Am I wrong or parents wrong? Really worried

[LCScotmum]

So I'm in my 30s and have two girls 10 and 6. I've lived in the same area as my parents all my life. My partner and I are looking to buy homes. We had agreed to be within same local authority as I havr the girls and we both work within the local authority area. We seen an amazing home it Is big enough and has an extra bedroom and under the original price we planned. My parents have hit the roof at the thought of this. To add the house is 11 miles from my parents house and my kids school so 25 min drive. I plan to keep my kids in the same school as I work 15 mins away from their school.

The current child care arrangement with my ex is 5050 so 1 week at his 1 week at mines. I personally don't see an issue driving for schools, party's, social gatherings for kids to their school area. My mum Said I was being selfish and trying to push my kids away. As teenagers they won't want to stay with me as it is so far away. I really personally don't see the issue? Am I seeing things wrong? My partner thinks they are being quite toxic.

My mum ended the conversation saying my sister and my dad ageee and they will both be phoning to say the same thing. To add my sister stays 5 min walking distance from my family. I feel really upset as the size of the house is perfect and each child can havr their own room including a future child we planned and wouldn't crush us financially as homes that size are not within our reach at my parents area.

Looking for advice on this .

Tia x

Is this maybe about your new partner? Do they get on?

I think your kids are much more likely to want to stay with their dad if they are still sharing a bedroom when at high school and don't have space to have friends over AND have a younger sibling to contend with in a very small space. So at some point you HAVE to move.

I suspect your mum has her own agenda here and she is using your weak spot against you.

I totally get this as someone who co parents. Its an anxiety that never leaves you. But she is mean to use it to keep you were you are.

Id move personally. The children have been consulted and are happy. And if you are confident you can get them in from your new address/by applying using their other address at Dads. They need their own rooms. Yes its a commute to school and that will be a pain in traffic. But its only every other week. If you and DP are both committed. It also sounds like the new address will give them more independence as they move through high school.

I think close family calling and press ganging other relatives to give you a call to put you off is wrong. Sounds a bit toxic and lacking in boundaries.

Co parenting arrangements will flex and change through the high school years anyway. Terrifying but true and natural. As the teens become more vocal about what works for them.

Yeah it is scotland. Its more a very small town. Has busses and trains to all areas but there is nothing here really. Asda and morrisons. No social things for teenagers to do apart from a park. I'd they went to the cinema for example it would be a cinema trip where the new house is. That is the first "city" like area.

Thought you were up here in Scotland - I recognised the 'I seen' and 'it's went'! Are you from the central belt? If so, your DC will be well served by public transport and will be really appreciate being close to a city as they grow up.

If you are closer to all the fun things then it’s more likely you’ll have a lot of teenagers staying at yours! Which, in a 4 bed, you will be able to handle.

your mum is freaking out because she’s having a mad primal reaction to wanting you near. A lovely cheap 4bed with garden in a great area only 25 mins away is a complete no brainer, go for it!

Definitely! If we stayed at this area we could afford a 3 bedroom prob not best looking house. The one we want to buy is 4 bedroom so really its a no brainer for us. My parents like my new partner alot but they just don't want me to leave the area full stop. They said I would have hated to move at that age and my kids will hate it and im selfish. Also said that I'm rushing and not thinking. My mum said I am easily influenced which is not true as my parrnter and i have spoke about potentially moving to this area for months and months. We decided that area as we could afford the 4 bedroom there and we want everyone to have their own space.

I think you should move. Ds is 25 minutes from his school and social activities. It is fine as long as you are ok with doing the driving. It sounds like this makes sense for your family.

Haha! Love that I have an accent even when typing. Yes we are west of Scotland. The new place would be 20 mins train to Glasgow roughly so still isn't exacrly the big city .

I have teen DSC. They are not friends with their primary school friends; friendships often change at secondary school. The only thing I think you need to consider is whether you will need to send them to a school closer to your new area (if there is one), and what that might be like.
I'd say if you try to send them to secondary in your old area then possibly they might want to stay there more, but it isn't a given. Could also depend on if they have their own room at their dad's, if he's able to have them more etc.
Right now it seems like your mum is just being difficult.

Nice to hear you don't mind it! I've thought of it for ages and I don't mind driving. The kids just want their own room to be honest and they would be happy.

I'd listen to my kids rather than my Mum about what the kids want.

