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Original poster

How do you cope with the stress of moving house?

322 replies

YukoandHiro · 12/10/2022 03:42

We're on a tight chain. If we don't exchange and complete within the next 2.5 weeks we'll lose our buyer as their mortgage lender won't give any more extensions to their offer (there have been endless complex delays with the paper work and we lost our onward purchAse so it's all take months)
It's touch and go whether or not we'll get moved or the whole thing will collapse.
I haven't actually slept for NIGHTS now. I'm exhausted and totally wired. I'm spending all my days on endless phone calls feeling frustrated and my work is suffering too.
We have two kids too so we still have to get them to school etc through all this. Honestly feel like I can't cope at all!!

OP posts:
mistletoe1 · 12/10/2022 05:53

We’re in the exact same boat with needing to complete in the next 2.5 weeks before our buyers mortgage offer expires. It’s 5.30am, been awake for hours and feel like I’m about to give myself a stomach ulcer. It’s grim, but you’re not alone.

We’re moving 100 miles away so have a school in year application to deal with as well.

SpaceyCake · 12/10/2022 11:24

We had this last month. It was torture. I didn't sleep and I would just randomly burst into tears because of anxiety. I tried to get drunk once but obviously it made my anxiety way worse! I just tried to take it day by day and started formulating a plan B in my head in case it all went wrong, and I chatted to DH and DC and tried to find positives in case we ended up not moving. I think I was genuinely preparing for the whole thing to fall through and didn't think it would actually happen but it did, at the very last minute (simultaneous exchange and completion in a chain of 4 with our buyers' and our mortgage offers expiring within two weeks, phew!).

Hopefully you'll get there soon! It is horrible and I was surprised by how difficult I found it mentally. I found some comfort in just taking time to hang out with DC and do kid stuff like playing and drawing and watching kids TV. And having lots of cuddles. Good luck!

AuntSalli · 12/10/2022 13:34

It is really really hard. I moved three times last year and having arrived in to the final destination I’ve literally just stuffed it all into the house and shut the doors I can’t seem to bring myself to unpack and get organised which is probably a psychological stumbling block caused by the first two moves.

Original poster
YukoandHiro · 12/10/2022 13:37

Thanks for your posts! It's good to know I'm not alone. I actually can't bear the idea of not moving. We've long outgrown our flat and it needs work that we haven't some because we've been "moving" for 18 months. It's so down to the wire. I feel sick all the time.
I think taking it day by day with a list of tasks we can or can't do will help.

OP posts:
Original poster
YukoandHiro · 12/10/2022 13:37

@mistletoe1 wishing you all the good luck with yours too.

Let's hang in here to give each other support!

OP posts:
DeeplyMovingExperience · 12/10/2022 13:40

It's an absolute nightmare. The English (and Welsh?) system for house buying is seriously flawed. How I didn't have a coronary during our recent move I'll never know.

Original poster
YukoandHiro · 12/10/2022 15:25

I am just absolutely useless with uncertainty. I'm the kind of person who identifies a problem and then needs to fix it, or come to a decision about how to handle it. I can't just "sit with it". It's the powerlessness - knowing that it might just all fall through and there's nothing we can do about that - that kills me

OP posts:
Reallybadidea · 12/10/2022 16:16

No advice, but we're in a very similar situation. Need to complete by the end of the month or the whole thing will fall about. It's been one problem after another, our vendors repeatedly pulling out of onward purchases, then our solicitor ended up critically ill and the locum covering them walked out. We had to start the legal process again 2 weeks ago and although our new solicitor is brilliant, the others in the chain are less slow. We've just been sent a list of enquiries that we answered months ago, so not sure whether our answers were insufficient or what's going on!

The icing on the cake is that my husband has been told he's at risk of redundancy - he's been told informally that he's safe, but it's still another thing to worry about. Especially with the economic room and gloom all over the media. Like you, I HATE not being able to do anything about it or make plans. So I just worry. I almost feel like calling the whole thing off so that I have some certainty.

Sending sympathy and solidarity!

Reallybadidea · 12/10/2022 16:17

*others in the chain are less efficient and slow to respond.

mistletoe1 · 12/10/2022 16:43

yes I’m the same, I’m not coping very well with the fact that it’s all out of my control and I’m now totally reliant on the effort of others. I wouldn’t say I’m a control freak but I am a do-er.

Have some good news though: solicitor has called to discuss completion dates so hopefully exchange isn’t far off.

(Also selling a flat that we’ve outgrown)

MaggieMagpie357 · 12/10/2022 17:17

I totally feel your pain, this was us last June - it had been a year since we first went on the market, one failed sale/purchase, countless viewings, finally sold again and it took another 8 months until completion!!! The final few weeks were complete torture, chasing up agents and solicitors, waiting for people to get back to us and all with the stamp duty holiday deadline looming. DH and I are not patient people!!!

I'm not sure how many are in your chain but I'm sure no one wants it all to collapse now - all I can say is keep emailing and phoning relevant people for updates and I promise you once you've finally got it all sorted you'll forget v quickly how stressful it all was!!! I've got a everything crossed for you OP.

FuzzyPuffling · 12/10/2022 17:37

I'm in the same boat.

