Buyers remorse and costs

[Newhousecrying]

Hi everyone, I’m a long time lurker, and taken a while to get the courage to post this so please be kind

DH and I completed on our first home 3 months ago. We offered in February after looking for 6months and being outbid everytime. We paid over asking for this one (and over the valuation). Because in the 6 months we were looking things were just getting more and more expensive. And everyone we knew who was buying a house was also paying over the asking. Now it feels like things have gone the other way and I feel like a complete idiot.

since we’ve completed we’ve just had so many problems. The repairs required are more than we knew (had L3 survey- loads of things were not picked up). cost of works is much higher than expected.

Looking at the costs, we’re going to exceed the ‘ceiling price’ of the street by at least 10k. And that’s without getting a new kitchen. Which looked ok when we saw it but actually when looking more carefully, it’s really nasty :(

DH is working so hard to keep things moving. I’ve cried almost every day for months. Friends have suggested I see my GP for relaxants because I’m so anxious about it. I just wish we’d been sensible and slowed down and not bought it.

It looks terrible now because we’ve started the work (removed all the wallpaper and floor etc). We’d lose 70k if we tried to sell now. We’re scrimping like mad to save money day to day.

I don’t know what we can do. I’m so afraid of us spending too much to make it nice to live in and then ‘losing’ all that money when we need to sell.

posting now because I just watched ‘worst house in the street’ and they’re talking about costs and ceiling prices and I just burst into tears.

Are house prices not falling? I’m convinced that they are where I am.

I think a lot about the houses we didn’t ‘win’. One of them came back on the market after we completed but at 50k more! It reduced to a more sensible price after a few weeks. It’s all a bit silly. I daydream that we’d offered more on the houses we saw earlier on (which would have been impossible because we didn’t have that extra money then) and then moved into a nicer house with less work and more space….it’s really silly.

a better house (bigger, only slightly more expensive (less than the refurb cost) and looks nicer in the photos) came available three days after we completed. I was so upset. and then it felt like properties were coming up every week. I’m not allowed to look on Rightmove anymore…

Honestly I agree with the ‘you have no idea how this ends’ thing. You’ve bought a house to make your home. Spend what you need/want to when you can. Make it into something you love and then live in it. Done. If you’re planning to be in it for the long haul, you don’t need to worry. As my dad told me many times ‘the value of your house only matters when you’re selling it, so don’t worry about it if you’re not selling’.

I remember when we bought our first flat. Totally skint, we completed the day after Brexit when everyone was predicting doom and gloom. It was a complete fix up job (damp and a total wreck) and we had to do it room by room for YEARS. But… things had a dip, then they went up, then they stagnated, then they went up again. We sold that flat 4 years later just after finishing the works. Tbh we probably only just broke even based on how much we’d spent doing it up - but wasn’t it marvellous that instead of spending that money on works and it going into a black hole, we essentially upped our equity so we spent money but got it paid back too? That equity is how we are now living in our lovely house with space for the kids. Could never have afforded that if we’d clung onto the flag deposit in cash. And equally our damp flat was a blessing because we sold mid pandemic when people were paying a huge premium for flats with gardens. So you really really don’t know what’s around the corner - you don’t have a crystal ball so instead of freaking out about future sales, just focus on making a home that you will love. Once you love the place it’ll all fall into shape.

Yeah they all look lovely in the photos! Agree you need to get off Rightmove 😆

OP I really think your missing the bigger picture. Your on the ladder now.

I don’t think I have ever bought a house for atleast 30k more than it was actually worth. Our current house probably nearer 100 actually if you look at ceilings and work needing to be done (this is a forever home for most needing complete modernisation - no central heating, no bathroom or kitchen etc. so worth a decent spend).

If the prices continue to rise well it doesn’t matter because that eats up your overspend. If they fall well that’s great for you too because you don’t lose any money when you upsize during a crash as the 20% fall is worth more to you on a 500k house (100k saving) than on a 200k house (40k saving) - leaving you net better off by 60k.

