Biggest mistake of my life (relocation). Please help

[Implosion85]

Hi
6 months ago we moved to Wales (Carmarthenshire) from the midlands, purely because we had many happy holidays in Wales and had no family we'd miss and the kids were keen to move too.

We bought a house here and have a small mortgage

The reality of the situation is different to what we imagined. Firstly, I have been unable to get a job, despite applying constantly and going to interview. I am a teacher and apply to English speaking schools obvs. I was a senior leader in my previous school and have excellent references and outstanding ofsteds, but no luck here My self esteem is now rock bottom.

My husband has also been unable to get a job. He was self employed. As a result of me not getting a job, he is still working during the week in the Midlands and travelling back every Friday evening. It's exhausting and miserable for him.

I'm also desperately lonely and the children miss their dad 😪 I haven't made any friends yet either. I feel really miserable every time I'm asked 'where I'm from' and if I'm on holiday as it makes me feel like such a lonely outsider 😪

Even if my husband was here during the week, I'm not sure how much difference it would make now as I just feel hideous about it all snd want to 'go home'.

My previous school have a vacancy and have asked for me back. But it'd mean renting in the Midlands and then having to try and sell the house here and all that palava as well as paying a mortgage AND rent.

What a nightmare 😪 I don't know what we were thinking of.

Does anyone have any advice? Sympathies?

Please be gentle with me. I've gone on to antidepressants and feel SO delicate

You've moved to a part of Wales where the Welsh language is dominant. Teachers of all subjects are expected to have a decent standard of Welsh tbh plus the population is relatively small. There just isn't a huge demand for teachers and those who have a job stay there forever.

Finding employment in rural Wales is tricky as you're now aware. I'm from Carmarthenshire and it's home but when I take my kid back I can see how drab it is on rainy days. Honestly I wouldn't choose to stay if I were you

Go back. Just cut your losses.

I think you have received a lot of good advice, but I'm going to throw a curveball suggestion in- have you considered the supply circuit?
Daily rate is around £150, you would get a feel for the local schools, and start to get a handle on the Welsh curriculum which would be a definite advantage in interviews (as well as getting yourself recognised by the heads). There's demand for it, even if you do it as a stop-gap until you decide what to do next it would help with finance, self esteem and possibly job prospects. Yes the Welsh Language is important, but many teachers in Wales do a years 'sabbatical' where they learn the language intensively when they already have a permanent teaching post as part of CPD.

Non Welsh natives who can’t speak Welsh aren’t going to be chosen for public sector jobs unless it’s very niche and they can’t find anyone else to do it sorry OP.

Also there is so much going on for children in the midlands especially for teenagers. My kids resented learning Welsh to GCSE which is not a popular thing to say but it is what they feel and the rest of the family are proper Welsh. There are always people who say my kid is flourishing in the Welsh stream but the Welsh stream doesn’t work for a lot of kids so can be a mixed bag.

Definitely go back home. Least you've tried x

Btw, as an aside, Do you now feel foolish for how little you looked into the move? Visiting somewhere is not the same as living there. Plus the Welsh speaking / teacher bit. Did you not both think of applying for jobs pre moving. I am a bit shocked at your naivety++. How do you feel about it all now?

@Implosion85 would you consider a different part of Wales, more specifically north Wales or even further a field, Chester, from there you'll find a job, you're not far at all from Wales, Liverpool which is a fab city (I'm a scouser, I'm biased) and the wirral where I live which has plenty to do and surrounding Cheshire areas.
I romanticise moving to North Wales, especially the idea of a reno project but I thrive being around my pals. I make friends easily enough but I have a few friends who I get down if I dont see them regularly. Is that happening to you OP?

@Oblomov24 Being nasty again, I see.

Airbnb out the Welsh house ?

You know what to do, OP, you're just dreading the hassle of it. Say yes to the job and put your house on the market. You'll be so relieved this time next year when you have your life back.

See, I feel very differently to you about this which is why I consult the mumsnet hive before I do things a lot of the time because I love the different perspectives.
I WISH I could throw myself into something like OP has! What a fantastic spirit that is to have!

What you've said about not preparing makes sense, however, with me if I prepare for something I'm already anxious about doing, I'll focus so much I'll talk myself out of doing it.
It could be getting my pasty chunky legs into shorts or relocating, but if I over think I just won't be able to commit to doing it, I ruin it for myself.
I download menus prior to eating out to ruminate on what I'm getting or I just say "veggie special please" and I'm not even a veggie 😂

I'm proud of anyone with OP's attitude who tries and I'll admit I'm envious that her life will have had more adventure than mine.

I think the fact posters like you and I are so wildly varied in our thought process is what makes Internet people a really solid village.

Up until I was 18 I wanted a tattoo, when I was a little lass I'd use blue food colouring and a matchstick to make my own tattoos, maybe about aged 7 I started that.
At 18 I walked into a tattoo shop after spending my youth pondering the design. Walked out in a panic after a minute.

I'm late 30s now and still can't decide what to choose 😂
I need some of the OPs guts!

Welsh here but not first language and that alone would put me off moving to Carms. I would always choose Pembs - it’s like night and day in terms of vibe and most people don’t speak Welsh, even though it’s one county across (they also like to vote Tory but you can’t have it all 😂).

I agree @Lwrenn, mn offers is all a variety of opinions, a spectrum, makes us all think of things we've never considered before.

You must be in south Pembs because a hell of a lot of people speak Welsh in North Pembs if not the majority of people born there. Just saying in case the OP thinks Pembs might be a better bet for teaching jobs or something. 🙂 They are all Tories though! 😄

Not helpful at all.

This. I lived in the states when I was 20…..hated it but my god am I glad I did it!!! Never had any regrets about actually doing it

it can all be changed. It’s not stuck forever. You’ve got thisb

You’re right, I was referring to South Pembs as that’s where we spend most of our time.

Move back! Life is too short to be this miserable. Rent in the Midlands, rent your house out in Wales then make a plan. You have a job you want in the Midlands, take it.
there is no shame in trying something new and hating it

@RiderOfTheBlue
I completely disagree. This is a massive massive decision and if you read any of the 100's of threads on mn about moving and all the things you need to consider.... if you read many of the 100's and 100's of threads re moving and all the different things that people had never even thought about (and even I had never even considered) then you would realise that there are massive massive implications to moving generally. Especially with children of different ages.

So we sympathise with op. But most of us who have read many of those threads might question her thought processes as to why some of those issues hadn't been considered before.

Even op might herself admit she hadn't thought this through as well as she might.

I think you've gone just slightly too far West. Swansea is probably as far West as English people tend to feel comfortable, it gets a bit colloquial any further down the M4 (I used to live in Carmarthen, but now just on the Swansea/Carmarthenshire border, and it's a very different feel)

What subject do you teach? What does your husband do? Isn't it coming up to that period where only teachers without jobs will be able to start in September, so the competition ratios drop quite significantly? You may have to adjust your salary expectations to compete with the NQTs but cost of living is probably significantly cheaper here than the midlands so don't worry too much

They're basically 2 very distinct counties north and south Pembs! It's amazing the different experiences people have in one corner of Wales. It's a funny old place 😃