Biggest mistake of my life (relocation). Please help

[Implosion85]

Hi
6 months ago we moved to Wales (Carmarthenshire) from the midlands, purely because we had many happy holidays in Wales and had no family we'd miss and the kids were keen to move too.

We bought a house here and have a small mortgage

The reality of the situation is different to what we imagined. Firstly, I have been unable to get a job, despite applying constantly and going to interview. I am a teacher and apply to English speaking schools obvs. I was a senior leader in my previous school and have excellent references and outstanding ofsteds, but no luck here My self esteem is now rock bottom.

My husband has also been unable to get a job. He was self employed. As a result of me not getting a job, he is still working during the week in the Midlands and travelling back every Friday evening. It's exhausting and miserable for him.

I'm also desperately lonely and the children miss their dad 😪 I haven't made any friends yet either. I feel really miserable every time I'm asked 'where I'm from' and if I'm on holiday as it makes me feel like such a lonely outsider 😪

Even if my husband was here during the week, I'm not sure how much difference it would make now as I just feel hideous about it all snd want to 'go home'.

My previous school have a vacancy and have asked for me back. But it'd mean renting in the Midlands and then having to try and sell the house here and all that palava as well as paying a mortgage AND rent.

What a nightmare 😪 I don't know what we were thinking of.

Does anyone have any advice? Sympathies?

Please be gentle with me. I've gone on to antidepressants and feel SO delicate

I can't thank you enough for all your help, kindness and advice.
I've been reading and reading but I have been in such a bad way this week that I haven't been able to find eloquent words to put together.

I genuinely don't think my lack of job is due to my lack of interview technique (I have spent many years interviewing for teaching posts), but I think it's entirely due to my lack of Welsh (mentioned during the 'rejection' feedback several times). I have tried very hard to learn some, but I find it quite impossible 🤯 Interestingly I very rarely hear Welsh being spoken day to day, so I was totally naive in the importance it has in gaining a teaching post.

I think we are going to go back. It just feels like such a mammoth operation. I'm also scared of the second house tax implications etc and how hard that might be financially for us, although easier when we both have jobs. Would it count a second home whilst we sell it if we are renting back in the Midlands? I don't really understand the ins and outs of it.

I truly feel like an alien here and like I have a massive tattoo on my head that says 'I'm English'.

@Implosion85 do what’s right for you. I can completely empathise, when we first relocated, and I heard someone talking in the local accent, I felt like I shouldn’t be here, really difficult to describe the feeling. But that feeling soon passed and we have been here 3 years now and have made friends, and we are very settled. Life is too short to be unhappy, every time we have moved I have made it clear if I wasn’t happy we would move again. Good luck.

I'm so so so sorry to hear of your unhappiness @IwIwasafool
That's utterly heartbreaking, you poor thing 😔 I really am taking your advice on board.

I wonder if we would have been better to stop at Bath/Bristol area/near the Cotswolds. Lovely areas, lovely countryside, but still on the English side where we would feel more welcome and I'd be able to get a job.

What an absolute stupid cow I've been. I hate myself so much right now for what I've done to my family.

The children would be happy either way by the way. They like their new school but also liked their old one. They're very easy going thank the lord. Just ashame their mother is a first class dickhead

What an absolute stupid cow I've been. I hate myself so much right now for what I've done to my family.
I think you need to stop that right now. Loads of people move, then change their minds. It's absolutely not the end of the world. Your only mistake that I can see was not getting work before you moved, which would buy you more time. Be kind to yourself. Life is full of ups and downs - you'll be on the up soon.

Also I think you need to investigate more what you're looking for. Are you actually trying to escape from something, rather than find something new? What was wrong with your old life?

Gosh I don't think you need to be so hard on yourself about this. You tried it, it didn't work out, you've got a good chance to move back now and you're being decisive and doing it. Life is made up of these adventures. You learn nothing if you get things right all the time. You're definitely not a dickhead or stupid cow. You've done your best and it's not worked out. Yes it'll be a load of hassle to move back, but it's not a disaster. You have a new job, your DH still has work, your kids are easygoing. It's all gonna work out. Hope you can get past the angry at yourself phase and start looking forward to a better future soon.

