Hi op…similar position here. I moved June 2021, and house did have works needed that came out on survey. Took until May 22 to get builders in, cost now running at £65k vs. £30k estimated at move point. Takes my house way over ceiling price for road- ha, my house at price I paid at height of stamp duty freeze was already the ceiling price.
I now know if I sell after works completed I would loose a lot of money.
I am retired, no mortgage, but this has massively slashed my life savings that were supposed to look after me in my old age. I have no means really to earn more money now. It has been very scary and I have been very anxious.
One thing that helped was to stop beating myself up for being “stupid” or whatever. I keep telling myself that I had no choice in this. I had to move to downsize at time I did due to divorce- if divorce had gone through quicker I’d have had more choice on house and at cheaper price. I’d probably not have had to take on something that needed works doing, and even if I had, I’d have got those works done before all the building crap resulting from Brexit and covid. But my divorce happened when it did. With so few properties on the market it was less worse house available. So, I am where I am. I am not to “blame”
then I now try to only think about what I can or need to take control of.
So, I do as much work on house myself that I can. When I moved it took me 3 months to paint the entire house myself. I didn’t go out much , it was relentless as I am on my own and no one to help. I learnt DIY stuff on line in terms of pulling down walls, chimneys, putting up shelves single handidly. I saved a lot of money by making my own soft furnishing like curtains, blinds and buying cheap furniture to upcycle. I buy equipment based on what is best functionally, not what is trendy or flash. I challenge the builders about materials they use- no I don’t need fancy york stone paving …simple cheap buff colour will do for instance. I look at all my spends, relentlessly and strictly.
And then I look at my everyday budget very carefully for my other spends. What can I save there? I make every pound I can save or gain count towards the shortfall. Yes, a single £1 might be drop in ocean, but they do mount up. And in my case I m constantly looking to maximise my income from where my retirement funds are invested/saved. I chase the best interest rates, I switch banks for those free £175 switching bonuses. Yes, it is relentless and tiresome…but at least it is something I can control and help claw back slowly over next 15-20 years. Look at ways of increasing your joint income in mid/longer term to get that same long term prognosis on recovering financially
I appreciate you’re in a difficult situation, and what’s happening with cost of living will be making you more anxious. Friends are right, if you need help seek it out…don’t delay as stress and anxiety will lead to depression. Sort that first. You need to get to a place where you aren’t bursting into tears randomly or loosing sleep.
think in the longer term as well….ime what seemed like a big risk in terms of repayments on mortgages when I was younger (when interest rates got to 15% in 1990s) became more than manageable 5 years later because salaries had gone up naturally over that time . One thing is sure, your situation will change over time - you will not be facing this stress and anxiety foreve
Finally, try to focus on free things that will support you and partner like affection, giggles and a bit of cheap fun. I’m not with a partner now, but I spend a lot of time socialising with friends and family, most of the time it’s over a shared cuppa and a long natter, or I take myself out for long walks ..simple pleasures to take my mind off the problem. Gradually over time the issues become more manageable mentally- like the shock of it wears off and you reconcile yourself with the situation and can handle it better.