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Original poster

Anxiety over DPs right to my house!

165 replies

Kaftankweeie · 16/08/2023 07:06

Hello,

any advice from anyone who had been in a similar situation would be wonderful!

DP and I are currently house hunting, together 13 years one DD 6, happy so far no blips however he is terrible with money and always has been.

I am in a very fortunate position where my DM is buying me the house we eventually choose in cash. DMs plan is to gift me the house, so it will be in my name only and mortgage free.

DP and I would love some more children and once we are in the house we are planning on TTC. We’ve both spoken about me then becoming a SAHM, something I would love to do.

my question is, if we never married but split up would DP have any claim on the house? If I became a SAHM it would be his wages that would be paying the bills on the house, I’m very nervous about putting myself in a vulnerable position if I were to be a SAHM.

thanks in advance

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 16/08/2023 07:55

This could cause all sorts of tax implications for both you and your mum. There could be inheritance tax payable if she dies within 7 years. If she buys the house to give to you it will be classed as a second home do she will pay a lot in stamp duty. If she needs care in the future it could be considered as deprivation of assets. If you sell the house you’ll pay capital gains tax.
You need to see a financial advisor who knows about these things!

SallyWD · 16/08/2023 07:56

Can you imagine if a man posted this "I've been with my partner for 13 years and we have 2 kids and want to have more. I'm getting a house given to me. I'm planning to be SAHD while my girlfriend financially supports the family and want to make sure she's not entitled to a penny of we split up".
Everyone would be up in arms! Instead people are saying "Don't marry him!" and "He'll be living rent free in your house". They would never say these things if it was the woman in a vulnerable position.

SheilaFentiman · 16/08/2023 07:56

Him being crap with money wouldn’t stop you being tenants in common and him having a share (could be 10%) of the house, by the way.

YukoandHiro · 16/08/2023 07:57

If you never married, it was only in your name on the title deeds and he never paid any financial contributors towards housing costs (eg subbed the mortgage, which is not relevant in this case) he doesn't have a claim.

But to be sure I'd still make sure that you have a legal document confirming that at the point of purchase. Won't cost much to do, and very important for you.

Of course if you marry he's entitled to half.

lovewoola · 16/08/2023 07:57

How would he have nothing?he has a house to live in for free and a job. He can save.

Ok, so if a women came on & said she was going to move in with her partner who owned a house outright. He would be a SAHP & she would work & pay for everything else but would have no claim to the house should anything happen. @AuntieEsther you would say yes that's fine?

🤦🏻‍♀️

lovewoola · 16/08/2023 07:58

@SallyWD exactly

Kerberos · 16/08/2023 07:59

This seems very messy OP. Just be very very careful before you become a SAHP, it can go very wrong in the event that you split.

Is there a plan which can involve investment in you and your future career?

Tippley · 16/08/2023 08:00

SallyWD · 16/08/2023 07:56

Can you imagine if a man posted this "I've been with my partner for 13 years and we have 2 kids and want to have more. I'm getting a house given to me. I'm planning to be SAHD while my girlfriend financially supports the family and want to make sure she's not entitled to a penny of we split up".
Everyone would be up in arms! Instead people are saying "Don't marry him!" and "He'll be living rent free in your house". They would never say these things if it was the woman in a vulnerable position.

I think protecting assets you bring prior to a relationship is sensible, or something like in this case the house itself. What isn't fair in a relationship is then saying but you have to pay all of the bills, living costs and maintenance on this house as well but you'll get nothing if we split. If OP stayed in work and continued contributing to the household then it'd probably seem more palatable.

lovewoola · 16/08/2023 08:00

Otherwise you'll be taking advantage of him and exploiting his labour whilst hoarding the asset which makes it possible for you not to work.

you do get it then

AuntieEsther · 16/08/2023 08:00

lovewoola · 16/08/2023 07:57

How would he have nothing?he has a house to live in for free and a job. He can save.

