Anxiety over DPs right to my house!

[Kaftankweeie]

Hello,

any advice from anyone who had been in a similar situation would be wonderful!

DP and I are currently house hunting, together 13 years one DD 6, happy so far no blips however he is terrible with money and always has been.

I am in a very fortunate position where my DM is buying me the house we eventually choose in cash. DMs plan is to gift me the house, so it will be in my name only and mortgage free.

DP and I would love some more children and once we are in the house we are planning on TTC. We’ve both spoken about me then becoming a SAHM, something I would love to do.

my question is, if we never married but split up would DP have any claim on the house? If I became a SAHM it would be his wages that would be paying the bills on the house, I’m very nervous about putting myself in a vulnerable position if I were to be a SAHM.

thanks in advance

Hard to believe this is actually real

It does appear to be the OPs first time posting on MN

No way would I go out to work to support a woman who plans to sit on her arse scheming how to not share her unearned assets with me.

But it's not your money that you have worked hard for and saved. Maybe Google the word partner.

And there we have it ladies and gentlemen stay at home parents sit on their arse. At least she admits the misogyny. Most make a thinly veiled attempt to hide it.

I don't see why people pity the DP given he earns well and could easily house himself if the relationship breaks down. He doesn't sound like a very involved dad so he is unlikely to end up as a single parent.

Living rent free in most of the UK is worth far more than half the bills he'd have to pay. Unless they live lavishly. Saying that I think it's very risky to rely on him so much for 5 years given he is bad with money. I also don't think it's fair to ask him to pay for house improvements and refurbishments. And if he buys all the furniture it would be his to take if you split.

Would it be feasible to do part time when the DC2 is 2 or 3? You could save up some emergency money as well before maternity for house related expenses. That would mean you have a safety net if things go wrong.

This is the weirdest statement. So you share kids and you want him to contribute to your joint family by financing the whole household. Your financial contribution is a house your mum bought, that he has no access to.

You want him to share. But want to be able to make sure you don’t have share?

If you were on your own, would you be outsourcing? As a single parent you would still be expected to work.

Theres plenty of single parents where the parent has a busy job.

So you're perfectly happy for him to fund YOUR ENTIRE LIFE as a SAHM, but if you split up he gets nothing?

I think the advice on here would be very very different if roles were reversed.

Good grief.

It's not that is it, he's got children with her, if anything happens to her he'll be on his arse after paying in for repairs/bills over the years. It needs legal advice for both.

To be honest just live separately and no more kids is the easiest answer. I don't have kids but that was my answer as it was too tangled up day to day and it made me feel petty constantly saying 'oh I can't pay for this as I'm basically a lodger'.

Your Mum could buy it and set up a trust so you have a lifetime interest (can live there for free your whole
Life) but our daughter is the beneficiary when you die. Needs to be done properly by a solicitor though

Umm it sounds like you’ve got both sides of your bread buttered. DP gets the crumbs.
Your currently working part time so your DP has a “stable home life” (how old is he 35 going on 9?)
You’ve also got it all planned out, new baby, stay at home living on DP’s wages.
He's a glorified sperm donor who’s going to be handing his wages over,,,,except you say he’s terrible with money.
With all due respect have you thought this through?

People saying "Why should he be entitled to any of OP's mum's cash?". I just thought this was how families work - you know pooling assets! Isn't that what people do all the time? He's your life partner, he's the father of your existing and future children, you want him to fund your lifestyle, to maintain your house for 5 years - why wouldn't he be entitled to some of the house??
My DH bought our family home with money he inherited from his family but he absolutely sees it as a joint asset as I am his partner and the mother of his children. If he decided to end our relationship he thinks it's only right that I get 50% of the house (despite it being paid for with his family's money). We're equal partners in his eyes.
If I was your DP I'd be feeling extremely insecure and disrespected. You're using him as a sperm donor and someone to cover all expenses for 5 years but leaving him in a vulnerable position.
Yes, perhaps he can save up some money in the meantime - or perhaps not if he's paying for everything else - but it's not really fair is it? I wouldn't expect my DH to say "This house is MINE. You pay for everything and if you feel insecure just save up your own money so you can buy your own house when we split up".

Does your DP know this is what you are planning? TBH if it was the other way and my partner was discussing trying to keep the house from me on an internet forum I would be really upset.

If I was your DP I'd be wanting a better long term deal.

Could your mum gift you the money. You buy the house with him as tenants in common with you say owning 75% and him 25%, but he takes out a mortgage for the 25% and pays that. You have it written that your 75% goes to your children. The extra 25% you'd have left from your mum you could use to part fund you being a SAHM, including pension contributions. Obviously he'd be their dad/ your dp so he'd need to contribute accordingly for living/ childcare costs too,

I think you’re getting a very hard time here OP.

Let’s imagine this wasn’t a lifetime gift - let’s imagine the mum had left this house to the daughter in her Will. It’s essentially the same thing, the only difference is that the mum is gifting it while alive. It’s an inheritance.

Almost unanimously on MN posters typically agree that it’s very grabby to go after an inheritance.

So if they were living in a house that the Mum left in a Will, should the daughter still have to split it with her partner if they break up? Or would it be reasonable to say no, this was an inheritance my Mum left me and ensures the future stable home for my DC.

I’m not very materialistic but I understand that it’s reasonable to keep an inheritance. I know my DM would be heartbroken to think that any inheritance she left me and my DC might be lost if my relationship broke down.

If the DP isn’t happy with OP being a SAHM then she’ll have to go out to work. It depends on the value they place on her being able to do SAHM stuff ie/chores, admin etc. The house itself needs to just be taken it of the equation - it’s an inherited asset that will allow both of them to live rent and mortgage-free.

It would be reasonable to have a discussion about what would happen in the event of a split. DP needs to know he wouldn’t have any claim on the house - it would be unfair to spring that on him if the worst happened.

I have disabled DC who will probably be at home for life - my DP and I have discussed practicalities, including who gets what if we split. These conversations are important.

But I wouldn’t dream of ever staking a claim on assets that my “in laws” leave to DP.