Where would you move with young kids? (Devon, elsewhere?)

[Dreamingofasmallholding]

Hi,

We are a couple in our 30s with young children currently living in the South East. Where we live is lovely (we are already in a small, very pretty, semi rural village with a great community feel) but probably among the most expensive places in the country outside of London. I am a hospital doctor and my husband WFH, so we could work from more or less anywhere in the country and make the same money - living where we do is beginning to feel needlessly expensive.

We have long considered realising our dream of working less and living "The Good Life" / giving our kids an idyllic countryside childhood on a chunk of land somewhere quite rural, and for a long time thought about achieving this in South Wales.

My parents own their house outright which has become enormously valuable over their 40 years of ownership, and are willing to combine their now considerable resources with our somewhat more meagre ones so that we would be in a position to jointly buy a dream property (eg a multi generational one with a house for them, and a house for us, and a generous amount of land etc).

(The context behind this is that my sibling lives with my parents and has a developmental disability so part of this is about future-proofing for my parents' potential frailty. The idea being my sibling will have a comfortable and secure future living in close proximity to family, my parents would have a wonderful retirement with their grandchildren and us close at hand, and my husband and I would have a better lifestyle, in effect benefitting from a large inheritance (hopefully long) before my parents' time is actually up. Without such a plan, it feels that the care of my parents and sibling is all going to fall on my shoulders with my parents an uncomfortable >1 hour drive away in a house that's increasingly unsuitable, and with myself and husband still working lots to make ends meet).

Obviously this whole plan involves a scary level of commitment, and the feeling we've got to get it right first time and choose the "right place" as it's not like selling up and moving again would be straightforward if it didn't work out. We are thinking of doing this when the kids are still infant school age. My parents aren't keen on Wales (or anywhere to the North of London for that matter), they want somewhere "sunny" eg they want the South West. We've loved holidaying in Devon and Cornwall but I understand living there can be very different.

There are so many potentials it's a bit paralysing (!) but we'd be looking for the right multigenerational property (which can be few and far between), in or very near to a friendly village with a good primary school, a short commute from a hospital (with an A&E), a short or reasonable commute to a decent secondary school and not in an area totally devoid of anything to do as a family (where we live we are already used to driving often 40-60 mins for a day out, or 20 minutes to the nearest town with a swimming pool, so that's not such a problem but don't want to be much more remote than that and would like sports clubs and lessons for kids, stuff like that).

At the moment our attention is focused on North Devon (maybe a bit inland to avoid the most tourist-overwhelmed areas) and have found examples of the right sort of dreamy multigenerational properties in that region within our budget (not looked in great detail though yet). But where would you be looking at in our position?

We really appreciate how lucky we are to even consider all of this, and your help / suggestions. Thank you

Have you considered Norfolk? We relocated from the South East, it’s worked out really well for us. We live in Norwich, great city and can be in the broads in 15mins and on a sandy beach in 30mins. Property prices are very reasonable too, lots of very large rural homes.

Exeter is great for what you want, good state schools and private if that’s what you need. Within 20-30mins you can be at the beach or Dartmoor. The city itself is nice, we have good shopping, lots of independent restaurants/shops and the Cathedral.

Thank you these are all really useful points and I do feel v anxious about some of these potential issues. Perhaps it's a question of whether to relocate as a family, but in a more typical way (eg 2 completely separate properties). It seems daft for us to live in such an expensive area but it's so scary to contemplate leaving behind the place that you know well and starting over.

I do feel very worried about the burden of caring for my parents, but it's coming my way whether I like it or not (!). The prospect of trying to make sure they're okay in their really impractical house which is a bit too far away, whilst having teenagers and at the busiest point in my career. Just want to mitigate that and come up with something that will work well for everyone. I also want a long term set up for my sibling, who can certainly cope more or less on their own but risks becoming v isolated after my parents go.

Devon (South Hams) or Suffolk. That's where I'd look

You sound lovely but also - I mean this kindly - a bit passive. You do have choices on how much caring you do - it's not yours like it or not.

