Buyers remorse and costs

[Newhousecrying]

Hi everyone, I’m a long time lurker, and taken a while to get the courage to post this so please be kind

DH and I completed on our first home 3 months ago. We offered in February after looking for 6months and being outbid everytime. We paid over asking for this one (and over the valuation). Because in the 6 months we were looking things were just getting more and more expensive. And everyone we knew who was buying a house was also paying over the asking. Now it feels like things have gone the other way and I feel like a complete idiot.

since we’ve completed we’ve just had so many problems. The repairs required are more than we knew (had L3 survey- loads of things were not picked up). cost of works is much higher than expected.

Looking at the costs, we’re going to exceed the ‘ceiling price’ of the street by at least 10k. And that’s without getting a new kitchen. Which looked ok when we saw it but actually when looking more carefully, it’s really nasty :(

DH is working so hard to keep things moving. I’ve cried almost every day for months. Friends have suggested I see my GP for relaxants because I’m so anxious about it. I just wish we’d been sensible and slowed down and not bought it.

It looks terrible now because we’ve started the work (removed all the wallpaper and floor etc). We’d lose 70k if we tried to sell now. We’re scrimping like mad to save money day to day.

I don’t know what we can do. I’m so afraid of us spending too much to make it nice to live in and then ‘losing’ all that money when we need to sell.

posting now because I just watched ‘worst house in the street’ and they’re talking about costs and ceiling prices and I just burst into tears.

OP, bless you, I haven't RTFT but I've read all your posts and I do think you are suffering in a way that is out of proportion to your true situation.

You've become a property owner, which is great. Yes, prices are going up all over the place and that's stressful, and yes there are things which the house needs which you didn't anticipate when you bought it.

Please believe that both of those things are very common: price rises affect everyone and I've never bought a home without some nasty surprises involved! None of this is particular to you/your bad house purchase/your bad luck.

If you're in a situation where your DP is worried/guilty, you've lost a friend over it, and you can't socialise because you are too busy crying, then my sincere feeling is that you should seek counselling, either through your GP or privately. You are catastrophising your situation beyond what is reasonable.

At the end of the day the basic fact is that anyone who owns a home is better off than the millions of people stuck renting. That's true whatever the market does, whatever the ceiling price is, whatever the cost of repairs amounts to. You have a home which is of significant value, and that value will increase over time.

If you can't see the positive through the overwhelming despair then this is a MH problem not a house problem. Wish you well and hope you can get help to feel better.

Thank you, that';s very kind of you. 🙂

I remember

I remember when I bought my first house (1980's).
Knew it was a do'er upper but the day I walked in (alone) into "my" new home I burst into tears.
Someone on another current thread has said they bought the "worst house in the best area", well I bought the worst house in the worst area but it was all I could afford at the time (I had to stretch everything just to get that).

Rolled up my sleeves and spent the next 3-years doing as much as I could (on a budget) which meant that when I sold it was a far nicer house (but still in a nasty area!).
Was good experience and in some ways I am glad I did it (although I didn't think so at the time).

@LemonSwan some of it I get is part of the ‘game’ of house buying/ selling, which I don’t agree with but understand BUT, they 100% lied on the PIF. Not going to share the RM link because I don’t want to identify myself.

@BlueMongoose condolences. Your situation does sound really stressful. It does help put my situation in some perspective. The sunk cost is interesting. In my industry, if you’ve overspent you should try to do as much as possible to keep the costs low. I’m so grateful and so lucky that our surrounding neighbours (still unsure about the attached neighbour but they could be ) are so friendly and helpful.

@DasAlteLeid thanks. Your situation sounds so similar to mine. It’s definitely easier in theory than practice to let go of the anger…

@Eastie77Returns thanks :) hope your house finishes soon. Do you have a completion date now that you’ve got new builders?

@Appleyard8 the shed is quite old. I accidentally kicked the door and chunk came off…

@EveSix thanks for this.it’s a good reminder. It’s funny, we adopt that attitude to almost everything else we have (I have clothes from 15+years ago, and definitely immune to the one dress per party thinking, and try to salvage from other people when they’re throwing stuff out) but lost it in the house…

if they have actually lied then you would probablybhVe legal recourse against them if you wanted to recoup the costs

@WoolyMammoth55 it nice to hear that both those things are common and it’s not because of me/ my choices. Thanks.

@Dougieowner thanks for sharing your story :)

@Teenyliving solicitor said it would cost us a lot to sue, probably more than we’d get back

@Newhousecrying I am sorry for you, you have been done wrong too without a doubt but as you say suing is likely to cost more money than you will gain, you are angry and a bit bitter about it, but your anger although probably justified and your bitterness is not affecting the perpetrators at all it is affecting you, your happiness your relationships your marriage maybe your soical life and satisfaction. There is no point in punishing yourself further, the past is the past and it is unchangeable, you have to go forward,
As someone once said bitterness is drinking poison and expecting someone else to die ie it only harms yourself.

My DH is in conservation and he says it is very rare that a whole roof would genuinely need replacing, if you can get into your attic go and see if there are any leaks next time it is raining heavily for a few hours ( it takes a feww hours for any thing to show up, check for any dampness and go up on a bright day can you see daylight through your roof anywhere, most roof problems are slipped slates or tiles or the lead flashing round chimneys bays angled dormers etc, or missing cement under ridge tiles can you get borrow a good pair of binoculars and study your roof to look for the above

Good luck and try and make peace with it for the sake of your own mental health and your relationships like @evesix said

Thanks. It’s really good to think that my anger doesn’t affect them at all, no matter how strong.

we’ll have a look in the loft. We can see some light. There’s been some showers since we’ve moved but we’ve not noticed any dampness. We’ll keep an eye out.

we spoke to a builder who said the roof looks pretty old, but there’s no point doing repairs on it if it’s not leaking. It might last another year or two as is, we just have to watch it when it rains.