Their dad has 3 bedroom . I think he probably will move in the future as they have a baby also so the two girls share a room. Both kids are very close to me I just feel the only person with an issue is my family. Partners family are delighted for us and the girls are desperate for their own room.

You'd be unlikely to get in any decent state high from 11 miles away. And yes teens want to live in same area as mates

But you can't afford a big enough house in the place where you live now, so this is all a bit academic. Unless your Mum is prepared to to pay the extra to have you live close, it's just not possible, even if you wanted to!
She is over reacting and tbh so are you to be crying over her opinion. It's just that ,an opinion. And what's the alternative? 4 of you in a 2 bed flat, that's not really sustainable long term.
Do what makes sense to you and your partner. Tell your Mum that you can't afford to stay in the area so you will have to move, and that's that.

20 minutes on a train into Glasgow is perfect - long enough for teens to feel they're independent, not too long or too expensive to make the journey a pain in the bum.

Honestly - don't worry about them being in the same area as their friends. Catchments up here are very flexible for high schools, so you'll find that their friends come from all over as they get older.

It sounds like they’ll live the new house and that the area will be much better for them as they get older. I think you’ll have lots of teenagers visiting! My stepson lived 12 miles from his school (both his homes were in the same village). We did lots of running him around. He had lots of friends, was quite happy.

I went to secondary school 9 miles away from where I lived and if I’m honest it did affect me socially. 25 minutes drive is almost an hours round trip and if you have one doing an after school activity and not the other it will be a pain.

My friends used to go round each other’s houses or to the shops after school and at the weekends but unless it was pre planned I could never join is as I had a lift waiting. I didn’t enjoy it at all and if I’d had the option to stay close by I probably would have taken it.

You're on a downer and crying over your mum's opinions? Some strange and unhealthy dynamics going on here.
Why do you place such value on her opinion?
Just ignore and do what you want.

Its more what she said about the kids. Felt like she was trying to say I'm a bad parent or something. Mum guilt I suppose which is already there the fact my kiss come from separated parents.

All these comments help Foe sure. Ideally If I could have the house closer to their school I would but I'd rather the house than kids sharing bedrooms as they get older.

Do NOT base your decisions based on your Mum's opinion. You have obviously discussed it with your partner and children and all are happy. The status quo is going to remain the same re: 50/50 between you and your ex with the children. Make the move, you'll regret it if you don't!

Good advice upthread about ensuring Dad receives the child benefit and GP is registered to his address to ensure that they will get into the high school that you want for them (or at least have a greater chance).

FYI I moved my DS from UK to Germany, to Cyprus, back to UK but over 200 miles away from my parents and his father and we managed to keep him on an even keel and he was happy. Every child is different and just because you didn't want to move does not mean your children feel the same as you well know.

"my sister stays 5 min walking distance from my family." and "I've lived in the same area as my parents all my life."
Those two statements of yours are what leapt out at me OP. Your mum is used to having her family around her, and she wants that to continue and will say any old shit to make it so. In truth, what she's worried about is not your children, but herself.

Your new home sounds lovely. Enjoy it!

Surely when the time comes, they can go to your local secondary school, and they won't need lifts from you any more, so it doesn't matter whether you work further away.

Your parents are being rather unreasonable.

Now is the perfect age to move. I moved as a teenager and hated it so strike now!

I also think your house will most like become a 'hub' for your children and their friends when they are teenagers if you're closer to things to do.

And 25 minutes from family?? Perfect! When I left home (many many years ago) I was told the old saying "live close enough they don't have to stay the night, but far enough away they'd need to put their hat on" It's always worked for me!

Exacrly. For me it isn't far away at all so was taken aback with how extreme she was acting. I'm more concerned now as I have some savings in my own bank account but thr rest is locked In a high interest account for another year come march. My dad said before when we spoke that of I moved before it had matured then he could give me the savings and get it back once I was able to access the money. I'm concerned now that as they dont like the area that he won't help. It's 10k of savings he qas giving me in advance. I'll need to wait see I suppose.

If you’re worried about your DC not knowing others in your new area then I’d really recommend getting them involved in local sports or community groups - that way if they go to the local high school they’ll know people there already. You could find there are kids of the same age close or next to your new house and your DC become life long besties! You can’t live your life by negative ‘what if’ thoughts - live by positive’what ifs’ instead.