Am I wrong or parents wrong? Really worried

[LCScotmum]

So I'm in my 30s and have two girls 10 and 6. I've lived in the same area as my parents all my life. My partner and I are looking to buy homes. We had agreed to be within same local authority as I havr the girls and we both work within the local authority area. We seen an amazing home it Is big enough and has an extra bedroom and under the original price we planned. My parents have hit the roof at the thought of this. To add the house is 11 miles from my parents house and my kids school so 25 min drive. I plan to keep my kids in the same school as I work 15 mins away from their school.

The current child care arrangement with my ex is 5050 so 1 week at his 1 week at mines. I personally don't see an issue driving for schools, party's, social gatherings for kids to their school area. My mum Said I was being selfish and trying to push my kids away. As teenagers they won't want to stay with me as it is so far away. I really personally don't see the issue? Am I seeing things wrong? My partner thinks they are being quite toxic.

My mum ended the conversation saying my sister and my dad ageee and they will both be phoning to say the same thing. To add my sister stays 5 min walking distance from my family. I feel really upset as the size of the house is perfect and each child can havr their own room including a future child we planned and wouldn't crush us financially as homes that size are not within our reach at my parents area.

Looking for advice on this .

Tia x

Agree with this. It is a long way to go for a school.

You are in the right. You will be a taxi service anyway. 25mins in the car gives you a chance to speak with your children and have a nice conversation twice a day which will become rare as they get older. Why don't your toxic parents give you a shed load of money to afford a big enough house in their area. Or your parents and your sister can move to your new area if they are so concerned

11 miles is not that far, but my dc have already had 2 parties today in local friends houses. Ive been in and out of house all day. I think you just need to be prepared to drive a lot.

I'd hate to have to drive that several times a day potentially to take them to clubs/ parties/ after school events/ play dates. My parents moved to the countryside (edge of a city really) but poor public transport and we're always in and out driving us here there and everywhere.

Blimey, none of their business! You're a grown woman

The area we are in now has nothing. 4 mile drive to supermarket. Any parties are normally at the soft play which is the area we want to move. Really their is little buses and 1 train line also. I'd be a taxi service ad everything is quite rural I suppose here.

sooooooo toxic

and a house with a garden versus a flat? Not even a wuedtion

you’ll regret it forever if you don’t do it

snd I’d have a very good think about the dynamics of the relationship and have a good read up on boundaries

even if the teenager thing PODDIBLY becomes an issue you can address that then.

She’s 50:50 with her ex who presumably is in catchment, the application would be from his address I assume.

Stop crying about it. Your mum’s comments were rude and unhelpful, and you need to stop asking for reassurance from your mum when it comes to big life decisions. Some parents are lovely and able to support in these situations, but your mum isn’t encouraging you to be happy by the sounds of it.

Your children won’t refuse to see you when they’re older, if you focus NOW on building strong relationships with them whilst they’re young. Honest, lovely relationships which mean your children will always trust you and need you even when they grow up. Focus on that, nurturing your children to become strong and healthy and at the same time teaching them the value of family and respect in your household. That’s all you can do about it.

Unless your mum, dad and sister are financially contributing or living with you then they get no say over this.

Buy the house you want.

We live 11 miles from our secondary, because that's the nearest one. I am a taxi service, but that is reality with teenagers wherever you live unless you have excellent public transport

Good point, just to add, admissions will look at which address child benefit is paid and in which area they are registered with a GP.
(I'm an appeals chair)

Your Mum is being ridiculous.

FWIW, DH and I always held the view that the perfect distance from our parents was a 30 minute drive.. Just far enough that they'd call to check we're in before dropping in for an impromptu visit. Close enough to help when needed. Overnight stay not essential. Works both ways.

We're now finding it the perfect distance from DC1 and the GC.

We also found that having rural teens who needed to be transported to everything, was a convenient unobtrusive way to keep tabs on them.

This is insane, 25 minutes is a piece of cake.

I live 35 minutes from my parents and one of my siblings lives over an hour away. We are a super close family and the distance hasn't and wouldn't affect a thing we still all see each other plenty.

Struggling to see how your family would rather see a family of four in a space that is too small for them vs what sounds like a forever home. Bizarre.

As for the DC spending time with then when they are teenagers, it's probably more likely that they'll want to see then when there is a bit of distance so it's more of an event. Teenagers often want to do their own thing and not hang around with their Grandparents at that age.

What do you mean refuse to see you? They'll be living with you right?! So how can they refuse?! You are their parent, you make the call.

However, have you tried doing the bus ride to school? And will they get a place so far away?

You need to stop running your decisions by your parents, just tell them what you've decided to do and when you tell them and they start at you, tell them you are just informing them, not asking for their opinion!

My mums issue wad that she felt moving 11 miles away and me having to collect or drop off future teenagers would make them want t o stay at their dads. I'd be restricting them socially by having to drive them places bur I'd need to do that anyway in the current area albeit a 10 min drive. Her issue is future teenagers social lives snd I'd be making them live away from their friends.

Shoulders back, chin up, deep breath. 11 miles is nothing - absolutely nothing! Your mum sounds like she's trying to guilt you into doing what she wants - that's controlling and coercive behaviour, and the best thing to do is not to give into her ridiculous demands. The house sounds amazing and perfect for your family - go for it!

11 miles.... <mutters> <rolls eyes>

EVEN IF that becomes an issue possibly in the future - it needs to be weighed up against having a house and a garden.

honestly a possible hypothetical which might not even happen really shouldn’t stop such a positive move

Her issue is not future teenagers btw - that's a convenient excuse she's coming up with. Her issue is that she wants you and your sister within easy walking distance and she's throwing a strop.

I’ve just checked your kids ages. Your mother is INSANE

And you might quite like noisy and annoying teenagers being dropped off at your exes on a Saturday night instead of waking you up…..

Is it remote? How is public transport? It could put a teen off if they want to see friends I guess?

My mum even went as far as to say and this is quoting her

" I mean it has went from you having the girls to their being 5050 with u to now moving away far . Why do u want to push your children away?"

I told her I csnt stop their dad wanting them half the time and she acknowledged that. Me and their dad have a good relationship and Co parent well.

Apparently my dad is in agreement with her also.

I'm I'm disbelief to be honest. I thought I'd get a reaction but not this extreme.

She knew we were viewing it and said hmm u dont need 4 bedrooms. I have 2 kids so 1 spare bedroom. Bare in mind my sister has 4 bed and 3 spare bedrooms.

Really in disbelief and on a downer

To put this in context, we have a grammar school in our area that has a catchment that from East to West is around 30 miles across. I’m sure that all those children are not completely friendless outside of school.

Sounds like OP is in Scotland? If so different school admission rules apply.

If where you are now is equally rural and without public transport, cramped, and they don't have local friends, then... Really, it's a no brainer!

Taxiing teens can be a pain though so don't underestimate that. I'm so grateful I live on a bus route!

There is public transport its 15/20min train ride from current location to where we want to live.