If your brother is fairly independent, for example, would a rural location actually be a bit of a step back for him? If you lived a bit closer to him, you could visit every week or so whereas if you move him to a rural location where he knows no one and can't (?) drive, would it then be more work for you and actually less nice for him as well.

Your parents sound pretty well off - again, if they were in a town or city, they would be better able to do things for themselves and more services would be available to support them.

Whereas it seems to me like moving you all to a rural location means you will definitely end up caring for everyone - is that really what you want? It's ok for you to have wants and needs and feelings too

Somewhere near Dorchester would be a good choice - it has a hospital and a good secondary school. Gorgeous countryside and beaches. It's certainly cheaper than the South East but not bargain basement cheap. The West Country is wet though!

If you don't mind grammar schools, there's East Devon and Kent.

Or consider East Anglia, but be careful where exactly as schools can be an issue. There's a good high school in Debenham, which might be near enough to commute to the hospital in Ipswich or Bury St Edmunds. You could also consider Norfolk - there are some good schools near the Norfolk and Norwich Hospital (Hethersett, Wymondham).

I don't agree that rural = bad for teenagers, but you have to make sure the lifestyle is right for you. If you need to be near a hospital you will not be living in the middle of nowhere anyway, but will you be able to reduce your hours enough that you have a chance to enjoy it?

I live in North Devon, my DH is a doctor & my kids attend the local state schools most of his colleagues have their kids in the state schools TBH, there are some in private but it’s not the majority.

Exmouth has a relay bad drugs problem I don't recommend for teens.

Devon and Cornwall are no more sunny than elsewhere! And Cornwall in particular is dismal in the rain.

What's with all the state school bashing?

Devon, Plymouth & Torbay LEA's still operate a grammar system, and even if you don't use a grammar due to location/ability, there are plenty of decent secondary schools in Devon and Cornwall. Some posters seem to be implying that the options are private education or resigning yourself to your kids shooting up behind the bike sheds. Absolutely ridiculous. It's Braunton not The Bronx.

It really doesn't matter to my sibling where they live (apart from good broadband!!!) as they literally don't leave the house, and for the most part that's unlikely to change (they're content with that). Apart from immediate family their social life is completely online and they WFH (even pre-pandemic). By independant I guess I mean they are good company and are working, but they are in need of some (at least occasional) real life social contact and just someone to help them keep a house running / manage problems, that sort of thing.

It's really us that is looking for that nice balance of rural/semi-rural but commutable to towns / activities. It's what we have where we live now, but where we live is so expensive.

I know I don't have to do anything, but there is noone else and realistically, I'm not prepared to leave my parents in a state if it comes down to it. If in a decade my parents are falling over at home and don't have food in the fridge I know realistically I'm going to be involved in helping them and it's going to be very stressful to have the set-up we have now. I don't have much faith in the system, NHS and social care are crumbling which is only going to get much worse because there are far too many people of my parents' age. Having the best of all worlds (a good lifestyle for us and our children, money in reserve for the future, security for my parents and sibling's future) does seem within reach. But yes, I have reservations about a joint property going forward. Need to do lots of thinking and planning with everyone. Thank you all.

Some of the more rural mid/North Devon and North Cornwall secondary schools are limited by numbers in what they can offer- certainly in the past not all offered science GCSEs, only offering BTEC/agricultural focused exams which would limit long term options.

The more fashionable/well-connected parts of Devon are becoming very popular with incomers - prices rising very fast, and a lack of available property. There are plenty of options between city and deep-rural though, as this is a county of small market towns, plenty of which are within reach of the hospitals in Barnstaple and Exeter. While it's true there are some black spots in terms of secondary education, we're not all illiterate farmhands.

If you’re wanting Devon and the hospital needs an a&e, then you’d need to be commutable distance to either Plymouth or Exeter really - Exeter is a better funded trust (Plymouth has been in the news lately for how much it’s been struggling). Otherwise it’d be Barnstaple or Torbay - these are smaller.

Something we’ve found since moving down here is that you get used to long distance driving, for us driving an hour for an activity is seen as reasonable.I’ve also worked with a lot of people down here who happily commute 1.5 hrs from Cornwall.

