AIBU to feel irritated by elderly neighbour constantly calling our sons name over the fence?

[specialkallday]

This is the 3rd summer coming up that we've lived here, and I'm already feeling irritated, when it's only March, that whenever my elderly neighbour here's us coming and going or in the garden, he talks to my 3 year old son over the fence.
We can't see him, he just calls his name.

DH isn't keen on it either, it makes up feel like he's listening out for us all the time.
Unfortunately our front doors are opposite each other (separated by high fence) and their door is always open.

Is there a way to say "can we just talk out the front when we see you?" Or "would you mind giving us more privacy when we come/go/we're in the garden?"

It's got to the point where I want my son to be quiet because if he hears him he calls his name 😬

Non issue. YABU sorry.

You could be the only other humans they see/hear all day. Is it really such a big issue? How would you feel if this was reversed and the elderly people were your parents with their neighbours?

Ignore it he will soon stop

I think it depends what he wants to talk about and for how long? Does he ever talk to you or dh?

If you or your son can just say 'good morning Mr Nextdoor', I think that's polite and pleasant.

What does he do after he's called your son's name?

This.

So he wants my son to call back to him, which sometimes he does, and then he'll walk down to the lower fence closer to the front of the house/pavement and lean over to talk to him. He talks to us, but only about a quarter of what he does to DS.

When we're in the garden he will always call his name, and try and chat with him through a hole in the fence, and poke his finger through.

He's a nice man, and means well, but it makes us feel uncomfortable. I'm not really sure why, it just feels a bit much/often!

Jesus he just sounds like an old fella trying to be nice to a little kid.

He does sound like an old fella who is enjoying being friendly with a kid. Probably reminds him of himself when he was younger.

I can understand it being a bit much a bit often though. Not really sure what you can do about it. Cover the hole??

Sounds a bit intense. I'd be polite but distant and hope he tones it down a bit.

A 3 year old? Who sees a 3 year old and thinks that? I can't even remember being 3.

Old people like little kids. They like to interact with them. Tbh I’d be grateful. Leave him out there chatting to the old guy while I got on with some chores. Sounds perfect. Saves my ears from all the mindless chatter

The lower fence is only in the front garden isn't it? and your lad is playing in the back garden? So if he calls out and your son says back "hello Mr X" and Doesn't go to the lower fence bit and just gets on with playing, what happens then?

@Anotherturnipforthebooks Oh I think I confused two threads I was reading, I thought the kid was 8!

I don’t think you can do much about it I’m afraid! Does your son mind talking to him?

I would hate to feel watched and waited for too. Cover the hole in the fence and ignore in the back garden, wave cheerily and be friendly but brief when out the front if you prefer to keep things more distant.

In the back garden he'll repeat his name until DS speaks back, if he's in the middle of something this can take a while..
And then he'll ask him loads of questions, like what are you doing? Are you having a good day? All very nice stuff but it's like he forgets we're in the garden which him.. he doesn't acknowledge us.

Neighbour and his wife are a bit of an odd breed, they told us they love kids so much they will only go on holiday to a place where kids will be. I mean I like kids but not that much!

Maybe he doesn't like you guys. I enjoy chatting to little ones over their parents usually!

Do you seriously sit there judging and worrying whilst he chats to your 3yo?? I think the issue maybe closer to home than your neighbour.

The responses would be very different if this was a neighbour who was repeatedly calling Ops name and expecting a chat everytime she was in the garden.

This would annoy me too, it's a bit much if it happens everytime in the garden. No doubt someone will suggest soon that you should invite the neighbours round for dinner every Sunday because they are lonely.

Does your ds enjoy chatting to them? If so, what's the harm, but if not then I'd be telling neighbour that he wants to play with his sandpit etc.

YANBU, it isn’t fair on the child to have his free play constantly interrupted by an adult using him for entertainment because they’re bored. I don’t give a shit if the old man likes kids / is lonely, that doesn’t mean he’s entitled to interrupt and control your child’s play. It’s very rude. Also it may be nothing but he’s forcing a relationship with the child while ignoring the parents - that sounds uncomfortably like grooming.

It’s particularly awkward as you have to either tell your child to ignore an adult’s summons, or teach him that he has no right to uninterrupted play in his home.

Personally I’d not put up with this and would either pop round or drop a note round, to say look you’re interrupting my son’s play regularly and he needs to be able to relax in his own garden, if you want to spend time with my family then ring the doorbell but we can’t go on as we have been as it is not ok with us.

I would find it intrusive to be fair

He sounds lovely, what's wrong with " hello mr neighbour, a short chat and teach your DS to say bye mr neighbour Im going to go play now "
One good thing sounds like you will have no problem getting footballs back in a few years.

Well I’m going against the grain here but he sounds incredibly creepy. To go on holiday as an older person to places children will be, big red flag.