Relocation regrets

[bumblebumblebee3]

Where do I even begin with this!! Eugh!
6months ago myself my husband and 3 year old relocated from a city to a rural village . We left our friends and family and everything we have known behind.

I never truly wanted to move in the first place but talked myself round to the idea and agreed to it out of love to support my husbands dream job and the opportunity of having smaller schools for my shy introverted daughter to excel in. I was convinced that them being happy would make me happy. Anytime I doubted that I would push those thoughts to the back of my head and focus on their happiness.

We have been here 6 months and I have no idea who I am. I have lost my identity and miss my friends and family desperately . I miss our old house, our old neighbours , all the places we used to go that felt "home" to me.

I have no one to blame but myself for agreeing to move. What do I do?! Please be kind. Do I say we have to move back now , as life is too short and I am unhappy. Not that we have the money to move back. Or do I wait it out and see if my daughter will settle in her preschool and make me feel settled because she is settled?!

I could kick myself for agreeing to this move. We made the decision during covid when we were all living and working from home every day in a small environment and our daughter wasn't sleeping so I was so sleep deprived and could hardly think straight . I feel like we made the wrong choice. But boy oh boy what a whopper of a mistake to make !
Help?!

@Probablymagrat I feel exactly the same way! I moved from Cambridgeshire to Yorkshire, and in the process left behind good friends & a fun, active lifestyle. I don't like it here at all, and I've lost all motivation to do most things. I don't seem to have any purpose in life anymore. I also sometimes wish I could just not wake up in the morning. I can't see myself living the rest of my life like this...

@bumblebumblebee3 I know what you mean about Covid- it really meesed with our minds & decision-making processes. I had lost my job, and was finding it difficult to get a new one, and noone knew when all this nonsense would end. I too now miss my friends, and have lost my sense of purpose. I would go back home in a flash, but can't afford to at the moment.

I moved later in life from a city to a rural area because my fiancé had DCs still in full time education. My DCs were adults.

I found the move harder than expected and was very lonely especially as I was jobless for longer than expected and the move coincided with me starting the menopause and his DCs hitting adolescence.

It took 2-3 years before my new location felt like home. Like you I threw myself into lots of local activities. Eventually firm friendships formed - not like the ones I had where I used to live, but the old friendships have endured and are just continued differently (more phone calls and texts and lots of pre-planned visits. Less spontaneous contact). On a day to day basis I have new friends although I’ve had to become more self-reliant. I’ve also had experiences and career developments I would never had if I hadn’t moved and learned things about myself that have been rather wonderful and useful. I’m so glad I made the move even though it was quite tough in the first few years.

After 12 years my DSC have all grown up and now live independently, and the ties to this area my DH had, have changed or disappeared altogether. We are now planning to move back to my former home city as my friends and family still live there and my DH considers them his friends and family now too.

Also as we get older, rural living brings more challenges and it makes sense to move somewhere with better public transport, better amenities and healthcare, more support network (old friends and family) and as it happens, we will be closer to most of our various offspring.

I’m excited about moving to our new home with my DH - he is too - although I have enjoyed my rural life and know that my old home doesn’t exist like before as everyone has moved on with their lives too.

Understanding that ‘home’ is where your ‘love’ lives has helped me adapt. Houses and places are just spaces. So give yourself chance to settle, avoid constant comparisons with what was and understand that life will change regardless of what you do. Even your old home wouldn’t have stayed as you remember it.

Nothing will ever be forever, but constant change is unhelpful for living a content life and by embracing the change and letting yourself enjoy the good bits of your new home things will become easier.

Hello everyone, I’ve just picked up this thread. We moved 300 miles 7 months ago and it’s a big struggle. @bumblebumblebee3 How are things with you now?

@CountingSheep27 - I'm still hanging about these threads but keep changing my name for fear of someone finding out who I am and knowing me lol !!!

I am now almost 2 years in to living in our new location. I am feeling more settled than I was when I originally posted this - I am not so anxious and sad. My daughter has settled into her school and I am seeing the benefits of village life for raising a family and I do really love this area. BUT it still is not "home". And what I find most troubling still is how much I miss my friends and my mum. We are only 1 hour away from "home" but it feels long when I was used to a lifestyle of popping to friends houses and I certainly had "my village of friends" back there . I have met new people here but no one I would class as "my village"

How are you doing with the move - 300 miles must be a good couple of hours away from "home"?! Feel free to pm me if you wanna chat atall! I am always open for relocation chit chat !!!

Some of our family moved from North to South and they never settled Square pegs in round holes

5 years after moving and still don’t feel settled.
Hoping to move back once youngest finishes school next year!
Has anyone else moved back after several years? If so what was it like?

I feel exactly like you. Can you move back? What is it you don't like in Yorkshire?

It's too quiet where I am, there's nothing going on. It rains all the time, and it's windy! The sky is always grey... And the people aren't friendly!

I'd love to move back, but property prices have gone up sooo much in Cambridge, it would be difficult...

@MachineBee that sounds really tough 🤗 we relocated in lockdown, 300 or so miles from where we used to live (semi rural) total PITA when our DS’ became teens. We now live very close to a city centre, much more convenient, no regrets, and sensible property prices. One of the main motivations for moving, no way could our DS’ be able to buy a home in they area we lived. It’s a big gamble, and a scary thing to move away from the familiar, but thankfully for us it worked out really well. No regrets whatsoever.

How did you get on @bumblebumblebee3 ? I know this is years ago but I also moved in 2023 :temporarily" but now feel we can't get back in to our city and mum guilt is hitting me too.