Old roofs were built to last. My old place was Edwardian it still had its original roof. Over the years a couple of spots leaked, so they were repaired.

Please stop driving yourself mad about valuations. You plan to be in this house for 5+ years in which time you will be able to do all the repairs and renovations needed. Every home I have bought since 1980 went down in value shortly after being bought but then value began to go up again. Property values go in cycles and as long as you can afford your mortgage you are doing better than if you were still renting esp as you are £500 a month better off. [Flowers]

Exactly this. We've all been there. In the gentlest way, just make it your home.

yes our roof is over 130 years old it needs lead replacing around chimney heads which DH will do next spring, sometimes you can move slipped slates back inot place from inside

@Newhousecrying we don’t really have a fixed completion date. The new builders are miles better than the previous, awful one but are similar in that they are vague about exactly when things will be completed. They’ve more or less finished the big jobs and keep saying there are only ‘cosmetic things’ left now or small jobs that won’t take too long which is true but it is still a bit frustrating. I just want my house free of builders, dust and mess.

I hope you start to see light at the end of the tunnel and this thread has helped, there has been some really good advice. I’ve been through so many ups and downs with this house and even now, when things are so improved, I wake in the middle of the night worrying about my now non existent savings and what I could have done differently.

Thanks everyone. Had a more productive yesterday. We painted another upstairs room (amazing how much you can get done when both are working, and noones crying on the floor!). Closed the door to the kitchen because it’s so dusty in there, but I think that actually helped…

@sunshinesupermum I almost wish I hadn’t had the valuation. Ignorance is bliss….

@Outnumbered99 thanks.

@TeacupDrama thats really good to know about moving the tiles from the inside. We’ll have a look into that.

@Eastie77Returns thanks. I worry that the feeling of ‘should have done better’ will never go away. Even when the house is presentable, I’ll know how much we paid over, and how much more we spent on top of that, and that the feeling of regret and sadness, and disliking myself for it, or shame, will never go away.

To me it sounds like this purchase has triggered a whole lot of emotions that are not related to the house. Shame and self-dislike are nothing to do with property. And the level of anxiety you report is disproportionate to the realty.

You’re assuming that if you hadn’t bought this one you’d have bought the ‘right’ one instead. In fact you would have just bought another slightly wrong house under the same conditions - seller’s market, low inventory, property going for over ask - that needed more work doing to it than appeared.

As I said I just had to buy my parents a place - I knew full well that the market was crazy - properties would have 4 offers on the table the day after they listed. You just have to accept that you were buying in that context.

It’s very difficult to get a bargain with property anyway, that only really happens when a seller is desperate (divorce, bereavement, job loss etc), a repossession, or an economic slump.

DH and I had a long chat about ‘fear of failure’ and how I’m struggling with the idea of having ‘done something badly’. It’s like I got an F in house buying…

In the same boat, I got an F too. It resonates...

I worry that the feeling of ‘should have done better’ will never go away. Even when the house is presentable, I’ll know how much we paid over, and how much more we spent on top of that, and that the feeling of regret and sadness, and disliking myself for it, or shame, will never go away

@Newhousecrying do you still cry every day? does it affect your daily life?

Honestly OP you need to get a grip. There are far far far worse things thst could have happened to you than you POSSIBLY over paid in a heated market and are now in a property that you own with potential to add value.

i understand where the drive for perfectionism comes from and how debilitating it can be - but honestly if this is the worst thing that has happened to you this year you are very very fortunate

Well I think you’ve marked yourself down as F but it’s by no means clear that is actually the case.

Even if renovations take you 10% over the current ceiling price, in 5 years the ceiling will have increased, and you will have a newly renovated house you can market taking that into account.

It’s tough buying in an overheated market but if you didn’t complete when you did you’d have lost further money on rent. Have you calculated how much it would have cost you to rent for another 6 months, while chasing your dream underpriced property with no work needed?

My feeling is if you hadn’t bought when you did you’d be pancking about rent and rising interest rates, kicking yourself you don’t buy this when you could.

The most important thing in a house purchase is that you find somewhere that you can make comfortable to live in. That’s the main objective. Making money on it is really a side issue.

I meant 10k not 10% ^^

Crying less but still frequent

So I took a week away from the new house to go on holiday with my family. In that time I reflected on how hard I’m making my life and my DH’s life because of this feeling of regret. I read up on regret/ anxiety/ worry and exercises to help with those.

came back, everything felt calmer, we saw our friends, I went to the gym for the first time in months. Did all this before coming back to the house, all good etc. Came back to find a corner in one of the rooms we had painted ruined. Looks like water ingress from the heavy rain. AND the boiler isn’t working.

FML. Resilience is one thing, but this is unrelenting.

It's the tough first couple of years. You just need to work out how to make insurance claims if needed and get a sense of humour about it all. Once you're in the swing of things it all gets much easier. One day you genuinely will look back and laugh at some of it at least!

I remember the first six months of my last house feeling relentless and awful but I was actually sad to leave it a few years later.

@Newhousecrying if this is the most challenging thing that has happened in your life you are genuinely very fortunate.

i don’t say that to be mean - but I do say it to see if you can get perspective. No body’s life is perfect and bad things happen to everyone - much worse things have happened to many other people.