Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Property/DIY

Join our Property forum for renovation, DIY, and house selling advice.

Original poster

Biggest mistake of my life (relocation). Please help

144 replies

Implosion85 · 07/05/2024 14:42

Hi
6 months ago we moved to Wales (Carmarthenshire) from the midlands, purely because we had many happy holidays in Wales and had no family we'd miss and the kids were keen to move too.

We bought a house here and have a small mortgage

The reality of the situation is different to what we imagined. Firstly, I have been unable to get a job, despite applying constantly and going to interview. I am a teacher and apply to English speaking schools obvs. I was a senior leader in my previous school and have excellent references and outstanding ofsteds, but no luck here My self esteem is now rock bottom.

My husband has also been unable to get a job. He was self employed. As a result of me not getting a job, he is still working during the week in the Midlands and travelling back every Friday evening. It's exhausting and miserable for him.

I'm also desperately lonely and the children miss their dad 😪 I haven't made any friends yet either. I feel really miserable every time I'm asked 'where I'm from' and if I'm on holiday as it makes me feel like such a lonely outsider 😪

Even if my husband was here during the week, I'm not sure how much difference it would make now as I just feel hideous about it all snd want to 'go home'.

My previous school have a vacancy and have asked for me back. But it'd mean renting in the Midlands and then having to try and sell the house here and all that palava as well as paying a mortgage AND rent.

What a nightmare 😪 I don't know what we were thinking of.

Does anyone have any advice? Sympathies?

Please be gentle with me. I've gone on to antidepressants and feel SO delicate

OP posts:
Hibernating80 · 07/05/2024 14:45

It's all stuff that can be changed.

You won't ever regret not trying that counts for a lot.

MissyB1 · 07/05/2024 14:48

Just do what you need to do. Get the Welsh house on the market, start looking for a rental back in the midlands when you’ve got a buyer. You might have to take a hit financially, but it will be worth it for all the family’s mental health.

Giggorata · 07/05/2024 14:51

I would grab that vacancy at your old place, rent somewhere and get the Welsh house on the market.

SpringBunnies · 07/05/2024 14:52

I'd move back if I were you. Immigration is incredibly hard. I mean it's just from midlands to wales, but you have given up your career, your social circle in one go. You are also being seen as an outsider, an immigrant. You'll never stop getting the questions about where are you from and if you are on holiday.

SpringBunnies · 07/05/2024 14:53

Seen it as an adventure that has gone wrong. It's not too late to turn back yet given you have a job offer.

caringcarer · 07/05/2024 14:54

Now you know living in Wales is not for you. I think you'd have regretted it if you hadn't tried it. I'd take a deep breath and accept your job back in the Midlands. Either put your house in Wales up for sale or rent. If you can rent it out you can change the mortgage to a btl mortgage. That is based on income from rental so it doesn't look at your income. You can then buy in the Midlands using your income multipliers against the new house you buy in the Midlands. Alternatively you could sell your house in Wales whilst renting in the Midlands. It's hard when you realise you've made a mistake but you can rectify this. Sometimes we only appreciate something when we no longer have it. It's not a disaster OP. You can sort this if you're positive. You could move back to the Midlands over the summer holidays to start a new job in September.

PickledPurplePickle · 07/05/2024 14:54

How are the children coping?

It sounds like you and your husband aren't happy and that moving back might be the best thing for both of you

BionicBadger · 07/05/2024 14:56

You’ve all given it your best shot but found it wasn’t for you. At least you gave it a go. I agree with the others - take that job, rent back home and get the other house on the market or rent it out. Good luck, you can get this sorted

PossiblyNow · 07/05/2024 14:57

SpringBunnies · 07/05/2024 14:52

I'd move back if I were you. Immigration is incredibly hard. I mean it's just from midlands to wales, but you have given up your career, your social circle in one go. You are also being seen as an outsider, an immigrant. You'll never stop getting the questions about where are you from and if you are on holiday.

It’s far too soon to conclude this, and I say that as someone who has moved countries five times in my adult life. Six months is nothing, though it was a bit mad to move without either person having a job in the new location. The job is the only concerning thing here — what feedback are you getting from interviews? If you’re getting interviews, there’s clearly nothing wrong with your application. Might you need to work on your interview technique?

Quitelikeit · 07/05/2024 14:59

I don’t feel like 6 months is a long time to conclude what you have.

I do feel that moving somewhere without a job is incredibly risky.

As you only have a small mortgage on your house in Wales could you keep it and rent as a holiday home?

Don’t regret it though!

Iwasafool · 07/05/2024 15:00

I know this seems bad but there is a bright side. We moved from the midlands to south Devon nearly 30 years ago. Kids quickly settled and loved it, however once they went off to uni they loved city life and settled in uni cities. DH happy plodding along. I hate it, I hate it with a passion and every single days it gets worse but DH won't move, the kids were firmly in his court for years until they moved on. DH is disabled, late 70s and just says he can't face it.

You can change this, your husband is with you. It has been a painful and probably expensive adventure but you can go home. Maybe I will if I'm ever a widow maybe I will die here. I could cry thinking of it.

Go home, restart your life in a place you feel wanted and valued.

