Am I wrong or parents wrong? Really worried

[LCScotmum]

So I'm in my 30s and have two girls 10 and 6. I've lived in the same area as my parents all my life. My partner and I are looking to buy homes. We had agreed to be within same local authority as I havr the girls and we both work within the local authority area. We seen an amazing home it Is big enough and has an extra bedroom and under the original price we planned. My parents have hit the roof at the thought of this. To add the house is 11 miles from my parents house and my kids school so 25 min drive. I plan to keep my kids in the same school as I work 15 mins away from their school.

The current child care arrangement with my ex is 5050 so 1 week at his 1 week at mines. I personally don't see an issue driving for schools, party's, social gatherings for kids to their school area. My mum Said I was being selfish and trying to push my kids away. As teenagers they won't want to stay with me as it is so far away. I really personally don't see the issue? Am I seeing things wrong? My partner thinks they are being quite toxic.

My mum ended the conversation saying my sister and my dad ageee and they will both be phoning to say the same thing. To add my sister stays 5 min walking distance from my family. I feel really upset as the size of the house is perfect and each child can havr their own room including a future child we planned and wouldn't crush us financially as homes that size are not within our reach at my parents area.

Looking for advice on this .

Tia x

Once they get to secondary school there is no guarantee their friends will be local to the school, even if you are. We live in the same town as the school but my DD's friends live 5/10 miles away.

I like that thought It was my exact thoughts. My eldest doesn't have loads of friends here anyway and has frequently asked to move school. She has two close friends currently so I'm hoping she would make some more friends even from the housing area. And like others have said if not and she goes to high-school and meets new friends then our house could be the hub as it is close to the fun things. I felt positive but she's put a major downer.

My girls went to a school in the next suburb and it was completely fine. They got the bus there and if they wanted to do things with friends at the weekends or whatever I tried hard to facilitate that with lifts as that seemed fair.

Absolutely loads of dc travel for secondary school, expensive as lots of kids have divorced parents.

Your mother is talking nonsense.

Will your teens to be be able to use the train to get places?

You need to go for your dream house, the kids will be fine.

Yeah they can get public transport no problem its close to bus and train stations. I have no issue driving them anywhere and my partnter is the same. We want the best for them in terms of social life and providing s good home for them. We aren't on huge wages so the house really is a dream and not something I thought within reach for us.

I really hope she calms down and maybe speaks to others who disagree with her. She was even as petty to moan and say omg is is a glasgow postcode!! The horror ! Lol

Is 25mins realistic travel both ways at school time? I can see teens wanting to stay in bed longer so if Dads is 5 mins away they may consider staying there.

I think she has genuine concern you will lose time with the children but if they can get to a secondary independently in under 30mins that should be OK. You mention planning a new baby - would that affect your ability to drive teens?

It sounds like a great move for you and your DC. You parents are throwing anything at you to justify there extreme reaction. Go for it and focus on your kids. ( the teenage thing is just laughable)

Kids dad works shifts so really they would need to be our early at his on certain days. I work a comfortable council job so can drop them for the bell and go to work for my start time 9.30.

We do plan to hage a child In the future but havr both said partner works closer so if anything happened etc he would deal with any urgent things. I have a big car so driving isn't an Issue. His parents have also said any potential child we had they would help with childcare of all children if needed.

Your mum seems to be prioritising your future teenagers social life over everything else. I don’t think that’s personally important enough to stop you moving.

Is it that your mum wants you to be very close to her, like your sister is?

You are a grown woman. Your parents don't get to dictate where you live. It's time to cut the apron strings. As far as the teen thing goes, that's a strawman. Nobody can predict what teenagers are going to do.

You have a ten year old? I wouldn't move u til they are placed into the high school you want now. Check it's admissions for previous years, usually having a sibling in the school means some level or priority for an admission but not always enough if the school is very popular.

Future child won't get into a school 25 mins away from your house, primary schools are smaller and 6 and 10 year old will be gone so no sibling admission.

You could be taking a little one to a school local to new house but older children to high school 25 mins away.

Unless each parent can drop off.

I'm just thinking your kids friends will definitely be near the high school and if that's where there dad is then I can see that being more of a base mon-Fri and as they are older more independent teenagers, and you have little ones again, yea probably on weekends too.

Sorry another thing, a 25 min journey on route planner is not a 25 minute journey at school rush hour. I live near a high school and the traffic just crawls. Trial run the journey on different days of the week both drop off at school, pick up, and getting to work after a drop off.

My partner thinks they are being quite toxic.

My mum ended the conversation saying my sister and my dad ageee and they will both be phoning to say the same thing

Google flying monkeys, OP.

Regardless of the logistics of the house move, your controlling mother is the bigger issue.

You don't need your mother's permission to move house, and it's so sad that you seem to think you do. I doubt you'll be able to use logic with her as she obviously has her own agenda and doesn't care whether she upsets you. Loving parents don't try to emotionally manipulate their children through criticising their parenting and questioning their relationship with their own DC. Can you honestly imagine treating your own DC this way?

She sounds spiteful and manipulative and personally, I'd choose whatever house you can find that gives you the most distance from her.

your mother is really out of order speaking to you like that. I would consider the fact you might be doing that 11 mile journey more than once a day if they both have activities/ see friends/ are sick etc. as long as you accept that it will be ok. Having a bedroom each is a huge plus point for your children, probably outweighs the negatives at that age. So
they have a bedroom each at dads? Possibly you might want to vary the week on week off to suit their schedule and minimise your driving time

If it’s the nearest town / city like hub and is still in catchment / takes kids from that area then isn’t there just as much likelihood their teenage friends will live in the new location as the current one / their dad’s?

I would let her than unless she can manage to find you a magic extra £100k, that you have no option but to buy where you can afford.

Well so what if they do ?

Your home family want to move. The kids are really wanting to move, having their own bedroom will be brilliant for them, plus a bigger house to entertain their friends. Your Mother is only thinking of herself, she doesn’t want you to move away from her area. Why even consider what she is saying.

Whole family

There was a thread a short while ago about controlling parents - I have some and you have some.

this is non of their business - your mum is issuing emotional blackmail to get her way. She doesn’t see you as an independent adult.

you are capable of making decisions for yourself and your family. They don’t get to input. Tell her that.

My DD’s 6th form is 22 miles away (my town doesn’t have one - schools end age 16 so only option is college, schools are 17 or 22 miles away).

Do what works for you and your family!

Will you still be in catchment for that school when you move? If it’s an oversubscribed secondary then you may not get a place living that far away.

I think your mum and dad are being toxic tbh. She’s used to her family being close by and is saying anything to rationalise why you should not move a short distance away. She’s even emotionally blackmailing you by implying that you are pushing your DC away. That’s not the case at all.

Id go for the house. It would be healthy to get a bit of distance from them. Your DC will be fine as you’ve said there are 15/20min trains.

Thanks everyone I really appreciate your comments. It's been a hard night and alot of arguments with partner as he doesn't like controlling parents attitudes . It's a really hard one as I love my parents I do believe she's been unfair like you said. It's really 3 of them against me and I'll never win. I'd rather the distance and they can think what they like. If my dad doesn't give me the money although to borrow while my locked savings mature then I am screwed. He told me historically if I moved house before the funds matured then he would give me them and take it back when I could access them. If he doesn't do that now as a result of where the house is then my whole relationship with everyone will probably fall apart. Super stressful but I hope they calm down once they digest the news. If I had all the funds in my account I really wouldn't care to be honest after all these comments.