Ok, so if a women came on & said she was going to move in with her partner who owned a house outright. He would be a SAHP & she would work & pay for everything else but would have no claim to the house should anything happen. @AuntieEsther you would say yes that's fine?

🤦🏻‍♀️

No, I don't think her being a SAHM and being totally financially supported by him is fine. I think they should both earn. But I don't see a problem with her keeping her own asset as long as he has the means to save for his own.

Caprisunny · 16/08/2023 08:01

Kaftankweeie · 16/08/2023 07:51

We would live off his wage so Maintenance and repairs would be his wages.

i understand the situation is a bit off, I can’t give to many details of how we’ve ended up here because very outing. I can say however that he chose a hard career path that included lots of voluntary work to get experience, I paid all the bills in that time, after we had DD I put my career on hold and went part time as his job is very very busy. He now earns good money but I helped him get there

Show quote history

No you need proper legal advice.

But if I were him I absolutely wouldn’t be moving in with you, with a view of your being a sahp. Not a chance would I be the sole provider, pay for maintenance and repairs on a property that I could be kicked out of at a moments notice and have no financial interest on

Why should he get nothing if he will be paying towards the maintenance and repair of the property?

And you will be in murky legal territory. He could then have a claim on the property. Plus the whole deprecation of assets situation.

When one person becomes a sahp, it usually becomes family money. Are his savings (to save up for his own property) going to come out before he shares the rest? Or are you expecting him to share his whole wage? Both have the same disposable income but him having use his for savings to try and equalise things?

and honestly why you would plan on, having kids and/or being a sahp relying on a man who is terrible with money is just choosing to make your life harder.

AuntieEsther · 16/08/2023 08:01

lovewoola · 16/08/2023 08:00

Otherwise you'll be taking advantage of him and exploiting his labour whilst hoarding the asset which makes it possible for you not to work.

you do get it then

Yes!
I've said so several times. The basic premise of her keeping her asset is fine. Being funded by him to the point that he can't save because he's funding their joint life is not.

Medsy · 16/08/2023 08:01

Wow if the genders were reversed this would be red flag central from the OP.

So you think one person should flat out buy you a house, a second person should work to pay your bills, and your question is how to make sure your long term partner benefits from none of it?

Ibetthatyoulookgoodon · 16/08/2023 08:04

So you need to take proper advice but I suspect (I’m not an expert this is just from knowing people who have divorced) the answer will be ‘it depends’. When a marriage breaks down he starting point is 50/50 but the courts take into account length on marriage and also what might reasonably not be considered a ‘marital asset’. Inheritance from family is the common one but gifts from family nay also get some consideration. If you got married and divorced 6 months later it’s unlikely he’d get half the house. If you were married for 20 years I guess he probably would. The kids complicate things as who looks after them etc would also impact the settlement. If you want to protect the asset you could put it in trust. This would mean It would be outside of your estate for divorce purposes. Obviously this would cost money and you’d need to take advise on the pros and cons.

lovewoola · 16/08/2023 08:04

Well it was a bit confusing because you said he could save.

Any women would be stupid to put themselves in the position of the OPs partner.

CrabbiesGingerBeer · 16/08/2023 08:09

I would agree with taking legal advice.

I’m no expert but I have the vague impression that if ‘maintenance and repairs’ is substantial, he can argue he has an equitable interest in the property Sven if he’s not on the deeds.

I’m getting this from an article in a magazine not any sort of actual legal advice but I’m pretty sure the examples given were painting was not enough, paying for a new kitchen or bathroom might be, paying for an extension was.

I have no idea if paying all the bills for a SAHP for years is enough - personally I’d want to be sure. Also, you may want to get him to sign something saying he doesn’t have an interest. If he’s the high earner, he will be able to afford lawyers to argue there was an understanding he gets money from the house if you split - you won’t be able to afford the same if you’ve been a SAHM for years.

