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Original poster

Am I wrong or parents wrong? Really worried

131 replies

LCScotmum · 22/12/2022 15:28

So I'm in my 30s and have two girls 10 and 6. I've lived in the same area as my parents all my life. My partner and I are looking to buy homes. We had agreed to be within same local authority as I havr the girls and we both work within the local authority area. We seen an amazing home it Is big enough and has an extra bedroom and under the original price we planned. My parents have hit the roof at the thought of this. To add the house is 11 miles from my parents house and my kids school so 25 min drive. I plan to keep my kids in the same school as I work 15 mins away from their school.

The current child care arrangement with my ex is 5050 so 1 week at his 1 week at mines. I personally don't see an issue driving for schools, party's, social gatherings for kids to their school area. My mum Said I was being selfish and trying to push my kids away. As teenagers they won't want to stay with me as it is so far away. I really personally don't see the issue? Am I seeing things wrong? My partner thinks they are being quite toxic.

My mum ended the conversation saying my sister and my dad ageee and they will both be phoning to say the same thing. To add my sister stays 5 min walking distance from my family. I feel really upset as the size of the house is perfect and each child can havr their own room including a future child we planned and wouldn't crush us financially as homes that size are not within our reach at my parents area.

Looking for advice on this .

Tia x

OP posts:
dogtheted · 22/12/2022 15:31

11 miles/25 minutes is fine.

Wtf is your mums problem. For a start it's none of her business.

DisforDarkChocolate · 22/12/2022 15:33

It's a pity you can't move further from you Mother. You will be a taxi service for your teenagers no matter where you live or how close to school you are.

Original poster
LCScotmum · 22/12/2022 15:33

dogtheted · 22/12/2022 15:31

11 miles/25 minutes is fine.

Wtf is your mums problem. For a start it's none of her business.

I thought I was going crazy I feel its nothing and really she's concerned me with the teenager thing. She said teenagers only want to be with their friends so they will chose their dad's house over yours when they are older as I would stay so far away.

OP posts:
Original poster
LCScotmum · 22/12/2022 15:36

You havr no idea how relieved I feel reading these. I'm in utter disbelief to be honest. I didn't expect the uproar. I have no issue driving to collect my fut7re teenager daughter from friends house etc. The area we are wanting to move to is more central so I'd where she would probably want to go with her friends anyway as it has everything!

OP posts:
EdwardianDream · 22/12/2022 15:36

It's none of your parent's business where you move, and yes they sound toxic!!

Jealous an 11mi commute will only take you 25 mins, takes me the same amount of time to drive 1.8miles to school and it's the bane of my life!! I would look to move the children to a closer school, but that's me.

VariationsonaTheme · 22/12/2022 15:36

LCScotmum · 22/12/2022 15:33

I thought I was going crazy I feel its nothing and really she's concerned me with the teenager thing. She said teenagers only want to be with their friends so they will chose their dad's house over yours when they are older as I would stay so far away.

Show quote history

Whilst I do think you should buy the house you want to (eleven miles is nothing really) she might well have a point about the kids choosing to stay at their dad’s house when they’re teenagers, if that’s close to where their friends are.

AdviceOnLife · 22/12/2022 15:39

This house sounds like a fantastic opportunity for your family. The distance is definitely doable.
I wonder if your parents feel they will lose more control/ time if you are all a but further away.
A 25 minute distance from family is completely normal.
Pease don't let others influence you and your partners decision for the future.

AkoraEdelherb · 22/12/2022 15:39

The only people worrying about this should be you and the girls’ father. If you are both on the same page about it and will manage to make it work, then your mum doesn’t get an opinion.

Is she genuinely only worried about the children and who they’ll be living with in 5+ years time? Or is there an element of control in her reaction?

I live thousands of miles from my parents and I can’t imagine them giving (or me welcoming) any kind of ‘uproar’ over my decision to move somewhere else. You’re an adult, you don’t need their permission.

IToldYouAmillionTimesAlready · 22/12/2022 15:42

Do whatever is best for you and your own family. It's nothing whatsoever to do with your parents - and as for your sister having a say - well she's even LESS entitled than your mum and dad!

UhhhhhhhOK · 22/12/2022 15:47

if you are not planning to be reliant on your parents covering childcare/after school care it’s not an issue at all.