No you're not! Please give yourself a break. You have it a go and didn't realise how hard it would be to find work. Bit of a costly adventure but nothing bad has happened. You'll see this differently in a few years. Why not have a look at jobs and propery in those areas? Sounds an idea to me before committing to a move all the way back.

Thank you so much. You're very kind.
Yes, definitely an escape of some difficult childhood memories and also a longing to be somewhere totally new as we know our old area so well and felt bored of it, ready for something fresh.
In hindsight we could have got that an hour away.

Thank you so much. I really do hope we can sell it relatively quickly and easily but who knows in this market.

Thank you. I really had no idea how hard any of this would be. It feels insurmountable right now.
I would only rent for a while now until I know for sure what I want, but we also have a dog so even that's not easy!

I think you've absolutely made the right decision here. You were so brave to try it, and actually very brave to admit to yourselves that it hasn't worked out and are doing something about it, rather than staying and being very unhappy.

My husband's father was Welsh and we have lovely Welsh relations in Pembrokeshire. There's no doubt they have very different attitudes on some things and they are Welsh to the core, including being Welsh speaking. I always joke about 'the English' but it can be a thing there. We have had poor treatment on occasions when we've been out and about there. As others have said, education is prized in Wales, and there are a large pool of home-grown Welsh speaking teachers - (we have several in our family) so it of course has proved difficult for you. Please don't think of it as failure - it's a blip, which you have recognised - and have the guts and strength to do something about it.

If you are renting, you will only own one home, so don't have to worry about the ins and outs of second home ownership. You say you have a small mortgage - I would price it to sell quickly so you can get your lives back on track. Honestly, you're totally doing the right thing and I'm sure once you start making decisions and preparations, (and accepting that job back home!!!) you'll start to feel much better. All the very best.

No, it would only be a second home if you own both and sell the secondary residence, and even then it’s mitigated by how long you lived in it etc. this isn’t something to be concerned about.

This should be a lot easier now than in the past with the Renters Reform Bill- in short, landlords can't place a blanket ban on pets for a property and have to consider each request fairly (I don't know how it pans out in practice but at least you shouldn't come up against a raft of ads with 'no dogs').

With the dog, go onto the local Facebook site for where you're moving to and ask for advice on dog-friendly accommodation agents/accommodation. There may well be someone sympathetic. I am a landlord and my tenants have a dog, which doesn't bother me, as they're very responsible.

Can understand your struggle @Implosion85. My DSis moved to Wales some years ago and only found work through her Welsh MIL. Had she not been living with a Welsh guy I don't think she would gave ever been accepted by the community.

Interestingly though when they split she moved not that far away and it was totally different and she was accepted very quickly by the locals.

Sounds like Cardiff might have been a better relocation for for you all as English speakers maybe. Would you relocate/job hunt there instead?

Any update OP?

I've just seen this thread. I know it's a couple of months old but was wondering how you're getting on now? I strongly agree that you should take the job at your old school and move back. There is so much pressure on hiring managers to hire local Welsh people that you're very unlikely to get a job where you've moved, and if you do then you probably won't be treated very well in your workplace.

My mother went through this in Wales and ended up moving back home, thank goodness. I don't blame the Welsh people - they just don't want people moving in and taking advantage of the relatively low house prices, then taking jobs from local people meaning their children then can't live there. But understanding the situation doesn't make it any easier for you.

https://nation.cymru/news/teacher-from-the-midlands-calls-move-to-wales-biggest-mistake-of-my-life/?fbclid=IwY2xjawIi_StleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHYBodKrYwr-aNdnFxXxABPpUTgn3vfESaGAiA1y_SQ_AufisYzE53FiEuw_aem_1ScMGWjDNzXboz2WsmWlvQ

Popped up on FB today @Implosion85

How can the newspaper say: "In the recently resurfaced post..."? The last post was in July 2024!