Ibetthatyoulookgoodon · 16/08/2023 08:10

Ibetthatyoulookgoodon · 16/08/2023 08:04

So you need to take proper advice but I suspect (I’m not an expert this is just from knowing people who have divorced) the answer will be ‘it depends’. When a marriage breaks down he starting point is 50/50 but the courts take into account length on marriage and also what might reasonably not be considered a ‘marital asset’. Inheritance from family is the common one but gifts from family nay also get some consideration. If you got married and divorced 6 months later it’s unlikely he’d get half the house. If you were married for 20 years I guess he probably would. The kids complicate things as who looks after them etc would also impact the settlement. If you want to protect the asset you could put it in trust. This would mean It would be outside of your estate for divorce purposes. Obviously this would cost money and you’d need to take advise on the pros and cons.

I would add that whilst you don’t have any kids and you are both working I think it’s fair game to ‘protect’ your asset but if you’re going to be giving up work snd him supporting the family, you might also want to consider something a bit more nuanced to reflect his contribution.

CrabbiesGingerBeer · 16/08/2023 08:10

Ibetthatyoulookgoodon · 16/08/2023 08:04

So you need to take proper advice but I suspect (I’m not an expert this is just from knowing people who have divorced) the answer will be ‘it depends’. When a marriage breaks down he starting point is 50/50 but the courts take into account length on marriage and also what might reasonably not be considered a ‘marital asset’. Inheritance from family is the common one but gifts from family nay also get some consideration. If you got married and divorced 6 months later it’s unlikely he’d get half the house. If you were married for 20 years I guess he probably would. The kids complicate things as who looks after them etc would also impact the settlement. If you want to protect the asset you could put it in trust. This would mean It would be outside of your estate for divorce purposes. Obviously this would cost money and you’d need to take advise on the pros and cons.

They aren’t married and there appears to be no intention of getting married.

SheilaFentiman · 16/08/2023 08:14

IANAL

You can draw up a cohabitation agreement - both of you should have separate legal advice if you do this. This could confirm who pays for which bills and what claim might arise (or not). I think he might be your tenant or lodger, in which case he deserves a notice period if you want him
to move out etc.

I get that you have supported him in the past, but the house issue is a massive change in circumstances and I don’t think you should own it outright and him pay all bills and repairs. If you want to keep working so that you can cover a new boiler and you can jointly pay gas and electric, that would seem a bit fairer. Otherwise he has more bills than a tenant and fewer rights.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 16/08/2023 08:14

What about your future pension contributions if you give up work to become a sahm? How long are you intending to stop working for? Will you be claiming child benefit? Are you claiming it now?
You need proper informed advice as does your mum, what if she needs care in the future and her generous gift of a house to you is classed as depravation of assets should she need help with care costs.

Ibetthatyoulookgoodon · 16/08/2023 08:15

CrabbiesGingerBeer · 16/08/2023 08:10

They aren’t married and there appears to be no intention of getting married.

Show quote history

Ah - you’re right. I misread the last para. Well I’m which case he won’t be entitled to anything.

LesbianNaan · 16/08/2023 08:15

Quite apart from needing legal and financial advice I think you need to have a really good think about your relationship.

If this man is so terrible with money that should you split you’d rather see him penniless, then you should be seriously considering if he’s the man for you, let alone have more children with him or be a SAHM!

Protecting your own assets is one thing, deliberately excluding a life partner from this seems very odd.

Does he know this is what you’re considering?

AdoraBell · 16/08/2023 08:16

Definitely get legal advice.

Original poster
Kaftankweeie · 16/08/2023 08:19

Daffodilsandtuplips · 16/08/2023 08:14

What about your future pension contributions if you give up work to become a sahm? How long are you intending to stop working for? Will you be claiming child benefit? Are you claiming it now?
You need proper informed advice as does your mum, what if she needs care in the future and her generous gift of a house to you is classed as depravation of assets should she need help with care costs.

I would like to be a SAHM up until primary school age, so 5 years out in total.

OP posts:
Parseley · 16/08/2023 08:20

Your bf needs advice too, this would put him in a very precarious living arrangement.