Two and a half months in, in what ought to be a simple chain of 3, no mortgages required. I have lovely fast, responsive solicitors and am getting towards being ready to exchange on my purchase, but my buyers solicitors are appalling and are just not dealing with stuff. On Monday they admitted that they hadn't even opened the file of first enquiries which had been with them for a fortnight. They are being chased by my solicitors and sales progressor but seem unmoved (literally)

My IBS is awful, I have insomnia every night and I have almost constant chest pain from anxiety. I find myself fretting about everything, can't get on with packing but can't do the things I'd normally do (like dressmaking or gardening) do I find I'm wandering aimlessly round the house and occasionally wrapping a jug in bubble wrap. I'm not sure if I can go on with this, but all I want now is to move!

pigcon1 · 12/10/2022 17:43

fitness, a good book, venting with friends. Loose yourself with work. Batch cook but Christmas presents.

Hunkyd0ry · 12/10/2022 17:44

I’m sorry to be in the same boat as you all!

we’ve sold and our buyers are keen to be in but we’ve not found anything. We are considering going into rented but with no knowledge of dates, I don’t want to arrange moving and they don’t want to be in yet!

I feel very exhausted by it all, everything has just felt stressful and I’d put it down to different things but maybe it’s this horrid house move.

Lostmymindat44 · 12/10/2022 18:18

Been at this for 9 months and have lost one house already - and I'm on my own which is making it feel a bit harder too! My quandary is that we're close, but I need to put notice on this rented house in a couple of weeks or roll on for another month. I don't feel I can risk it, but it's another month's rent and expense!

Winterthoughts · 12/10/2022 18:18

Buyers ready before sellers:looks like renting/staying with family in-between,but just so stressful, especially with (understandably) twitchy first time buyers want ours asap. Solicitors don't seem to communicate well between each other,so think going to have be more pushy now,but just exhausting for us,and emotionally draining. But good to know it's normal,I guess👍 hope everyone gets sorted soon👍

Frazzled2207 · 12/10/2022 18:37

Hi this was us earlier this year and it was absolutely awful. About seven families in the chain and the worst thing was having no control (or info) whatsoever about shenanigans further down.

Eventually exchanged 2 days before completion. I didn’t think it would happen but it did.

actual move was fine (paid a small fortune for 5 men and 2 trucks).

6 months later no regrets.

hang in there, when mortgage deadlines start to bite people do get themselves into gear a bit more.

Original poster
YukoandHiro · 13/10/2022 06:29

This thread is actually really helping me. Things have been so complicated and expensive for us trying to resolve these leasehold issues that I started to feel really alone. It sort of reassuring to see that although there are lots of us in this awful position re: a tight deadline - even though I don't want anyone to end up stuck (as we probably will).
I think it's about 50/50 right now whether it's going to happen or not. If we haven't made any progress on the two major outstanding things by next Wednesday I suspect it won't happen at all.

OP posts:
FuzzyPuffling · 13/10/2022 07:34

I was having awful anxiety last night...again! I think it's the lack of control. Having done everything I can to move things along ( responding to everything by return if I can) it's horrible to see how my buyers don't seem to have the same attitude. And their solicitors definitely don't.

I wouldn't mind so much if we'd exchanged, so I knew for sure it was happening, but this limbo is doing me no good at all.

Yesterday I picked all the apples off our tree. Plenty for me and for family and friends.

SpaceyCake · 13/10/2022 07:43

Ahh I'm all too familiar with selling a leasehold property. It's a different beast isn't it? We've just sold ours and the process took 18 months (incl. two failed sales). It was so stressful and there's so much more documentation you have to provide and all sorts of weird enquiries from lenders etc. We were the same as you, totally outgrew our old place and were desperate to move but it didn't seem to happen and we felt utterly trapped. There was nothing wrong with our old place (in fact it was lovely and I miss it a bit now 🥺) but we just needed to move on and find more space. Luckily we got there in the end and I hope you will too!

ByeByeMissAmericanPie · 13/10/2022 08:05

@Lostmymindat44 I was in a similar situation back in the summer. I had a 2 month notice period on my rental and I had to make the decision when to hand in my notice. I rang my LL and had a chat with him, and he was cool about shortening the notice period. He re let the house for ££££ more than I was paying in less than 36 hours.

I suggest you contact your LL.

I exchanged and completed in 36 hours so it was squeaky bum time.

Original poster
YukoandHiro · 13/10/2022 19:08

Anyone made any progress today? One step forward two steps back for us

OP posts:
mistletoe1 · 13/10/2022 20:42

No news today. Our solicitor is absolutely useless.

Now that it’s looking like it probably will happen, I’ve got very teary about leaving where we live. The flat has been driving us absolutely bananas for years now, it’s too small, but the area is fantastic and our son is really happy at his school. 😓

Reallybadidea · 13/10/2022 20:59

Sorry to hear that things are no further forward for you both. It's such a horrible situation and very difficult to think about anything else.

Amazingly, our solicitor says that we are ready to exchange with our sale and purchase. There's only 3 of us in the chain so as long as our vendors are ready, it's all systems go. Our solicitor is a diamond - we only signed the paperwork allowing her to act for us two weeks ago today!

mistletoe1 · 13/10/2022 21:05

@Reallybadidea thats brilliant, glad to hear some good news!

thanks for starting this thread @YukoandHiro , it’s really nice to have a support group!