Blackcats7 · 07/05/2024 15:03

I was in a similar situation years ago when my first husband insisted on us moving north from the south coast. I felt I had no option but to go along with it but once we moved I absolutely hated where we lived and the job I had there.
I managed to get him to agree to move back home after just less than a year. The feeling of relief was huge.
I/ we lost money as the property market had moved on in the south but not in the north and I had lost seniority in moving jobs. I had also adored the home we sold to move north.
It was the beginning of the end of that marriage for me as I had begged him not to force the move and he would not listen.
On the plus side your family is united in what you all want. You will get through this.

agncndmkd128494 · 07/05/2024 15:06

Go home, you tried and it hasn't worked. Summer hols is coming up you could airB&B a house the camarthenshire to cover rent then try and sell it in the autumn

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 07/05/2024 15:13

My friend moved to Wales, lasted a year, hated it, put the house on the market, moved back, rented a caravan to live in, stuff in storage, sold house in Wales and bought a dump to do up back home.
It was really tough, but she did it and is now fine. Lone parent too, with no help.

mehefin · 07/05/2024 15:25

I think even English speaking schools in Carmarthenshire require staff to have a level of conversational Welsh as the council views the county as bilingual which could be a factor in your job search. Signing up for language classes would help you professionally and socially and be something positive to do while you're making a decision.
You don't mention your children's ages but one of mine at age 9 went from no Welsh to fluent in four terms at a Welsh language primary school. It's a different culture here in Wales and you need to throw yourself in just as you would if you moved to France or somewhere.

WhatDaPoint · 07/05/2024 15:38

I've moved around a bit and think 6 months is way too short a time frame to even be close to settling somewhere but there are no rules about it. I used to find two years was how long it took to feel properly settled and that was with giving it a lot of thought. Some places are quite closed off to newcomers.
How are the kids doing?
If the thought of returning to the midlands makes you feel happy and if your kids and husband feel the same then you should look to move back.

Moulook31 · 07/05/2024 15:38

Giggorata · 07/05/2024 14:51

I would grab that vacancy at your old place, rent somewhere and get the Welsh house on the market.

Totally agree with this. I have made such a move in the past and also regretted it. We stayed a year and then moved back to our previous place. Give yourself credit for being adventurous and experiencing something different. If you had not done it, you may have regretted it forever.

YeahComeOnThen · 07/05/2024 15:42

You've not given it very long. 6 months is nothing. A lot of people look at their previous house/life through rose tinted glasses. I think you should give it a proper go & join a language class to learn some Welsh, that'll probably help you get a job, just showing willing.

Enjoy the summer there & get involved in the community.

CaraDeLaVagine · 07/05/2024 15:44

Air BnB it
Go home
I'm a linguist but finding Welsh on DuoLingo harder than others
I'm learning it to say Bore da! etc as I want to be respectful on holiday
Like you, I considered a move
Up to Scotland
But I thought education/finding teaching work up there might be a sticking point
At least you gave it a go
Good luck Shamrock

longdistanceclaraclara · 07/05/2024 15:46

I'd go home, it was very risky to move without employment. How long can you fund being unemployed?

caringcarer · 07/05/2024 15:47

Iwasafool · 07/05/2024 15:00

I know this seems bad but there is a bright side. We moved from the midlands to south Devon nearly 30 years ago. Kids quickly settled and loved it, however once they went off to uni they loved city life and settled in uni cities. DH happy plodding along. I hate it, I hate it with a passion and every single days it gets worse but DH won't move, the kids were firmly in his court for years until they moved on. DH is disabled, late 70s and just says he can't face it.

You can change this, your husband is with you. It has been a painful and probably expensive adventure but you can go home. Maybe I will if I'm ever a widow maybe I will die here. I could cry thinking of it.

Go home, restart your life in a place you feel wanted and valued.

That's so sad. Could you suggest you get one of those relocation companies that come and pack everything then move it and I pack at the other end and you do all the sale of the house and buy a new house in a new location? I'd point out to DH he's had years of living where he wants so now it's your turn. Tell him it's making you depressed.

YellNellBell · 07/05/2024 15:47

Go home. Take the job that’s on offer and move back. It’s miserable being stuck somewhere you don’t like and I do think you’ve given it long enough.

I moved from the South West to East Anglia and have been stuck here for 17 years. I thought I would feel like this was home at some point. It never has. I’ve told DH (whose job keeps us here) that we have to move home in the next 5 years come hell or high water. Don’t be me - if you have the chance to move home, do.

DisforDarkChocolate · 07/05/2024 15:47

Take the job, life is to short to be unhappy and being apart most of the week is horrible for most marriages.

PreFabBroadBean · 07/05/2024 15:49

My parents made the same move from the Midlands almost 50 years ago! They lived there for about 20 years, in a rural location with some land. They were retired, so had an income, and my mum was Welsh.

However, in that time, the rural houses around them were occupied by a succession of incomers, who couldn't get jobs, because they didn't speak Welsh, and weren't local, so weren't used for eg building work. Some stayed a few years, but most moved back. So don't be disheartened. It is obviously difficult.

My mum actually loved it there, but in the end moved back to be near family after my dad died. They lived in a village near Cardigan, and it was such a long way to go to visit.

therejustbarely · 07/05/2024 15:51

This sounds like a completely unsustainable situation. If I were in your shoes I'd strongly consider taking the job and moving back, selling the house after you've left. Your family needs to be under one roof, if anything else!