Its only the last home you ever buy where you need to be a bit careful, because that’s the mortgage you absolutely need to pay off if you want to keep it.

Everything else is a kind of glorified renting with more rights and responsibilities.

We all look on right move and see homes just a little bit better for a little bit more. That’s how it works. But that’s not how much they sell for either. If you really want to cause yourself to continue down this path of deliberation your going to have to wait atleast another 6 month or so for the land registry actual sale prices are published.

I feel you really need to get this under control. Not just for your own mental well-being but your partners, your relationship, your friendships, and your next house purchase. Because if you hold onto this and take this fear of overspend into the future you will never be sitting in the home of your dreams. There’s how much a house is ‘worth’ + how much extra someone is willing to pay to guarantee it’s theirs. That only gets worse the higher up the ladder you go.

Well done and congratulations 🥳

(we didn’t hear that enough when we were catastrophising about our first home!)

I daydream that we’d offered more on the houses we saw earlier on (which would have been impossible because we didn’t have that extra money then) and then moved into a nicer house with less work and more space….it’s really silly.

Everyone dreams about the bigger house with less work… But the market has been dog eat dog for the last 2 years and you just have to buy what you can when you can.

I would flip this around and think how awful it would be if you hadn’t completed on somewhere now with interest rates rising.

Thanks for sharing. When you say built up equity, do you mean in terms of capital repayments or return from repairs?

2016 was an interesting time. I remember loads of people telling me it was too risky then, and also in 2019, and then again in 2020. They were so wrong about the house frenzy that came after

Thanks. We’re super lucky in that we both saved like made for years and with inheritance we actually have a good amount of equity in the house from our deposit. I’m just so angry we ‘gave’ that money to the vendor, who lied on the PIF and hid all these awful problems.

i looked at the sold prices because we’ve been looking for so long and some of the houses we viewed and bid or couldn’t get a viewing on are now released, and a few of the sold prices are actually only a few k above the asking or at asking. And I felt so much worse because we based our offer on ‘everything else is going for a lot over asking’ :(

I know I’m in a bad place and I need to get it under control. But I feel so stuck. I can’t reframe it positively in my mind. It’s definitely taken a toll on my relationship and my friendship. It’s a good point on the next house.

But if we overpaid by 30-50k, we’ve basically paid the same as interest rates are rising :(

Reading between the lines op, your friend is trying to tell you you are overreacting.

Just because she has a bigger house which didn't need work and was bought at a time when the market was less inflated, doesn't invalidate her opinion.

You have the money to refurb and are coping financially. You need to let this go before your attitude affects other relationships.

This, totally.

Your reaction seems really disproportionate to what's actually happening, cancelling meeting up with friends, crying under dust sheets, falling out with long term friends. The house doesn't sound that bad at all, and I say that as someone about to embark on a massive renovation. It feels like there might be something more going on for you that you might want to think about getting help for.

That’s assuming you wouldn’t have to ‘overpay’ and have a higher interest rate on different house.

You paid what you had to to secure a house in a competitive market. If you hadn’t bought this one you’d have bought another one under the same conditions.

Yes I think there are too problems 1. OP paid more for a house than she wanted and it needs work than they thought 2. She seems to lack a certain resilience to cope with life’s challenges.

OP you need to make a decision to get your life back on track, get over this and move on.

Two not too!

Thanks for sharing. When you say built up equity, do you mean in terms of capital repayments or return from repairs?

Both really. If we’d stayed in our rented place and paid £1500 a month in rent, we’d have left with nothing to show for it.

If we’d bought our rundown flat and not repaired it, we’d have paid £1000 a month mortgage and saved £500 a month, and when we left would have had those monthly £500s to put towards the next place. But we would have had to live in a shithole

As it is, we paid £1000 a month mortgage and put £500 a month towards renovating. So when we left, the improvements we made were reflected in the increased value of the flat. So like my ‘£500 to savings’ example above, we had that money to put towards the new place but we also got the benefit of living in a nicely done up flat in the meantime. Win/win surely.