My parents complained about us moving 20 mins drive away but it meant we had breathing room to do our own thing. We now live on the other side of the world 😬

StarbucksSmarterSister · 22/12/2022 15:48

11 miles is nothing!
They're being ridiculous.

Re the friends thing, when they are older friends may change, there's no guarantee they'll all go to the same secondary schools, the friends might move too etc.

I don't know anybody who lives closer than half an hour from their parents. I moved 4 hours away because of work, my mum didn't say a thing.

TwoBlueFish · 22/12/2022 15:49

25 minutes isn’t too bad. The only issue you may have is secondary schools as you may be out of catchment for schools near where you work.

Original poster
LCScotmum · 22/12/2022 15:49

The teenager thing really concerns me . She is convinced they won't want to be with me. I'm torn between if she is genuinely concerned or if it's toxic . I do t think she means it toxic but I feel almost trapped. My partner isn't from this country and his parents stay thousands of miles away so he is totally like wtf that she is unhappy at the thought of moving 25 mins away. I just don't understand how moving thst distance would .ean the kids don't want to see me as a teenager when I drive and if we stay in our current area I would still be their taxi driver.

OP posts:
Original poster
LCScotmum · 22/12/2022 15:50

My plan was to send them to the high-school local to their primary school which is same distance as the primary school.

OP posts:
dogtheted · 22/12/2022 15:50

Does she just want you to be close to her?

She sound's toxic as fuck.

Thefriendlyone · 22/12/2022 15:50

God that’s ludicrous. Your family are odd. Get the house. 11 miles is nothing.

Newwardrobe · 22/12/2022 15:52

Have you posted about this before.

Blondlashes · 22/12/2022 15:52

Your parents are crazy. I moved 1000kms away from my parents in my 30s with DH and two primary school age DC
It was a great opportunity for DH and his work and our life generally.
My and DH parents were sad but understand. We visit each other regularly.
What you are doing is seriously a non issue. Go ahead with your plans. They sound controlling and clingy

Original poster
LCScotmum · 22/12/2022 15:53

I think so. I'm really stuck If she really thinks this about the kids. She said when I was younger I begged them not to move out the qrea which I did. I spoke to my kids and they don't care . They don't have any friends where I currently live as irs all old people. We are crammed in a 2 bed flat 4 of us so the fact its a 4 bed house massive garden and she is so angry and disappointed just baffles me.

OP posts:
Original poster
LCScotmum · 22/12/2022 15:54

No never. This conversation with my mum only happened today and I've been crying all day over it .

OP posts:
Wardrobemalfunction22 · 22/12/2022 15:57

Is the new house still in catchment for the high school you want? If not then you might need to think about the chances of a placing request being successful as well as the other points.

Your oldest only has 1 or 2 years left at primary so thinking about her high school now is important as well because that will affect her friendships way more than you having to be her taxi service.

Violashift · 22/12/2022 15:58

Having teenagers I agree they may want to stay at their Dads more if they are in the local area. Having another sibling could push them away more if this happens. As the younger child will not go to schools in the old area.

While I think it's non of your parents business they do have a point. Though many people do it.

Raera · 22/12/2022 15:58

LCScotmum · 22/12/2022 15:50

My plan was to send them to the high-school local to their primary school which is same distance as the primary school.

If you will also be 11 miles away from the high school, it might not be easy to get places as you will be a long way from catchment.

donttellmehesalive · 22/12/2022 15:59

I don't think moving 11 miles from family is an issue at all, but I wouldn't want to move 11 miles from my children's school. I realise pp have said it'll be fine but I have had four dc - two in local walking distance school, and two at schools about 10 miles away, and I know which I preferred, and which was easier for them. 11 miles is a pain if you're ill, or one of them is ill, or they want to attend clubs and activities, or they want play dates. Play dates at your house are harder to arrange. As they get older, they'll rely on you for transport to friends' houses or social events.

Violashift · 22/12/2022 16:02

LCScotmum · 22/12/2022 15:50

My plan was to send them to the high-school local to their primary school which is same distance as the primary school.

Probably unlikely to get in unless it isn't an oversubscribed school.

Happened to one of my daughters friends who moved.