for one of the new houses sprouting up everywhere and Rent to Buy. Put as much Deposit down as you can which will leave with a Percentage left to then sort a Mortgage out whilst also renting it.

It might help if you could say what these "(pretty modest!) needs" are. If you "need" a character 4 bed detached with a decent garden in a very nice area, that's one thing, but a modern 3 bed semi/end of terrace in an OK area with a bit of a garden is a very different thing.

For sure I have bought houses I did not like (twice). Both times the seller dropped their price and it was worth it.
I would say you can buy as long it meets minimum criteria and what/if work is needed or whether you just bear it. Sometimes just painting the whole house makes it look totally refreshed.
For me,
Garden
Reasonable sized rooms and storage. Scope for expansion (turns out this was key)
Things I compromised on,
Separate dining, 2nd reception, parking.
Luckily I have managed to upgrade and renovate over time because going up the ladder is nigh on impossible without a windfall

Every house I have lived in has been in a range from "it wiil do" to its ok. Same with the rentals. Nothing I ever totally hated but not the dream house, not the fell in love. We never did the fixer upper thing because it didn't fit with our lives. Apart from the first house where we chose the area and the house was what we could afford there, all the moves were job driven. I have enjoyed living in all the houses in all the places. Maybe manage the expectations a bit?

is there a reason why you need to be in south east? If not how about the east, suffolk. I can give you a fabulous town. With train station (about 1hour 15 from London) Greenery. River. Super nice 3bed £400k 4bed 450k.

Don't make the mistake of settling. Maybe find a house that needs redecorating or new kitchen doors which will make it cheaper.

We bought as FTB over twenty years ago and never moved from this house! We always thought we would but it's a good house in a good area with excellent schools.

It does actually fit your criteria too 😂 as we're ten minutes drive from a train station or fifteen minutes walk to a tube. With plenty of walking and cycling available.

Please don’t settle OP! We are in the same position as FTB. We must have looked at 40
houses and didn’t like them at all. Nothing awful just didn’t have the I love it factor. However number 41 was it and I am so glad we didn’t just settle. Looking to complete next Friday so it’s finally real

So sad, 400k to settle for a house you don't really want. I'm guessing this in an expensive part of the south? Up north you could buy a substantial property with acres of garden. I would agree with others that getting onto the property ladder is far better than renting, it's yours and will increase in value. Our first home was a semi, made some profit on it and bought a detached for only 30k more, moving again to a bigger house having doubled value of our current one. Before that we rented and it was just lost monet.

Best of luck, it's not easy and you can move again, there's no time limit. Xx

I totally agree with you @FlakyShaker

The younger generations have been severely disadvantaged by the decisions of the last 40 years.

'Personally I'd be looking into moving Country if I was your age, if you've worked overseas and have a good career. Your options here are limited'

'You are being financially abused by this Country which has created a monopoly on shelter, forcing you to pay an extortionate amount for it.

LTB'