Property/DIY
AIBU to feel irritated by elderly neighbour constantly calling our sons name over the fence?
specialkallday · 18/03/2023 19:45
This is the 3rd summer coming up that we've lived here, and I'm already feeling irritated, when it's only March, that whenever my elderly neighbour here's us coming and going or in the garden, he talks to my 3 year old son over the fence.
We can't see him, he just calls his name.
DH isn't keen on it either, it makes up feel like he's listening out for us all the time.
Unfortunately our front doors are opposite each other (separated by high fence) and their door is always open.
Is there a way to say "can we just talk out the front when we see you?" Or "would you mind giving us more privacy when we come/go/we're in the garden?"
It's got to the point where I want my son to be quiet because if he hears him he calls his name 😬
Streamside · 18/03/2023 20:59
whowhatwerewhy · 18/03/2023 20:53
He sounds lovely, what's wrong with " hello mr neighbour, a short chat and teach your DS to say bye mr neighbour Im going to go play now "
One good thing sounds like you will have no problem getting footballs back in a few years.
This is the perfect answer.
PettsWoodParadise · 18/03/2023 21:42
Does the man by any chance have dementia? This could have been my Dad, he had dementia and used to wave from the front room at children as they went by, they lived near a school. Someone complained thinking he was ‘creepy’ and my mother ended up living with closed curtains at school chuck out time. It was so sad.
The Nextdoor neighbours had three young kids and they were very understanding. My dad would count out loud when they bounced on the trampoline, if the children argued over a particular toy or football he would shout out for them to let x have the toy now.. It must have been quite annoying to hear that. The parents came and checked my mum was ok and invited her round as they knew it was harder for her than for them.
ourflagmeansdeath · 18/03/2023 21:47
YANBU. Of course we should be nice and respectful to elderly people and understand that we will one day be the same as them but it isn't unreasonable to want boundaries. If you are uncomfortable with him talking to your child then you don't have to let him, it's your child. I find it a little odd as well, he could just come to the front like you said and then it'd be quite lovely if he talked to you at the same time. JUST talking to your son is a little strange.
wildseas · 18/03/2023 21:53
What happens if you step into the conversation?
NDN "Fred"
Fred ...
NDN "Fred"
You "Sorry he's a bit busy in the sandpit right now. How's your week going?"
I think how he responds to this would be my answer as to whether I thought this was kind or creepy.....
Bookworm333 · 18/03/2023 21:55
Raineth · 18/03/2023 20:41
YANBU, it isn’t fair on the child to have his free play constantly interrupted by an adult using him for entertainment because they’re bored. I don’t give a shit if the old man likes kids / is lonely, that doesn’t mean he’s entitled to interrupt and control your child’s play. It’s very rude. Also it may be nothing but he’s forcing a relationship with the child while ignoring the parents - that sounds uncomfortably like grooming.
It’s particularly awkward as you have to either tell your child to ignore an adult’s summons, or teach him that he has no right to uninterrupted play in his home.
Personally I’d not put up with this and would either pop round or drop a note round, to say look you’re interrupting my son’s play regularly and he needs to be able to relax in his own garden, if you want to spend time with my family then ring the doorbell but we can’t go on as we have been as it is not ok with us.
This is my take on it too - sounds weird and intrusive
ScentOfAMemory · 19/03/2023 07:34
MindJuice · 18/03/2023 22:43
The fact he only wants to speak to your son would sound alarm bells for me this sounds creepy and I live in a very friendly area where all neighbours know and speak to each other. Trust your gut instinct.
Which is not what the OP has said.
The neighbour talks to her and her husband less than they talk to the child. They have told her about their holidays. Etc.
Don't invent things to fit your warped mind.
maranella · 19/03/2023 07:36
I can't understand all the responses saying 'He's just an old man, etc'. You have no idea who he is or what his background is - he could be a nice, lonely old man or he could be grooming your DS. I'd ask him to stop. It's creepy having an old man calling your DS's name through the fence and it's also invading your privacy and your right to enjoy your garden without a neighbour constantly wanting your attention. If it were me, I'd tell him to pack it in.
bussteward · 19/03/2023 07:39
Atethehalloweenchocs · 18/03/2023 23:28
So he is lonely and being nice to your son, and you are irritated by it. How nasty.
How do you know he’s lonely?
He’s not being nice, he’s treating OP’s son as his personal entertainment, and denying OP’s family privacy in their own garden.
maranella · 19/03/2023 08:17
Just on the general theme of older adults grooming kids - I was watching something the other day about Sarah Sands - the mum who killed her elderly, paedophile neighbour after he sexually assaulted her kids. She too thought he was just a 'nice old man, probably lonely' and she allowed her three boys to hang around with him. He sexually assaulted all of them. So naive parents on this thread who think every old man is just harmless, wise up!
maranella · 19/03/2023 08:22
whowhatwerewhy · 19/03/2023 08:21
How can you groom someone through a fence with the parent listing 🤷♀️
Like I said - wise up! Groomers don't immediately start abusing DC - often they're very patient and are prepared to take months or years getting the DC comfortable with them. Then, later on, the DC feels that this person and their home are 'safe' and don't see that person as a threat. You'd be amazed how patient at lot of groomers are.
MichelleScarn · 19/03/2023 08:40
There's some oddness here! Op should ignore how annoying and uncomfortable this is because she should of course prioritise the man next door?
Do you seriously sit there judging and worrying whilst he chats to your 3yo?? I think the issue maybe closer to home than your neighbour.
And I don't understand the veiled 'issue' here. @specialkallday wants quiet enjoyment of her garden, that's all?
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