Basically we spent £20k on doing the flat up, had the joy of living somewhere freshly done up, and then when we sold that £20k was waiting for us in the form of increased equity - like we’d saved it up, except we hadn’t, we’d spent it! So it felt like we’d had it twice

(I’ve just put random figures in there I know they don’t add up btw!!)

1. is true but doesn’t account for the paying over the valuation factor (which is the big bit I’m struggling with). ‘Paid more than what I wanted’ would be true for any house but that’s more a reflection on how I feel about the housing system.

2. no one would believe it from this thread but I (normally) have very good resilience. I managed to do very well as a young female graduate in a heavily toxic male industry in a former career.

admittedly, it’s most likely the ‘
feeling like an idiot’ aspect that I’m really struggling with. And as first time buyers, I don’t really know what’s ‘normal’ in terms of spend/ surprise projects. Which is why all the stories are so helpful

I’ve had to pay over valuation for a property for my parents and I’m cool with it. They’d been looking for a long time, everything was going for over ask, there was nil inventory in their area of London, they’d already lost a property, and I just had to find them somewhere.

I could have haggled over price but there were other buyers breathing down my neck and the longer the sale took to go through the more money they would lose on rent.

The worst that can happen is that you lose a bit of money. It’s not worth messing up your relationship with your partner and your best friend over.

But it’s by no means clear you will lose money. If you can stay there for 5 years you may even make some.

A friend of mine bought a flat last year at 20k over the mortgage valuation and still made 150k on it in 18 months.

So tap into your inner toughness and make a decision to accept things and move on.

Btw don’t trust roofers who tell you you need a new roof. They would say that wouldn’t they? Get minimum of 3 opinions, and if necessary get another surveyor to look at it for a truly impartial view.

That’s just house buying and selling. Every house has problems. As I said previously no matter how much money you have or spend you would still make major mistakes in a first home; even a second and a third. This home will be far from perfect even if you spent 100s of thousands on it because you do not have experience. It’s really important to accept this. Even new builds which look brand spank sparkling are plagued with problems.

And the owners didn’t lie. That’s wholly dramatic. It’s unlikely you need a rewire - you really want to avoid that as it makes an awful mess so get that out of your mind. It’s absolutely not going to be true that you need a new roof if it didn’t come up on the survey. Bamboo in the garden is not an awful problem. Neither is a crack 99% of the time. They bought the house, did a bit, and sold it probably on the same terms they bought it on. If you have any sense you should do the same.

And most houses were going over. We spent 50k over asking on a house last October because we wanted it. Not because it was actually worth that. We have spent the last year living in a garage with no toilet with a newborn because our whole home was back to brick as it didn’t have any heating and the electrics were sodden. We had water pouring through our roof and even we didn’t need a new roof! Just a bit of new flashing at a couple of hundred quid for top quality rolled lead.

If you want us to have a look send the link on right move and we can have a gander. Maybe your right and it is all a huge calamity but I really doubt it.

I couple of thoughts. One is something economist call 'sunk costs'. This is a thing where (I paraphrase a lot here) you accept the money you have spent on something, and then forget it, wipe it from your mind, start from where you are, and work out what is now worth spending money on - rather than waste time and energy (emotional and physical) keeping looking back, and letting what you spent before and why affect your 'now' decision making. That includes not thinking about whether you made the right decisions before too. You learn from mistakes, yes, and no doubt you have learned, but you don't dwell on the fact you made them. You made them, you're done with them, it's a positive that you won't make them again, so try to wipe all that out now.