I’m probably biased as my DP and I both work at Plymouth hospital, and live in a semi rural area near it, but we love it here. Cost of living is so cheap; you get much more house for your money (although prices are going up as people move here for the lifestyle); the balance of being 30 mins from a city, and 30mins from stunning outdoor areas is perfect for us.

Although it isn’t always sunny here! While I’m general it’s lovely and warm, we also get mist from the sea, fog from the moors, and heaven forbid if we get snow everyone panics!

You are trying very hard to meet everyones needs, and those will rest on your shoulders if you make this big move so before you look at anything else I think you should identify which hospital of the ones between Bath/Bristol and Cornwall you want to work at. Then I would work out from that in terms of the needs of the others. I also think as other wise PP's have said that you should buy separate properties if you can, or at least plan for a worse case scenario if you should divorce/die.

We are doing something similar actually. We have already moved more rurally and are building on our land for one elderly parent... but in many ways it would have been more sensible to have had them buy a smaller place (they are downsizing too) very close by as I am not sure how successful it will be being altogether/who makes the decisions etc.

I don’t have much to add other than Cornwall is gorgeous! good luck!

I would say suffolk coast 100% Aldeburgh?

I live in south Devon in this multigenerational set up although family have been living here for 40+ years. Excellent primary school, good secondary and grammars close by, many medical neighbours due to being max 1 hour away from 3 hospitals, close to the beach and town. Downside is no public transport so agree with other re lots of ferrying around of young people but it works for us and after living in London during training is absolutely worth it to us

I think Somerset/Dorset would be perfect … no idea of your budget but a few possibilities which may fit your criteria?

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/115219991#/?channel=RES_BUY

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/115799798#/?channel=RES_BUY

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/114941921#/?channel=RES_BUY

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/90011245#/?channel=RES_BUY

MonkeysandParrots you are very good at this!

As the daughter of a father who went on to develop dementia, and the sister of a sibling with lifelong mental health issues ( no mother and no other sibling) I totally get that you want to think ahead and bring about the most secure scenario for the whole family. Re deprivation of assets, I believe that only kicks in if care is needed within 7 years of parents gifting you assets. When I was dealing with it all I went to see a solicitor whom I found on the Law Society’s Solicitors for the Elderly website, and she was very helpful in outlining the legal and financial position, it didn’t cost too much for a consultation. Maybe that would be helpful. I also think, you only live once, and why not go somewhere you have an attraction to.

@whataboutbob

As the daughter of a father who went on to develop dementia, and the sister of a sibling with lifelong mental health issues ( no mother and no other sibling) I totally get that you want to think ahead and bring about the most secure scenario for the whole family. Re deprivation of assets, I believe that only kicks in if care is needed within 7 years of parents gifting you assets. When I was dealing with it all I went to see a solicitor whom I found on the Law Society’s Solicitors for the Elderly website, and she was very helpful in outlining the legal and financial position, it didn’t cost too much for a consultation. Maybe that would be helpful. I also think, you only live once, and why not go somewhere you have an attraction to.

No its no longer 7 years. Deprivation of assets will be considered if at any point you are deemed to have disposed of/ transferred assets to avoid paying care fees. This could be property or cash/ valuables.

Don't move to Cornwall; all of our services are broken, everything has been underfunded for such a long time and when you live here, you really understand why it's one of the most deprived counties in the country.

I would choose Devon.

The fact is that if your DC grow up in Cornwall or Devon you'll probably have to pay for private schools for them...unless you're happy for them to attend schools in which the demographic is less than idea. I'm not being snobby, just realistic.

PMSL!!!

If you're looking for sunny then avoid almost all of Cornwall and the Plymouth / Dartmoor end of Devon. Yes, we do have some glorious sunny days but when the weather is not-so-sunny we have a lot of grey, misty, drizzly weather.
For more reliable sunny weather, you'd be better looking at places like Exmouth, Budleigh Salterton, Exminster, Kenton etc. (all of which would be within 30 mins or so of A&E at Exeter).