Worried my husband’s aggression will lose us our rental.

[OrchidPetalsFalling]

Sorry if this should be in a legal section.

My husband has been having a hard time and has been drinking late at night and has made a lot of noise plus damaged some property. He’s good at fixing stuff so has sorted out damage he causes but our land lord let himself in the other day and must have noticed one of the kitchen doors was on the floor! He didn’t mention it but this combined with our neighbours threatening to complain to our landlords about shouting and banging noise late at night is making me fear we’ll be evicted. I love where we live and mentally at the moment don’t feel in a position to go through any changes. I’m going through some bad anxiety issues at the moment.

Obviously written down he sounds unhinged but he’s been on medication that has made him very aggressive. He’s not violent to us just to be clear and he’s making a real effort not to drink excessively at the moment.

Where do I stand if the worst happens?

Well neighbours will complain about a drunken aggressive man making excessive noise and ripping doors off the walls late at night.

Unfortunately part of the fallout of living with a violent man is that you become tarred with the same brush so to speak - landlords don’t want violent people smashing up their property. I imagine he manages not to rip the doors off in Tesco or smash holes in the walls at work?

Anyway if I was you I wouldn’t want to live with him until he has this under control. You live living there and (understandably) are probably going to have trouble living anywhere long term with a partner who damages rental properties.

I'm not quite sure what you're asking. Can your landlord evict you because your husband. Is a violent alcoholic who has damaged his property? Yes.

Would he be right to evict him? Also yes.

If you'd like to stay there, you need to get rid of the husband and appeal to the landlord.

Ps a man who is aggressive and violent in the house where children live is abusing them.

You're right: he does sound unhinged. He acts as though he's unhinged, too. Aren't you terrified? The neighbours clearly are and you're in closer contact with him. Are you determined to stay with him, despite this?

Why is your landlord letting himself into your home?

I’m asking that if he fixed stuff to a high standard (which he’s very caperble of doing) that we could stay. He’s making an effort not to make noise late at night and is trying to not drink as much.

There’s no way on paper that he doesn’t sound bad but he’s really not like that.

The landlord was fixing something (not broken by him) for us and let himself in when I wasn’t expecting him.

So does he smash things up outside the home? Or just in the family home?

Do you have children in the house? Patching up damage after the event does not excuse his behaviour. What support has he sought for his anger and drinking, and the underlying issues?

He gets angry at work and also road rage but no, doesn’t smash stuff up. He’s only done this a few times usually just hitting stuff too hard or throwing stuff and it gets accidentally broken.

Sorry this is more about the house situation than our relationship.

@OrchidPetalsFalling

The landlord was fixing something (not broken by him) for us and let himself in when I wasn’t expecting him.

Well the landlord isn't allowed to do that for starters. He needs to give minimum 24hrs notice except in emergencies, and you need to give actual permission.

As for your partners aggression, he needs to get himself under control. I wouldn't be surprised if you get evicted if the neighbours keep complaining. He needs to stop drinking if it exacerbates the effect of his medication and escalates his aggression. Wtf is he doing? Getting drunk and rampaging around downstairs bellowing HULK SMAAAASHH?!

He’s abusive.

I would imagine the landlord probably wants you out. He has no way of knowing that this behaviour won't recur repeatedly.
Are your children not afraid of their father?

Violent men never really change. The fact that he is 'trying' doesn't really mean anything.

It's like a ticking time bomb. Honestly. Look at the bigger picture.

I bet is rarely his own stuff he damages. Probably cries afterwards too.

@OrchidPetalsFalling

He gets angry at work and also road rage but no, doesn’t smash stuff up. He’s only done this a few times usually just hitting stuff too hard or throwing stuff and it gets accidentally broken.

It is not accidental damage. Another time it could be you.

Hopefully the police will arrest him for road rage before he causes a fatal accident . Why are you defending him?

Okay so if he doesn’t smash things up outside the home he simply needs to stop doing so in the house - I know you say you don’t want advice on the relationship but it is inextricably linked to the house situation. If your partner doesn’t stop smashing the house up then the landlord would be justified in getting rid of him.

He knows throwing things will break them. He needs to stop doing it.

If he's throwing stuff, it isn't an accident when it breaks.

I can't make out your post at all. He doesn't really break stuff but there's a door lying on the floor, he tries not to drink 'too much' but just enough that the neighbours are complaining about noise, he isn't as bad as he sounds, he just gets angry at home, at work and in the car.

Surreal.

Jesus I hope I’m not driving when he’s on the road. Of course the landlord can evict you, the damage is the issue- not how well he can fix it. It shouldn’t be happening in the first place! And with the shortage of rental places out there at the moment in most places, landlords can be picky.

Also there is no hitting stuff ‘too hard.’ He shouldn’t be hitting stuff at all! Please have a look at how you feel about this - it’s not normal and must be upsetting for you.

The question here is more why don’t you want him out?

Good for him for working on his issues but if he was any kind of decent human being he wouldn’t be subjecting you (I assume not children?) to this while he does.

You can still be supportive of him getting better without living together at the moment.

Daughter of an angry violent man here. Happiest day of my childhood was the day my mother told me she was getting a divorce.

I hope he does get evicted. I feel sorry for your neighbours. I feel sorry for you. Most of all I feel sorry for the kids and their parents who aren't protecting them. Violent men need to face consequences for their actions instead of women rushing round trying to excuse them because they are 'sad' or have 'mental health issues'.

Yes, you could lose your home.

@OrchidPetalsFalling

He gets angry at work and also road rage but no, doesn’t smash stuff up. He’s only done this a few times usually just hitting stuff too hard or throwing stuff and it gets accidentally broken.

This the guy on steroids?