Additional note- we all have the 'why the F did the W-ers do that/do it that way?' about previous work done on any house, believe me.😝

The second is the despair that can sometimes overtake you when you're living in a wreck. I know it well, I have a wreck, and sometimes it will get you down when every room seems to be a mess because the ones you aren't working on are full of the boxes from the ones you are. Currently I have part of the roof off, so one room had to be cleared, and another room is being replastered the week after next and is currently also empty, and mostly bare brick. My dear father died a fortnight ago, and dealing with his illness and the arrangements since his death as well as living in chaos wore me down to a point where the other day I just cracked, and could barely get out of bed. But....we pick ourselves up, and in time things do get better. And there are also days when you stand back and look at the kitchen you fitted, or the room you've finished, and just let the enjoyment and satisfaction of a job well done seep into you. I'd not swop for a 'made' house, because the ups are worth the downs in the end. I hope one day you can say the same. Meantime, you have my best wishes. And if you have good neighbours, that's a fantastic bonus for any house.

I totally understand @Newhousecrying I bought a flat that seemed great but within two months the handles rotted off all the windows, the front door fell apart, the roof started leaking, the gutters leaked… I probably spent £20k in total on a flat I lived in for three years. I made a small loss in the end, just as everyone else in my area was enjoying record sales. The horrible arsehole couple who sold it to me made £150k in the five years they lived there, and then waltzed off leaving me with their shithole money pit. They even had the cheek to leave us a shed full of shit and a filthy kitchen!

The only thing you can do is leave the anger and regret behind and move forwards. Sounds easy in theory and hard in practice I know, and I still feel pissed off when I think about it at length, but life goes on, 90% of buyers get screwed over at some point, you will feel happy again and at least you’re not paying off some git’s mortgage by renting!

Sending you love for the loss of your dad @BlueMongoose

I get it OP. I bought a 1930s semi earlier this year. I followed multiple Instagram renovation accounts and dreamt I’d soon be living in a beautifully refurbished house.

We are 6 months in and significantly over budget. We ended up having to completely rewrite, plaster and fit a new kitchen and bathroom. Uncovered so many issues. We finally moved in at the beginning of July but works are still ongoing. The stress of living in the midst of all the dust and chaos with two DC has been awful. We also had to fire our incompetent builder halfway through. We paid him thousands for work he didn’t or simply couldn’t do. I just have to keep going although at times I feel like crying and it is all just so relentless. We have new builders on site now who are brilliant so I try to stay positive. Everyone says it will be worth it in the end but that doesn’t help much when you are in the moment.

My only advice really is to step away from Rightmove and switch of any alerts you might have set up as I think this is just adding to your anxiety. Other than that I think you are don’t what I would, tackle rooms at a time and do what you can to make the place feel like yours. One way or another, you will get through this.

You can just move a shed you don’t need to buy a new one!

OP, buyer's remorse is so common. You'll be fine. You're no longer renting. Your mortgage payments are half of what you used to spend on renting. You like the house and area. You are definitely better off now.
There is such an expectation to do loads of stuff to new houses. But why? I shudder to think of all the perfectly functional, if perhaps a little 'tired', bathroom suites, taps, tiles, light fittings, kitchen units, door handles, sinks, worktops and carpets that get ripped out and replaced, at a terrible environmental cost, because we as new owners want something 'fresh'.
Renovations and refits can have huge carbon footprints, relying on materials the manufacturing of which is dependent on unsustainable resource extraction and heavy use of chemicals and fossil fuels in the production process and distribution.
I have made a decision to not replace anything in my house that still does the job it was installed to do, however old it is, despite being able to afford it; sure, my kitchen cupboards are a bit dinged, my worktops have a couple of scratches and my bathroom suite is dated but they work just fine. Hence no actual need to replace, from a planetary and environmental point of view. I love knowing that my settling for 'good enough' means that me and my house are not contributing further emissions to the atmosphere. Can you adopt a similar outlook, at least for the time being, allowing you to slow down and to find your feet as new homeowners financially and emotionally?
Try to enjoy your new home a little bit at a time. You've worked hard to be in this position.