Anxiety over DPs right to my house!

[Kaftankweeie]

Hello,

any advice from anyone who had been in a similar situation would be wonderful!

DP and I are currently house hunting, together 13 years one DD 6, happy so far no blips however he is terrible with money and always has been.

I am in a very fortunate position where my DM is buying me the house we eventually choose in cash. DMs plan is to gift me the house, so it will be in my name only and mortgage free.

DP and I would love some more children and once we are in the house we are planning on TTC. We’ve both spoken about me then becoming a SAHM, something I would love to do.

my question is, if we never married but split up would DP have any claim on the house? If I became a SAHM it would be his wages that would be paying the bills on the house, I’m very nervous about putting myself in a vulnerable position if I were to be a SAHM.

thanks in advance

Get legal advice. Don’t marry him. Charge him rent. Always always keep assets solely in your name. I am cynical but too many women get shafted.
I discovered (after marrying) that in Scotland even if the spouse has not paid towards anything in the house and the deeds are solely in one persons name and have been since before marriage, after marriage it is the “marital fucking home” and the other party legally has to agree to any sale. I am livid and would never have got married if I had known.

Being a SAHP when your partner is terrible with money is never a good idea.

Get legal advice on the house, maybe a trust of some sort?

Without being outing, yes he earns enough.

we will be living mortgage free so there will be enough money left over for him to save even if I give up work for 5 years.

If I was your partner I would absolutely not go anywhere near this arrangement. You get an asset that will appreciate in value whilst he funds your lifestyle choice. If you both want to be around more for your children why not take advantage of thelack of housing costs to both reduce working hours?

Being a sahm is actual work - childcare, cleaning, household maintenance. Why should the OP’s mothers money go to the OP’s partner?

His career is a massive part of who he is and he would not give it up, can’t say what it is as very outing but think along the lines of very competitive and highly time consuming, he is available all waking hours for advice/ phone calls etc even if not in work

I agree! You can think of it as he’s paying for everything but actually he’s so busy working me working part time means his home life is stable. If he were single with his current job he would probably have to pay to outsource a lot of things .

You need separate legal advice and a cohabitation agreement.

My banking knowledge is very out of date so you should get legal advice.

I would look into whether your DP might acquire a 'beneficial interest' in the property (either financial or right of occupation) especially if he is paying for maintenance/improvements to the property.

Happy to take his sperm, let him fund your lifestyle to be a sahm but then have no financial stability at all. Blimey if this was a man’s post he would be crucified. Remember though he will, and rightly so, have 50% parental rights if you should split.

at No point have I said if I were to die he’d be homeless 🙄

He probably wouldn’t tbh, the single people i know are very happy and well off

You say your DP is terrible with money? Then don’t become a SAHP as you make yourself totally dependent on him financially. Not a good idea

But that's a fact of the arrangement you're proposing?

I agree with this. He doesn't even have the option of paying money into a mortgage so he's a bit stuck really, as it will already be paid off. If I were him, entering into this arrangement, I would be keeping my own savings and ensuring I was putting enough money away every month to eventually buy my own house should we ever separate. I'd potentially even consider buying a house in my name and renting it out myself so I had some security.

Your Mum will have to pay CG T if she buys the house. If she gifts you the money to buy the house in your own name there will be no stamp duty to pay if your first home and under limit. That will save thousands of pounds.

at No point have I said if I were to die he’d be homeless 🙄

Are you planning to write a will that gives him the right to remain in the house if you die?

What about if you decide to trade him in for a better model (someone who's better with money maybe?) once you've enjoyed your 5 years of being a SAHM, would he be homeless then or are you going to let him live in the shed?

I was actually the partner in this scenario once, it was shit and it caused power imbalances and it didn't last, I always felt on edge that DP could kick me out if he fancied, never again.

He's not the man for you. Go ahead with your house purchasing plans but do not have anymore children with this man. Focus on the one you have and let this man go. Anyone who can't sort their act out in regard to finances now, won't do it when there's more mouths to feed.

Maintenance and repairs would be his wages.

This is why you need proper legal advice. I have a niggling feeling that this can cause problems.

Personally, I agree with this "your boyfriend is a bit of a fool to move into a house he has no claim to, as any woman would be if she were to move into a house she had no claim to." Anyone would be a fool to move into a house they are completely funding (bills/repairs/maintenance) where they could get thrown out at any point.

Their one child is 6! She's got 5 school days a week free. It's hardly a lot of work!

I'd work part time even if having another DC. I'd go back to work after mat leave when the baby was 1 year old even if it just covered nursery fees.

Absolutely this. and don't even pretend that you worked PT to further his career OP when you are now saying you want to be a full SAHM for 5 years so after the point at which your DC goes to school!!

If the sexes were reversed in this post, people would be up in arms and rightly so.

Another person here who doesn't think you are being fair on him.

Also, if after 13 years your are still so worried about you splitting up, then how can the relationship be secure enough to have more children?

You didn’t sacrifice anything. It’s not a sacrifice when it’s your preference.